"si dian jin (四点金)"

My understanding is teochew girls usually ask for SDJ. If not teochew girl, MIL usually buy SDJ/jewelry as an act of acceptance of a DIL. Traditional teochew girls tend to ask for yellow gold, cos they are more particular - it's in line with their custom.

I'm a hokkien, husband is hainanese but MIL is teochew lady so she said she will buy si dian jin for me. I plan to tell her no need the complete set, and I will leave it to her to decide yellow or white gold for me. She previously told me she will bring me down to shop for something I like, but I will prob not go down with her.
 


I am a teochew while my Fh is a hock chew ( not sure of the spelling ). I was thinking yellow gold if she were to buy i will just leave it aside. However, its just a formality like what u mentioned so i guess i just tell her the same. Leave it to her to decide. keke

BTW, catcus when is ur wedding? Mine is like 9 mths down the road. How's the preparations?
 
Hi joxue, my wedding's in Sept 07. Preps are okay. Have settled most stuff. Now finalizing the details bit by bit.
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my parents thinking of getting 'fei cui' (jade) set for me. now still missing ear ring and pendant. any idea where can i source for 'fei cui' in raw form (just the stone itself - no embedded onto gold or diamond)?

where to get good ones with affordable rate?
 
Hi gals

Really confused now.

Need advises with d following, as planning for both side parents to meet up to discuss abt d GDL, dowry, etc etc.

1)My HB is Hokkein, & i heard that 4 Dian Jin only apply for Teo Chew. issit truth?
2)MIL is d one giving d bride 4 Dian Jin?
 
My FPILs in Thailand also Teochew, then I have to give them 4 Dot Thai Gold??? I think they are wear more than 4 Golds, many Golds. Lucky cheaper in Thai Gold than Singapore Gold.

Must build house on ChengMai, worse tahn buy Gold. After married paln to go Thailand stay liao, hoepfully beofre 7% GST implentment.

Lucky my wife no problem with any thing of chinese cuetoms.
 
SDJ only given for teo chew brides by the MIL. But sometimes, MILs will also give SDJ to non-teo chew brides as a nice gesture. Sometimes, non-teo chew brides also ask for SDJ although according to tradition, they should be asking for other things (ie. bangles for cantonese,etc).
 
h ice, usually mil will offer to give. if she does not offer, then your parents will have to ask for it. It is usually not the DIL who asks the ILs directly for it. Hope this helps!
 
Hi,

Need afvise, next month going to talk wedding gifts and settler all the wedding thing.

Anyone got the list fro the wedding gifts?

Thanks
 
Hi all...

Any recommendations for jewellery shops where they sell 'modern' yellow gold jewellery besides Poh Heng?

Mum requests SDJ to be yellow gold cos we r traditional Teochew...
 
Hi all...

I need to ask, when is the SDJ/Z needed? On the wedding day?

My mum is teochew, and my sis just got married to a muslim...he gave SDJ too
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My FMIL probably don't have a budget for me. My guy want to buy me a set anyway, so it doesn't matter, who gave me SDJ right?

As I don't wear earrings, is it alright to replace it with something else? I don't wear a watch either. So I am actually clueless what to get.... a toe ring? :D

Appreicate some inputs. Thanks
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hi stan & zoe,

in these days, SDJ is normally given by the FMIL to the bride... it can be either the full set or a single item... depends on both side's communications, pple can receive a diamond necklace, a watch etc... main thing is that u get something practical else its quite a 'waste of $$'.
 
hmmm.....so for teochew tradition, its SDJ...for cantonese, its bracelets...anyone know wat'sthe tradition for hokkien??

thanx
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I think there's no tradition for hokkien leh. I'm a hokkien gal. I'm told hokkiens are the "cheapest" to marry off.. hehe. Cantonese brides always get alot of $$ as pinjing. Teochew brides get nice SDJ. Oh,,, cantonese brides also get a pair of bracelets, but dun think hokkiens get anything. Let me know if I'm wrong though...perhaps I can ask from my ILs!
 
hi cactus, i think basically almost all MILs will give the SDJ to the female side, regardless of what dialect. I am a hokkien and my MIL is giving me SDJ too!
 
Hi michelle, yah, I know what you mean. My MIL also giving me SDJ, but what I'm asking if hokkien gals like us have the right to ask in the name of tradition for certain types of jewelry like the cantonese gals can ask for braclet and teochew can ask for SDJ as of right...
I think most MIL will give SDJ cos the jewelry shops stand to earn the most from selling a set... very practical view point.. but just wondering about the traditional angle for hokkien gals.
 
hey gals, SDJ is originated fm Teochew culture jus that nw all dialects are following cos it looks nice.

laska, if ur MIL cnt afford to give u SDJ cn do without it unless its requested by your parents.
 
Hi,
Can anyone direct me to a link to monitor the price of gold? As we are buying a set of SDJ, we went to the goldsmith to look for design while doing that the sales person told us that there is a drop in gold price and now is the appropriate timing to buy cause price of gold will go up. I did see many people browsing at the goldsmith though. Do you think its advisable to buy now or wait a little longer? Fyi, I only need it next year Jan.
 
Hi room.
Just wondering if Si Dian jin is a must for all teochew brides.. It seems like my fil has the concept that woman's family should buy the Si dian Jin for the daughter and not vice versa.. I wonder how i should tell my parents..I am rather upset by his comments..
 
hi jo,

si dian jin is a gesture from the MIL to the DIL...

the one from the own mother to own daughter is called 'jia zhuang'.

its not a must that the MIL must give to DIL. its just a nice gesture. but of cos if the MIL did not give, pple may see the MIL as a miser.

also, nowadays, modern parents may not give SDJ. they may give in the form of say a necklace or watch, which could be more practical for the DILS cos mostly will not wear the gold pieces..

so.... its up to individual and its very subjective.
 
yup... agreed... my FMIL told me that SDJ is not really practised so when my SO ask her to give, at first, even had to be paid for by my SO... I nearly fainted....
Then my FMIL say not worth to buy now... so she say, she had a set... bought years ago... so take go wash and polish at goldsmith... then put in nice nice box... give me as SDJ....
anything lar... just a gesture mar.... but I already decide to wear it during the tea ceremony when I wear those traditional things... make her happy mar....
 
Hi Minssy and Mindy,

Thanks for the messages.
My mum has already gotten my jia zhuang ready.. but its just that when the topic of si dian jin was brought up by my mil, seeing the reaction on my fil's face really puts me off...I told them Si Dian Jin is not necessary and I dun mind not having it. He does not need to harp on the issue throughout the dinner and kept on asking what weird customs is this on the si dian jin...sigh.. I am already unhappy that i had to stay with them after marraige and let them have a say in renovating my room.. and now issues like this has to arise..wonder whats more to come..my wedding is just six months away..

My fiance and I have initially applied for a house to stay on our own..but his dad was super unhappy..and we had to give up the house forfieting the deposit in the end.. in order to minimise problems and to make them happy, we agree to stay together..staying together is never an easy thing..talking about give and take..i would say its me taking it most of the time...therefore on the surface, we appears to be on very good terms..but deep inside..i am not happy at all...feels so miserable..and not looking forward to marriage life at all..Fiance and I are always quarelling about them...he is also stuck in between.. I am thinking of goin thru the ceremony and then either we get a house or we go our separate ways...
 
hi jo,

its always better to stay on your own to prevent even MORE clashes. it need not be physical. mental stress is also stress. tell your hubby, if things get worse and if you are pregnant and then it affects you and the baby, then how?

a... guess u all need to talk in details more abt your issues.. u wanna start a thread in 'matters of the heart' and get comments instead?
 
Hi Minssy,

Mental stress is really tormenting...its taking a toil on me..i hate goin home..when i finsh work at 5.30..i would either roam around or stay in the office till my fiance knocks off..
reason being my fil would be using the pc in our room playing games..and its so inconvenient.. but i can only keep quiet cos its their home...
 
If I am you, I would talk to my SO, let him know that I am really uncomfortable.... I told my SO from the start that staying with his parents temporary is okay...
Permanent no way... but I am okay, if they move to MY HOUSE.... provided a 2 years honeymoon period is given... final... no arguements about that.....
 
Mindy, i find that you have gotten yourself a very good husband who is willing to accomodate to your request. Sigh..Treasure him gal..not all gals has such luck.. I am not so lucky..my fiance is afraid of is dad..his father seems to be the dictator of the home..he calls the shot...my fiance does not dare to face the consequences of telling him paretns that he wants to move out. Before we got rom, we thought we could work this issue out together..but who knows things changes..he back out..he kept on making excuses for not wanting to move out..I was devastated.. Told him many times on issues concerning his parents but in the end, things still goes back to normal.. I am very helpless..Goin our separate ways might be my last resort. I just hope that negotiations on our upcoming wedding will be made easier and his parents will not make things difficult for us..
 
Hi jo,
SDJ is not a must but like what minssy say relatives might think that MIL is a miser. My parents told my PIL not to buy SDJ but my PIL just told my FH to buy as a gesture of how much he loves me. I also don't want my FH to spend alot of $$$ on the SDJ, just simple will be good enough. We can spend the $$ somewhere else instead.
BTW yesterday rate for gold is S$37 per gm do you think will go down somemore?
 
hi jo,

seperation is not the solution though it could be the easy way out. u all had gone thru ROM already so that means you are legally married. guys will not change one lah... so u gotta be LL and lead your lifestyle or........
 
Hi Squashy,

thanks for the link to the website. I am thinking of enrolling for one with him. If that doesn't work, guess it would really be Good Bye to the whole marraige.

MInssy,

You are right...man will never change..but i can't lead a LL life.. thats y i have decided to try counselling first and if that doesn't help, i would ought for a separation.. Thanks all for listening and all your advices..
 
Jo, go for the course. It really helps you to understand each other better...
I am sure that both of you can work something out...
 
hi jo,

aw..dun say goodbye so early lah.. its like, he will surely think: before ROM u already know its like that. then why u decide to marry me in the first place?'. i am sure it can be salvaged. ask him, say if u move in and really have lotsa clashes, can u all still get a house? if he still thinks no, then u gotta re-evaluate.

take good care of yourself...
 
Hi Jo,
No pro..
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Don't quarrel with your hubby, instead talk to him nicely and communicate your thoughts. I am sure your hubby will come to realise that "Seeing is easy, but living together is difficult", don't think he'll be able to stand sandwich in between your ILs and you and very soon you both will harvest the same thinking in convincing your ILs why you have to move out.
 
Hi Ladies,

Sorry to disturb, but anyone can tell me where i can get more afforable Si Dian Jin and Wedding band? My budget is at about 1.5K for si dian jin and 1.2k for wedding band. Is it too little? I don't want to spend too much on them cos it is paid by my HB. I also wish to get it by July to avoid the GST adjustment. Any recommendation? Many thanks in advance.
 
me n hb side all hokkien, MIL just gave me a pair gold bangle... hee...

btw is it weird to wear bangle nowadays for a 26 yr old woman? lol.. but i wear oni 1, the other 1 wait cny den wear..
 
hi lengce,

for wedding band 1.2k is queit high budget liao, i get mine at lee wha only at 800+ for me tat is queit expensive lor, still got lower than such price de.
for SDJ, 1.5k maybe a bit hard to find out but still have, r u looking for yellow or white gold ? u may go to those jewellry shop, ur budget not really too little.
for yellow gold u may go Poh Heng, thier design not bad n for white gold lee wha or sk jew also quait affordable
 
Hi Jane and Baobei,

Thanks for your sharing.

Jane, may i know what kind of wedding bands did you get for yourself? I meant yellow gold, white gold or platinum ot other materials?

I went to Causeway Point yesterday, and stopped by at SK jewellery to look for wedding bands. Initially, i would like to get Platinum rings, but the sales lady explained that Platinum rings will become greyish after long wearing too, and in term of maintenance, we need to spend more for platinum than white gold. That makes me confused on what type of wedding bands i should get now. Do you mind to share your experience?

While for the Si Dian Jin, i am looking for yellow gold. Though i prefer white gold, but my HB's parents are quite conservative. Also, is yellow gold cheaper than white gold? Cos i see normally the white gold jewellery comes with diamond one, i think that will be quite expensive, isn't it? Yeah, i am also targetting to get my SDJ from Poh Heng. I saw a few design of SDJ from their website. Quite nice le, i like it very much, but have not asked for the price yet, hopefully it's not too expensive.
 
hi lengce,

my wedding band is white gold. yup,, for platinum they also explain same as u mentioned above. so i chose white gold instead. as i dun wanna spend too much on this even in the future.

for SDJ my MIL bought from sk white gold de coz she understd if yellow gold i wont wear in the future. but my parent got buy yellow gold for my dowry from Poh Heng, get 1 necklace & 1 bracelet cost me 900+ so i thk u should able to get whole set wif ur budget.
 
hi,
is it funny to just have 3 pcs of jewellery ie bracelet, earrings, necklace without the ring? cos i dun wear rings..so dun want to waste the money to buy rings..

also, do we need to wear the si dian jing during the wedding? or can we keep the jewellery set and wear those accessories that the bridal shop provides for us?

i went to goldheart just now and saw the jewellery set which costs a total of about $8k (just necklace, bracelet and earrings)..
 
HI Baobei and Jane,

Finally i got my SDJ at Poh Heng yesterday. Very excited. The SDJ is quite simple design, and i was able to get mine at 1.5K.

Thanks a lot for the info that you have provided, otherwise i might still looking for SDJ now. Thanks.
 

HI Bubblepearl,

Yes, you may choose ala carte also, but they do have some SDJ in set (necklace, bracelet, earing and ring), they have some latest design when i visited yesterday, you may try to check with their sales person to find out more.

And yeah, please don't be too shy to negotiate the price, must gan gan to negotiate with the sales person. In fact, i feel quite lucky to get mine yesterday, besides got it at a very affordable price, i still got $20 voucher (SGS promotion) + 3000 plus NTUC linkpoints, ha ha ha. good buy.
 
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