Does your Husband earn less than You......

[gracelourdes]

tat's pretty much true...i guess women's pride can be much more than men's though ppl still 'believe' in the term 'men's ego...however, they forgot abt the term 'women's ego too....

u noe ar, lots of women love for their guys to be rich lah...earn more than them lah...etc etc...only to be 'proud' of them or let them 'shine' in front of their frds, relatives...but not realising tat tis is pure materialism n also pride...

in a marriage, it definitely goes beyond all these...however, having said all tis, we also must be realistic n practical abt gross income of the family...there's never a hard n fast rule tat hb must always be earning more than the wives...as long as it's going to be a dual income family n the family spend within their means n wisely, i dun see the BIG issue here

 

[kv24]

I agreed w pinkblusher - ATtitude is v v v impt to assess a person n the prob. if the person DONT WAN To wk vs he CANT get a job is totally diff issue.. infact my bf's sis is this case too.. 2 mth jobless since her last contract job ends. Didnt give job AT ALL..say wan to rest..everytime bf ask her..she say "2 weeks onyl,1 mth only.. i din rest enuff yet..keep working no vacations" now econ so bad..think she will push goin otu to find job ba..say startin pay low etc..compare this n that.. n when our new hse came she wants to move in with us..so she can get a room .. plus one more free maid (aka ME) since our new hse is bigger, more rooms, don need to share bedroom, better location etc. Is it my bf's forever responsibilty to take care of her forever?? she is 30 le lor (am jus 28 lor)..no brain to think meh or totally handicapped meh ?? don wan bf..think her world only got my bf as the guy in her life so got to take care of her.. he is "kor kor"mah, "he is the guy" "he is earning more " xxx reasons... anything to give excuses not to pay for curent hse exps, her own meals/tibbits, our future hse exp even recently, their mom make fake teeth $1K++ she act blur don wan touch invoice ask mom to pass inv to my bf ask him to pay full, claim she no money (cos she jobless) is it my bf fault she is jobless/earning morethen her??anyway his current new job is less then half of his army pay now.. my CPF contributions will be more then his .. lucky he is payin his instalment share from the cpf investment fund tat he keep as reserve else i paying more too.. still the cpf is not big deal to me.. but the family exp.. who wll pay them if both his mom , sis come stick to us?? both not working.. one demand her rights for son t take care of her, one demand her rights cos elder + is a guy to take care of her?? where got fair.. they just sit there shakin legs enjoy the tv,aircon, furniture while we slog our lives outside?? i rather rent out the rooms for tenant still can confirm get moeny back guaranteed n don need to "see their big black faces " or beg for moeny to cover our expenses for their fair share of the instal,utilties etc as if our fault.. guess me n bf too weakling when handling such relationsship ba..haiz.. but still got to wk out de...unless really hopeless.. then Divorce lor if cant take it.. rem..YOU GOT A CHOICE TOO!!! i lookin for pre-marriage conselling now, maybe any tat involve MIL,SIL de??..any suggestions??

 

[gracelourdes]

hehehee....gd qn kervin...i also do tik u need to go for marriage prep course...i'm not preacher of such courses...just go with an open mind together with ur hb....u'll be surprised at the end...lots n lots of things u n him need to learn as individuals n as couples...

give it a try n who knows? u might be able to cope better....

can check www.mcys.org.sg

 

[kv24]

Grace, did you go for any per wedding prog too?? wat the feedback??

 

[gracelourdes]

yup, we both went n completed ours with Tanjong Pagar Family Service Centre...ours was an individual couple course over a stretch of 4 wks n 2 hrs each session...

it was really good...initially we tot we knew quite alot...as we go thru the course, we learnt more n more of each other...learn abt expectations, beliefs, forbearance, family ties, etc etc....so much more...

v worth the $$...to be honest, tat S$100+ tat can give u a life-learning experience...y not?

 

[kv24]

Grace, i tried to surf both http://www.thkms.org.sg/ServicesDirectory.htm & mcys but i cant find any programs details n schedules. please help.

 

[kv24]

thkms - Emailed to [email protected] >> Mail box FULL.. undelivered
http://app.mcys.gov.sg/web/corp_contact.asp - too many contacts, I anyhow emailed to one [email protected] hope this one will reply.

Seem the courses website all that i went too like not userfrenly de..govt ppl not so IT-savvy ba..haa

 

[green_tranquility]

I'm a woman.

I agree with "dont wear a big hat if you know your head is small." I've seen lady friends & hubbies land in huge CC debts after their so-called "grand" weddings.

 

[kry]

i think earning less is ok if he is a hardworking person. so i agreed that ATTRIBUTE is very impt. i have a friend's hb dont want to work and rely on my friend $$. still has the face to tell me he want to be 'tai tai'. but my friend didnt complain @ all and still support his idea as stay @ home hb (but mess the hse and nt doing any housework). initially i felt sad for my friend but now i think she also responsiable for her hb's lazyness. if she dont support him financially, mentally, etc, he may already forced to take up a full time job. sigh

 

[joey_cat]

earning less is fine. women nowdays are rather independent. with the equal oppturity, is not surprising if the wife eearn more than the man. the important thing in the marriage life for such situation is that, the wife must be understandable, and the husband must have the right attitue. Kry: agreed with you totally with the attitude stuff..

my ex also used to jokingly commented that he dont mind to be stay hme husband, though I think it is rather normal nowadays, there must be contribution in a way that the husband shld take good care of not only the house, but the kids, their hmwork, as well as the realtionship btw the inlaws, parents etc.. just like the expectation on conventional woman.

 

[worrygal]

hey m new here.. only realised that i m nt alone with the tots i have after reading all the articles.. would like to share my experiences and anyone out there can "open" my mind, pls feel free to comment..

m married w no kids. my hubby used to hv his own biz for the 1st few yrs of our marriage. but he got himself in deep debts and i was kept in the dark. only to find out from his parents (which nt in good relation w them).. in the end, he wind up his biz n his parents helped him settled some of the debts... hv tot of leaving him them as i felt humilated to be kept in the dark..

now hubby has a fulltime job but earns lesser than me. i m paying for the bills although we hv common acct, his contribution is much lesser than mine. we are trying for kids and yet every trip to the hosp i m the one paying.. he kept talking abt changing job w more pay but dun seems to hv the luck... he hasnt stopped his side lines with so far there is no results. Quarrelled w him at times on why spend efforts n time on something which dun yield results.. sometimes i feel so "burdened" and stress up (whether to hv kids) that recently hv tot of divorcing...

shd i walk out of this marriage?

 

[verluv]

Hi Worrygal,
wondering are you still following this thread?
Frankly speaking, there is really nothing wrong with you earning more than your hubby.
Sometimes, we might be too anxious over things that are going to happen. Now that your hubby is working full time but earning less than you. It is not that he doesnt want to earn more, but based on the situation now, he just cant provide you with more.
I feel that you should continue with your joint account. Even though he is contributing less than you, but at least you can use the fund for your hospital bill.
Do you think its worthwhile just to give up this relationship/marriage over he is not earning more than you?

 

[vanya]

I agree with Verge, life is full of surprises. U must give him encouragement because doing business can be tough but once he reach his success, you and your family life will change. Have you watched Pursuit of happyness? I really feel the reason why god gives you the blessing of earning more is so that you can help out during the time your hubby is building his business. Think of all the good things he did to u n family and your family will bond stronger n better over the years! You can do it!