I am not about to give you an advice to separate or divorce your husband. That is best left for you to consider and to talk to him - whether it is possible for you accept and forgive him and whether he is willing to commit to making the marriage work.
As for the children, if there is a time to separate/divorce - the earlier and the younger the better. They won't understand much so it is easier. Of course it is not easy to bring up 2 children but it is not impossible.. But who says even after divorce the father cannot help in anyway to bring up the children?
As for suggestion to live together with no love but in marriage in name just for the children - I don't think in this modern age - most people won't be able to do it. This can only work if both are 100% agreeable.. and the marriage is just a convenience - both will accept the other party having another life outside of marriage. Most people won't be able to - in our parents generation yes, couples stayed in the marriage for convenience - even no love - they still stick together.
It is easier to separate/divorce and yet still bring up the children. The other parents without custody can still play his/her role.
OK. I am a divorcee. I have three children - been there done that. They are in my custody. I have it the worst when the divorce while my eldest daughter was in her teens - the most troublesome and rebellious age. But we overcame that. I won't say it was not painful for the children.. but we emerged much stronger and much closer as a family.
It goes case by case basis, this woman in this case is ultra blur queen, even in such time of need also don't know who can help her. How is she be expected to raise her kid alone emotionally, financially and properly?
It's not the same whereby I can dump the woman and I can raise the kids myself. The woman who betrayed me and have a bastard outside, I am still caring for her. So you ask the wrong question.
This is the type of woman I have no confidence in to handle TWO kids all by herself. That's why if she is not looking or keen to remarry, might as well lead a sexless life under one roof. At least the kids have the father around.
You must observe that she has no backup plan, her parents are no longer around to care for the kids sa she said. Whatever advice we have for her must take her stupidity and her kids into consideration. This divorce is not about herself.
your profile is also not very smart, how will u feel if people start calling u Moron or Stupid.
How on earth u think that her marriage is not based on love.
U are very wrong!!! marriage is not for sex only. There are many happy couple in a marriage even they don't have sex.
Different people have different moral standard. Just because your moral standard is do low, it's doesn't mean other have to be like u. U can stand your wife/girlfriend having sex with others and continue in your marriage, others can't.
Sorry, u might not understand. As u are not marry.
P/S : U still haven't answer my questions above; Scope Guy, can i ask u, if u are marry and your wife have a man outside, what will u do.
For a woman who doesn't understand love, how can her marriage be based on love? LOL~
I never said marriage is for sex only, darling. All I am saying that she is scare of STDs from the man, then go on with a sexless marriage. Your comprehension has not matured since, obviously.
I don't have to marry to understand, nor will you understand if you were to be married.
Marriage is after all an international law with loopholes. Like I said, go to middle east and you will be not considered married in certain region.
Do you know where your problem is, your weightage on marriage outweighs love. The essence of relationship is still love. Now for her, it's the love for her children. And for her children, will she be FIT to divorce?
Arguing with me is pointless, Margret. Basically, when she married with a skewed version of love, she already should prepare to cry. Yet she persists through 2 kids. Amazing...
Life still go on...look like our relationship now worsen. He seem like does not want to talk to me! Why must he behave this way?? He is the one who betrayed me and yet give me this kind of face. Haiz. What he wants me to do??But past few days, i see he has paid more attention to kids now. Will try to have a talk with him Tomo.
If he still loves u n family, r u prepare to give him one last chance?
If yes, then when he admit his mistakes n ask to b given a chance, both of u shd take this opportunity to find out the problems, resolve them n move on.
If no, then u shd sit down n think carefully wat shd u do? Where r u gg to stay? Who could help to look after the kids? How to file for separation? How much to get from hubby? Basically, r u ready?
Actually a lot of women focus their attention on kids n neglect their hubby. Resulting in hubby feeling lonely. Whenever a couple talk is all abt kids, house, problems, relative, etc.... We forgot to care abt our hubby who r like kids n need our attention also. When we show care n love to our hubby, they feel happy.
Often I heard from guys commenting abt their partner - b4 marriage gf so nice n sweet, after have kids wf change. More demanding, strict, unhappy, unreasonable, etc.... Different pple have different parenting views so it is impt to listen n discuss.
if both of u still loves each other n yr family, talk to him again. In order for him not to commit the same mistakes again then u have to find out the root of the problem n resolve it. Remind each other of the good times n memories, think positively n then decide wat do both of u wan.
Should I ask him whether want to stay away from house for these few days so that both of us can cool down and think over it? Look like he does not want this to Separation or divorce. He doesn't want divorce and does not want full commit to marriage.how?
U shd ask him does he still loves u n family? Why it happen?
U shd leave the house for a few days instead. So both of u & kids can experience wat is life without each other. Feel the impact n think abt it.
If hubby does not want separation then it show that at least he loves this family n does not want to hurt them. Talk to him again n if mood still no good then separate for a few days may b healthy. or maybe both of u shd take a short trip alone to resolve it.
u shld decide for urself what exactly you want before u talk to your husband.. make him understand what you want and what are the actions you are going to take.. it will be good if you can be confident and sure about urself..
if u really think the marriage is not going to work, tell him straight.. there is only two solutions out..
one is separation/divorce whereby one of you will have the kid custody and the other will by way of alimony take care of the kids.. there are always alternative such as letting the kids go to childcare or trustable nanny.. you can still be able to take care of your kids and give them love or even try ur best to give extra love in replacement of the lost father love.. it will be difficult but if you cant stand the lies, deception and the idea of living in the same roof as your husband.. this is the only way out..
another solution is that u and ur husband cont to be together only in the name.. there will be no sex, love or whatsoever between the both of you.. both of you will sleep separately in either different rooms or different beds.. both of you stay together for the sake of giving a set of parents to your kids and pretend to act as per a normal family..
be firm when you talk to your husband.. tell him what you want and that you have discover whatever evidence of his infidelity.. and that not that you have not given him a chance to explain or atone himself.. but he refuse to say the truth or did anything to salvage the marriage.. and that it will be good that both of you start gg for marriage counselling, however which you already have in mind what you want (divorce or marriage without love).. but there is a SLIGHT chance you might be moved to change ur choice.. but it is up to him to make it possible.. tell him, you are alr very kind in a sense that you did not disappear from him with ur kids.. and that you still give him a chance to defend and explain himself.. if he still dont wake up from the idea, then you have seen the true colors of him..
I have thought of these 2 outcomes. I believe he will go for option 2 cos his parents are doing that. Option 2 will still allow him to play his father role to the kids and at the same time have his freedom outside. But I will not be happy.My kids will not have complete family if I choose option 1. . I know I have to make decision. I dont want my children to take this as bad example.really tough to make such decision..really feel like going for a short break.
I had been cheated before and I almost killed myself
thats how difficult it is... However, you have kids. So please take a break and think it over. Believe me, if the guy cheated on you... He will never stop hurting you. Once u made your decision, please be firm and be strong for your kids.
I read that a best thing a man can do is to love their mother...It made a lot of sense to me. Maybe not smothering or even romantic love, but respect, kindness, care and consideration. It shows a child that's how ur supposed to treat another person. Yes its always better to have a complete family, but if that completeness means he will be mean and inconsiderate to you, what does it say to the child?
He might have been guilty sometimes thats why he gives u surprise gifts and still accompany u. Dun make decision yet. Take a break and weigh everything out. Most importantly, try to be strong, I know its easy to say but v difficult to do. If in case u decided to leave him, fight for your kids.
Down, just live your life with your kids, put all attention on your kids, dont even care abt him, if u do, that will only make u feel miserable.. find time for your girl's meet up session.. have more confident in yourself..
I think you are better off with option 2. Just live you life as if you are single.
Focus on your career and kids while still getting the "hubby" to pay for everything.
For the love and sex needs, you can get the dose from romance novel, korean drama show, no need sex, can maturbate yourself. Just like when you are single and has no boyfriend then.
Go travelling with the hubby and kids, you can still have fun even with no love or sex. Just treat your hubby as a best friend or brother who pays, care and play with the kids.
For myself whenever my hubby and I quarrel, I'm never too upset about it because there's a pile of romance novels waiting for me to read.
And after that I will be laughing myself silly at some of the funny parts in the novel. Because of the positive mood, I can even smile at my hubby and all will be well. Because who can stay angry at a smiling, happy wife.
My single guy friend helps to take care of his divorced sister and kids. Often acting as her "hubby" and "daddy" to her children whenever he brings them out for outings.
As he is quite successful in his career and well-off. He often dotes on his sister and her kids. Helping to pay for all their expenses.
I even witness a few incidents where the sale assistants address his sister as his wife and his nieces as his children. He never bother to correct them, neither does his sister or his nieces. So they act as one family enjoying an outing together.
His nieces grew up well adjusted and are now studying to be doctors.
A successful true story to share with you.
You can pretend your hubby is your brother and all will be well.
It really tough to put a smiling face at him. His face really make me puke sometimes.nowadays I just focus my attention to my dear kids.plan my activities with my good friends. Luckily i am financially ok. Dun have to wait for him to feed me.
down, you should divorce him asap since you can no longer tahan his face...haha...i give u 2 options:
(1) Divorce him and get custody of children. Find a new husband and start living happily ever after.
(2) Find a lover. Cheat behind his back. Then you will feel emotionally balance with all the love that your new lover pamper you that your hb did not.