Should I accept his marriage proposal?

HuiWen86

Member
I told him just now...

I will agree to marry him but not give birth to any children after marriage,cannot everytime have sex and when I please and I tend to be a bit stubborn or wilful esp when I wanted my way.

He smiled and said he understood and will not force me to do anything.
 

coldjade

Active Member
Since you say you can support yourself and your girls and you don't need him or his wealth, then what is the purpose of the marriage?
I agree with the others that he just wants a son and a person to care for him as he age.

Most men can treat women with respect. Is there really anything special about him/being with him?
If you are not looking at his wealth, you minus that away from him, then what are you left with that is special?

My father passed away years ago. If my mom were to bring home a boyfriend with young kids,
I'll smile at them too although I feel really awkward. It's just, manners.

I work in a Secondary school. You are an ex-teacher too. You should understand.
I have so many students who ends up with psychological issues because their parents remarry and have a new baby,
ends up pay attention to this new baby and forgets about them just because they are "older" and could care for themselves.
Children will not see it that way. They will just see that you prefer your new baby and don't care about them anymore.

For your girls' sake, please give it more consideration.
 

HuiWen86

Member
Since you say you can support yourself and your girls and you don't need him or his wealth, then what is the purpose of the marriage?
I agree with the others that he just wants a son and a person to care for him as he age.

Most men can treat women with respect. Is there really anything special about him/being with him?
If you are not looking at his wealth, you minus that away from him, then what are you left with that is special?

My father passed away years ago. If my mom were to bring home a boyfriend with young kids,
I'll smile at them too although I feel really awkward. It's just, manners.

I work in a Secondary school. You are an ex-teacher too. You should understand.
I have so many students who ends up with psychological issues because their parents remarry and have a new baby,
ends up pay attention to this new baby and forgets about them just because they are "older" and could care for themselves.
Children will not see it that way. They will just see that you prefer your new baby and don't care about them anymore.

For your girls' sake, please give it more consideration.
Ok thanks...Maybe I should not have started with him at all.
 

HuiWen86

Member
Well since you started already and let him enjoy his favourite activity might as well go all the way and see how this "story" continues

If you stop now your twins hurt again
I think you had been giving invaluable advice so far and I would like to thank you for it.

I am still thinking seriously towards his proposal but had not given him a reply yet.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
We started dating in Jan...

Yes,I knew him for 1 year 3 months.
Give the relationship time and for you to understand him better than just a date. In a marriage, you need to understand the entire person, his commitments and roles beyond the BGR itself. I don't think age is really the issue, once both are mature enough, going to life and knowing what you need and want. It can be 30 yrs apart, just be prepared that at his age, its a time bomb, it isn't going to be a lifetime of happiness, whatever you are getting in this marriage, can be a short few months, years, and if lucky 10 or so years. He will age and be sick, there will be family politics that you will be suck in. With money, inheritence, it will come with alot of baggage, fighting and judgement on you. No one can tell you if its worth it. If this is the indeed the soul mate for you, if you are ready for a lifelong commitment knowing chances he will not last very long.
 

maritalbliss

New Member
I think you had been giving invaluable advice so far and I would like to thank you for it.

I am still thinking seriously towards his proposal but had not given him a reply yet.
Haven't you already consented?

So what's with "still thinking seriously towards his proposal but had not given him a reply yet"

I told him just now...

I will agree to marry him
but not give birth to any children after marriage,cannot everytime have sex and when I please and I tend to be a bit stubborn or wilful esp when I wanted my way.

He smiled and said he understood and will not force me to do anything.
 

John Tan68

New Member
I just got divorced 4 months ago and have 2 twin daughters who are in P6 this year.

Recently,I met my current boyfriend and he is 64 this year and is a semi retired businessman.He treats me and my girls with respect and loves us very much.

He proposed to me recently and I am not sure to accept him or not.
TS, I would suggest you seriously consider this marriage carefully. You shouldn’t be rushing anything esp you just finalized your Divorce 4 months ago, in my opinion, your emotions still relatively weak and that you should re-examine yourself again. Not bcos someone treat u and your gals nice, u start to fall for him. My goodness sake !

Further more , his age gap is just too wide. Ask yourself few simple question, u will be able to arrive a decision pretty fast:-
1. Every elderly man has prostate enlarge issue. Perhaps few years down the road, your bf will experience that. Can you accept he wet the bed in the night? Wet his pants etc? Can u accept he wear diaper eventually ? Where you are his main caregiver?
2. Kneel cap issue. Eventually kick in. Walking with sticks?
3. Stroke ??
4. Dementia? Where again you are his main caregiver?
5. Bed room affair where you probably can enjoy for the next 10 years at most. After which, probably sexless.

You probably have your parents to take care and that unknowingly, he can be your burden eventually.
His children will probably laughing behind you, how silly and naive you are, they are off their burden in one way and indirectly passing to you.

Speaking from experience, I’m 50, I’m taking care of both my parents, my old man is 80 retired business man and my mom is 76, dementia. We have maids but still mentally worn me out. Imagine how many medical appts, A&E I need to go each year.

Sis, all I can tell you, think wisely. If you are my friend, I’m sure I will knock the sense out of you.
Good luck.
 

newproject

Active Member
All this is true. But one point the man is really rich, so even sick burden wont fall so much on wife with so much money to cushion. Probably can hire private nurse x2 etc.

The rest abt sex life etc is true.

Honestly I think if both parties go in with eyes open and happy with arrangement why not?

Early to mid 30s divorced lady with twins probably hard to get attached, a kind 60s guy who dotes on her and her daughters, can see why the lady if not 100% *love* can become really fond of him.

Nothing wrong.
TS, I would suggest you seriously consider this marriage carefully. You shouldn’t be rushing anything esp you just finalized your Divorce 4 months ago, in my opinion, your emotions still relatively weak and that you should re-examine yourself again. Not bcos someone treat u and your gals nice, u start to fall for him. My goodness sake !

Further more , his age gap is just too wide. Ask yourself few simple question, u will be able to arrive a decision pretty fast:-
1. Every elderly man has prostate enlarge issue. Perhaps few years down the road, your bf will experience that. Can you accept he wet the bed in the night? Wet his pants etc? Can u accept he wear diaper eventually ? Where you are his main caregiver?
2. Kneel cap issue. Eventually kick in. Walking with sticks?
3. Stroke ??
4. Dementia? Where again you are his main caregiver?
5. Bed room affair where you probably can enjoy for the next 10 years at most. After which, probably sexless.

You probably have your parents to take care and that unknowingly, he can be your burden eventually.
His children will probably laughing behind you, how silly and naive you are, they are off their burden in one way and indirectly passing to you.

Speaking from experience, I’m 50, I’m taking care of both my parents, my old man is 80 retired business man and my mom is 76, dementia. We have maids but still mentally worn me out. Imagine how many medical appts, A&E I need to go each year.

Sis, all I can tell you, think wisely. If you are my friend, I’m sure I will knock the sense out of you.
Good luck.
 

buddhabar

Active Member
At this stage of your life do you need a marriage?
I would rather be together base on mutuality with the kids as priority. How does a marriage benefit you and your kids at this point in time. Just my 2 cents worth.
 
i hope the best for her... as i think the test shall include, telling the guy that she doesnt wanna give birth anymore and she doesnt wanna sell her flat, she will rent out and keep the rent and move in with him.. at least if anything happen she still have a shelter... and after married she doesnt wanna be controlled... see what is his reaction... and so eager to get married.. actually something is not right.. and ask her to sell flat..
 
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