Singaporebrides | Weddings 101

November 2024

Wedding Party Etiquette And All The Questions You May Have

By Tansey Tang

Share this article on:
Facebook

Have burning questions about wedding party do’s and don’ts? Get your wedding party etiquette answers here!

While your wedding day is all about celebrating you and your love, you can’t imagine the biggest day of your life without your best friends by your side. Choosing your wedding party–the bridesmaids and groomsmen who will stand by you at the altar–is a big decision. Beyond creating a fabulous wedding squad photo, your wedding party will be closely involved in your wedding and bear a lot of responsibilities in pulling off the biggest event you’ve ever thrown. You might have a lot of questions about wedding party etiquette, and wedding party roles and responsibilities as you ponder whom to invite into your inner circle. Here are some of the most frequently asked questions about the proper protocol behind choosing your wedding party.

1. Do We Even Need a Wedding Party?

Not necessarily! Many couples are choosing to forgo traditional wedding parties for a simpler, more intimate ceremony or to avoid the logistical and financial demands on their friends and family. If having a wedding party doesn’t align with your vision or you want to avoid the extra planning, it’s perfectly fine to skip it.

2. How Many People Do We Need in Our Wedding Party?

While some couples like big wedding parties of 8-16 members, others opt to have just a maid of honour and a best man. The size of your wedding party depends on how many close friends and family you have, as well as the size of your celebration. For example, a big wedding party of 16 would feel off-balance in an intimate ceremony of only 50 guests. On the other hand, if you’re holding a large wedding with multiple events, having a bigger wedding party means responsibilities can be shared.

It’s less about the right number of people than it is about the right people. Choose people who mean the most to you and who you believe will be supportive and reliable throughout the wedding planning process. Close friends, siblings, and even trusted family members are common choices. Consider each person’s personality, availability, and comfort with the responsibilities involved. You might also think about each individual’s ability to handle potential conflicts or pressures to help ensure a smooth experience.

3. Do We Need a Maid of Honour or Best Man?

No, you don’t need these roles, but they can be helpful. A maid of honour or best man can support you in key moments, such as coordinating the wedding party, giving a toast, and helping with logistics on the wedding day. You can even choose to have two maids of honour or two best men, especially if you have multiple close friends or siblings. Just be sure to discuss each person’s responsibilities and communicate clearly to avoid any confusion. However, if you’re not keen on these roles, you can share responsibilities among the bridesmaids and groomsmen or ask close family members for help. Ultimately, it’s about finding support where you need it rather than feeling bound to tradition.

4. Do My Future Spouse’s Siblings Have to Be in My Wedding Party?

You’re not required to invite your siblings-in-law, but it can be a thoughtful gesture. If you feel close to them or think they would enjoy being part of the day, including them is lovely. However, if you’re worried about balancing the size of the wedding party or if you aren’t close, you can honour them by involving them in other ways—such as having them perform an item or having them as ushers.

5. Do Bridesmaids and Groomsmen Need to Be Equal in Number?

No, they don’t. It’s more important to have the people you cherish most with you on your special day, even if it means having an uneven number. Your wedding party can be mixed-gender as well. If symmetry is important to you for photos or the procession, your photographer or wedding planner can help arrange creative solutions.

6. Do I Have to Ask Someone Who Asked Me?

There’s no rule that you must ask someone to be in your wedding party just because they included you in theirs. Weddings and friendships evolve over time, and circumstances may be different now. If you feel close to the person and genuinely want them in your wedding party, then absolutely consider asking them. However, if your wedding party is limited in size, or if your relationship has changed, it’s okay to make choices that feel right for you. Remember, your friends will likely understand that your wedding party is about celebrating those closest to you in your current life, and there are other meaningful ways to include them in your special day if being in the wedding party doesn’t fit.

7. Whom Should I Choose for Flower Girl and Page Boy?

Typically, flower girls and page boys are younger relatives or family friends, usually between the ages of 4 and 9. You might consider children who are close to you and who enjoy being the centre of attention (or who at least feel comfortable in a crowd). You may think toddlers and babies would look adorable as your flower girls and page boys, but they might not be able to follow directions–such as walking at the right pace–or may even abandon their duties in the face of the crowd. If you do want to include younger children, consider having someone to guide them down the aisle or be open to them skipping the aisle altogether if they’re feeling shy on the day.

8. When Should We Ask Our Wedding Party?

Generally, it’s best to ask your wedding party at least 8 to 12 months before the wedding. This gives them time to arrange schedules, budgets, and plan for any pre-wedding events. If you’re planning a shorter engagement, ask as soon as possible to give everyone time to prepare. Make sure to clearly communicate expectations so they know what’s involved from the start.

9. What Can I Expect My Wedding Party to Be Responsible For?

Wedding parties traditionally handle various supportive roles, though you should only ask for what is reasonable and comfortable for everyone. You can’t expect them to dedicate all their spare time to DIY crafts or spend huge amounts on custom suits or destination hen parties. What you can expect:

• Pre-Wedding: The wedding party assists with planning events like bridal showers, bachelorette or bachelor parties, and perhaps giving you input during dress fittings or suit rentals.
• Ceremony: They participate in the procession and/or stand with you at the altar. The maid of honour may help with the veil, the train, or the bouquet, and the best man might be in charge of the rings.
• Reception: The maid of honour and best man usually give toasts, while the wedding party helps greet and seat guests, coordinate events, and generally makes sure the couple has everything they need.

Check out our articles for a full breakdown on bridesmaid duties, best man responsibilities, and maid of honour duties!

10. Am I Responsible for Covering My Wedding Party’s Outfits?

Traditionally, wedding party members cover their attire, but if you’re asking them to wear specific, costly outfits, it can be a nice gesture to help cover the cost. Another option is to choose affordable attire or let them choose their own clothes in a certain colour scheme. Covering expenses is a generous way to show your appreciation if your budget allows.

11. What Other Expenses Do the Wedding Party Cover?

Wedding party members may also contribute to pre-wedding celebrations like the bachelor or bachelorette party. However, expenses like bouquets or boutonnieres, transportation on the day, meals, snacks, and professionally done hair and makeup are typically provided by the couple. Even with these general guidelines, it’s essential to discuss financial expectations with your wedding party early on to ensure everyone feels prepared.



12. How Do I Handle Conflicts or Drama Within the Wedding Party?

If issues arise, address them privately and calmly with the individuals involved. Remind everyone that the focus is on your special day and celebrating together. Designating someone to handle logistical questions, like a wedding planner or maid of honour, can reduce stress and keep everything on track.

13. How Do I Politely Decline a Friend’s Offer to Be in the Wedding Party?

It’s an honour when a friend expresses interest in being part of your wedding, but it’s okay to have limits. Acknowledge their enthusiasm and let them know how much you value them in other ways. You could ask them to take on a different role, such as giving a toast, or involve them in pre-wedding events, so they still feel included.

14. Can My Wedding Party Decline My Invitation?

Yes, it’s possible for someone to decline your invitation to be part of the wedding party, and it’s essential to understand and respect their decision. People might decline for various reasons, such as financial concerns, time commitments, or personal circumstances. If a friend or family member declines, respond with understanding and let them know you appreciate their honesty. Reassure them that you value their presence on your big day in whatever way they can participate. It may feel disappointing initially, but focusing on surrounding yourself with people who are fully present and committed to celebrating with you will ultimately make your wedding day more fulfilling and less stressful.

15. How Do I Show Appreciation to My Wedding Party?

Your wedding party plays a major role in your big day, so a thoughtful thank you goes a long way. Personalise your appreciation by gifting something meaningful, like a handwritten note or a small gift. Hosting a post-wedding brunch or an appreciation dinner or gifting them an ang bao are also lovely ways to recognise their time, effort, and support.

Organising a wedding party can come with some complexities, but ultimately, it’s about surrounding yourself with people who love and support you. As you make decisions, keep your vision and values in mind, and remember that this day is yours to shape however you like!

Feature image from Sarah and Joel’s Fun and Cheery Wedding at EMPRESS at the Asian Civilisation Museum by Bottled Groove Photography

All content from this article, including images, cannot be reproduced without credits or written permission from SingaporeBrides.

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and Telegram for the latest article and promotion updates!