Where to go from here?

[JECLJXWQ]

I'm seriously out of my wits.

Couple of months ago got to know my SO by accident that he booked a hotel81 room in his email. It made me even more curious by looking through his inbox/sent items and came to my surprise that he sent his personal picture to this particular email address, stated his username and asked her to get back to him. I suspected it was some sex forum and true enough, he was finding some FB behind my back. (Managed to login to his account thanks to autofill and his universal password)

Confronted him, gave me a whole lot of nonsense that I didnt even bother to hear. But I went on forgiving him, thought he wouldn't dare to do it again when he knew Im able to check his account.

Over the months, I thought he didn't login already but who knows he was smart enough to delete msgs each time he sent PMs. Recently I went to adjust his settings without him knowing and got to see the PMs and whatever lot he has been sending.. Because of this he downloaded wechat too but of course everything is clean.

Should I confront him? Or just let go of this rs.. I really dont know.

 

[Cimorene]

If it's me I'll dump him.

 

[miloice]

Sex addiction isn't easy to stop, he will just hide it.

 

[Sera22]

If he carried on even after you get married isn't it worse? I rather you end it than get hurt even more..

 

[JECLJXWQ]

But I came to know he only joined this after months we got together. And after hearing from my male friends, this is quite common among the men's talk. Seriously? When those were already married with kids

 

[Sera22]

Common? I dunno Abt that.. Mayb u can ask the men here.. I can't accept my husband sleeping outside with another woman la.. Can you?

Hmm.. Well.. At least you know it few months into ur relationship and not after marriage.. U Shld reali think about ur future and if you wanna continue to be tog with him..

 

[miloice]

well.... whether u can accept it or not, isn't the deciding factor. If a man wants to cheat, he will.

 

[faithmiffy]

No I cannot accept this... I cannot accept guys who go for hookers.. if his sex history are extended more than his ex gfs.. I also cannot accept. .. I cannot accept guys who go night clubs as well...

 

[miloice]

so? that's not the point. Many women totally cannot accept it as well, its quite natural and expected. Why men cheat, has nothing to do whether women find it acceptable or not. Likewise for those that do not cheat, it has nothing to do with how acceptable it is to their partners.

 

[rainz]

U were kind to give him chance but then he did it again so I think it's time to end the relationship. Blessing in disguise as u are not yet married to him.

 

[JasTab]

For someone who indulges in casual sex or paid sex, I will suggest that you leave him for good, do a thorough body checkup (if you have had any intimate encounters with him) and move on in life..

It's not worth Putting yourself n your health at risks.. Be kind to yourself..

 

[gondinajones]

From my own experience, please dump d guy


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[JECLJXWQ]

It's been sometime..

I decided to dump him back then but he cried and begged for days. Couldn't bear the heartbreak and pain seeing him like this and hence forgave him..

Since then he said to uninstall wechat to gain back my trust and tell me his whereabouts wherever he go with evidence.

but of course i still feel unsecure within..

Recently i checked back he login to sbf again.. but was too late to see the PMs he sent..

 

[lalagirl]

Seriously girl. Men do not change and will not change for you.
Please reconsider your relationship.
We don't want to hear you being hurt and going through many relationships myself before, never expect men to change for the women.
You only change for the better of yourself.

 

[uglydude]

A man will change for u if u are worth it....but if u are a crappy woman...dun ever expect any man who is with you to change for u......you are better off dying alone.....

 

[xellos]

Problem with females is that, we know that guy is a bastard but just cant leave him.

 

[JECLJXWQ]

A man will change for u if u are worth it....but if u are a crappy woman...dun ever expect any man who is with you to change for u......you are better off dying alone.....

How crappy is crappy? I dare to say so far I have been doing good as a girlfriend.

 

[JECLJXWQ]

Seriously girl. Men do not change and will not change for you.
Please reconsider your relationship.
We don't want to hear you being hurt and going through many relationships myself before, never expect men to change for the women.
You only change for the better of yourself.

I know that, but as what they says, we know the guy is a bastard but idk how to leave him.

 

[xellos]

I just wanna share my bff's experience with you, after that you can still decide to stay or leave, its not my problem.

My BFF got married at the age of 20 because she believes that virgin is kept for husband thus she insists on getting married although we all told her she is not gonna be happy because the then bf alr cheated on her, discredit her in wadaver she does, her MIL is an asshole who hates her becos she aint rich enough. After she got married, things got worst, they quarrel every other day untill the police have to knock on her door and drag us all in. Even she has like 2 kids now, the husband still go out and cheat, i lost count the number of times all of us have to go catch him on bed. Honestly if you ask me i would say more than 50. The worst affair he got outside was probably bringing the mistress home and cause a stir. She FORGIVE HIM EVERY SINGLE TIME! She had a very traditional mindset and believe strongly in keeping the vows.

But seriously, yes, you can forgive once or twice everyone should be given a 2nd chance. But to this guy who cheated countless times? I would say MY ASS!

I can tell you SHE IS NEVER HAPPY in her life and i am sure of that! For the past 10+ over years, i ve never in my life hear her saying she is happy. Up to date, she is still complaining about her husband sleeping with another women. Moral of the story, do you wanna be happy just becos or the stupid mindset that we girls cannot leave without the stupid man? Your choice.

 

[lalagirl]

Thanks for sharing xellos.

Girl, a relationship should be two ways.
Don't know how to leave him? Just ignore him.

 

[JECLJXWQ]

Thanks for sharing.

Which is why I don't know what to do now? Breakup all of a sudden? I can't find any evidence till now because he has been spending time with me ever since except that when we are both working I can't deem what he's doing.

 

[cynthiasotong]

How long have u been with him?
I know it's hard to left this relationship esp when u still love him.. But seriously u need to think.. There is one time, there will be second time and continue after that.. If he really want to change, he will do it after the first time u caught him.. He even think of clear messages all these means he have the heart to hide and cheat.. Decision is still yours as all of us just a outsider.. We do not know how many things you do have gone through.
I will advise u to think and balance the happy and sad times u had with him.. Which one is more?
I don't agree all guys is like that.,

 

[cynthiasotong]

And one thing u have to take note is if he really changed.. You will still have the 阴影. In future, u might suspect this and that.. And you will be tired

 

[sadman2009]

Thanks for sharing.

Which is why I don't know what to do now? Breakup all of a sudden? I can't find any evidence till now because he has been spending time with me ever since except that when we are both working I can't deem what he's doing.

It's ok to break off with him now. U can just tell him that u can't trust him anymore and u have to let go coz there will be no future. U tried but realized still can't. It's true that there is a very high chance that he will cheat again. So, I guess don't waste your time with him. Coz woman gets old fast and everyday counts. So it's better to break up with and look for another better one.

 

[cynthiasotong]

It's ok to break off with him now. U can just tell him that u can't trust him anymore and u have to let go coz there will be no future. U tried but realized still can't. It's true that there is a very high chance that he will cheat again. So, I guess don't waste your time with him. Coz woman gets old fast and everyday counts. So it's better to break up with and look for another better one.

Yup~ I know a guy fren who behind her gf back very close with another girl but did not do those stuff.. Only close.. Only once and he really changed.. But still they easily quarrel.. Cause that gf can't trust him anymore although she forgave him.. She will check on his phone and suspect here and there., end up the guy also can't take it..

 

[JECLJXWQ]

I'm tired of suspecting and pressurizing him as well to make me feel secure.. when I wasn't even like this in the past relationships i had .. but i still hold onto a slight hope that he will change..

my bff says i need something huge to be pushed in order to give up this once and for all. based on the number of times i felt like giving up and i thought i could, i turned back again..

 

[pasir_ris_beach]

dun fret.. i can understand where u come from... whatever decision u might have but yet to take action, the road is always uncertain..maybe now you feel everything is clouded, but well do believe that time will tell in due time.

anyway i also wish i can have something that can motive me too.. i am ... hmmm ... exact like you.. till now even i knew that the husband left the other woman, still the distrust is too deep, the communication gap is too wide that i m finally weary and time to throw in the towel too.. i only feel sorry for my kid whom is going to be affected by us divorcing soon...

do find something else to distract u from your current pblm. be strong . jia you.