Singaporebrides | The Groom Room
February 2023
6 Ways to Get Your Groom More Involved in Wedding Planning
Wish you weren’t the only one planning your wedding? Try these ways to get your groom more involved!
You’re both sitting on the couch with your phones. He’s reading a manga, and you’re doing what you do with every moment of your spare time–planning the wedding. You’re texting the photographer about the pre-wedding shoot locations, while researching the best place to print the wedding invites, while simultaneously calculating how many copies of said invites to print, on the seven-tab spreadsheet on your laptop. You ask your partner, “How many colleagues are you inviting?” He grunts instead of replying. You try again, “Was it 11? I’m counting how many wedding invitations we need to print.” He doesn’t respond at all this time, and all the months of resentment, exhaustion, and rage finally boil over, and you burst into tears and scream, “Do you even want to get married!?”
If this sounds eerily familiar, rest assured that you’re not alone in feeling like your groom doesn’t care about wedding planning. Many brides shoulder the responsibility of planning this huge, logistically challenging, 200-strong event that’s supposed to celebrate them AND their partners, mostly by themselves. If you’re sick and tired of handling all the logistics, the prep work, the research, and the decision-making by yourself, it’s time to try to get your groom more involved in the wedding planning.
Vevien and Bernard’s White and Sage Wedding at The St Regis Singapore by Antelope Studios
1. Tell him why it’s important to you
Whenever you ask for his opinion on the wedding details, he says, “I don’t care; do whatever you like.” He may think that he’s making things easier by letting you choose the flowers or the stationery, but all you hear is “I don’t care.” When your groom doesn’t show an interest in the wedding planning, it can feel like he doesn’t care about the relationship that it’s celebrating. You might start feeling like the stereotypical biogical-clock-is-ticking-girlfriend who’s dragging her man down the aisle.
Your wedding is ultimately about the two of you. It’s a celebration of the monumental decision you made to spend the rest of your lives together. It’s a gathering of your closest family and friends who come to witness your commitment. It’s a party that should reflect both of your personalities and things you enjoy. Talk to your groom-to-be about why the wedding is important to you, and how his lack of involvement is making you feel. Ward off feelings of anxiety and uncertainty by remembering all the times he’s shown up for you and committed to you. Let him know that the wedding is a celebration of the both of you, and you would like him to be involved in creating the ultimate party.
2. Avoid asking his opinion on things you know he won’t care about
Grooms often feel overwhelmed by the millions of little decisions that go into planning a wedding. Save yourself the ill will by simply not asking for his opinions on things like the bridesmaids dresses, the invitation font, or the colours of the napkins, if you know he won’t care about them. Picking your battles means you’ll get more focused attention on the more important aspects of your celebration.
3. Plan the honeymoon together
It’s always fun to plan a vacation, and your honeymoon will be a once-in-a-lifetime excuse to splurge on a dream destination. Get your groom excited to plan your big adventure together. He might feel more in his depth planning a trip than a wedding, and you can let him take the reins on researching the itinerary and booking the flights and accommodation while you focus on the wedding planning.
Chloe and Victor’s Bright and Citrusy Wedding at Wheeler’s Estate by Arture Photography
4. Don’t turn every date into a wedding planning meeting
Remember that the whole point of this process is to marry this man, so don’t neglect your relationship during the wedding planning. Avoid bringing up to-do lists during every date, so that it doesn’t feel like a work meeting instead of fun time hanging out together. Imagine if you were looking forward to watching the latest movie, and your boss kept interrupting the plot to get updates on your project!
5. Play to his Strengths
Instead of asking his opinion on every little detail (because he might really not care or even be able to tell the difference between letterpress or embossed invitations), why not rope in your groom by playing to his strengths? Is he good at logistics? Let him figure out if you need a sound system for the band, when you need to register at the Registry of Marriages, or organising the transportation. If he’s a foodie, why not put him in charge of researching restaurants or wedding menus? Grooms who are good with money can take over the budgeting and cash flow, as there’ll be lots of deposits and payments to keep track of. Does he like to imbibe? Let him play bartender and curate the alcoholic selection or design your signature drinks.
6. Trust Him to Take Charge
Now that you’ve identified the areas in which he can contribute, it’s time to trust your groom to take charge of them. You can get your groom to be solely in charge of the things he does or should care about, such as his outfit, his groomsmen’s outfits, the bar, or the wedding car (although maybe not the car decor). You might be tempted to check in on his progress, but try to let go so he doesn’t feel micro-managed.
Planning a wedding often falls squarely on the shoulders of the bride, but it doesn’t always have to be this way. With honest communication and trust, you can turn your groom into the other half of a wedding planning dream team.
Credits: Nissiel and Paolo’s Magical and Touching Wedding at Chijmes Hall Singapore by Rylz Photography
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