Hi everybody, this is the first time I’m using forum in my life, i really out of choice, i can’t solve things by myself anymore, please help me,,,
A little background of my case, I'm 28 years old and he is 31, we get to know each other 5 years ago, we joined banking together as batch mates, we worked so hard, so hard, we were soul mate, we were best friend, people in the branch all anti us but we continue work hard toward our career dream, we gets promoted together everything single time. we were like the prince and princess in the bank, At that time, he has a GF for 5 years( maybe or even longer). there were some problems between them but eventually, they gets married. within a year, we fall in love, the love for me is nothing more nothing less, i didn’t want to be a 3rd party and i do not wish to push anything , eventually, he moved out from his house, because he said: This is not fair to you. they renounced the marriage.
Life was good after we being together , we build our dream, we still work hard, 2 years after we bought a condo, we bought a dog, we bought a car. we had everything that a family should have. life is good right ? with our age and the things that we have.
Life was not good after we touch the 3rd year, things just suddenly turns from heaven to hell. everything starts from this....
He is a ambitious guy, always wanted to be on top of everything , dream of success, dream about earning big money, drive a good car. I supported him, being with a foreign bank can never make you really rich, of course, it won’t makes you poor, i encouraged him to go to local bank, he was afraid at start, afraid of the environment , afraid of the trade off , afraid of failure. I encouraged him, supported him , always being positive about this. He finally made his decision to move on, This is not a joke, the stress is not a joke, he become a bit crazy over his job, our topic were always on his work, colleague, boss, client , nothing more. he feel constantly stress, tired, helpless, he drinks beer everyday at home, smokes non stop. I know, he just want to be good, he wants to show everybody he can make it. i understand.
We had a promise, i will bring him for a trip every year during his birthday, this year, i planned Taiwan, tickets were booked, pending on some other admin staff, i have been chasing him for months but he just dragged it day by day , week by week month by month until i couldn't take it anymore, I ask him:" do you really want this trip, if you don’t want, at least you should tell me " He answered :" yes, this trip makes me feel so so stress, i remember the things i need to do but i just can’t leave my working table, by sitting in front of my working table makes me feel secure even by doing nothing. if i really go , it will be a 8 days trip, but my target are still running , I’m sorry , i just don’t feel like going "
This incident trigged everything, everything,
* I found out he lie to me, told me that he is having meeting but ended up dinner with colleague
* During his business trip in china, he supposed to be in Beijing but he ended up in Shanghai
* He posted something on wechat dedicated to another female colleague. ( Just FYI, if you post something dedicated to someone, others couldn't see the post. i found out this when i look through his phone)
I become inpatient, become crazy, when he is not around i keep calling him, not to solve the problem but wanted a answer, i couldn’t sleep at night, i can’t eat normally, can’t focus on work, i just simply can’t do anything , you guys know right, day time still fine, night time is the horrible part , my daily routine is to call him ( when he was not in town ) at 10 pm or 11 pm or 12 pm and start to pushing him to give me an answer, i did it wrong right guys? i should give him time, but i just cant. . . .
On this day, both of us were exhausted, he said: I want to move out . I agreed. we both agree that this is not a break up, just give each other sometime, first week, no message, no calls , no contact, second week we started to talk, sometimes still argue but sometimes just fine, i asked him to come back, after 2 weeks. we decided to work things out, to continue our relationship, but things just can’t be worked out, i become super sensitive, every time he didn’t pick up my calls i wil start to think a lot. started to question him, doubt him, i push him away ask for break up, after that i will pull him back and tell him lets work things out, He feel tired, i feel tired too. until this stage, i can see things are really going nowhere, everything argument are the same topics, yesterday he told me that he can’t picture the day he marry me. this is hurt, But i still don’t want to give up on us by saying all the positive things, admin my mistake, promise to improve myself. But i can see the differences on his face compare with last time, he slowly changed, there is no more love.
I proposed to him today to visit a counselor , He agree, guys, any advice which counselling should i go ? i tried to call Jessica leong, but her appointments are fully booked until Sep, i can’t wait, we can’t be like this, not even a single day. should i just go to visit the counselor at CCs?
A little background of my case, I'm 28 years old and he is 31, we get to know each other 5 years ago, we joined banking together as batch mates, we worked so hard, so hard, we were soul mate, we were best friend, people in the branch all anti us but we continue work hard toward our career dream, we gets promoted together everything single time. we were like the prince and princess in the bank, At that time, he has a GF for 5 years( maybe or even longer). there were some problems between them but eventually, they gets married. within a year, we fall in love, the love for me is nothing more nothing less, i didn’t want to be a 3rd party and i do not wish to push anything , eventually, he moved out from his house, because he said: This is not fair to you. they renounced the marriage.
Life was good after we being together , we build our dream, we still work hard, 2 years after we bought a condo, we bought a dog, we bought a car. we had everything that a family should have. life is good right ? with our age and the things that we have.
Life was not good after we touch the 3rd year, things just suddenly turns from heaven to hell. everything starts from this....
He is a ambitious guy, always wanted to be on top of everything , dream of success, dream about earning big money, drive a good car. I supported him, being with a foreign bank can never make you really rich, of course, it won’t makes you poor, i encouraged him to go to local bank, he was afraid at start, afraid of the environment , afraid of the trade off , afraid of failure. I encouraged him, supported him , always being positive about this. He finally made his decision to move on, This is not a joke, the stress is not a joke, he become a bit crazy over his job, our topic were always on his work, colleague, boss, client , nothing more. he feel constantly stress, tired, helpless, he drinks beer everyday at home, smokes non stop. I know, he just want to be good, he wants to show everybody he can make it. i understand.
We had a promise, i will bring him for a trip every year during his birthday, this year, i planned Taiwan, tickets were booked, pending on some other admin staff, i have been chasing him for months but he just dragged it day by day , week by week month by month until i couldn't take it anymore, I ask him:" do you really want this trip, if you don’t want, at least you should tell me " He answered :" yes, this trip makes me feel so so stress, i remember the things i need to do but i just can’t leave my working table, by sitting in front of my working table makes me feel secure even by doing nothing. if i really go , it will be a 8 days trip, but my target are still running , I’m sorry , i just don’t feel like going "
This incident trigged everything, everything,
* I found out he lie to me, told me that he is having meeting but ended up dinner with colleague
* During his business trip in china, he supposed to be in Beijing but he ended up in Shanghai
* He posted something on wechat dedicated to another female colleague. ( Just FYI, if you post something dedicated to someone, others couldn't see the post. i found out this when i look through his phone)
I become inpatient, become crazy, when he is not around i keep calling him, not to solve the problem but wanted a answer, i couldn’t sleep at night, i can’t eat normally, can’t focus on work, i just simply can’t do anything , you guys know right, day time still fine, night time is the horrible part , my daily routine is to call him ( when he was not in town ) at 10 pm or 11 pm or 12 pm and start to pushing him to give me an answer, i did it wrong right guys? i should give him time, but i just cant. . . .
On this day, both of us were exhausted, he said: I want to move out . I agreed. we both agree that this is not a break up, just give each other sometime, first week, no message, no calls , no contact, second week we started to talk, sometimes still argue but sometimes just fine, i asked him to come back, after 2 weeks. we decided to work things out, to continue our relationship, but things just can’t be worked out, i become super sensitive, every time he didn’t pick up my calls i wil start to think a lot. started to question him, doubt him, i push him away ask for break up, after that i will pull him back and tell him lets work things out, He feel tired, i feel tired too. until this stage, i can see things are really going nowhere, everything argument are the same topics, yesterday he told me that he can’t picture the day he marry me. this is hurt, But i still don’t want to give up on us by saying all the positive things, admin my mistake, promise to improve myself. But i can see the differences on his face compare with last time, he slowly changed, there is no more love.
I proposed to him today to visit a counselor , He agree, guys, any advice which counselling should i go ? i tried to call Jessica leong, but her appointments are fully booked until Sep, i can’t wait, we can’t be like this, not even a single day. should i just go to visit the counselor at CCs?
