I hope this thread is still alive. Because I really need some advice and I am seriously considering separation. I am in a predicament.
I was married when I was 23 and it is now 3 years past our marriage. 11 months into the marriage, our marriage started breaking down a lot. My husband quit his high paying job on a whim and was jobless for 10 months. He had too-high job expectations and was very choosy in finding another job despite his highest education level being a private diploma back then. He managed to find a few jobs later via his friends’ recommendation but they only lasted from a week to 2 months at most.
Meanwhile from the start of marriage, we stayed with my in laws and it was difficult to see how controlling my mother in law was. She poked her nose in plenty of our business and my husband turned out to be a really pampered eldest son.
After 1.5 year of marriage, my husband started to want to have less and less intercourse with me. I was very frustrated and upset. I tried my best to be understanding as his excuses were mostly because he was tired even though he was jobless. Or he would say “tomorrow” and then didn’t have the intention. Despite all that, I remained faithful to him. Until today, the intercourse is becoming less and less.
When we decided to renovate our flat during the 2nd year of marriage, my husband was broke apart from his cpf. I still kept my job and I helped him to pay some of his student loans. He started taking a part time degree despite being broke; just because he wanted to get better job offers. I loaned him money repeatedly even for his daily expenses and it frustrated and angered me that he was so useless. Over this period, this was the time where he started to do his job hopping. I had no choice but to pay for my house renovation. The renovation and furniture turned out to be around 40k and at first, my husband didn’t seem to have the intention to pay me back.
After much arguing, we managed to come to a agreement that he would pay me back $200 every month for half of the 40k (I was willing to pay half of the renovation). We moved into our new home at the start of March this year. Up till date, he has only managed to pay me back 1x$200. He doesn’t prioritize what he owes me. He currently drives grab and until recently, he used to make very little due to his choosiness of driving only 6 hours per day from noon. I suggested many times that he find much higher paying part time jobs and I tried finding for him as well. That backfired because he got annoyed and told me to stop finding jobs for him.
Exactly around the time we moved in, I was so frustrated that he kept relying on me to borrow money that I decided to quit my job. I did that for many reasons. I was hoping that it could be reverse psychology to help him see that since I am jobless too, he can’t depend on me anymore. Secondly, my job was giving me so much stress and I was going through work related health problems due to shift work. Also, I have a pet dog who is 12 and he is on lifelong medication twice a day. I have to be home to look after him. We don’t have kids. My plan worked and he stopped borrowing money from me. I have since then started a small home business.
Recently, this marriage has just been going down. We fight often, we hardly spend time going out anymore, he has a very bad temper and there was once he pushed me twice at the corridor till my back hit the railing. 90% of the time, I cook and clean and when he is home, he either watched tv, plays games, or reads manga. He doesn’t do much housework unless he is told.
I feel like he treats me like dirt. I feel like a cleaner to cook and do his housework. A cleaner where he doesn’t have the obligations to have any intimacy. But even a cleaner is better than me because they get paid. I get nothing from him apart from a small sum for groceries every month. We split the house bills.
Last night, I moved out of our bedroom after a quarrel. I would like to apply for a separation since I don’t feel like my role as a wife to him is appreciated and wanted anymore. However, I still need this roof as I have no where else to go with my dog, not to mention my small home business. I wouldn’t have a problem getting back to work out there again once my dog passes. But for now I can’t leave him just yet especially since his first owner wasn’t able to be there for him. Plus, my dog is pretty close to my husband too.
So, how do I go about this application? I know that my husband isn’t keen about separation. He would rather a divorce. But I would like to go for separation on grounds that I still need a roof for my dog and myself. And I need this house to do my home business until my dog passes and I can find a job outside.