Singaporebrides | Relationships

May 2024

Why Your Groom Doesn’t Seem to Care about Wedding Planning

By Tansey Tang

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Rest assured, you’re not the first bride to lament that her groom doesn’t care about wedding planning! Here’s how you can get him more involved.

He put so much thought and planning into the proposal and choosing the engagement ring, and you were over the moon when you saw how much he loved you. But why is he dragging his heels when it’s time to plan the wedding? Does he even want to get married anymore?

Wedding planning is often seen as a shared journey where both partners contribute to creating a memorable day. However, it’s not uncommon for brides to feel like their partners aren’t pulling their weight, or even worse, like they don’t even care. This can be frustrating and disheartening. There’s so much to do, you’re feeling overwhelmed, and you’re also starting to second-guess his intentions. If he really wants to get married, why won’t he help to select the calligraphy font for the place cards? Before jumping to conclusions–or calling off the wedding entirely–it’s important to understand the underlying causes and find practical solutions to navigate this common issue.

Understanding the Causes Why Grooms Won’t Help with Wedding Planning

1. Personality Differences

If you’re a Type A personality, you likely thrive on organisation and detail. Your Type B partner, on the other hand, might be more relaxed and laid-back. While their easygoing personality may have attracted you in the first place, now that you’re planning the wedding, they might come across as slacking off their responsibilities, or worse, uninterested. Nailing down the details might come naturally to you, but not your partner, who might even feel that you’re creating unnecessary stress for yourself and the relationship. This difference in personalities can lead to a lot of frustration and resentment if you aren’t aware that you simply need to approach wedding planning from different perspectives.

2. Different Priorities

You might have differing priorities when it comes to your wedding vision. For example, maybe you’re spending a lot of time on the menu because you’re a dedicated foodie and you want to delight your guests with something unique, while your partner can’t understand why it’s a big deal.

3. Stress and Overwhelm

Wedding planning can be overwhelming, and sometimes the sheer volume of tasks can cause your partner to shut down rather than engage. They might feel out of their depth or unsure where to start.

4. Communication Gaps

Miscommunication or lack of clear communication can lead to misunderstandings about roles and expectations. Your partner might not be aware of what needs to be done or how they can contribute.

Finding Solutions

1. Open a Dialogue

Start by having an open and honest conversation. Express your feelings without accusing or blaming. Use “I” statements, such as “I feel overwhelmed with the wedding planning and could use some help,” to make it clear that you need their support.

2. Understand their Priorities

It’s important to have a discussion on what you each want for your wedding right, so that you understand which aspects matter to you and your partner. There are no right or wrong wedding planning aspects to focus on, and each partner is entitled to their perspectives. Sharing them and helping your partner understand why things are important to you is the best way to get your partner on board with your vision. Telling your partner that you’ve always envisioned an ice cream cart at your wedding because you had ice cream on your first date, may help them to understand why the wedding menu is such a priority for you.

3. Leverage Your Strengths

Play to each other’s strengths and interests. If you’re a Type A organisational maverick, then use your skills to take the lead on detail-orientated tasks such as making checklists, managing schedules, and overseeing the logistics. If they enjoy socialising, let them handle guest communication. If they’re tech-savvy, have them manage the wedding website or digital RSVPs.

4. Set Clear Expectations

Once you’ve divided the wedding planning responsibilities, set clear expectations on how you will each conquer them with agreed-upon deadlines.

5. Strive for Balance


Now that you’re both agreed on the end product, strive for balance on how you get there. You might want to get three things off your checklist a week, and a weekly report on progress, but your groom may prefer to tackle his to-do list whenever he feels like it instead of follow a rigid schedule. Seek balance between a Type A desire for structure and a Type B desire for flexibility by trusting your partner to handle his tasks and get everything done in his own time.

6. Seek Professional Help

Consider hiring a wedding planner who can take on the heavy lifting and mediate between the two of you. A professional can take on the bulk of the work and reduce stress for both partners.

7. Make it Fun

Turn planning sessions into fun activities. Have a wine night while working on invitations, or a date night to taste-test cake flavours. Making the process enjoyable can encourage your partner to get more involved instead of viewing wedding planning as a series of endless chores.

8. Acknowledge Efforts

Recognise and appreciate your partner’s contributions, no matter how small. While you think they’re not being involved, they may feel like they’re already doing a lot. Appreciating their efforts with positive reinforcement can go a long way in motivating them to stay engaged.

9. Respect Their Boundaries

Understand that your partner might not be as enthusiastic about every detail as you are. Respect their boundaries and don’t force them to be involved in every aspect of the planning if it’s causing them or the relationship stress. You can always discuss the merits of periwinkle over cornflower in your colour palette with your girlfriends instead of your groom, if he frustrates you by saying blue is blue.

10. Prioritise Your Relationship

Check in with each other on how you feel about the process, not just about which tasks have been ticked off the list. Remember to prioritise your relationship even during this stressful time. Go on dates where you don’t discuss the guest list or the budget, and do things to remind yourselves why you’re holding this wedding in the first place. Celebrate your love and the journey you’ve been on to get to this milestone.

Feeling like you’re carrying the weight of wedding planning alone can be tough, but understanding the causes and finding solutions can help balance the load. By communicating openly, leveraging each other’s strengths, and making the process enjoyable, you can turn wedding planning into a collaborative and rewarding experience. Remember, the ultimate goal is to create a day that celebrates your love and partnership, so work together to make it as special as possible.

If you’ve tried these strategies and still feel unsupported, it might be time to seek further help. Planning and financing a wedding is probably the first major project you undertake together, and your disagreements could surface a lot of heretofore unknown differences in beliefs and values. Couples counselling or marriage preparation courses can be beneficial to work through underlying issues as you plan for not just your wedding but also your married future.



Feature image from Sheila and Ivan’s Dreamy Bali Wedding at Alila Villas Uluwatu by Annora Pics

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