Any Mixed Marriages here? Esp Chinese-Malay Muslim couple

[icechoco]

Hi Elaine,
Usually for the malays, the parents pay for the wedding. So the angbao they will keep to cover the costs. But if there is any extras, it's up to them whether to give you or not. But those guests who give to you directly, it's up to you whether you want to keep or give to your MIL.

But usually for the malay guests, they will give the angbao to the parents, it's a courtesy to see the "tuan rumah" (direct translation: House Owner) AFTER makan (for chinese: before makan)even if they don't know the "tuan rumah" directly. But err for me hor..even though i malay, i'm not comfortable with this, so heheh..i would rather "salam" the bride / groom.

 

[marnie]

Elaine : Meraj and I are paying for our entire wedding ourselves, right down to the Ikea napkins...

. Having said that though, Meraj and I have decided to let my parents keep the ang pows that my side of the relatives give.

Meraj and I are having the ang-pow box (you know the chinese and western style). So we are keeping that portion of angpows received from our friends and his side of the relatives.

Interrace : Don't worry you sure cannot miss me one...Big big block the light, it's me lah...

Cuclainne : Ooooh!!! Sounds sooo enticing!!

Penny Black is so near my office too! But not too sure at this point cos' too much going on with the office moving and all. I'll sms you tomorrow?

IC : Yeah me too!!! I feel somewhat uncomfortable when I have to salam the parents (when I don't know them). I'd rather salam the bride/groom and give the angpow to them.

 

[icechoco]

Marnie,
Elaine was asking regarding malay weddings. Where got angbao box in malay weddings? The respective mothers are the ones who carry the big handbag full of angbaos.

. Because in malay weddings, they do not have such thing called reception area to register guests.

Only chinese weddings have angbao box. If follow western, they have Gifts Registry. On the whole, i think only asians give angbaos.

I think your wedding when you have angbao box, you're following chinese culture. Because caucasian weddings don't give angbaos. They give presents if don't have gifts registry. But i think there are some Gifts Registry here like the The Link whereby they can arrange for you.

Yah..but in malay culture, if we don't "salam" the parents, some of the relatives who are there at the wedding especially if they're the "kendarat"(help out in the wedding) will think we eat for free.

But what to do, that's the malay culture.

Talking about Gifts Registry, Cuclainne, since your hubby-to-be is a caucasian, so will you be having Gifts Registry instead or stick to malay tradition having angbaos?

 

[marnie]

IC : Actually, western culture got angpow box. Only they call it card box. And their box sooo much bigger....

Lagi like poster to give the bride and groom money.

 

[icechoco]

Marnie,
Serious??!! So far, i've not heard of it leh. This is the 1st time for me. A lot of the time i hear is Gifts Registry. So far lah, my friends who married caucasians or caucasians themselves said they used Gifts Registry.

Just to share, i had a friend (Bosnian muslim,non-practicing) who married an italian man. Their wedding of course was held western style. Because they already had a house & it's all furnished, their Gifts Registry was a tour agency. They actually set up an account with the tour agency whereby invited guests can deposit money into their account for them to use for their honeymoon. I thought that was rather unique. Anyway, i don't think Singapore have such Gifts Registry like that. In a way, it was also practical.

I just received a wedding invitation card for a western wedding which i am banging myself

because i'm not able to fly all the way there to attend the wedding as no one is able to take care of my baby. Sigh..i just love western weddings...very romantic. Damn it, if only i'm single and not tied-down, i'll probably get to attend the wedding + go on holiday.

 

[cuclainne]

Marnie, let me know if you are able to join la. My friend and her fiance bubbled on me so it's just me and Ah Boy. We'll probably be there at about 7.30pm so we can grab some pub grub for dinner. Yum yum ... grease! Lol.

Anyone else keen to join in???

ic, we're having the Malay-styled void deck wedding on Sunday. We're doing it the traditional way lor - just to appease parents and relatives. But of course, there is no exchanging of gifts or beating of kompang to announce his arrival - we decided that there was no need for these. But his family/ friends might give gifts instead .. so maybe for the wedding dinner on Friday night, we might ask for gifts but of course, token of money is always encouraged. Lol.

There is only one Gift Registry here and that is by The Link, right?

 

[hpyue]

Morning gals...

Wow.. jus one question from me can actually lead to such a Big Topic ?? hahahahaha..... I think I will do this way, do correct me ya..
My hubby's family paid for the buffet, the rest are from my hubby and myself. So can I keep the portion from my friends and my relatives, while the rest like my hubby's friends and inlaw's friends and their relatives will just let my inlaws handle ?? hmmm....

 

[hpyue]

Hey one more question. can I ask my hubby to discuss with his parent regards to this matter ?? or should I just ask him to tell them what we intend to do ??

 

[huichin]

Hey girls,

Marnie: Yea 12.15pm sounds fine to me for Elaine aka Sarah's wedding too! haha...btw who else is going?

Elaine: ya,...i think it's a good idea leh...too be fair..lol...everyone happy mah..heh. U should ask ur hubby to discuss this matter, AND let them know if they agree wif what u all intend to do.

I duno abt the usual, but me and my bf will be paying for ALL expenses for our wedding, so most likely we'll keep most the angbaos - need to pay off if still got utang! haha..

Cuclainne: So have u set an ideal wedding date? heh...

 

[huichin]

So far, going to Elaine's wedding:

1) Marnie
2) Hui Chin
3) IC
4) Interrace
5) Cuclainne

Ally? anyone else?

 

[icechoco]

Elaine,
Oh in that case, you can keep your portion from your friends & relatives. Just inform your hubby what you feel & intend to do. And don't discuss directly with your in-laws. Let your hubby tell his parents regarding this. Becoz this is sensitive issue. Best to let their own son talk to them. I think your side of angbao can sure differentiate clearly as it will be red packets. And i think your relatives & friends will sure give the red packets directly to you. I don't think your chinese friends & relatives will "salam" your MIL / FIL.

Cuclainne,
Yah..i remember reading The Link does Gift Registry. And another place..but i can't remember what's the name of that shop. Threw away most of my wedding magazines already. I think if you do a Gift Registry for your hubby side for the wedding dinner is much easier. And best of all, you can select what gifts you want!

 

[cuclainne]

Elaine, it's always best to discuss this with your FH first and if there is a need to bring this subject up with the in-laws, then FH would be the best person to do it. Cannot turn him down, right? Lol.

Hui Chin, we haven't set a date yet though we would like to have it done by early next year. Ah Boy has two confirmed interviews next week: one with a Swedish company, the other a Japanese one. Hopefully he might get a favourable reply which means that I get to shop for an apartment to rent, while he goes home to tie up some loose ends.

ic, mmm i would really like some kitchen appliances ... lol. Ah Boy's apartment back home is so spartan - can you imagine cooking dinner using only one frying pan and one saucepan?

 

[icechoco]

Cuclainne,
Then this will be a good idea to use the Gifts Registry. You can just focus on kitchen applicances! And what i heard that you can even requests for the number of kitchen appliances you want. That means, your gifts are controlled and there's no tendency of repetitive gifts. For eg, if you specify only 1 guest can buy a kettle, and if one guest already did, no one else can buy! I think you should take this opportunity then during your wedding dinner for your hubby-to-be's side.

 

[marnie]

Sorry Girls, have been too busy with work and the move. Will revert with the rest of your posts later in the evening. For now....

Cuclainne : I don't want to be lampost leh...if I join you at Penny Black....

 

[hpyue]

hello gals..

Thanks for all the advise. Already told hubby to discuss with his parent over the weekend, I really dont want to get involve with this kind of thing. money always a very very sensitive issue like what IC mentioned here, but I dont know why my hubby kept saying. ang pows will all go to his parents,

 

[icechoco]

Elaine,
Don't worry. Like what i said your chinese relatives & friends won't salam his parents. Because they will feel weird. They will definitely give to you directly. So you just keep it lor.. Moreover it will be red angbao packets, so distinctive. If your hubby doesn't agree and ask to give to his parents and you cannot accept this as you pay for some of the wedding stuffs, then just say that the red angbao packets they give you got meaning, means for good luck for you. Sometimes it's good to tell white lies.

 

[marnie]

Hi........Now I have a tad bit of a breathing space. Working round the clock to meet the move dates. Ggrr......

Anyways, tomorrow, moi going to Arab Street (again!)

My pri. sch. girlfriend wants to get material for Raya. I want to get swatches of white fabrics and lace for the wedding dress. My BS is doing one for me but I'm having difficulty with the shade of white I want as they do not have samples of it. I always love going Arab Street...

Huichin : Me going. Hmm...Need to check the street directory how to get there. Also need to figure out how to handle the dressing...I got to wear baju kurung to the wedding then I want to go back to shower and wear something different and "loose" for the party. Hmmm....

IC : Me too! I just got a wedding invite from my Meraj's good friend. In London. I'm not going since I'm stuck here for September - Meraj will attend though.

Speaking of Gift Registry, this friend who is getting married, registered at Debenhams for gift certificates instead of items at the place. That way, they can slowly shop for their stuff for home. Quite ingenius actually.

Elaine : Monies issue which involves your hubby's parents better be broached by your hubby. Money is too sensitive an issue.

Interrace : Are you on leave since you're postponing your HM?

 

[cuclainne]

Marnie, I just got back from my night out. You should have joined us, girl. We were such pigs tonight - we ordered so much food at Penny Black and then headed over to Color to finish off the night.

 

[marnie]

Cuclainne, I can see that Ah Boy is on track to fitting in with a typical Singaporean what with the all kinds of food he's having...

Mooncakes and still all that greasy food.....Gosh, I'm kicking myself for not joining you two now...

 

[hpyue]

Morning gals..

Thanks gals for all your advise, at least I know what to do now.

Gals... I already send out all the invitation cards, did I miss out anyone ?? cuclainne, marnie, Huichin, Interrace, IC and Ally. wonder how is Ally doing ??
REally hope to see you all there on my AD.. hehehe I can recon Huichin, Marnie and cuclainne.. Interrace , ally and IC please hands up when there .. hahahahaha.. Okay I got to go, may not be free to post after today, Have a great weekend .. thanks again gals.... :0

 

[cuclainne]

Marnie, ya la - you should have come. We sat there for two hours, watching people walk past and gossiping. Lol. We were so full after ... today, we're going to have sushi for lunch. Yum Yum

 

[marnie]

Cuclainne : I've just made an appointment to view Equinox private dining room on 8th October at 6.45pm. Let me know if Ah Boy and you wanna tag along. I'm going with Equinox for sentimental reasons - Meraj proposed to me there lah...

For 30 pax, still doesn't go beyond S$3K.

Girls, just spent a good half a day on Arab Street. Before you start asking, no, I didn't spend a single cent to buy anything. Just went around looking at the different shades of white for the wedding dress material and getting swatches of them so that I can show to my BS. Also got swatches of purple for my baju modern. Feel soo proud of myself for not being tempted to get anything...

 

[marnie]

Cuclainne : Sorry, I meant Monday, 10th October at 6.45pm. Let me know, k?

 

[cuclainne]

Marnie, Ah Boy leaves for home on 26 September so if someone's going to come with you, it will be me. Lol. Will let you know - thanks for thinking of me. Hehehehe.

 

[cuclainne]

where is everyone?

 

[huichin]

hey girlsZ! haha...everyone must have been bz!

anywayz, c ya girls at Elaine's wedding on this coming Sunday at 12.15pm k!

Cheers

 

[interrace]

Hi Gals!!

Monday blues lah ...


Marnie!!
*clap clap and pat pat ur shoulder*
great restrictions on urself for not having bought anything at arab st.

me not on leave and not on HM ...back to work since last tues..

Elaine,
why only raise hands ? cannot go upfront to shake hands with the bride and groom ar ??
hee..dun worry, will be there...so near my new hse..

Chin chin,
onz...cya there..

 

[marnie]

Cuclainne : Me very busy. Also today I'm ill with fever and tonsilitis (again!)! Bleh....

Not a happy camper I must say.

Huichin : K. See you girls at the wedding itself at 12.15pm. Still don't know how to coordinate my dressing for that day - going for 2 dos. Aiyoh..headache...

Interrace : Yeah.. Me very proud of myself for not getting anything. But hor tempted to go again. I think I really need to get a place there then can jsut pop there for a day or evening out.

 

[takahara]

Hi ladies!!

Sorry for not being in here for so long..Been bz with work, school and family..sigh..

Elaine,

Recvd ur wedding invi..see you gals there ya?

About the ang pow matter, its a sensitive issue lor..I would agree with IC on keeping ur side's contribution of ang pows. Talk to ur hubby abt this and see if u can come to a conclusion.

Marnie,

Muz take care of urself wor? Tonsilitis..U will have high tendency to have high fever..muz drink more barley n honey water. Had the same condition until one day cannot tahan liao..went straight for a tonsilectomy..n now..seldom get sick. THANK GOD!

Cucclainne,

Ah Boy is finally here ya? Surely enjoying every minute with him wor?

 

[cuclainne]

Hi Ally, yes he has been here for a week now. It's been alright so far - I haven't been on leave yet, will be to spend the last week with him before he flies off. He has also been busy, attending interviews and eating a lot. Lol

 

[icechoco]

Hi Elaine,
Thanks for your wedding card. I just received in the mailbox today. So coincidental. Today received a malay wedding card from you. My hubby received a chinese wedding card (those traditional red ones) today as well. And both weddings are held on the same day! Except yours is earlier..hubby of course is evening.

Hi Ally,
Long time no see ah!

 

[marnie]

Ally : Yeah me very sick these days. Think it's due to the overt-stress and tension from all that packing for the move. Some more I've got added responsibility of being the relocation committee and floor rep. Like as if I'm not busy already with my own work and clients and of course, my wedding planning....sheeessh *rolling eyes*

How is your hubby's grandpa holding up?

Huichin & Cuclainne : Ahh..you two are the only ones left here who are preparing for your weddings so I thought I'd let you know that the malay bridal fair will be on for the last time this year from 29th September to 2 October and Expo Hall 6. Free admission.

IC & Ally : You can go and book BS and photographer and take PS lah. This time with kids in tow.....Should be fun, right?

 

[huichin]

Marnie: Really ah? oh! gd! thks! haha

Ally: Long time no see wor! haha..take care ya..!

Ok girls, for now:
1) Ally
2) Cuclainne
3) IC
4) Marnie
5) Interrace
6) Hui Chin

...are going to Elaine's wedding. Now, who's bringing who? hehe...

 

[takahara]

Marnie,

My hub's granpa is still hospitalised. The docs say that he has a strong will to live. He's out of coma now.. Thats a start. We are juz threading each day at a time.

Regarding having another PS..have been contemplating about it..but most prob will get a new one for our 10th yr lah.. We juz celebrated our 7th yr anniversary on 5th Sept. Nothing grand though this yr..since his grandad is sick.

IC,

Ya gal..long time no c..how's baby Arshad? started to crawl?

Hui Chin,

Me with kids mayb..hubby may need to be on standby for work..if he can make it..I'll tag him along ..hehe

 

[marnie]

Huichin : Me lone ranger....I can't stay long though cos' gotta rush to Carlton Hotel.

Ally : That's good to hear about hubby's grandpa. He has indeed a strong will.

Oh....and congrats on your wedding anniversary....7 year itch already....woo hoo.....!!!

 

[icechoco]

Marnie,
Err..don't think i want to have another PS. Currently mine is good enough and satisfied with it. Do once is enough. I rather use that money to go 2nd honeymoon!

Ally,
Err..how to meet up with you for Elaine's wedding? You bringing your kids ah?

Huichin,
I'll be going by myself.

 

[huichin]

Haha...7-yr itch siah!

Hey IC, i dun have ur hp. no. leh...

email me at [email protected] k!

thanks!

 

[takahara]

Marnie, Hui Chin

7 yr itch..ya!! very itchy now!..hahaha!!

IC

U gg there alone ah?..My kids..mayb will have to bring them along..cos after tat - gg to mum's place lar..

 

[adura]

Hello ladies,

Hows everyone doing? Im so sorry i havent been in for some time. busy trying to rule the country. other than that im a nervous wreck.. my BS got my engagement dress wrong.

Interrace,
You looked gorgeous. i loved the baju.

i read all the posts, but i got confused.. hehe.. so many thing shappened.

 

[marnie]

Purplebutterfly : Welcome back to earth my dear.

Calm down....breathe in...breathe out.......sit sit...can your BS redo the the engagement dress? This is your made to measure for you to keep right? *if I remember correctly* When will you need the engagement dress?

 

[icechoco]

Ally,
You change hp no is it? Didn't see you online for the past few days leh..

 

[takahara]

IC

err..ya..paisay..forgot to inform u. Later i sms u my new no..

 

[interrace]

Purplebutterfly..
new comer?
hee..tks for ur lovely comments.. i look like malay..hee...

so what happen? when is ur AD ?
btw , can re-summarise ur background ? old liaoz, cannot rem who u are liaoz...

cheers...

 

[adura]

interrace..

Im Nur la.. hehe.. i changed nick onli.

Marnie,

My baju i tailored. Yet to get back. Getting it next tues. But ive faith in that tailor. have been to her for years.. But my engagement dress to be worn during the thing itself, i actually chose another dress.. for rental. cos i guess i onli wear for an hour then change to my baju. apparently, the assistant gave my coordinator the wrong baju. although of the same color.. instead of a normal kebaya.. i now have a corsetted-two piece with lace jacket.. kinda similar to the one i made myself.. and they've altered to my size someone.. so like it or not, got to take..

luckily i looked ok in it.. however my mom was like.. erm.. u cannot cover a lil bit more ah? cos apparently one of my aunts commented about brides nowadays who wear similar baju like the one i got.

 

[marnie]

Purplebutterfly : I think I know which type of baju you are talking about. But personally I think it's okay cos' it's covered by the lace jacket anyways.

Interrace : Me want to ask you. When you ROMMed the last time, did the officiant solemnise the marriage in English or Malay? I'm not sure about yours cos' your hubby is Malay so he may have done it in Malay but you might want to hear what they were saying right? Who was your officiant? *kaypoh*

Girls : Think I've changed my mind (yet again!) about our solemnisation. Think we will have it done at home. More intimate and we will not have to queue up and wait. Besides, Circle Line construction is obstructing the ROMM building. *sigh* Problems problems abound...

 

[icechoco]

Marnie
You talking about the kadi is it? Majority of the kadi can speak in English and Malay. Some even tamil. It's just a matter which kadi you want to book. Some kadi's are very popular and have to book way ahead. Choose a good kadi. Because some kadi are "ringkas" (short & sweet) while some kadi's are "meleret-leret" (very long & test the guy in terms of religious knowledge on the spot) Do you have a "family" kadi? The kadi which your family members / relatives always use? Can try to ask your mom etc..?
By the way, how you going to Elaine's wedding? By mrt, bus or car? Where you stay ah?

 

[marnie]

IC : Yeah, the kadi. I am thinking of Noor Razak cos' he's short and sweet and known as the cool one. The one my brother used is my SIL's ustaz quite long-winded. *sigh* When my sister got married, I can't remember who she got.

Me staying in Yishun (Khatib station is the I take it from). Me no car (or even license!

No point for me...but that's a story for another time..

) I think I go by MRT then I rush back home (in a cab, I think) after wedding to have quick shower and then rush off to Carlton hotel.

 

[icechoco]

Marnie
Oh, that Razak is very funny. He's the one who interviewed me & hubby when we register for the ROMM. I heard he takes a lot of mix-marriage couples. But i didn't have him lah. I took another Kadi which my mom's family have been using. That kadi "married" my parents. Can you imagine? He also "married" me. Hmm.. 2nd generation. I don't think he'll be alive for the 3rd one lah. So old already.

Yishun..hmm..north train. So it's all the way down. Still not so bad lah. I very far leh..

 

[marnie]

IC : Actually from Khatib to Choa Chu Kang about half an hour through Woodlands. Where are you staying? East is it? Hmm....that would be far....one corner to the other corner.

 

[icechoco]

Elaine
Congratulations on your wedding! May you have a blissful marriage.