Divorce or Separation Questions - need advice

[jn1234]

Hi appreicate advice on following :
I want to divorce but HB don't want and don't think he will sign separation deed. So I need to wait 4 years for separation then submit for divorce correct? He will not move out also, so I am thinking of living separate lives under the same roof. What if by end of 4 years, he denies we did not separate?

Thanks in advance for advice.

 

[magaz]

get a deed of separation to make it official. go see a lawyer for more advice.

 

[jn1234]

He will not want to sign. I have asked him to do so many times but he refused. He also does not want to move out then I cannot move cos' kid still schooling in near by school. So I guess he will also make things difficult for me and deny no separation even if I wait 4 years.

Sorry I did search thru the forum past discussions for answers but only see suggestions of 3 years if sign separation or 4 years if no separation signed and stop there. No discussion of what happen if no separation signed, so 4 years later, can he deny ?

 

[simpleman]

What is the point of deed of separation if hb is unwilling.. wasting money.

Best is for you to move out. If you can't then you can still separate by having separate lives in the same house. But take note not to do anything as hb/wife - even things like washing or cooking for him.

Of course it gets complicated if he denies everything ... but you got to keep pushing..

 

[simpleman]

can you move with children to somewhere nearby? If not can you rent a room somewhere nearby? That way, you can still take are of the children and yet be separated from him. Change your address in your IC to the new address.

 

[jn1234]

sm, thanks. We will live separate life as I don't bother what he does, he don't bother what I do, we treat each other like transparent but as long as under same roof, he can deny no separation?

 

[jn1234]

How to prove we live separate life?

Does that mean I no choice but to move?

 

[simpleman]

jenny,

And you cannot do anything for him like a wife will do for hb.. and it is difficult to prove if you are still staying in the same house. Not impossible but difficult.

Moving is easier. It shows your commitment. Perhaps after you move out for a couple of months, he may agree to sign.

By the way, since you both lead separate lives, why is he unwilling to separate? The best is to address the root problem, why is he refusing..

 

[jn1234]

Don't know. We don't talk. For the kid's sake maybe? He has no place to move, maybe? Or he can't accept change of status to "Divorce" maybe?

Don't know. I am wondering also.

 

[jn1234]

He did so many things that I don't understand why. We have entirely different thinking now. Thus I see no point to stay together. Maybe there are some ppl who don't need reasons for doing the things they are doing. Like want mistress but don't want divorce. I also don't know, and don't wish to know anymore. Just wish to be out so that don't need to know any of his things.

 

[simpleman]

Then you have to make him talk.. at least talk about separation and divorce. Or find someone that can talk to him? His friends that you know. His brothers? His sisters?

this is your life. You got to find a way round it. The easiest if you don't want to communicate with him is to move out.. so simple...

 

[jn1234]

No one can make him agree to eparation/divorce. All give up. So I also want to give up.

Sianz.

Thanks!

 

[jn1234]

Maybe he is guilt stricken because of he has extra marital affair, so now want to redeem and all his friends/family members who know also wish he can redeem. So no one will talk him into separation / divorce. But I really wish to be out.

Thanks. I see what I can do.

 

[simpleman]

The simplest as I said is to rent a room and move out - if you can't move out with the children.

No one can force a person to accept to separate or divorce. But no one can stop you from leaving and wanting to separate. After you have moved out for a while, he may realize that you are committed and will agree to it.

 

[newlife2010]

do u have evidence? of his extra marital affair

 

[jn1234]

nikki, sorry don't wish to discuss whatever is over. I am just looking for how to divorce/separate.

Thanks

 

[ckgal]

if u have evidence, u don't need to do separation

 

[simpleman]

TS already mentioned not to discuss whatever is over.. why bother to bring up evidence?

 

[margret]

if u have evidence u can use it to file a immediate divorce instead of waiting for 3 years

 

[jn1234]

Hi All
Sorry for the misleading title. Should be separation questions only. Don't wish to talk about the affair and no evidence.

Thanks!

 

[starshar85]

my hb refuse to sign anything tooo... but i am not even sure if i can proceed with the DOS without his signature; i dont mind that 4 years. any news?

 

[mikki_liew]

yes, after 4 years can proceed

 

[pasir_ris_beach]

perhaps u can wait if u hv no one new right now in your life. and still to be safer, u can go see the lawyer for separation n sign and keep it with u till 4 years is up?

I am not sure yet of the proceeding but i already moved out of the rented place plus the husband also moved out too. and yes separated for already 8 months.. i intend to file for separation paper after a year which is end dec and backdate. so another 3 years more to wait til i file for divorce (4 years of waiting which will be in 2016). dun want to waste time waiting for him to agree to sign. it does not matter whether he will sign either separation or divorce as long as the court will grant divorce without his consent.

 

[starshar85]

I just spoke to my lawyer and he said DOS need 2 person signature. But she also mention something called NOTICE OF SEPARATION. Means, they will still send the copy over to your spouse and 4 years later div

 

[ladyfeb]

Hi Sharon

Same here...wanted to be separated for the time being but does it mean ok if we stay in same roof...but we have slept separately for years due to my two kids sleeping with me..is it consider a form of separation and most of the time he do his own thin i do mine...really need advise on the proceeding...

 

[zhun03]

If I file a divorce, do I need to pay back the CPF money that my husband contributed to our HDB flat? Please advise me... please...

 

[redsky]

my hubby and I have been separated for a few months. He He has since gotten a girlfriend. It's not a fling. Do guys move on so fast? Is he considered cheating?

Now, it seems that there is a chance for us to reconcile, i have mixed feelings.
Is he considered cheating?

 

[scopefun]

During separation, you can start finding gf liao.

It's most likely he treated you like a legal free sex partner. It's not about moving on so fast... he just can't be bothered about you nia.

It's not cheating.

Reconcile...? LOL~

Redsky, please...

 

[cococherry]

I wouldn't see it as cheating since both of you are already on separation. Putting the affair aside, what about the in-law issue?

 

[redsky]

Hi, we have reconciled. Last time, he told me how good the girl was and he clicked better with the girl. This still lingers on my mind. Now, he and the girl are still in contact thru messenging only. He assured they are just friends. Is it ok? Or they should have a clean break?

 

[scopefun]

Redsky,

LOL~

I love it when women self-deny...

Already know it's not your dick, yet still... ... LOL!!!!!!!!!

 

[clark]

redsky, it is great that both of you have reconciled.

Now it is the time to build up on the relationship.

Focus on this instead of non-value added activities (i.e. clean break, etc)

 

[redsky]

Hi Kent,
Ya it's fortunate we can reconcile.Do you think he was considered cheating that time?
How to rebuild? The distance is there. And it doesn't help to think he has more to say to the girl than his spouse.

 

[clark]

Hi redsky, why do u want to let the past haunt your future ? Be kind to yourself first, before u can commit to rebuild this relationship. Dun ask questions that will not help.

Any distance can be bridged as long as u are willingly to take the effort to. Go on a holiday, do a course together, rekindle the love. Please dun expect things to be easy.

Give yourself and the relationship a timeline. Commit to it and if he does not appreciate, then u have to come to terms with it.

 

[scopefun]

Blindly came together, blindly broke, blindly came back together again, but the basis all gone.

Silly woman...

 

[mystical99]

Hi, need some advice here.
Already filed for separation, during this period we r supposed to stay apart.
But what happens if we have sex relations?

 

[scopefun]

Separation is valid if you live in the SAME ROOM without sex...

If you stay in two states but you had sex, back to square one.

 

[infojunkie]

was it forced?

if yes, then it's rape.


"Under Singapore law, a man who forces his wife to have sex with him is not guilty of an offence unless:
1.his wife was living apart from him under an interim judgment of divorce or written separation agreement or
2.the couple are living apart and proceedings have been commenced for divorce or
3.the wife has already obtained a protection order (PPO).

Marital rape is an exception to the offence of rape except in the cases stated above. However, a man who forces his wife to have sex may still be guilty of the following offences:

Voluntarily causing Hurt, S321, Penal Code
Voluntarily causing Grievious Hurt, S322, Penal Code
Wrongful Restraint S241, Penal Code"

source: http://www.aware.org.sg/information/rape/

 

[mystical99]

Nope. Will it affect de separation papers de terms n conditions?

 

[infojunkie]

nope if both of u dun say a word abt it and stop hving sex...

btw, if u like each other so much to want to keep hving sex, u might want to reconsider going separate ways.

 

[mystical99]

It's my husband not ready to talk about it cos his affair is still ongoing.
Can I use it to restart de separation terms if he wanna proceed on with divorce after 3 years?

 

[mikki_liew]

why wan to wait foe 3 year since he already betray u

 

[infojunkie]

ok, what exactly do u want out of this?

save ur marriage or strike a better deal?

 

[mystical99]

Save my marriage

 

[scopefun]

LOL~

 

[infojunkie]

u won't win him back by doing that. besides, this will make tow more attractive than u...

who initiates sex?

 

[mystical99]

He initiates

 

[infojunkie]

cut the supply then...

tell him he has to start getting used to it since u guys r separating n heading for divorce... u can no longer function as a wife to him.

stay firm and stay away from him and dun get emo...

u can only do so much

 

[scopefun]

Junkie, she said she want to save the marriage.

You tell her not to be emo... but her main problem is she is emo.

It's telling a bankrupt not to anyhow buy luxurious cars when he can't even buy...

Aka waste-of-time.

USUALLY, when a woman will stay in a marriage when the man is having an on-going affair is... the man provided well and she doesn't want to give up the lifestyle or her official right. Or she indeed loves her husband.

When one has an affair, the vows are broken, in theory the marriage is broken but only exist in laws, unless the woman or man consents multiple partners.

In such a case, we have to identify is there any reason why she still wants to save the marriage.

 

[tahan]

Y divorce? if hv kids, den dont divorce as it will b an easy-way-out 4 e spouse. Always think kids's interest n benefits 1st. kids wiv divorce parents wil b badly affected socially n emotionally.