His intention?

[pink_sapphire]

man seems to stray esp during his wife's pregnancy.
Have heard a lot of relationships where the husband strays during the wife's pregnancy some maybe due to the fact that they have not been intimate for a long time and guys being guys have a need.
some might be due to the wife's pre or post natal syndrome and change in temperment causing the relationship to sour

 

[pink_sapphire]

watever is it once u set your mind on mending the relationship try to forget the past and move on and build a better future... must not harp on wat happen

 

[scopefun]

Just becos you drag, you want others to drag like a zombie... in an endless lie called 'relationship'.

Once you set up your mind, you jump into the lie, go blind, and never look back...

Too bad.

You are only a mortal.

You will grow old, you will go ugly... and you cannot decide for his dick.

This is not a relationship. A relationship is based on two souls, your relationship...

It's based on your own self-denial, and self-comforting that love can be worked for. But love doesn't work that way.

 

[cococherry]

What's there to protect? He had sex with her willingly and he could be the initiator.

 

[amazingpiggy]

For most ppl, divorce may be an easy wayout.
But this is my life, I make my decision. I don regret it if it fail me.
Thank you all for the advise

 

[scopefun]

Divorce is not the easy way out.
It's your only way out.
LOL~
But... if you don't mind sleeping with a man who doesn't love you, who is like just another stranger... who you might have 'known' for years, then be my guest.

It'd be your choice. Because your marriage is... now merely an empty contract.

 

[ralny]

Dear All, I have an issue here where I need some advice.

My husband and I gotten married last year Oct. 2 weeks before our wedding, he messaged a woman in the middle of the night "Darling", saying "see u in 20 mins time". He told me he was just playing with her. He was heading to site cause' there were some issues to settle. 2 weeks after our marriage, I caught him holding another line calling China. He told me that he called the woman to seek advice on things that happened between us. He needed a 3rd party to confide the issues. Few weeks later, there was another Thai woman whom he added her on FB, telling him that she missed him. I realised that he asked her whether she free for lunch and where she stayed. But he said he had never met onto her. Besides women issues, he was in debts which I do not know how much in total. He do not want to tell me. It was thru interrogation and me digging the proof, then he admits. These issues kept on coming on my mind. I just can't let go even thou we are still together. I do not have any confident in him at all. I have no trust in him at all. As a result, I tend to think alot on whatever he do and ended up quarreling.

Now, he told me he wants to chiong his career at the age now. The career is on the first priority instead of me. He needs to entertain his clients, bosses and colls to get into good books. Honestly, things don't seem to be gd on us. Now he still show me all these things. He admitted he is selfish. Cause' all he wants is a name for himself. He married me becoz he wants someone to share the joy of achivement. I am disappointed. I really don't know how to accept all these facts. Best of all, he told me he is currently bz with his work and he needs to OT till wee hours. Seriously, I am gng crazy soon! Can anyone advise? I thought of div. Cause' I don't know how long i can last. But I decided to hear from my friends to go go counseling.

 

[scopefun]

Going crazy?
LOL~
Then you'd need to go to IMH, not here.
LOL~

Darling, you already know your problems, so what do you expect people (in real, strangers) to tell you?

Your man didn't marry you to share fug achievement... That's bullshitting. First, you don't need to marry a woman to share anything. Second, what the fug achievement can he really share? LOL~

The most important thing is, he isn't your One. He doesn't really love you, and you chose to marry him.

Hilarious.

Tell you a little 'trick'... If that OTHER WOMAN is normal friend, usually a guy will just let you know, and you can befriend her... no big deal. If the other woman is... tricky business, then you'd be met with excuses and such, but you'd never know who she is.

I don't think counselling helps. What do you expect the counsellor to tell you? What do you expect the result of the session to be? To drag on? To bluff yourself you won't be bothered? To imagine that he ever loved you?

What advice do you really need?

Of course, if you are... having a depression and feeling like dying... please seek out my blog, locate the way to contact me in my blog... we'd have a chat.

Other than that, I don't see how helpful can anyone else be... unless you need fuel to self-deny, and there are indeed moronic women here who'd help you with the numbers... probably telling you to hold onto your marriage... no need love, or just work your relationship and bla bla bla...

Choose. Your choice defines you, baby...

 

[pasir_ris_beach]

Rainy, my best advice is since u two married for less than a year, u ought to annul your marriage.. forget your husband as he is lying thru his teeth since he can come up with thousand of excuses. Please trust your instincts n if can , leave him.

I can say for u since i was in your shoes before and of cos i was very stupid to hang onto it for many years.

 

[infojunkie]

xiaohui,


he's not good for u...


he is, by nature, a follower.

another mindless rat caught in a maze.

and this is what happens when the poor rat joins the wrong sect -

he gets totally clueless and just follow what fellow sect members r doing...

thinking he's in a cult or something.


'it's extreme but it's fun'


that's their idea of living life on the edge...

mindless boring ppl living a lie.

 

[npyl]

Hi Xiao Hui, my hubby is a workaholic as well and I can feel that he value his career more than me too. He works till past midnight everyday. When I mean everyday is inclusive of weekends and public holidays. Sometimes I wonder how long I can take it as well.

But for your case, you seriously need to think about yourself as your hubby is flirting around with other women. If he is just a workaholic, maybe it is still worth waiting till his career stablise.

 

[infojunkie]

workaholic?

more like a career womanizer who lacks the requisite smoothness to persuade,

the wit to deceive,

and the means to sustain...

a wannabe, to be precise.

 

[djgemz]

Hi Amazingpiggy, I admire your courage to confront your husband even after so many strange advice to steal his sim card, etc. Those actions will only cause more trust issues and give him opportunity to accuse you with more stuff and invite unnecessary trouble.

I'm sorry to hear that there was really another woman. It's amazing that you forgive him and it's good that you know his character and needs, like physical touch. Recognising the issue will definitely help your relationship to restore.

Just to encourage you that I feel that you have taken the right approach to the situation despite what people say. Continue to stay strong for your kids!

 

[amazingpiggy]

Sad to say.
Turn out he is trying to have best of both worlds.
I discover he went to her house during our patch back period,

Now planning a divorce, he is scheming, wanting to fight for my gal and flat from me.
Having an affair really can change a person a lot.
He feel so distanced.

 

[scopefun]

So here's the new problem, the custody issue...

Darling, he never changed. It's you who is confronting the 'change'. He NEVER loved you. It's not he wants the best of both worlds... It's all about you...

You are just a normal woman.

You now have two issues...

First, you want to fight for the custody...
Second, you need to learn from all these because you should find your One. But without growing up, you'd probably just fill one hole to dig another.

You do not base trust on empty air.

So... what do you think he got to fight for the custody against you?

 

[amazingpiggy]

he acting pitiful when i discover the second incident. keep on begging me to save the marriage which i refuse and scold him. he begged me for about 2-3 weeks. then when i said patch (test) he suddenly say separate is better. wth.
next day, he send a lawyer letter to me
and also
he keep on smsing my friend to check whether i am "emotional stable".

all the while he is playing this draggy game so that i can caught off guard. very despicable.
i cannot imagine i loved this guy for 14 years.
wtf

 

[mikki_liew]

what is the reasons he filed in the divorce papers?

 

[amazingpiggy]

He didn't state the grounds of divorce. He only state that he will not give child maint to me. Flat either sell at mkt rate to me or sell to market after the 5 yrs then split profit.
Which of course I will not agree.
The grounds will be unreasonable behavior since I does have PI report. And since we are not married for 3 years.
We have to wait. The house have to wait also since only 2 yrs.

I prefer to state everything black and white now. Incase he change his mind 2 yrs later.

Bastard

 

[scopefun]

It has been all in your imagination that you are in love lah... You just won't wake up only.

I am not worried he changes his mind... I am only worried about your 'mind'.

Anyway, most women are like you... they thot they were in love until something wakes them up. A man who loves you truly and a man who doesn't is not exactly impossible to tell apart.

In any case, whether you are emotionally stable or not will be a professional issue with a psychiatrist; you may choose to visit one and get a favorable report before the court case starts.

14 years...?

Hopefully, you are the lucky lot of women who still can 'choose'.

If you want custody for your child, I do not advise you to 'wait'. After your PI found evidence of infidelity, you have about 6 months of validity over which time, you will have to have the legal expertise to reinstate the PI's evidence for the court will assume you have forgiven your husband.

And the legal cost could escalate if he also wants to fight (and create trouble for you) the flat's fate.

Of course... you can choose not to listen (again).

My problem? LOL~

 

[amazingpiggy]

Anyway, I decide to divorce him.
He is waiting for feb 2014 to divorce him.
I prefer to settle this straight now.

I typo, I don have PI report. Only can base on unreasonable behavior.

 

[amazingpiggy]

Can I base on special leave to divorce him rather than wait till 3 years?

Anyone have knowledge on this?


Why could man change so fast? Am I still living in the past?
Haiz

 

[scopefun]

He never changed, told you already.
It has all been in your head... as are in many women.

Actually you don't need to wait for 3 years.

But my most interested issue is... how then do you know he is over at her side

Besides, if he is still seeing her, then now can still get PI mah~

Anyway, if I am not here and you need consultation or feel too depressed, you can find me at http://sincity.forumer.com

Seems like a new forum where I can have some fun... for a while. LOL~

 

[amazingpiggy]

On what ground that I will not have to wait for 3 years?

It the woman instinct that I have to know he is still with her. And by looking at his msg style, his whatsapp status. She everyday will MSG him good morning when she go to work.
That how caring she is.
To him, she is caring, understanding, supportive etc.
Haha

 

[scopefun]

On many grounds.

Basically, the 3 yrs thing is mostly to make people seriously think over. But the judge can't keep your marriage if something is so serious that you simply can't be expected to sleep with the man anymore...

'Haha' means what?

Anyway, if he is initializing divorce, then you don't have to wait.

 

[goodeals87]

piggy

most impt is your kid..dun listen to wat others tell u,they just type wat they like and shake leg, most impt thg get your parents to help u, help yourself only then you are able to protect your BB, best wishes to u and your babay

 

[scopefun]

Ken,

The problem is... if she is truthful in her accounts, no parents can help now.

Besides... given her personality, do you think she is that sort who can sleep with a man who is sleeping outside?

 

[amazingpiggy]

Already separated. I sleeping with gal, my daughter. Haha

All I wanted is to leave this marriage, have the house, earn more money, capable buy a weekend car, bring daughter out.
Got house, got money, got daughter= beautiful life

Don't you think so?

 

[amazingpiggy]

That bastard want my daughter also, he also want to sell the house and share profit 50/50.
Which I don agree, I intend to transfer him cpf+ int.

Hate him to the core

 

[scopefun]

Yours is 'after', this case http://sincity.forumer.com/should-i-marry-a-guy-with-a-complete-mystery-t2297693.html is before.

So if you were in her shoe, what will you do given your exp?

In any case, hate him for what? Will that kill him?

You have not suggest... how are you going to gain the custody of your daughter.

All I want is a perfect marriage, Piggy... All I want is a woman who loves me truly and forever and will stick to me, support me, cuddle me...

What do you think? Don't you think so?

But what we want is what we want.

The girl I want... is married.

Your husband has slept outside.

So... let's just see how also the others here suggest.

I VERY much doubt that your parents (either side) can help... becos, yes... you 'hate' him becos you thot he loves you and you thot you loves him and... he breaks everything you desire.

Or to be honest... he just won't repent and return to you, and you realize that.

 

[amazingpiggy]

She not married Leh. If i am her, I will Find all the answer before marry.

I thought custody is normally joint. Care and control is given to mom for new born babies,

 

[scopefun]

That's so not women.

For a woman in love and desiring marriage... Will you?

Then why didn't you poke into your man more?

For custody, it DEPENDS. It's NOT always care and control given to mom.

But the local judges are usually... bookworms, thinking is not a part of Singaporean culture. IF your husband fights and raise loopholes, you CAN lose the custody.

First, are you mentally ok? Easily go crazy? Second, can you provide? Can you work and care for the baby at the same time?

And plenty of things will be shot at you.

If you are a foreigner, then international laws come in IF your husband knows how to fight with it.

Normally... it's shared rights. But what is rights? LOL~

 

[amazingpiggy]

I mentally ok. He working, I working also. I don see why care and control can be given to him instead.

I am local. Already employ a maid to help my mom take care of my gal while at work.


Have u heard of once bitten twice shy. I will look at guys different perspective Liao.
Must learn to reflect, and learn the mistake.

 

[npyl]

Sorry to hear about the latest development. How about consulting a good lawyer on your case?

As you are working and you have your mom to help take care of your gal, I believe most probably you will have the custody.

Stay strong.

 

[scopefun]

Some girls will just argue and argue and argue.

Good. Once bitten twice shy. Hopefully you'd learn to look at guys at the right perspective.

Remember this key: You are finding a man who can love you truly forever, not a man you think he'd love you forever.

Go out and explore, date and know the guys...

If you can still choose, know what you want, be attracted and attract.

Don't forget, no matter how rich how handsome how this and that, if what you choose now will be lost (eg) when you are 60yo...

You fail.

 

[amazingpiggy]

Guy heart hard to catch.
Must really open eyes big big. If not, then don choose.
Since I already have a gal. Why must die die choose a mate?

Let nature take it course.

 

[scopefun]

Your daughter will eventually marry someone and move out. Of course, unless you desire her to be forever alone, and still be with you till you die when she is probably in her 50s?

If you are still able to choose, this lesson should help you grow, help you see what relationship is, help you in your seeking of guys.

If you think like this... Just wasted.

 

[amazingpiggy]

Nowadays, it hard to find a good guy.
Even if there is, no guy will wan a divorcee with kid.
Have to face the reality, we are not western country.

It hard but not impossible.

 

[scopefun]

Darling...

Some women here have the exact different view from you... They just fall in love easily after they divorce...

And yeah, after the sex and aging, they got discarded again.

Let me just say... the problem is not hard to find a good guy, usually it's the approach is wrong and the 'experience' is not enough.

You'd need the right approach for a proper relationship to be establish with a guy. You'd need experience or maturity to 'pinpoint' your target, and recognize who is suitable for you; and also to understand what you really want.

For a young girl looking for a fugger to get laid, usually it's how much you make, are you this and that, whether you are handsome or not and all those craps INCLUDING whether your friends like him or not...

Since you are going for a divorce, you probably realize by now what is the meaning of the One... What you are looking for.

Can you tell me what you are actually looking for?

Next...

I myself don't mind a divorcee with or without kid. I am not from the west...

This issue is more prominent in China, but not so in Singapore.

The basic issue with guys is still 'attractiveness'. So you don't have to worry so much. How are you going to 'appeal' to your future husband? That's why I am hoping that you still have a chance to choose.

Many women don't... once they divorce in their late 40s or 50s, many just jump into the arms of the next 'uncles' who are there for you probably for easy and free sex...

I have known women who gave up men who love them truly for financially better men only to be dumped at 60yo... they got some money, but... they are lonely. And it's torturing to them because after 33yo, women age very fast, their health deteriorates pretty badly, their circles smaller... Mentally it's bad news.

So for you, and for every woman who got divorce early, I usually suggest it's lucky for them because you might still have a chance to seek again.

It's not exactly hard if you are still below 30yo, it'd be harder if you are above 30yo... because you'd be facing a selection range from usually like 30 and above... when most men should be married, and those who ain't are either players or you know... those with some 'attraction problems', though there are indeed some gems among the 'mature group'. But the major problem still comes because of competition...

You are not young anymore, and there are tons of younger chicks out there for the 40yo men... who were thinking like you and many women... wanting men with income and this and that... they never thought about the future or the prospect of divorce.

So... What do you think?

 

[npyl]

Amazingpiggy, let nature takes its course at the moment. Whatever will happen will happen.

Now concentrate on getting the divorce done and gaining the custody of your gal.

I agree that your gal should be your top priority. Getting a mate is something good to have but not the top priority at the moment.

Stay strong.

 

[amazingpiggy]

I goin to reach 30 milestone Liao.
So it neither here or there.
Haha.
Let nature take it course. I just wan to earn money for my gal and myself.

 

[scopefun]

Then you are still considered lucky.

Don't focus on making money because no matter how much you earn, it'd never be enough, but if you suddenly turn 40yo... getting a Mr Right will be pretty tough.

I told somebody recently...
缘分，一åŠé å¤©æ„，一åŠé äººåŠ›.

If you let nature take its course, most likely you'd naturally lose out.

Train your eyes, upgrade your maturity and prepared to approach the guys you fancy... check them out, and don't blame nature later.

 

[npyl]

I think as a mum, your top priority will always be your gal. Focus on settle your divorce first and heal yourself. No point thinking of another relationship at this moment. If you rush into things, might jump from the pot into the fire. I believe all people can survive by themselves.

30 years old is still young and there are other options to be considered. Don't just because of age and want a partner and blindly accept another person. So what if 40 years old. Your gal will still be there for you.

 

[amazingpiggy]

Yah, life is a gamble.
Maybe my gal prefer to be with her father when she reach 21.
Then I will be left alone. Haha

 

[scopefun]

Your girl will eventually have to marry... You are not thinking of tagging along, are you?

Focus on divorce, focus on bringing up your daughter, focus on making money...

By the time you need a man, you'd be already so old...

 

[npyl]

Fate is a funny thing. You will never know what is instore for you. Just go with the flow for the time being. Dont rush into things. I am sure you do have phobia after going through all these trauma.

No point finding a partner for the sake of finding one. Look at all the stories in Wan Bao and Shin ming. There are a lot of sad stories of divorced women end up again with the wrong men. Really focus on what you have to do and need to do. And focus on healing yourself.

Stay strong for yourself and your gal.

 

[amazingpiggy]

Npyl, Very phobia.
A lot of ppl getting divorce.

I still healing, sometimes sad, angry, relieve...
A lot of feelings, but have to be strong for my gal.

 

[powder]

Amazingpiggy...

look at yourself and ask how attractive your attitude is?

u're certainly not gonna be attracting anyone even if u're single...

u will fulfill your own prophecy.

ya ya ya. alot of pple getting divorced... alot getting married too.. the world is round, the ball is round, life goes on whether u're feeling shitty or happy...

i prefer to feel happy in the meantime. it's your choice... u always have a choice.

 

[clark]

Powder, life still goes on whether u leave this forum or not.

Cest la vie.

 

[powder]

???

 

[amazingpiggy]

He is so irritating.
My gal has a finger nail scratch on her leg,
He keep on asking me how did this happen, who cause this.
Trying to imply I abuse my gal.