helplesswife
New Member
I have been together with my partner for 5.5 years. dated for 2 years, this year we would be married for 4 years.
When i first met him, he was very transparent- he told me about his past that in his younger days he had many casual sex partners when he was studying overseas and in sg, (tinder had just come out, it was just easy), and he has had paid sex before when he went on a trip with army friends for a stag night (even the groom asked for it). So full disclosure, we all went for testing, made sure everything was clean. I was cautious and guarded throughout the first year of our relationship, but he was very persistent and eventually we did have very strong love for each other, settled down and got married. We got engaged in 2019 and then got married in 2020 and we've really had a very loving marriage and recently found out i am pregnant and he's very excited and happy about being a dad (nobody else knows cos it's still early but he's very excited and in fact more excited than i am). he has been a very sweet and caring husband (he was willing to wait even if i didnt want to have kids at the time) and i wake up wondering how lucky i am sometimes, and i've felt happy
but i dont know if it was the pregnancy hormones, but i suddenly felt a bit "sensitive" and insecure in this first trimester and my gut feeling just started to wander - i had selfdoubt, i started questioning his loyalty when we were dating, looking through our old messages etc...and from all the sleuthing it eventually came to my knowledge that he went to some infamous disco in Bangkok in 2018 (at the start of dating). I confronted him about it. and that's when he apologized and admitted that in the 1st year of dating, he went on three trips with his army friends to bangkok and bali , and these friends (some are married some are attached) would call in prostitutes to their hotel suite and everyone could pick a girl for protected sex. out of peer pressure and sheer stupidity this happened 3-4 times. eventually when we were really madly in love with each other he proposed and for all the rest of his trips with friends - they would go and call in prostitutes while he went for a foot massage instead because he felt it would be wrong to do it because he wanted a life with me. in summary he had meaningless sex with thai and bali prostitutes because of peer pressure (how stupid does that sound) on 3-4 occasions in the first year of dating, and put a stop to it on his own accord when he realized he wanted a serious future with me. and he has been a good husband ever since.. until this "old news" has come about.
i dont know what to do now. he came clean about everything , that there was no more after that, he has also told me the names of the people he went with (and omg these friends are horrid, they are all married or have girlfriends and some of them even did it like for their stag night just before marriage) and where these cafes were (not that it's important). he said he was stupid and selfish, there was some peer pressure involved but later on when he decided i was the one and he told them he is opting out of all this. but he would still go for the trips but do something else. so the guys continued to cheat on their wives and fiances apparently and he told me who they were etc. he did not have a stag night either or travel with them subsequently, and he gave me his phone pin and i read all this whatsapp etc including the stuff he talks about his friends and went through all his photos etc.
nevertheless i have kicked him out, he is with his parents. he confessed to them as well, and he has also proposed signing up with a psychologist to work on himself, he says he knows he has done wrong even if it was in the past, and he is begging for another chance. he says he will cut off ties with all these disgusting friends as well forever and rebuild trust again.
objectively if i trust my gut feeling ( you might call me naive) i really think he did it out of peer pressure back then but after he decided he really wanted to clean up his act and be with me seriously he cut off everything. and also, he has been very naughty in the past because of very bad influence from army friends (they picked up smoking drinking and this whoring) and he truly has cut them off but i dont know if i can get over this betrayal that happened 5 years ago.
i have no one else to confide in because i dont want to tell anybody , i just wonder if anyone has heard of similar situations or has any advice.
When i first met him, he was very transparent- he told me about his past that in his younger days he had many casual sex partners when he was studying overseas and in sg, (tinder had just come out, it was just easy), and he has had paid sex before when he went on a trip with army friends for a stag night (even the groom asked for it). So full disclosure, we all went for testing, made sure everything was clean. I was cautious and guarded throughout the first year of our relationship, but he was very persistent and eventually we did have very strong love for each other, settled down and got married. We got engaged in 2019 and then got married in 2020 and we've really had a very loving marriage and recently found out i am pregnant and he's very excited and happy about being a dad (nobody else knows cos it's still early but he's very excited and in fact more excited than i am). he has been a very sweet and caring husband (he was willing to wait even if i didnt want to have kids at the time) and i wake up wondering how lucky i am sometimes, and i've felt happy
but i dont know if it was the pregnancy hormones, but i suddenly felt a bit "sensitive" and insecure in this first trimester and my gut feeling just started to wander - i had selfdoubt, i started questioning his loyalty when we were dating, looking through our old messages etc...and from all the sleuthing it eventually came to my knowledge that he went to some infamous disco in Bangkok in 2018 (at the start of dating). I confronted him about it. and that's when he apologized and admitted that in the 1st year of dating, he went on three trips with his army friends to bangkok and bali , and these friends (some are married some are attached) would call in prostitutes to their hotel suite and everyone could pick a girl for protected sex. out of peer pressure and sheer stupidity this happened 3-4 times. eventually when we were really madly in love with each other he proposed and for all the rest of his trips with friends - they would go and call in prostitutes while he went for a foot massage instead because he felt it would be wrong to do it because he wanted a life with me. in summary he had meaningless sex with thai and bali prostitutes because of peer pressure (how stupid does that sound) on 3-4 occasions in the first year of dating, and put a stop to it on his own accord when he realized he wanted a serious future with me. and he has been a good husband ever since.. until this "old news" has come about.
i dont know what to do now. he came clean about everything , that there was no more after that, he has also told me the names of the people he went with (and omg these friends are horrid, they are all married or have girlfriends and some of them even did it like for their stag night just before marriage) and where these cafes were (not that it's important). he said he was stupid and selfish, there was some peer pressure involved but later on when he decided i was the one and he told them he is opting out of all this. but he would still go for the trips but do something else. so the guys continued to cheat on their wives and fiances apparently and he told me who they were etc. he did not have a stag night either or travel with them subsequently, and he gave me his phone pin and i read all this whatsapp etc including the stuff he talks about his friends and went through all his photos etc.
nevertheless i have kicked him out, he is with his parents. he confessed to them as well, and he has also proposed signing up with a psychologist to work on himself, he says he knows he has done wrong even if it was in the past, and he is begging for another chance. he says he will cut off ties with all these disgusting friends as well forever and rebuild trust again.
objectively if i trust my gut feeling ( you might call me naive) i really think he did it out of peer pressure back then but after he decided he really wanted to clean up his act and be with me seriously he cut off everything. and also, he has been very naughty in the past because of very bad influence from army friends (they picked up smoking drinking and this whoring) and he truly has cut them off but i dont know if i can get over this betrayal that happened 5 years ago.
i have no one else to confide in because i dont want to tell anybody , i just wonder if anyone has heard of similar situations or has any advice.
