HeySelina!
New Member
Today marks the most disheartened, saddest, heartbroken, lost day in 2024. All the while I didn’t know on the sacrifices, commitments I made for this relationship.
In 2024 first quarter, we had less than 5 sex times so far this year.. less than 5 times.. how worse could it be? When I thought it’s normal and I should understand because he is drained and tired from work, do not have the energy, creating so many explanations for him - so I feel better for myself, forgiving him and thinking this is normal for the relationship. so.. I bought a new type of condom thinking that “hey lets try something new” to spark our sex life a little.. but as usual.. he’s tired.. promised to postpone it today (to be rescheduled it to today.. and guess what… really.. expectations do lead to disappointments.. “I am tired, Sui Bian bah..” Am I a prostitute or something? Do I seem that desperate for this? Sadly yes. And the darkest thought flew through my mind - one night stand seem like a second option for me.. to satisfy my needs.. with strangers.. why not? Tinder came into the first picture in my mind.. situation then got escalated.. suddenly becoming my fault that I created drama always before an occasion - his birthday.. yup you are right. His birthday is coming in another 2 days time. And know what I did for his birthday? From planning a short getaway for both of us to getting his fav Pokemon character cake and was out the whole day yesterday from town to the west side just to find his earbud because he’s such a picky consumer and he wants to use the best for e-gadgets.. tiring, hungry doing all these without him knowing just so because I love him for doing all these.. I guess all these take a toll on me. On the finances, have spent over $1k on his birthday, time wise - endless.. all these end up with.. “Suan le the Malaysia trip”.. instantly I got triggered and switch on the lights and question him but he seemed.. not to be bothered.. one moment is “yeah we don’t go anymore its fine” another part of me is.. “how am I supposed to deal with this? Why has it become my fault? Have I not done enough? Or did I do too much? That I deserve all these?” - endless negative thoughts covered me and I felt distant and disheartened.
What about current situation? Yes.. he fell asleep leaving me hanging in the living room typing this. Oh yes, before that I was in the toilet crying.. because I know he will feel annoyed when I cried in the room. But there’s nowhere I can go that’s why I ended up crying in the toilet and now.. in the living room typing this.
Am I toxic in this relationship? How can I let him know that there’s a problem when seemingly he don’t seem like there’s a problem.. he’s a rock. And we are getting married this year..
In 2024 first quarter, we had less than 5 sex times so far this year.. less than 5 times.. how worse could it be? When I thought it’s normal and I should understand because he is drained and tired from work, do not have the energy, creating so many explanations for him - so I feel better for myself, forgiving him and thinking this is normal for the relationship. so.. I bought a new type of condom thinking that “hey lets try something new” to spark our sex life a little.. but as usual.. he’s tired.. promised to postpone it today (to be rescheduled it to today.. and guess what… really.. expectations do lead to disappointments.. “I am tired, Sui Bian bah..” Am I a prostitute or something? Do I seem that desperate for this? Sadly yes. And the darkest thought flew through my mind - one night stand seem like a second option for me.. to satisfy my needs.. with strangers.. why not? Tinder came into the first picture in my mind.. situation then got escalated.. suddenly becoming my fault that I created drama always before an occasion - his birthday.. yup you are right. His birthday is coming in another 2 days time. And know what I did for his birthday? From planning a short getaway for both of us to getting his fav Pokemon character cake and was out the whole day yesterday from town to the west side just to find his earbud because he’s such a picky consumer and he wants to use the best for e-gadgets.. tiring, hungry doing all these without him knowing just so because I love him for doing all these.. I guess all these take a toll on me. On the finances, have spent over $1k on his birthday, time wise - endless.. all these end up with.. “Suan le the Malaysia trip”.. instantly I got triggered and switch on the lights and question him but he seemed.. not to be bothered.. one moment is “yeah we don’t go anymore its fine” another part of me is.. “how am I supposed to deal with this? Why has it become my fault? Have I not done enough? Or did I do too much? That I deserve all these?” - endless negative thoughts covered me and I felt distant and disheartened.
What about current situation? Yes.. he fell asleep leaving me hanging in the living room typing this. Oh yes, before that I was in the toilet crying.. because I know he will feel annoyed when I cried in the room. But there’s nowhere I can go that’s why I ended up crying in the toilet and now.. in the living room typing this.
Am I toxic in this relationship? How can I let him know that there’s a problem when seemingly he don’t seem like there’s a problem.. he’s a rock. And we are getting married this year..
