Full of regrets............heartache and wanted to die Everyday

M

miko2006

New Member
ON & BEHALF ……………..

What if you have committed an affair and lose your hubby, BUT feeling terribly regrets!!!

CRYING IN depression and feel like committing suicide Everyday

You did it just out of loneliness, excitement, and thrilled and just went out of control

Since being married for 10+ years........

Feeling kind of bored!!!

BUT constantly feeling guilty and not happy as well...

Finally Hubby imitated a divorce NOT on knowing the affair but till to he too is bored on the marriage

HAHAHA call it retribution!!!

But very frankly no one will know or taste the actual ' BITTER & LOST FEELINGS ' TILL YOU LOSE THE MOST IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!

we human do make mistakes........ We are not sins

BUT i do cried, cried , cried and went into depression, trying to win, get him back for almost 6 months

He still insisted and just filed for divorce!!!

What can i do to overcome....

TO give up...

or to cling on trying...
 


shit happens in life. We cannot turn back the clock.

Recognize and learn from your mistakes. Move on.
 
Actually i m posting for my pal, Melissa...

She is attending counselling, Together with her hubby, GUESS what...it acutally during counselling session it made her hubby see his OWN problems and call it a self relisation......Suddenly he become brave and has the courage to rise and talked about all his unhappiness to the counsellors , and he wanted so much to end the marriage, just didn't know HOW to do it eariler...

He said he did not enjoy sex with Melissa for the past 7 years of marriage...the frequency is very little and he is not happy Every time they MADE LOVE

It made him a unhappy man as days goes by and his self esteem has gone down to ZERO...HE feel very depressed and didn't know what to do, but in his mind, he never like or wanted to MADE LOVE with Melissa, it was just to fullfill her wish to do it, whenever she ask for it.

They have no children...

AND it is a responsibility to stay on the marriage...SO when Melissa turn rebeliious and feel so empty and lonely and give up on the marriage, He also trun around to rise the seperation issue!!!

Saying it is FATE that brought them to seperate and ask her to move on and find her OWN NEW life

Melissa is 37 this year, IT IS NOT the diffcult path she feel to restart her life, IT IS after losing then she realise her GREAT LOVE to her hubby and it is diffcult to carry on her life w/o him.....SHE committed sucide once but was safe by the family in time!
 
i hope u not using real name...

is that anything that's expected with this post? looking for advice or listening ear?
 
Hi Powder,

BOTH name are unreal...THANKS for the reminder

Appreciate to offer both your advice and ear to listen
 
You seems to be very affected by what's happening between them.

Take care of your own emotions too.
 
unfortunately Miko,

ear to listen is only for awhile... else u indulge the misery...

Advice... i just feel that when u revolve your world around One individual, your world will obviously come tumbling down when this One individual is no longer around. This is a mistake often made by the female gender... a mistake we've seen happen with our mothers' generation, a mistake that some ladies still make Today.

of cos it's hard to go back in time and have a more healthy balance by sharing your love with frens, family, colleagues other than just hubby... but if u're not gonna start now then u'll just be in this perpetual state of Stupor where u'll prob commit a 2nd, 3rd, 4th suicide. U might just end up in jail... dun be surprised, my fren was let off with a stern warning by the police after her 3rd attempt... after her 4th, i decided i didn't wanna be around for the 5th, 6th etc... it's tiring.

give her time to cool off, wallow, get depressed. but if u really care about her, dun indulge her more than is necessary...

for the 2 of them, i believe they love each other... But something alot of pple Dun seem to realise is - u dun necessarily get to spend the rest of your life with the one u love. in our lifetime we might have loved a few pple, but there's only 1 we can share the rest of our life with... and sometimes the one we chose to be with - is Not the one we're supposed to be with.

take a broader view of life and things will look better. keep sticking to narrow views on life and love, and u will stay wrapped in those 4-walls.

PS: dun indulge those "easier said than done" bullsh!t... everything in this world is easier said than done. we talk before we walk, we talk before we cycle, we talk before we drive, we talk before 99% of things... alot of suffering pple have been known to say this phrase so that they can continue to indulge in their misery... Dun Encourage it.
 
No man can accept his wife who put on green hat for him. I think it is better for you to prepare for the worst. If he comes back to you, it is a miracle. If he doesn't, it is expected. Move on, learn from the lessons and share with the rest, lest they fall into the same trap as you did.
 
miko, a chinese saying that even an uncorrupt official is difficult to handle family affairs. I think since they have gone for counselling, they should have identified what they want or need.

I once went for a para-counselling course and I learnt that actually the most impt is to lend a listening ear. Your friend will have a solution end of the day.

It is also impt that you encourage her to live on. It's to encourage and not telling her what to do. Reason being (touch wood) in the event of dispute, you do not want to be accused of giving lousy solutions to their r/s. Let the couple handle themselves.
 
Avan,

speak for yourself...

a Real man reflects on himself First... to see if he may have a big part to play in his wife seeking emotional or physical support outside of marriage. If he knows that it is a result of His own behaviour, neglect and wrongdoings... then he should decide if he can forgive his wife, for he has himself to blame & forgive too...

there are many layers to it...
 
I can't speak for other guys, but to me it is simply unacceptable. There are many ways to seek emotional support. Adultery is definitely not one of them.
 
Then speak for urself, dun speak for all men. I'll have u know tat an emotional affair hurts as much as a physical one. It's not juz all abt the face & ego.
 
u need to explore tat with all honesty within first... to know your truest answer.

while most pple when asked, will give the model answer expected by society and peers... the reality is very different. too many pple are caught up with standards they dun understand, and doctrines they dun comprehend... yet they follow blindly.

i've met many women who declare they cannot tolerate infidelity, typically the ones who declare the loudest find it the hardest to let go... and they will forgive the guy continually over the longest periods... likewise the men who declare the loudest on their fidelity, are the ones who typically sneak under moonlight into the arms of other women and to the red light district.

whilst infidelity is an act, it is an act tat has a wide array of factors that may have culminated in it... where two pple with differing moods, personality, actions and words also play a part. to place an absolute Wrong without looking beyond the 1st layer is not only myopic, but smacks of little self-reflection.

it's easy to call on Pride in the absence of Love... but in the presence of Love, pride can take a backseat. even then... there's still no absolutes.
 
avan,

No it is not true that no man will forgive his wife who puts a green hat for him

It is not even about whose faults. I can say all these because I was in such a situation and I can sincerely said that I have forgiven my wife - never mind whose faults.

I forgave her but not because I was a great man but I feel that there is really nothing to gain by being bitter.

We were separated but we are on talking terms and we see each other very often. Since I have forgiven her, I had not asked her the reasons for her betrayal or feel bitter about it.

And the problem with my wife is that she cannot forgive herself for what she did.
 
avan,

I am perfectly fine. There are many many positive things coming out of a broken marriage. It is just the perspective that we want to take.

Actually I told my wife. Despite what has happened and if I were to choose again, I will still choose her as my wife. She had given me many years of happiness and three wonderful children - what else can a man ask for?

Now she wants a life of her own and I am happy to let her be.

My children are obviously affected but they are coping very well. We are very happy with our lives despite everything.

I am not too sure if my wife is happy because I won't want to ask her - she make take it I am mocking at her. But I guess she is not perfectly happy till the day that she can come to terms with what she did to the family.

Sorry for the little diversion but I always like to share how one can live happily despite a broken marriage.
 
hi sm
i wish my wife is like urs... she was the one who strayed but she dun seem to feel any guilt, she still can cook up alot of 'excuses' for her 'straying'..
well i guess that's life, we are not on talking terms... she seem to treat me like an enemy now which i dun care and i cannot care.
it's not my ego at work, i have already forgiven her but i will never forgive TOM(the other man). perhaps i am petty but i am filled with total disgust by this man's actions... wat he did was totally against my morals..
Well the reason i dun wan to care nor beg my wife is cos if i wan her to come back i wan her to be back cos she knew her mistake. Not out of pity or wat. cos if she dun repent there will be a 2nd, 3rd or 4th time...
Somehow i still hope for reconcillation but the hope seems fading away. I m prepared for the worst...
 
better to look back at the very foundation and reason behind the marriage FIRST.

the very perspective that "more and more wives are straying" shows the social tolerance to straying men, but less to straying women... thus awards a stronger social stigma to the women. and this perspective alone may make the men more complacent and take their wives for granted.

end of the day we still have to search ourselves and reflect on our own quality as a Good Husband... cos female Spouses dun normally just stray becos of physical needs - it's normally emotional and take time before they take the risks in straying. whilst for men, it's typically physical needs... of cos the dangers come for ladies more in a typical office setup where feelings are given time to develop, whilst for guys it can come in any setup without much duration involved.
 
From the way I see it, the entire problem summarized would be a lack of communication.

If you have a problem, don't hide it and avoid it. Don't wait till the problem boil until going to explode. That's one problem many guys face, we like to hide our emotions and don't say. Don't sweep things under the carpet. Also, always look back to the vows you make. Honor the promise you make.
 
Not admitting fault openly or saying sorry for the hurt caused you, it could well be her way of telling you to forget her and move on.

"i wish my wife is like urs... she was the one who strayed but she dun seem to feel any guilt, she still can cook up alot of 'excuses' for her 'straying'.."
 
Very well said...
When a marriage fails and a party goes astray and looks for listening ears that eventually brew into an affair, who is it to blame?
It's so easy to point fingers at who blinked first, but for a relationship to fail I believe it really takes two.
The lesson that I learnt for myself is:

Before I put blame on others, look at how I've failed.
 
sunboi,

Why blame TOM?? I don't find any reason for blaming TOM. If there is anyone to blame for the breakdown, it should be you and your wife.

for me, I don't blame anyone. It is pointless. It is much better to forgive and move forward with your life.
 
Marriage is a partnership. When a marriage fails, it is unlikely that the fault lies entirely in one party only. But whatever it is, I believe in the power of forgiveness. I forgave ex-husband as well as myself for our failures and the hurt caused to each other. This is the ultimate peace I experienced which helped me to close that chapter and move on.
 
It is always easier say then done...

To close that chapter and move on...

I still coping, after coming to seperate for 2 years with my hubby, i still SMS and write letter to beg for a reconciliation with him...and after that 1 years of I am sorry...alwasy which i heard from him...no others... I am still writing till Today...BUT he has not reply to me for the recent 1 year already...

I am still crying, weeping Every day!!!

Never ever do things that you know you will REGRETS for life...CAUSE u know there are really NO U turn in certain aspects in our life.

Learn to cherish instead...
 
Hi friends, long time no hear

It is always easier say then done...

To close that chapter and move on?

I am still coping... after 2 years seperation with my hubby, i still SMS and write letter to him to beg for a reconciliation ...and after that 1 years of " I am sorry "...always that sentence - i heard from him...NO OTHERS... I am still writing till Today...BUT he has not reply to me for the recent 1 year already!

I am still crying, weeping Every day!!!

Never ever do ANYthings that you know you will REGRETS for life...CAUSE there are really - NO U turn in certain aspects in our life.

Learn to cherish instead...
 
i agree, in this day and age...many women stray too. my hb travels frequently and i feel lonely at times.. i work with many expats and some of whom are single or divorced... so some will make advances at me knowing that i am alone often.. a few few years ago, one of my director made advances at me until i could not resist and resigned..
 
maybe_maybe, i am confused - so you had an affair? in the other thread you mentioned that your husband was the one who had an affair while you were being the good wife, taking care of the child, etc ..
 
no, i did not have affair.
but the advances were so bad and obvious that in order to avoid... i had to resign from my previous job. I resisted temptation.. but my hb did not.
sad.gif
 
what i meant here is... it's not easy for a married woman to resist temptation either... esp if the advances come from someone of a very senior post accompanied with the promises of promotion and monetary gains... etc etc... it takes a lot of faith and self-control.
 
powder...I am still trying to..., it is really really really not easy for me to LET GO of my past with him, they are too beauitful and full of smiles in my heart, whenever i was reminded...

Please don't give up on me!!!!!!!!!!!
 
miko... why dun u arrange for a meeting and have a good talk with him... if he's not already seeing someone else.
Have u broken up from ur affair?
 
miko,

i had some great memories in the past too, but i doubt my classmates would wanna give up their current lives to go back to sec school with me and start over. we meet up to run thru the crazy days of our past... in the meantime, we build on our present and our future. we build better memories, different memories, whilst we rem the past and where we came from.

u keep revisiting the past in 2007, 2008. it's gonna be 2009 soon and u still heading back. OK, tat's fine... but how abt living 2008 too, and 2009 too? and occasionally heading back to smell the good memories?

u're completely living in the past.
 
pls give what i have to say, a very deep thought... and then run thru the things u've put faith in - thru'out your life.

"faith" is one of those words tat pple use so that nomatter what, they exonerate themselves from blame, and will always have something else or someone else to blame.

pple put faith in governments, education systems. pple sometimes put faith in pple blindly... Thing is, when u put faith in these things... u will sit back. u will sit back and hope for returns. u will do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it, Contribute minimal, and just HOPE for returns.

that's what the word 'Faith' does... it makes pple Don't Do Anything. do think abt it... pple who often have faith are pple who don't believe in changing things by themselves, nor do they strive, nor do they influence any outcomes. they simply wait, and hope.

it's probably one of the most Noble words to use that actually can be the opposite of what it's meant to create. Normally faith requires us to Know/Understand/Study the something/someone that we are putting our faith in. but maybe it's human to be lazy in knowing/understanding/studying.

pls note i'm not here to put anyone down, nor destroy hopes. but i have been around long enough to have seen faith blindly for the sake of it. end of the day it comes to nought. it's like seeing pple plant a flower and just hope for the rain and sunlight to do the rest...

why plant the flower in the first place if u're gonna just have Faith that nature will grow it for u? isn't the flower man-planted?
 
Powder,

I know I am "not good"...I acted like a bouching ball always - in and out of my feelings and memoires of the past!

BUT I do know I m progressing already CAUSE

I have put a dateline ...to have a TRUE different 2009 after CNY next

Hahahah...guess u guys will scold me for being stupid&stubborn, still giving pipeline to next CNY, meaning still hope for a miracle to happen.........I can't force and lie to myself!!!!!

really I can't........
 
powder, from my pt of view... my belief in my marraige vows helped me abstained from an EMA from my side... i dun think there's anything wrong with that.
 


miko,

as long as u set your dates, then it's ok. it's really up to u cos it's your life and your happiness... i'm just a bystander afterall. as long as u know wat u're doing then it's ok... u're not accountable to anyone except yourself.
 
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