"si dian jin (四点金)"


Hi,

Is the Si Dian Jin given on GDL or during AD tea ceremony?

If given during GDL, do we as DILs have to wear on AD? As my SDJ will be in yellow gold, I'm not sure if it will kinda 'clash' with the white-colour jewellery set that will be worn together with the wedding gown. Thought the yellow gold jewellery will look 'out-of-place'.

Any advice?
 
it is given during GDL. from what I know lar...
I intend to wear it during the tea ceremony when I changed out of my wedding gown...
Guess this is up to individual....
 
Hi,

Can anyone please advise....

Does "si dian jin" have to be Yellow Gold?? Been to a few shops to see, but the yellow gold types really "look out of place" on a modern wedding & I do not like the look of yellow gold at all. But my mum say where got people buy white gold as si dian jin.

And which part of the wedding will si dian jin comes in? Don't really want to spend the money then keep it in the drawer forever....
 
It is supposed to be given by the MIL to us...

Nowadays alot of people opt for si dian chuan... cos we honestly do not like yellow gold but well, for me, my FMIL already prepared... so I make full use of it by wearing it for the tea ceremony.... Just had to make sure that my tea dress is suitable for it....
 
i get my SDJ during tea ceremony...
a bit...ahem..."song"..but still will wear as its the thought that counts.
 
the reason y ppl buy yellow gold for si dian jin is cos yellow gold's value is worth so much more than white gold....in the event that u want to sell ur gold, u can still have it for cash or trade in to sth else...white gold's value drop super fast...
 
i guess tis is said cos those days when ppl get married, they were pretty poor...and besides, the wife usually dun work so if in any dire need, they can always pawn the gold...

anyway, for the older generation, to say buy 'baijin aka white gold', tat's pretty pantang for them...it's like taboo...so i guess yellow gold still prevail to them...

anyhow, for the modern brides like us, dun despair...perhaps can always ask for compromise like getting the more contemporary jewellery at Poh Heng like the yellow+white gold?
 
hi ladies.. just to share my sorrows....my AD coming soon in Dec....

2 weeks ago, i went over to FH's house to have dinner with his parents. Was watching tv in the living room after that, then FH received a call, and went to the room because living room very noisy. MIL suddenly turned to me & said that she wont be buying "si dian jin" for me because she say "gold prices so expensive now. waste $$$ since u young people also dont wear these days"

i hear liao very upset but can only say "orh..." FH come out from room then she never say anything liao.

actually i wouldnt have mind if she's not buying but the way she puts it as if it's a waste of $ to buy it for me. makes me feel so sad... i dont dare tell my FH because he would have gone to ask his mum why not buying for me or FH will volunteer to pay the $ for MIL to buy for me... but to me it's not a must but because she said it until like that, I feel that she doesnt really dote on me this daughter-in-law...
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Hi Evon,
Dun be sad, my MIL oso not buying "si dian jin" for me.. Maybe your MIL is not good at words ba.. Dun take it to heart.. And most importantly, dun let this small matter affect your mood.. Cheers.
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oh dear, evon

sidianjing i feel is a token these days. need not be expensive. its symbolic & no need to spend too much. i feel your MIL was too much. discuss with your FH then see what he says
 
after a few days i couldnt take it and decided to tell my FH. he went to talk to my mil and she said she dont see the point of buying it because young people dont wear gold anymore. then she told me that since i want then she will give me her existing jewelry to make up 4 pieces as si dian jin. sigh. makes me seem like a greedy woman. i feel like crying. feel so upset but dont know who to complain to. dont dare tell my parents for fear they get angry and blow up this matter.
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Evon < dun be sad or upset abt si dian jin... if yr MIL is not willing to give then forget abt it... have both sides parents meet up to discuss abt GDL stuff??? Y dun u discuss with yr mum and see if she really wans the si dian jin? For me, I told my hubby I wan the si dian jin cos I'm a teochew. My MIL also say its a must for teochew brides... so i suggest u spak to yr mum... no need to tell her yr MIL reactions if you are not comfortable...i hope things will turn out well for you... Cheer up gal!
 
Hi Girls,

Anyone in the end did not received the Si Dian Jin from yr ILs? My parents mentioned that usually groom's side must give, even if MIL's nv buy, then the groom should buy for his bride himself, just like what my dad had brought for my mum last time. No sure does it means that they are expecting me to recieve it. Sounds like that though, but i dont dare to ask them. Anyway, so how now? Should i sound my guy out, or just simply request for it? Cos i doubt his mom is likely going to buy it, hence if need to buy, then he have to pay for it already. Does anyone here goes w/o it? Pls share w me. Thanks alot.
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I also did not receive Si Dian Jin from my MIL. Instead my hubby "gave" a cheque in place of that and actually the money is our money. The cheque is only to "show others" that I received Si Dian Jin. So, none of my relatives except an uncle knows that I got nothing from my MIL. He was very angry that I got nothing (whereas my parents were very calm)...so I have to appease him and bluff him that I got a cheque. In the end, this uncle went and bought me a gold jewellery. I didn't let other relatives know as it will make things look bad on my MIL.
 
Hi Momiji,

Thanks for sharing.
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Hmm, ask my bf already. He dont think he's mum will be buying it, cause she nv mention before @ all. Now very scare, if my parents or relatives know already, and will be unhappy? Or worse if the relatives say negative things and in the end my parents will be unhappy?
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Hmm, for myself, i'm just sad that my future mil doesnt seems to care that we are getting married. Cause she nv ask us anything or what's our plans or etc. Only got ask so when's the date nia. Maybe she's not keen to get a daughter in law.
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Don't really wanna get bf to buy, cos we still have to pay for the coming flat renovations, wedding dinner, bridal studio &amp; etc all @ the same time.
 
Hi stressbride,

Are you a Teochew? I know that SDJ is a must for teochew bride.

I think for other dialect group, if there is a "Want" for this SDJ, i think is more of a gift to the bride than anything. Why not just ask your parents openly if they expect such gestures?

I don't think your MIL is indifferent to your wedding preps. Think she doesn't want to interfere too much in case, she causes any unhappiness.

My bf's mum also very quiet. Only when we mentioned about wedding-related stuff, then she asked a bit. In a way, is good too. Then you will have an easier time to plan your wedding.
 
Hi Twinfairy,

No, i'm not a teochew. But guess nowsdays not really must be a teochew then have it.

Well, i'm not going to ask my parents openly if they are expecting it, cause it's definately going to disappoint them. Just going to keep quiet lor, they will understand one bah, only hope relatives will not be big mouth and say unpleasant things. Esp aunties who likes to compare on anything and everything from school results to salaries to rich bfs and now even si dian jin.
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Hopefully it's like what you say bah. But my future MIL really nv say abt any thing @ all. Well, just gonna to console myself that she's just wants us to have a free hand in planning, though we know nuts abt the traditions.
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stressbride, the SDJ is a tradition for teochew bride. As you are not teochew, maybe that's one of the reasons your MIL doesn't think SDJ is a must. both my hb's and my family are teochew but my parents didn't feel unhappy over the SDJ issue as they are not particular about tradition. actually my MIL also commented that the gold price is very high and it will be very expensive to buy my SDJ. and i also agree that the gold price is very high compared to a few years ago...so i am fine not having the SDJ.

if your relatives are particular about whether you have SDJ, maybe just tell them that you are given a cheque to buy the SDJ you like. at least it doesn't look bad on your hb's family.

since your MIL didn't say anything about your wedding, treat it as a good intention that she gives both of you the freedom to plan for the wedding. you wouldn't want a MIL like my gal friend's who insists on every single details on tradition who is driving her nuts.
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Stressbride - i once heard from the radio this saying "everyone thinks that someone is looking at them but actually no one is looking at them"

So i am saying, you are not teochew, why would your relatives think that you will get SDJ? and you said "Esp aunties who likes to compare on anything and everything from school results to salaries to rich bfs and now even si dian jin"

In the first place, why would you let yourself drop to their level, being so shallow about all these stuff. Come on, this is your wedding! Make it truly yours! Make it fun! Make it different from any other wedding! Be a happy bride!

If you are really keen to have your MIL's involvement, then ask her openly what's traditions she has in mind for you guys.

I always feel that in a wedding preps, it is important to know what's the parents' expectation. Why would your parents be disappointed if you openly reveal that you have no SDJ, if they want, it is from both you and ur bf's pocket? I mean by now, your parents would have known your bf's family background.

Wedding is a celebration that marks the couple's open declaration to each other their commitment for life. Your marriage needs even more attention.
 
stressbride,
ya true that nowadays not really teochews then will have SDJ.. but most older ppl will feel that only Tecohews then need SDJ... only some will think likewise.. perhaps ur MIL will buy a small gold necklace or bracelet for u during the tea ceremony lor...

honestly speaking, what relatives wan to say let them be ba cos they are not the one handling the things so they can say alot of things... and of cos like what Momiji says, if u mind alot then maybe a cheque will do... cos some old ppl are not rich so asking them to give the SDJ is too heavy for them...

haha keep quiet better le.. cos hor everything u can take in control... my MIL kept quiet for a long time and suddenly now next mth is my wedding liao.. she began alot of her nosence.. so pissed that i told my hubby to listen in one ear out the other....
 
Dear all, just like to share some tots. Actually we are all not hard up for the sdj. But i feel that it shows how much we are valued by mil.

Even if we get a pair of small earrings or a small braclet, guess we will feel very happy as it shows at least we are valued and treated as part of the family.

btw, i was not given anything by my pil. What upsets me most is that my parents feel sad that I was given such treatment.
 
hi all,

chanced upon this thread... Am in the same shoes. Not getting any from PIL...but HTB understands why I need it...for my parents etc. So, he bought a set. We'll just say that it's from his parents. Sad right... Wonder why wedding preparation's such a sad and unenjoyable thing...

And spending money is all for parents...diff requirements.. it's really like spending money to buy peace and happiness, and prevent quarrels. So ironic... when such occasions supposed to be happy. Sigh....
 
no lah, penn..it's not sad if u dun have si dian jin lah....i guess if u r traditional teochew gal, it's more of the fact tat we need it to 'show' it to relatives who will be damn kpo to ask...

but nope, si dian jin doesn't determine ur value to ur inlaws...it's just sth non-living lah...

anyhow, anyone knows the price of gold these days?
 
Hi Penn,

can understand how u feel. well not every family can afford the sdj.like what Grace mentioned, it more like to show off than anything else...guess what most impt is that happniess after that...
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Marraige and wedding invlove 2 familes rather than 2 pax...that what i realise too. But on positive note, take it as there 1 more set of parents that will dote on u too.
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Hi Grace,

I think it $40...nt sure...i am also waiting for the gold price to drop abit before buying....have u bought yrs?
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not yet wor....maybe next mth or sth...

we went to neighbourhood gold shops...alrd selling at S$40.50...frm wat we understand frm the salespersons in the shops, they say tat S$40 is the lowest in the recent yrs...not sure if it would lower further...
 
hi hi

this is interesting... hee.. was wondering wat the gold prices were previously... and when is a good time to buy gold..
 
gold prices were about $20+ 10 years ago. so the gold jewellery our parents owned has doubled in value! i bought my si dian jin a month ago and it was at $40.50. glad that i got mine from poh heng after hearing the news reports about dishonest gold shops over-declaring the gold content.
 
i just went to a neighbourhood jewellery shop just now.. 916 is $50.. wondering when is a gd time to buy... my AD is March 2010.. slowly source i guess..
 
I also did not have any customary wedding. Just simple ROM but yet my mil gave me SDJ during the tea ceremony. so what is so great abt SDJ? Sorry i know nothing abt sdj.
 
dear BTBs.....does SDJ all need to be new? can we get 2 new items to complement the other 2 existing items that was bot me 2 years back?....feel sien....is this acceptable??
 
frm wat i noe, lovenco....it is acceptable...SDJ is plainly SDJ...no such thing as new or old cos i do noe tat some inlaws do give SDJ tat's passed down frm generations...dun fret
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Well I was given freedom to choose what i want for my Si Dian Jin as my mum in law wants it to be something that I love and will wear freqeuntly. She gave me a budget of 2k and to my horror, I found out that it is difficult to piece up 4 pieces of jewelleries with 2k. So now what I am planning to do is to up my budget to 2.5 and decided not to use the conventional yellow gold, white gold nor diamonds but rose gold+precious gem! Cant tell how much I love it! Pictures and price is mentioned here http://christineandvitor.blogspot.com/2009/04/si-dian-jin-how-to-be-unique-and-yet.html

hope this will help brides who are worried about the prices of si dian jin(esp during recession time) vs their likings for the jewelleries=)
 
My wedding was Sept last year and we bought our SDJ early. MIL ask me to go choose what i like and then she will pick up the tab cos she dun wan to buy anythng that i will not wear later.
So hb and myself took advantage of the GSS and bought it during that time. We got quite good deal for 4 pces of white gold + diamonds jewellery. So probably BTB might also consider taking advantage during the SALES period.
 
wow... seems like SDJ seems quite popular these days. I was the one who thought no need (coz i not teochew). My mum also not sure if need or no need. Coz to me, if my FH buying then no pt. I rarely wear jewellery even if its white gold (sensitive skin). So no need to waste money. But my cousin say supposed to be MIL who buy and my mum say if MIL buy then just take (next time can give children... well she's thinking too far).

Anyway, i was just chit chatting with my MIL and i just asked her what's the tradition. Told her frankly i don't want my FH to 'waste' money on SDJ coz budget tight. Surprise! She say she buy for me!!! Stunned! But she laugh laugh say cannot buy diamond one lah.. say small small she can still buy. I very happy liao... Told her we will go shop for her AD dress and whatever. I will pick the tab for her loh. Show my appreciation. Coz my PIL not the very rich kind but she buy for me. Quite touched.
 
mooncloud,
looks like your PIL pretty dotes on you...
as for me we got ROM like 3 yrs ago and we have been cohibiting since then, no kids and all have been striving super hard to get the customary going. i came from a not so wel to do family and have to cough out every single cent from my hardwork n sweat using all these years to build up. I have bought them like in parts over period of 1 year lor item by item not so xiong financially. it shud get things straighten out if carefully planned for. I think its very fortunate for all Grooms n Bride out there to go thru the trditional customary in style. As we all know that this is and will be fading off very very soon if we dont follow it...

For all groom, afterall you are buying for your WTB. So not really matter if parents or u buy.
 
Lee

bought mine at Poh Heng branch at Bedok Central, was served by a very old uncle service from uncle is good he is v experince. coz I myself is a Teochew so i bring my mum n HB n we choose together. N fyi the SDJ not frm my In laws (coz inlaw will alwys get $$$ frm my HB even thou mthly giv them allowance), they are from my HB.
My HB got me a necklace, ear rings, bangle a ring coz about $1.8K (got them 4 yrs ago so gold price stil quite cheap)
 
sighz...my FH's mum has passed away some years ago, his dad and elder siblings all lived in malaysia...lately, I've asked (retentlessly) by close gal friends and esp. my mum whether I would be receiving any jewellery from my future father-in-law for my coming wedding...actually I really didn't know...and was tired of telling them so (repeatedly)...
Actually I met my future father-in-law only a few times a year and we seldom talked much...as he's reserved-quiet type...all details of our wedding (eg. wedding dinner, PS, even guo da li stuff) are decided by me (mainly) and FH (supporting role)...haiz...I've to researched and read up a whole lot of info to ensure I din make any mistakes...
What's frustrating now is my mum kept lamenting about the lack of "presence" of my future father-in-law/FH's elder siblings in our wedding process...she even went on to speculate that I'm not on good terms with my future father-in-law or my FH's married siblings...sianz...explained to her countless times there's no point asking them to make countless trips to do every small wedding stuff with us in s'pore...in addition, my FH's elder siblings all got their own families to take care...where got time to take care of other people business (even their young bro = my FH)...
my mum juz kept feeling that my FH's family is not "sincere" in our wedding...sigz...

I'm not really bothered about having gold jewellery on me on my AD, just 1 piece from my FH's side will do...for goodwill...but I'm paisay to ask my future father-in-law whether I'll be having one from him...dun be asking my FH to get one for me as our wedding prep + coming reno are already taking a toll on him...he had been lamenting to me every night about $$$$...
 
Lee > My MIL just bought a set of Si Dian Jin from Poh Heng Orchard Branch at $3530 whereas my HTB bought me another set(also from Poh Heng) at about $5800.

SDJ usually consist of earring, bangle, necklace and ring. Now, gold price is quite expensive ($49 per gram for 916). hmm.. Actually poh heng latest italian design series is very nice, but workmanship can be quite expensive.

Though expensive, I still feel poh heng is the best especially when it comes to their trade-in policy.

If you wish to trade in your gold next time in poh heng, they only deduct 5% off whereas other goldsmith deduct 18% off from the gold value.

hehe.. My mum just trade in her 2 yrs old bangle for a new one of the same design similar weight, yet only top up $70?? My mum's old bangle is already full of scratches and "blackish" after 2 yrs of wearing. It's glad that we can change to a brand new bangle with minimal cost.
 
Hi all, I tot the si dian jing is asked by the bride's family when they discuss over the wedding details during the meet up of both parents? This happen to me. My future dad in law ask my mum what she 1, so she say don want anything, just si dian jing.
 
Lynn > Supposed to be this way. However for my case, MIL offered to buy me si dian jin or diamond set depend on my preference. As for the tables, HTB is paying for it. So actually my mum haven't offcially ask for anything yet.
 
OIC. But its really vr ex nw... Act if anyone of u r keen, I can pass a contact to u all. I custom made my wedding ring there. Not vr ex and consider vr cheap. Cause outside retail always mark up the price alot!. My wedding ring is white gold plus 0.3 carat, total cost not more than $600. The white gold cost $200++,my diamond got fr another supplier which is a fri &amp; cost me $200 only.But the friend no more contact liao.But I think if u 1 get the diamond fr the shop shd be much cheaper than retail by alot.
 
wah.. that's really worth the $$. I bought my wedding band in lee hwa. The 2 rings cost $1299 (Mine:0.11 carat, HTB: 0.13 carat).. Total add up still less than 0.3 carat. yet cost so much.
 


Ya, I have a few fri working in the retail jewellery shop, there mention that in retail store, the cost vs the retail is really alot. When in fact if u buy fr the whole saler a tiny diamond, it cost only USD$5 only. In fact,I intend to go and make a ruby ring mayb after my wedding at the end of the yr. Alredy called to enquire.for S$300 can buy a 1 carat ruby (not so gd quality) or 0.5 Carat (Better quality) one.Called early this yr, dono if end of the yr will still be the same price anot.
 

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