I'm just married for a year but I've decided to divorce.My husband seems unable to have sex.He don't even kiss me.But the worse part of all,we never communicate.Each time I raise this issue he shuts me out.I get no response and it's as though as I'm talking to the wall.Be it any issue such as me confiding to him about my MIL,he shuts me out.He claims that it's all about the wrong timing to discuss.Be it in the morning or at night before sleep is wrong time to discuss.On off days he goes out.There never seem a time to discuss problems with him.I suggested counselling yet he told me to go myself without him.Now I've really given up yet to depressed to go about doing things such finding a room to rent now that we're separating.
Depressed
- Thread starter jai
- Start date
Prior to marriage,I was staying on my own for 10yrs.Moved out when I was 18yrs.I didn't give much thought to marriage as my mom urge me to get married now that a man has come along with interest in marriage.I agree with mom since I'm a girl staying on my own in a rented place,much better for me to settle down with a man and has a proper place to stay.No intimacy started when we got engaged.I did bring up the issue while engaged to him which ends up in us quarreling and him disappearing for a month.I finally let up when he cited religion as a reason.Otherwise we had a healthy sex life prior to our engagement.Which made me even more confused now as sex was never an issue when we dated.He refused to even kiss me now since we got married.I considered having sex with him only once since we got married coz the other three occasions didn't count as there wasn't even successful penetration on the three attempts we tried so far.He blames me for being too tight as it makes him uncomfortable.
blueprincess
New Member
Hi Zai, how long did both of u know each other or date before u guys got married? If u dun mind me asking, is it an arranged marriage? Cos u mentioned ur mum...seems lije it was she who wanted u to get married n nt tat u married out of free will.
Pls pardon me if i m wrong n correct me if so. Cos i feel tt ur hubby does nt seem to respect u as his wife.
Pls stay strong n i hope u hav a close fren for emotional supt.
Pls pardon me if i m wrong n correct me if so. Cos i feel tt ur hubby does nt seem to respect u as his wife.
Pls stay strong n i hope u hav a close fren for emotional supt.
infojunkie
Active Member
"I didn't give much thought to marriage as my mom urge me to get married now that a man has come along with interest in marriage.I agree with mom since I'm a girl staying on my own in a rented place,much better for me to settle down with a man and has a proper place to stay"
no need to get depressed or should i say there's No Room for an upset?
this is afterall a marriage of convenience.
no love lost and no stone needs to be turned...
just tell ur mom that u're gonna move again.
no need to get depressed or should i say there's No Room for an upset?
this is afterall a marriage of convenience.
no love lost and no stone needs to be turned...
just tell ur mom that u're gonna move again.
We dated for two years.And got engaged for another year.It wasn't arranged marriage and I felt that he don't really respect me too.The two years has been a turbulent relationship.After two years,I've decided I had enough and choose to moved on.That's when he wanted to get engage to me.I said no at first as I thought he was lying just to stop me from leaving him.Besides,before that he met my parents and when the time comes for the final arrangements to be made he disappeared for quite some time.He not only embarrass me but my parents as well that's when I decide to move on.Then he came back again,propose again,and I didn't believe him at first till he personally talk to mom.Mom felt that he was serious and sincere this time round that's why she told me to give it a shot.
Perhaps I'm feeling depressed coz I do love him.But thinking by head but not heart,there shan't be any room for being upset.But it'll be really difficult to face my family again as I have always been sensible and wise when it comes to matters to the heart.I have always been firm with the guys I've dated.I know mom would still accept me though I'm divorce and all but not everyone else though.I just wana and hope to be firm this time round.After all,he is always second guessing the marriage from the start.He leaves it up to me to separate or stay in marriage,which I find weird.
infojunkie
Active Member
better to lose face abit than allowing it to drag on and carry a bigger regret later.
forget abt love...
somethings just aren't meant to be.
forget abt love...
somethings just aren't meant to be.
blueprincess
New Member
Hi Zai, at tis moment all d matters is tat u can accept urself for d things tat happened. I m glad tat ur mom will accept u n i hope d rest of ur family will do d same. Outside d family do nt care olif ur frens will accept u. If they dont it only means they r nt ur true frens.
Now d priority is ur own happiness n how to protect urself. If u need to move, pls do so. Dun waste another min of ur life w tis man. Dun wait till find urself pregnant then u wanna move. My advice is to b ready to move on. Dun let him ruin ur life any further.
Now d priority is ur own happiness n how to protect urself. If u need to move, pls do so. Dun waste another min of ur life w tis man. Dun wait till find urself pregnant then u wanna move. My advice is to b ready to move on. Dun let him ruin ur life any further.
texasholdem
New Member
he like to do disappearing act? is he a magician? lol
Marriage is not based on love. When one decided to step into marriage and putting the signature on the line, they should know marraige cannot be based on only love. Responsible, committment and duties as spouses will come in.
Love is just the binding part of those. Without those, the marriage will let to nowhere.
Love is just the binding part of those. Without those, the marriage will let to nowhere.
Normally you can file for divorce only after 3 years of marriage.
Why not you ask your husband - does he or does he not want the marriage to continue? If yes, then discuss further. If no, then you know you need to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.
If you find it depressing to move on, you need to enlist the support of close friends and relatives to help you with the process. And learn from the experience of those who have gone through the process.
Don't spend too much time thinking of the negatives, just take action and you will be on your way.
Why not you ask your husband - does he or does he not want the marriage to continue? If yes, then discuss further. If no, then you know you need to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.
If you find it depressing to move on, you need to enlist the support of close friends and relatives to help you with the process. And learn from the experience of those who have gone through the process.
Don't spend too much time thinking of the negatives, just take action and you will be on your way.
I think it is.But I shall find a place first.That's my priority.Then I shall enquire abt annulment.After all,I'm willing to compromise on a sexless marriage but all I'm asking is just frenching and even then that's impossible between us.A bit too much for me.And he seems to be hiding something about his condition which made it all the more difficult.Sometimes I feel that he's just merely toying with my feelings,leaving as and when he likes at the first sign of conflict.Very immature for someone his age,I would say
Technically being Muslims,under Syariah law,no sex within three months is technically divorced.Just gotta make it official and declare.That's all but I have yet to confirm that.But it does made me wonder what is really wrong with him.Not trying to say that marriage is all about sex but what is the point in getting married if you don't even wana have sex.In the name of saving the marriage,I've long accepted having a sexless marriage with him.But that doesn't mean no intimacy at all.It's as though as we're roomates,I'm a wife just to make sure he gets fed and his clothes gets washed.He only pays rent otherwise food and shopping's all my money.It's as though I'm single with just extra chores added on now that I'm married.With the exception that I never pay rent since I got married to him lar.Defeat the purpose of sharing our bed at night.I don't feel like a wife.More like a roomate,friend,buddy,mom or sis to him.
blueprincess
New Member
why do they need to drag? I am assuming it is the courts who like to drag. this causes all parties even more pain. The courts is related to Singapore system right. And I thought we Singaporeans have always put focus on being efficient?
each time they go, my sister has to pay the lawyer .. i think it comes down to money lor.
for muslims, they say that when a man leaves his wife for more than three months with no reason, then they are divorced. but they told my sister that she has to contact him when she wanted to proceed with divorce - she had no way of contacting him, because he just disappeared like that! her friends in his home country tried to track him down but each time they do and she tries to contact him saying she doesn't want anything but for him to agree to the divorce, he just blocks her.
the muslim court say she must exhaust all ways to find him before they can pass judgement - in the end, she just put an ad in the papers to say her intent and show it as proof that she had to resort to this as a last measure. finally she got the good outcome last year.
we were just happy when the judgement came through last year - we felt that the case really pulled down my sister's spirit. my ex-BIL is really something lor .. since he doesn't want to have anything to do with my sister or nephew, why can't he just say divorce instead of dragging and disappearing also?!
for muslims, they say that when a man leaves his wife for more than three months with no reason, then they are divorced. but they told my sister that she has to contact him when she wanted to proceed with divorce - she had no way of contacting him, because he just disappeared like that! her friends in his home country tried to track him down but each time they do and she tries to contact him saying she doesn't want anything but for him to agree to the divorce, he just blocks her.
the muslim court say she must exhaust all ways to find him before they can pass judgement - in the end, she just put an ad in the papers to say her intent and show it as proof that she had to resort to this as a last measure. finally she got the good outcome last year.
we were just happy when the judgement came through last year - we felt that the case really pulled down my sister's spirit. my ex-BIL is really something lor .. since he doesn't want to have anything to do with my sister or nephew, why can't he just say divorce instead of dragging and disappearing also?!