Singaporebrides | Weddings 101

September 2023

8 Ways to Strengthen Your Relationship during Wedding Planning

By Tansey Tang

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Have you been fighting more ever since you started wedding planning? Discover ways to build your relationship up instead of tearing each other apart during this stressful period.

Finally, he’s popped the question, you’ve slid the ring onto your finger, and you’re getting married! But the road to your dream wedding is suddenly riddled with familial conflicts, arguments about the budget, and different visions for the wedding altogether. You’ve wanted your relationship to take the next step for so long. Now that your wedding is happening, why does the relationship seem to be taking a step backwards instead?

Don’t worry, you’re not the first couple to experience an increase in conflict while planning your wedding. It’s not because you’re not compatible, nor that he doesn’t actually want to get married. Planning a wedding is such a logistically huge task that it forces the both of you to define your priorities and values, navigate family relationships, discuss money matters, distribute workload, and manage your time. It can be a period of stress, disagreements, and overwhelming decisions.

With some intentionality, you can emerge from such a stressful period with your relationship not just unscathed, but stronger than ever. The key is finding ways to navigate this exciting yet challenging process together and using this time to build relationship skills.

1. Create a Shared Vision

Being able to accept each other’s perspective is especially important because your wedding is a celebration of two unique individuals with different tastes. You’ll need to have an honest conversation about your visions for the wedding. Tell each other what you’ve always dreamed of in a wedding, and discuss which aspects are priorities for you, and which are not as important. You may not start out on the same page, but with an open mind and respect for your partner’s wishes, you can create a shared vision that speaks to the both of your personalities.

2. Set a Realistic Budget

Financial disagreements can strain a relationship. Set a realistic budget for your wedding early on, and stick to it. Discuss your priorities and decide where you’re willing to splurge and where you can cut costs. Being on the same page financially can prevent arguments down the road.

3. Be Honest about Family Expectations

Before diving headlong into your wedding details, discuss any expectations your families may have, or cultural traditions you’re expected to keep. Whether one family expects a certain number of guests, or another thinks you’ll be sticking to every traditional rite in the rule book, you should have honest and open conversations about what you’ll incorporate into your wedding.

4. Share Responsibilities

Planning a wedding involves countless details, from choosing a venue to deciding on the menu. While stereotype casts the bride as the decision-maker with the giant binder, the truth is that the burden of planning a wedding is too big for one set of shoulders alone. Instead, divide tasks between yourselves, such as one person sourcing quotes for a photographer while the other researches wedding bands. Then, collaborate on decisions. The key to avoiding resentment or feeling as if one partner doesn’t even want to get married is to share your responsibilities and work as a team.

5. See Each Other’s Perspective

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. As you plan your wedding, make sure you’re talking openly and honestly with your partner about your wishes, expectations, and concerns. Create a safe space for discussions, where both of you feel heard and understood. When you feel passionately about your vision, you’ll need to make an effort to listen to and understand your partner’s perspective–whether you want a destination wedding and they don’t, they refuse to trim their guest list, or you can’t agree on the budget. Learning to communicate and understand each other during the wedding planning period is an important skill that will stand you in good stead down the line.

6. Be Respectful

While disagreements are par for the course when planning a wedding, they don’t have to escalate into arguments if you handle them respectfully. Express your wishes without being offensive or critical, and you’ll find your partner more open to considering your point of view. Listen respectfully to their side of the story too, and show them you’ve heard and understood them by repeating back what they’ve said.

7. Celebrate Small Achievements

Celebrate the small victories along the way. Whether it’s finding your dream wedding dress, nailing down your wedding cake flavour, or even scoring the perfect invitation font for free, acknowledge your each task you check off your wedding to-do list and savour the satisfaction together.

8. Remember Why You’re Planning a Wedding

Wedding planning can be time-consuming, but don’t forget to allocate quality time for each other. Schedule regular date nights where you don’t bring up anything wedding-related, and just relax and reconnect. Intentionally reflect on your love story and why you decided to spend your lives together. Take a break from the logistical tasks to write a surprise love letter to your partner or create a scrapbook of your favourite memories for a poignant wedding gift. Remember why you’re getting married in the first place – your love for each other.

Planning a wedding is a significant milestone in your relationship, and it can be a time of growth and connection. By practising effective communication, sharing responsibilities, and prioritising quality time together, you can strengthen your relationship while planning your dream wedding. Remember that the wedding is just the beginning of your journey together, and with love and understanding, your happily ever after awaits.

Credits: Feature image from Eunice and Daniel’s Intimate Pre-Wedding Shoot in the Romantic and Magical Wilderness by Hey Stranger

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