What am i suppose to do?

P

pinkykiddy

New Member
Hi all, I'm new in this forum. There's something in my mind torturing me for 1 yr plus. I'm a divorcee with a kid, 2 yrs ago, i had my divorce with my ex-husband, after a few months later, i found this guy which treated me and my kid very nice. He's a caring and lovly person. I can say that this guy is much more better and nicer then my ex-husband. So i with this guy for a yr plus till now. Actually he had already proposed to me and i accepted. Now there's this problem of mine, about sex life. A que to asked, how many times a week is consider normal? Cos actually he has been asking me to have sex everyday but i have rejected him. Reason is i also don't know why. After giving birth, my homo seems changed. I really have a low sex drive and always after work, i'll feel very tired just like when i started to lie on bed, i'll fall asleep. So i have been rejected him everytime he asked me. Now our frequency of having sex is like 3weeks - 1 month once and that ONCE is somehow like been force to have sex with him cos i know he have endure for so long. I know he doesn't like that cos sometime he will quarrel with me when i rejected him. He even ask me whether i outside is it having an affair cos i keep rejected to him. Is not that i don't want to have sex with him, but i just don't have the urge of doing it and i'm tired after work. So i need sleep beside, my son is sleeping with us cos whenever we place him on the other room, he will suddenly wake up and cried for mummy. So i have to let him sleep with us. Yesterday he even hint me, saying if i still like that 3weeks to a month then willing to have sex with me, am i scare he having affair outside? What am i suppose to do? Pls help!!!
 


Pinky,

Pardon me saying this, try to understand more abt this man as it does seems to me that he is only keen in sex rather than anything else.

did u tell him that u r tired etc. let him understand ur pt & it is totally senseless to have sex with u like u r being forced to.

think about that, how SAD is that?
 
i dun agree..if he's only keen in sex, then wat for proposed to her right?...

3wks to one mth once is too long liao.esp if ur guy is a healthy young man!..
 
Pinky,

Seriously 3 weeks to 1 month a bit too long. Perhaps you are working too hard do take some time to relax and adjust.
 
I think Singaporean norm is once a week bah. More if you're on a vacation. We usually just squeeze one in during the weekends, but for that one session we will fuly enjoy, if forced and no feeling kind might as well don't do it, cos the other party will feel worse after that. As for Weekdays its just too tiring.
 
But what am i suppose to do? I know that SEX is a kind of communication to maintain a relationship but i seems jus dun have the urge to do. Anyway to cure this?
 
I don't know....But usually if i'm not in the mood i can still act like i'm v in the mood. After all one week once, and i try to make the best out of it. Could it be because your kid is around thats why it's hard to concerntrate on "the deed". Why not have at least once a week of pure couple time. Wear a sexy number to seduce him rather then wait for him to ask for it. It can be v demoralising for the guy when he keeps getting rejected. It's not so much that he's damn hard up for sex but i feel he's more trying to proof his attraction to you. While sex is not the only thing tat sustain a rs, but it's the only act that physically connects you on a "deeper" level with your partner. Try to be the one who makes the first move sometimes. It will work wonders once he feel that he's wanted by the women he loves.
 
Hi Mozz,

I don't know mainly is it bcos my son is sleeping just beside me so sometimes i feel that not good when ML cos i scare he suddenly wake up. I need to clarify that, i not used to wear those sexy gown & i don't seduce him at all cos all is not my style. I know all this are all my bad habit. Can someone tell me how am i going to seduce my FH whereby i never seduce my past BF/EX-HB b4. I don't think i wanna lose him as among my past BF & EX-HB, he is the sweetest and caring person i ever met.
 
Pinky, why do you want to seduce your fiance when you are unable to fulfil his needs in bed? Do you think this is solution to your problem of low libido?
 
PInky,
i agreed with the rest tt once every 3 wk is too long for a healthy man.. but again.. to hint u tt the possibility tt he might go out for affair becos of the lack of ML session, make me wonder how caring can this guy be?
I believe a healthy relationship sex is impt but there are many other thing tt u need to consider beside sex... e.g. u enjoy each other company etc.. for me i too feel tired after a day of work n my HB respect me if i reject him..but of cos i dun reject him all the time la .. give n take is impt in a marriage.. if u tink low libido is the main problem y not adjust ur lifestyle a little n try to improve ur sex life?
 
Actually, sex need not and does not usually take up too much of your time or energy. One can have very good sex within 20 minutes in a session.
 
Pinky, now that you are sharing more info...would you say this is a case of some sorts of incompatibility?

I don't know about others but frankly, one hour is not for me. I can't guarantee that I would not lose interest or concentration midway through. Once in a while for an hour when one has the luxury of time is ok, but every time is just unthinkable to me.
 
No lah, not to hurry him through when you are in the act. You can communicate your preference or expectation with him, and this can be done during pillow talk for example. Personally, I believe intimacy between a couple can be achieved through a combination of doing it and talking about it. Do you two talk about sex?
 
Pinky,

I suggest you speak to him. Tell him that on weekdays, make the session shorter... weekend, give in abit but of course, try to arrange for your child to be babysit for a day... enjoy on the session... The numbers of times doesnt counts but the process counts... If you enjoy it, i believe, you will look forward. With your child in the room, you feel rather embrassed, thus, you do not have the mood...

Cheer up...
 
Pinky - At least you are seeking help... Like what green said, quite a number of married woman do not enjoy sex and they do it just for the sake of pleasing their husband. I understand that with a child sleeping with you, it's hard to have the mood cause you are worried what if he wakes up while you are doing it... Some women claim that they can do without sex, but most men consider sex as an important part of marriage. I think sex is not just for making babies, you only do it with your loves one. To me, it's also a way of showing how much you love each other. It's not the duration. Show your love for your hubby when doing it and I am sure he will appreciate it even if it's only for 15 mins.
 
"About half of my married lady friends do not enjoy sex. They do it just to please the hubbies. Some even described it as "dirty" leh"


worse part is some don't even have the interest at all. Just like being forced to do it
what's the point of getting married without sex???
 
"most men consider sex as an important part of marriage"

I believe most women today also consider sex an important part of marriage or relationship. At least I do.
 
My mind still not sure whether sex is it part of marriage or what but i'm sure that if let me choose, i can live without sex.
 
Hi Doll,

Congrats to your hubby... He is very lucky.
happy.gif


I certainly hope most women today think like u... definately will help one to enjoy and improve marriage life.
 
Old Fashion, my bf and I are not yet married. I was married before though.

Pinky, you and your bf have major differences in your views of sex. This is a potential area of conflict. You need to address it NOW. But may I know why you are averse to sex?
 
Hi Pinky, if you are at a sexually active age but "can live without sex" like you have said, or even detest sex (you might be without yourself knowing), I suggest that you do something about this problem.

Wonder no more. You can pick up books from the library or bookstore on how to improve your sex life. But your case sounds more like a dysfunction because you said you "can live without sex". I don't think this is normal, especially when there is no medical reason. I suggest that you seek professional help. There is counselling conducted by psychotherapists on psychosexual dysfunction, say at Raffles Hospital (http://www.raffleshospital.com/raffles_counselling_centre.html). If I were you, I will ring them up for an appointment right away.
 
I have added on to my previous post...

Hi Pinky, if you are at a sexually active age but "can live without sex" like you have said, or even detest sex (you might be without yourself knowing), I suggest that you go down to the root of the problem and nib it. Could it because you are still in post-baby coolness? Do you still feel traumatised by the sexual relation with your ex-husband? Any past traumas during your teen or young adult years? Etc.

Of course you can pick up books from the library or bookstore on how to improve your sex life. But your case sounds more like a dysfunction rather than a lack of proper sex techniques, because you said you "can live without sex". I don't think this is normal, especially if there is no medical reason. I suggest that you seek professional help. There is counselling or therapy conducted by psychotherapists on psychosexual dysfunction, say at Raffles Hospital (http://www.raffleshospital.com/raffles_counselling_centre.html). If I were you, I will ring them up for an appointment right away.
 
Sighs.
When ppl don't want all kinds of excuse can come out just like when u want to leave ur current job.
Don't do enff yet scared relation will sour....who else to blame but urself.
Busy and tired...wow every single day work meh...listen to urself and I am sure u can figure out how silly u sound. It's u don't want that why tired etc.
 
To a Guy, If he lasts only 3mins means he does not love you at all. His last 1hr shows how much he loves you. Perhaps You 2 need to talk. Let him know your views or it will be too late in future
Keeping quiet does not solve yr problems.
 
Wuahahaha....
It's been too long since I saw such a stupid post...

So now love is BEING MEASURED by how long a guy can bong a gal??? 3 mins = no love?....60mins = madly in love?
Boy...that about top the stupid list...

Damn...those actors and actresses in the porn industry must be madly in love with each other...

Seriously...that's a stupid post...
 
Lynette,
There are many married couples that stays married without sex nor love.

Everyone marries and remains in them for different reasons and with various expectations. No 2 persons are the same regardless of gender loh.

2 liners like this doesn't say much except that the world is somehow made of 2 categories of humans only? Not really right?
 
Yeo... the part on how long a guy last is really rubbish loh. If letting the guy know her views is that his love is measured by how long he lasts... then, I suspect the suggested communication isn't going to be very effective.
 
"Damn...those actors and actresses in the porn industry must be madly in love with each other... "

lol. Good one....
 
makes no sense .. the last post was actually on sept ..

and dun tel me u register and post your debute first post . 3 months later with such a retarded post.

this is one thing sometimes dat really pissed me off .. unintelligent post which cause readers to have misdirection.
 
qwerty...

Now you understand what we have to deal with on a regular basis rite?

1 post moron is the term I use on this kinda people
 
Yeo...

If you are even coming back to check up on your inspired post...

Do you mind if I check if you're a guy or gal?

I need to chalk this stupid post up under the correct column...

*keeping my fingers crossed that it's not a guy*
 
sm, Nicholas Yeo leh...should be safe to assume tat it's a guy...

Maybe he's just trying to how lian to everyone that he can last 60 minutes?
 
Freelance gigolo probably can last very long leh.. cos they need to service many clients.. and they well trained to last..
 
Orrrrrhhhh....sm...

You said bad things about other people...
and you said fcuking...

Get ready to be flamed by other people...





Welcome to my club
happy.gif
you arsehole...haha
 
I am not as nasty as you.. you are still the No 1.. followed by Milo (he got a thread as well), and also powder (don't know who is No 2 or 3)

the most I am a distant 4th..
 


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