Should I accept his marriage proposal?

HuiWen86

HuiWen86

Member
I just got divorced 4 months ago and have 2 twin daughters who are in P6 this year.

Recently,I met my current boyfriend and he is 64 this year and is a semi retired businessman.He treats me and my girls with respect and loves us very much.

He proposed to me recently and I am not sure to accept him or not.
 


If u are asking for advice then I guess u are not ready, sorry. Why not just take your time.

Anyway nothing wrong to enjoy being in love or in a rs.

Why rush for marriage?
 
HuiWen86 said:
I just got divorced 4 months ago and have 2 twin daughters who are in P6 this year.

Recently,I met my current boyfriend and he is 64 this year and is a semi retired businessman.He treats me and my girls with respect and loves us very much.

He proposed to me recently and I am not sure to accept him or not.
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Are you born in 1986 = 33 years old? That's like a 30+ age gap? Are you got real? And just after a few months?
 
mark78 said:
If u are asking for advice then I guess u are not ready, sorry. Why not just take your time.

Anyway nothing wrong to enjoy being in love or in a rs.
Why rush for marriage?
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I was just apprehensive and needed some advice after coming out of a marriage.
 
HuiWen86 said:
The thing is I know tongues will wag.

But some said it looks a bit weird to see my partner very much older than me.
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And wealthy no doubt?

But I guess you have to be honest with yourself do you really love him?

Or is just he is nice to you and you think you can't do better as a divorced woman?

Remember you are very likely going to be a fairly young widow. Are you willing to care for him at the end of his life?

Does he hope for more kids? Lots of difficult qs with age gap so wide even leaving aside acceptable from friend
 
newproject said:
And wealthy no doubt?

But I guess you have to be honest with yourself do you really love him?

Or is just he is nice to you and you think you can't do better as a divorced woman?

Remember you are very likely going to be a fairly young widow. Are you willing to care for him at the end of his life?

Does he hope for more kids? Lots of difficult qs with age gap so wide even leaving aside acceptable from friend
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He treats me respectfully and felt that I am not a mercenary kind of woman.I was quite flattered that he went for me as his partner.

He does have a few conditions here and there and I felt that I will have to take care of him if I am his wife.

He does hope for a kid or two esp when he has 3 grown up daughters.

Yes,he is quite relatively well off lol.
 
HuiWen86 said:
He treats me respectfully and felt that I am not a mercenary kind of woman.I was quite flattered that he went for me as his partner.
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Lol why do you feel flattered, you are 30+ younger! He would be lucky to get any woman your age.

He does have a few conditions here and there and I felt that I will have to take care of him if I am his wife.

He does hope for a kid or two esp when he has 3 grown up daughters.
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Translation he wants a son. Given his age if things go south you may have to raise any kids alone (on top of your 2) you ready for that?

Also what conditions ? What if you can't produce offspring?


Yes,he is quite relatively well off lol.
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I'm shocked

Look it's your life and you do whatever you want.

But I think you really need to think carefully if you want to do this.

But I guess given you have dated him for a year you are leaning towards yes...
 
newproject said:
Lol why do you feel flattered, you are 30+ younger! He would be lucky to get any woman your age.



Translation he wants a son. Given his age if things go south you may have to raise any kids alone (on top of your 2) you ready for that?

Also what conditions ? What if you can't produce offspring?
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He has hypertension from what I know so far...He said it does not matter if I give birth to a boy or girl after marriage.

I am a freelance tutor...Used to be a primary school teacher.

I feel quite surprised cos he knew I was going through a divorce last year and said he will wait for me when I am single.

He even had lunch with me,my girls and his 3 daughters with granddaughters in tow this week.Indicated that he wanted me to pay respects to his wife next week on her death anniversary.
 
newproject said:
Lol why do you feel flattered, you are 30+ younger! He would be lucky to get any woman your age.



Translation he wants a son. Given his age if things go south you may have to raise any kids alone (on top of your 2) you ready for that?

Also what conditions ? What if you can't produce offspring?




I'm shocked

Look it's your life and you do whatever you want.

But I think you really need to think carefully if you want to do this.

But I guess given you have dated him for a year you are leaning towards yes...
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I am still considering cos of my daughters.

Not because he is rich,I will go for him.
 
HuiWen86 said:
He has hypertension from what I know so far...He said it does not matter if I give birth to a boy or girl after marriage.

I am a freelance tutor...Used to be a primary school teacher.

I feel quite surprised cos he knew I was going through a divorce last year and said he will wait for me when I am single.
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He investigated you.

He even had lunch with me,my girls and his 3 daughters with granddaughters in tow this week.Indicated that he wanted me to pay respects to his wife next week on her death anniversary.
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Looks like a done deal.
 
newproject said:
For him to propose marriage means it very serious for them
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I did ask him why he wanted me to be his wife and he indicated by saying that he is serious when he asked me to pay respects to his deceased wife next week.

His 3 daughters are all younger than me lol.
 
HuiWen86 said:
I did ask him why he wanted me to be his wife and he indicated by saying that he is serious when he asked me to pay respects to his deceased wife next week.

His 3 daughters are all younger than me lol.
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Older successful man can be very controlling.. particularly to much younger wives.

You say he is respectful but you know him only one year and he's courting you so things may change once you married.

How old are his daughters?
 
newproject said:
Older successful man can be very controlling.. particularly to much younger wives.

You say he is respectful but you know him only one year and he's courting you so things may change once you married.

How old are his daughters?
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His daughters are from mid 20s to early 30s.They are married and have their own families.

I am not sure if he is the dictatorial kind of person but so far still okay.I am still observing him.
 
HuiWen86 said:
His daughters are from mid 20s to early 30s.They are married and have their own families.

I am not sure if he is the dictatorial kind of person but so far still okay.I am still observing him.
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So he has a daughter almost as old as you. Are they unhappy you think?
 
newproject said:
Anything else relevant you like to share?
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Nothing at the moment...Very forgetful nowadays.

Maybe you want to ask?

He took me and my girls out today and talked to me about life after marriage,having kids and the possibility of moving into his house and selling mine.
 
If someone investigated me. It’s a No No. he should asked and rs is based on Trust.

This marriage look more like an investment then a rs.

Investigate. Ok. Suitable. Then merge and acquire.
 
HuiWen86 said:
Not with him because of what he has...
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Some would say it's a business arrangement (he is a business man right?)

The older widower gets a relatively young wife who will bear him hopefully a son and take care of him in his declining years

The divorced younger woman (and her daughters from her first marriage) gets to be taken care by her elderly husband's wealth .

That's what people will think and say.
 
newproject said:
Some would say it's a business arrangement (he is a business man right?)

The older widower gets a relatively young wife who will bear him hopefully a son and take care of him in his declining years

The divorced younger woman (and her daughters from her first marriage) gets to be taken care by her elderly husband's wealth .

That's what people will think and say.
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Yes..he is a retired businessman.

But I can live off on my own and do not need him to sustain my lifestyle.
 
newproject said:
Some would say it's a business arrangement (he is a business man right?)

The older widower gets a relatively young wife who will bear him hopefully a son and take care of him in his declining years

The divorced younger woman (and her daughters from her first marriage) gets to be taken care by her elderly husband's wealth .

That's what people will think and say.
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Yes...typical people will think like that.
 
TS,
I think you would really need to think about it.
I am sure any younger man would have affinity with your daughters if given a chance.

The man's daughters of course will smile at you since they are already married and now their dad found someone. They only want their dad to be happy for sure ...

Rushing you to get married..to bear a kid ?
He has kids liao.
If hopping for a boy...what if its not a boy. Why need to empahsis have ..dnt have also neverthermind...
Does not sound like a marriage out out love.

Dont just look at the current....look 10..20 or even 30years down the road.....what do u see...
 
Eggwhite said:
TS,

The man's daughters of course will smile at you since they are already married and now their dad found someone. They only want their dad to be happy for sure ...

...
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Maybe maybe not. Haven't you seem dramas? The new young wife is not only to take care of him but also asked to produce a male heir. That alone is a threat.

Given the guy is well off there is a lot of assets at stake. If she manages to produce a male offspring depending on how old fashioned the man is (given his age and request we can guess he is so), the daughters and their children might be left out of the cold.

At the very least a share needs to be given to the wife even if no children.

Of course that's only one possibility but don't be so naive to think all daughters are so good want father to be happy don't care about finances. Smiles at one meeting doesn't tell the full story ...
 
newproject said:
Maybe maybe not. Haven't you seem dramas? The new young wife is not only to take care of him but also asked to produce a male heir. That alone is a threat.

Given the guy is well off there is a lot of assets at stake. If she manages to produce a male offspring depending on how old fashioned the man is (given his age and request we can guess he is so), the daughters and their children might be left out of the cold.

At the very least a share needs to be given to the wife even if no children.

Of course that's only one possibility but don't be so naive to think all daughters are so good want father to be happy don't care about finances. Smiles at one meeting doesn't tell the full story ...
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All the scenarios are quite nicely analyzed...He can be very nice and caring now but who knows what will happen after marriage...
 
Does not sound like a marriage out out love
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Well the lady herself keep saying is for the kids so definitely not for love of the guy. Let's be realistic here, no matter how she protests the wealth of the 65 year old guy is definitely a factor but i can't find in my heart to condemn her for that.

My reading is the poster here was hurt in her last marriage, probably think with the stigma of divorce no guy would want her (that's what the older man was counting on I bet), so any guy nice to her and her kids , plus have money , she feel grateful

She also strikes me (based on earlier threads) as a nice soft hearted lady, bit naive , easily flattered , passive type probably needs (maybe even has so for her whole life -.) a strong father figure to "take care" of her not just materially but also for making decisions. Girls like her in her generation are uncommon that's why this 64 year old guy targeted her. Very smart.

That's why I think for her this type of pairing might actually work.

Such age gap r/s will have a big power gap due to the older man's experience and wealth. Some woman get into such r/s and as they grow older resent this. This lady I suspect might not, since at 33 her character is more or less set and she probably is attracted to this type of man giving her guidance (Western lingo is red pill woman)

That said some such man can become very abusive and controlling once married. The fact that he treats her "respectfully" for one year may not be sufficient evidence either way.

If the guy treats her as kindly after the wedding as he does now I would think she would be if not blissfully happy at least content and that might be enough for her.

At least for a time....

I am also assuming there is little drama over kids, inheritance etc
 
HuiWen86 said:
How do I test him?

He is coming over for dinner later.
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Tell him you can't give birth anymore. Or don't want to.

See it he still want marry you.

In other words defy him over and over see his reaction.
Not perfect test since he might be smart enough to see through you but worth a shot
 


newproject said:
Tell him you can't give birth anymore. Or don't want to.

See it he still want marry you.

In other words defy him over and over see his reaction.
Not perfect test since he might be smart enough to see through you but worth a shot
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Oh ok...he is now showering in anticipation of his favorite activity but I will test him in later.

Will share findings later.
 
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