Hi, just need some advise from you all. My partner and have rom for 3 yrs+. We are actually preparing for our customery wedding for Dec 2010. But I'm not looking forward, neither am I excited about it. I'm an outgoing person whereas he is more of an introvert. He doesn mind living a life like a straight line whereas for my character, I can't accept this type of life. Have mentioned to him that there are no sparks between the 2 of us but he just lightly brushed me off by saying, this is normal for all couples. But I think otherwise, I think is the mentality that is affecting. I feel like cancelling the Dec customery and return to my life before marriage. What do u all think? Am I expecting too much from him?
Should I proceed or should I let go
- Thread starter ling1182
- Start date
texasholdem
New Member
this is where affairs are going to start.
On 2nd thot, maybe TS and hub can consider going for a marriage counselling (or pre-marriage preparation?) and try to work things out before customary. This is to give the relationship a chance. AFter the session, if things still can't be worked out, then maybe letting go is a good option.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Why do u marry for? To fulfill expectations of you? family pressure? your own pressure because of advancing age?? What is pushing you to marriage?
bottomline, do you even love him? Are you happy? And is your relationship leading to the next level or is it only your expectation that is leading you there?
Is the relationship giving so much happiness that you look forward to live together and not wanting life without him anymore?? If not, WHY ARE YOU MARRYING FOR? Nothing wrong with thinking alot. You should because you have no idea what you are doing. YOU SHOULD REALLY THINK AND EVALUATE. Don't screw up your life for nothing. And you really deserve it if you do it willingly. You cannot claim you duno and not thinking right. You have 3 solid yrs to think.
bottomline, do you even love him? Are you happy? And is your relationship leading to the next level or is it only your expectation that is leading you there?
Is the relationship giving so much happiness that you look forward to live together and not wanting life without him anymore?? If not, WHY ARE YOU MARRYING FOR? Nothing wrong with thinking alot. You should because you have no idea what you are doing. YOU SHOULD REALLY THINK AND EVALUATE. Don't screw up your life for nothing. And you really deserve it if you do it willingly. You cannot claim you duno and not thinking right. You have 3 solid yrs to think.
Ling, do you love him at all? If you do, I believe you will try to accomdate to his lifestyle, just as he will accommodate to yours.
I do believe that a "homely" person and an outgoing person can still have a happy marriage. It's just how they want to balance and fulfill each others' needs.
Also, did you know that he is an introvert before you decided to marry him?
I do believe that a "homely" person and an outgoing person can still have a happy marriage. It's just how they want to balance and fulfill each others' needs.
Also, did you know that he is an introvert before you decided to marry him?
miloice
Well-Known Member
Actually, it is not true that a homely person cannot live with a extrovert partner.
It has more to do with the expectations... when one expect the other to always accompany them be it outside or home. Both can find separate time and hobbies. Just don't lose the balance and neglect the spouse.
Your issue isn't compatibility. You do not understand why there were sparks in your relationship in the first place. It takes effort and understanding to remain happy and fulfilled in a relationship. Don't just expect merrily happy ever after. It is never like this. If you cannot rediscover your sparks.... your relationship is in for a dry spell. and the drought can last a lifetime.
It has more to do with the expectations... when one expect the other to always accompany them be it outside or home. Both can find separate time and hobbies. Just don't lose the balance and neglect the spouse.
Your issue isn't compatibility. You do not understand why there were sparks in your relationship in the first place. It takes effort and understanding to remain happy and fulfilled in a relationship. Don't just expect merrily happy ever after. It is never like this. If you cannot rediscover your sparks.... your relationship is in for a dry spell. and the drought can last a lifetime.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
"If you cannot rediscover your sparks.... your relationship is in for a dry spell. and the drought can last a lifetime."
One person cannot create sparks.
One person cannot create sparks.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
That's the tricky part. The husband already said no sparks is normal for all couples. He isn't interested in sparks.
perhaps you are in a phase of your life where marriage, or in this case, marrying this guy, is not right for you.
there are women out there who have had tons of adventures outside, been with not necessarily a lot of guys but had the experience of being with wild and exciting and romantic guys who give them a good time initially but when it comes to the hard qualities of being reliable and dependable, they are often found wanting.
Perhaps you have not had such a guy. Of course best case is the guy is both exciting and reliable. Not easy to find such a combination and often-times you also have to look in the mirror to see what an exciting and reliable guy could see in you.
There's also another section on marrying a finished article vs marrying a work in progress. As everything is subjective and relative, you never know how reliable a person can be until you encounter a unpleasant situation. For that matter, you can never tell how resilient/strong a person's character can be without much interaction.
Your relationship may have gone on for 3 years but how much exactly have the 2 of you interacted as one entity? How well do the both of you work as a team? And I'm not just saying if you can win the Amazing Race together means you're a good team. There are a lot of issues a 'team' has to deal with in a marriage.
To be fair, my 2 cents worth is, you may want to seriously consider dropping everything. Other alternative is, get married then shortly after have kids. That way, you can perhaps 'buy' time for another 10-20 years depending on how many kids you have.
I'm just rambling because I don't have time to really structure my stand and my pitch to you for you to understand but hopefully you can tell the gist lah.
there are women out there who have had tons of adventures outside, been with not necessarily a lot of guys but had the experience of being with wild and exciting and romantic guys who give them a good time initially but when it comes to the hard qualities of being reliable and dependable, they are often found wanting.
Perhaps you have not had such a guy. Of course best case is the guy is both exciting and reliable. Not easy to find such a combination and often-times you also have to look in the mirror to see what an exciting and reliable guy could see in you.
There's also another section on marrying a finished article vs marrying a work in progress. As everything is subjective and relative, you never know how reliable a person can be until you encounter a unpleasant situation. For that matter, you can never tell how resilient/strong a person's character can be without much interaction.
Your relationship may have gone on for 3 years but how much exactly have the 2 of you interacted as one entity? How well do the both of you work as a team? And I'm not just saying if you can win the Amazing Race together means you're a good team. There are a lot of issues a 'team' has to deal with in a marriage.
To be fair, my 2 cents worth is, you may want to seriously consider dropping everything. Other alternative is, get married then shortly after have kids. That way, you can perhaps 'buy' time for another 10-20 years depending on how many kids you have.
I'm just rambling because I don't have time to really structure my stand and my pitch to you for you to understand but hopefully you can tell the gist lah.
We are not really poles apart. We do have happy times during our dating times and for 1st yr after rom. I must admit that my love for him has decreased partly is because maybe I find our life is not as before happy bah. Before rom, i didn find him so introvert.Is as times goes by, i find him more distant away from me. I try to suggest ways to improve our relationship, like going out for a romantic dinner date. Ultimately, actually hope for some advise to improve our situation as I still hope to be with him. Other den going for marriage counselling, have any other ways mah?
No, is the dullness and the boredom of our relationship that makes me feel like giving up. But I hope to think postively hence would like some ideas to improve our relationship. Perhaps life is not like a bed of roses hence i can't expect him to sweet talk me and do occasional surprises bah as he's quite a nerd.
miloice
Well-Known Member
he is who he is from day 1. He told u he is fine with his boring life and wants you to join him in his boring life. You said yes and took 3 yrs to realize you cannot live a boring life.
So, do u want to change him now?
Talk to him seriously, suggest how to make it more interesting for the both of you. Go for holiday or something. Seek a marriage counsellor if needed. It is serious, u guys need to attempt to work things out. Else, why walk into a timebomb knowing you have no happiness in it.
So, do u want to change him now?
Talk to him seriously, suggest how to make it more interesting for the both of you. Go for holiday or something. Seek a marriage counsellor if needed. It is serious, u guys need to attempt to work things out. Else, why walk into a timebomb knowing you have no happiness in it.
joiedevivre
New Member
both of you have to make the effort to create the sparks. did you tell him how you feel and how boring your life is now?
lots of couples face this problem after they've been together for some time. even the movie sex and the city 2 deals with this problem... maybe you should watch it.
no reason to split bcos of this, unless you feel that he's not supportive of what you want to do in life.
lots of couples face this problem after they've been together for some time. even the movie sex and the city 2 deals with this problem... maybe you should watch it.
no reason to split bcos of this, unless you feel that he's not supportive of what you want to do in life.
I like romantic dinners, daily hugs and kisses, plenty of surprises and gifts, and jokers and songs and... all those sweet nothings.
LOL~
Hi Ling 1182,
Would you care to answer some... questions I have some curiousity with?
Just simple questions if you care to honestly try your best to answer.
LOL~
Hi Ling 1182,
Would you care to answer some... questions I have some curiousity with?
Just simple questions if you care to honestly try your best to answer.
wat_are_dreamz
New Member
Hi Ling, I'm sure every r/ship requires constant maintenance. U need to sit down w ur hubby to talk abt ur likes, dislikes, comfort level etc. I dun think life shd be dull after ROM. If u like romantic dinners once in awhile, u dun have to tell ur hubby. Just send him an sms or write him a simple 'dinner invitation card' to meet u at the dinner place at wat time n dress code. U can even specify 'bring flowers along' etc.
If u didnt communicate or share ur chara n life enough b4 marriage, then work on it now. Honestly, both of u stepped into marriage cos of love. Accept each other's preferences n chara, compromise n respect to live in harmony.
On a side note, Scope seems kinda weird.
If u didnt communicate or share ur chara n life enough b4 marriage, then work on it now. Honestly, both of u stepped into marriage cos of love. Accept each other's preferences n chara, compromise n respect to live in harmony.
On a side note, Scope seems kinda weird.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Perhaps going for couple counselling is not a bad idea for you both. You seem unsure of how you should feel. You truly feel bored with the relationship but you don't know if it's ok to feel bored.
I will tell you that it is not ok to feel bored in a relationship so much so that you consider walking away. The alarm has sounded for you to do something about it.
I will tell you that it is not ok to feel bored in a relationship so much so that you consider walking away. The alarm has sounded for you to do something about it.
if both of u love each other, everything can be salvaged if u2 are commited to work on issues
first, do you know what marriage means to you? Do you know what marriage means to him? Don't just guess, you two have to sit down and listen or talk to each other, then like having an EXCO meeting, negotiate for a win-win, and set goals to achieve them. My guess is that your husband is probably not getting his needs met, just like yours, but he just brush it off and accepted the boredom.
Second, sparks = brain chemistry = easily recreated
Love is attachment, intimacy, caring (Zick Rubin)
or
intimacy, passion and commitment (Robert Sternberg)
Your sparks are missing because there is a problem with intimacy and passion.
Intimacy is being connected: you know who he is, his values, his hopes and fears, and he knows yours. From your thread, it seemed that this is missing, because I don't think knowing anybody as a person is a boring process. I think both of you have stopped communicating intimately, that's why it has become 'boring'.
Passion - is a mix of excitement, surprise; an adrenaline rush. Experiments have shown that people who meet on a dangerous swaying rope bridge find another more attractive than someone who they met on a safe bridge. To rekindle the sparks with your hubby, do something new together. Go for a new class together. Go on unplanned travelling trips together. Try new things. Throw a dice to decide to go and eat at the first restaurant after, let's say taking 5 left turns. Give surprises. Make surprises. Shock him. It'll be lots of fun planning such things, I don't think your life will be dull anymore once you start thinking and playing. Perhaps you have been too passive and is sitting there waiting for him to 'spark' an 'shock' u? Then u are an accomplice in your boredom.
One last thing...for your fun and surprises, do try to get the consent from your hubby before you proceed. The worst things that can happen is that your 'surprises' happen during his most stressful periods when he needs peace, quiet and solitude and with your surprises you add more stress to him. Then he will get angry/stressed/resigned while you feel rejected and angry because he doesn't appreciate your actions.
first, do you know what marriage means to you? Do you know what marriage means to him? Don't just guess, you two have to sit down and listen or talk to each other, then like having an EXCO meeting, negotiate for a win-win, and set goals to achieve them. My guess is that your husband is probably not getting his needs met, just like yours, but he just brush it off and accepted the boredom.
Second, sparks = brain chemistry = easily recreated
Love is attachment, intimacy, caring (Zick Rubin)
or
intimacy, passion and commitment (Robert Sternberg)
Your sparks are missing because there is a problem with intimacy and passion.
Intimacy is being connected: you know who he is, his values, his hopes and fears, and he knows yours. From your thread, it seemed that this is missing, because I don't think knowing anybody as a person is a boring process. I think both of you have stopped communicating intimately, that's why it has become 'boring'.
Passion - is a mix of excitement, surprise; an adrenaline rush. Experiments have shown that people who meet on a dangerous swaying rope bridge find another more attractive than someone who they met on a safe bridge. To rekindle the sparks with your hubby, do something new together. Go for a new class together. Go on unplanned travelling trips together. Try new things. Throw a dice to decide to go and eat at the first restaurant after, let's say taking 5 left turns. Give surprises. Make surprises. Shock him. It'll be lots of fun planning such things, I don't think your life will be dull anymore once you start thinking and playing. Perhaps you have been too passive and is sitting there waiting for him to 'spark' an 'shock' u? Then u are an accomplice in your boredom.
One last thing...for your fun and surprises, do try to get the consent from your hubby before you proceed. The worst things that can happen is that your 'surprises' happen during his most stressful periods when he needs peace, quiet and solitude and with your surprises you add more stress to him. Then he will get angry/stressed/resigned while you feel rejected and angry because he doesn't appreciate your actions.
Hi Evon Poon,
Ling's case is a well-known condition among women... I have been reading your exchanges (I mean all of you's) to read her responses.
Not too good...
Weird... ... LOL~
I read all the comments here... Actually, Ling is having a very serious communication problem with the husband. Opposite can attract, but somehow their communication breaks down, and they are dragging. They will still talk, but on very different frequencies... and probably for life if she drags on like this.
Which is why... the old usual treatment of discovery needs to be administered before we throw her all the suggestions to rekindle whatever craps.
Because before I have the psychological map of what really happen, any cure suggested will be just a gamble.
They do not really need family counciling. In Chinese: å› ä¸äº†è§£è€Œå¸å¼•ï¼Œå› 了解而分开.
I am not even sure they are meant for each other unless... she earnestly, honestly and sincerely answers my questions. LOL~
I am the pro, ok? LOL~
So... I am wondering should I proceed. This type of case is like this... Already registered, legally binding yet not yet 'married'. If I discover that she and the husband are just dragging... ...
Divorce also no good excuse, continue... and she's trapped in a cell. LOL~
Ling, are you sure you are prepared for my questions or my weirdness?
Hweebs,
I am glad you come to realise saying "If both of you love each other...". Hopefully you are improving. How can love be secondary and commitment is primary? LOL~
I am glad to see your progress.
Someday, I hope you'd find that guy who'd make you pathetic. ^.6
Ling's case is a well-known condition among women... I have been reading your exchanges (I mean all of you's) to read her responses.
Not too good...
Weird... ... LOL~
I read all the comments here... Actually, Ling is having a very serious communication problem with the husband. Opposite can attract, but somehow their communication breaks down, and they are dragging. They will still talk, but on very different frequencies... and probably for life if she drags on like this.
Which is why... the old usual treatment of discovery needs to be administered before we throw her all the suggestions to rekindle whatever craps.
Because before I have the psychological map of what really happen, any cure suggested will be just a gamble.
They do not really need family counciling. In Chinese: å› ä¸äº†è§£è€Œå¸å¼•ï¼Œå› 了解而分开.
I am not even sure they are meant for each other unless... she earnestly, honestly and sincerely answers my questions. LOL~
I am the pro, ok? LOL~
So... I am wondering should I proceed. This type of case is like this... Already registered, legally binding yet not yet 'married'. If I discover that she and the husband are just dragging... ...
Divorce also no good excuse, continue... and she's trapped in a cell. LOL~
Ling, are you sure you are prepared for my questions or my weirdness?
Hweebs,
I am glad you come to realise saying "If both of you love each other...". Hopefully you are improving. How can love be secondary and commitment is primary? LOL~
I am glad to see your progress.
Someday, I hope you'd find that guy who'd make you pathetic. ^.6
scope,
u got it all wrong. I didn't mean commitment is primary and love is secondary. I meant that being able to commit is a non negotiable criteria to me. After he meet the criteria then i will explore to see if there is love. Only if there is love then there are other developments. Me very the picky one
u got it all wrong. I didn't mean commitment is primary and love is secondary. I meant that being able to commit is a non negotiable criteria to me. After he meet the criteria then i will explore to see if there is love. Only if there is love then there are other developments. Me very the picky one
Hweebs,
It's still love is secondary. LOL~
Don't end up Monokuro II. Why would you women love to fight on something so obvious?
Commitment comes first before love... Hmm hmm hmm...
I am also very picky one. LOL~ Come on, you should have already known why love comes first, and is the sore primary concern of human relationships.
For me is simple. Love me truly, then we'd talk about any other things. Which is in a way, more picky than you. Because I understand they are more women who jumped into the bed with promises or lies of commitment than women who prefer the taste of love and an eternal bond in the hearts.
Hweebs, remember, marriage is never a decision. Don't expect to commit and then you'd grow love. What if 'love fades'? You are the sort who will be easily cheated by men who told you they are out to commit. I have seen many 'players' around me doing that... And often, the girls got cheated easily. LOL~
Those players do, however, help me to filter out those stupid women making my search easier as a result.
'Then you will explore to see if there is love'... Do you know love of which you shalt be exploring for? Know why many women are taken for a ride... like that Irene Kang?
They assumed too much.
It's still love is secondary. LOL~
Don't end up Monokuro II. Why would you women love to fight on something so obvious?
Commitment comes first before love... Hmm hmm hmm...
I am also very picky one. LOL~ Come on, you should have already known why love comes first, and is the sore primary concern of human relationships.
For me is simple. Love me truly, then we'd talk about any other things. Which is in a way, more picky than you. Because I understand they are more women who jumped into the bed with promises or lies of commitment than women who prefer the taste of love and an eternal bond in the hearts.
Hweebs, remember, marriage is never a decision. Don't expect to commit and then you'd grow love. What if 'love fades'? You are the sort who will be easily cheated by men who told you they are out to commit. I have seen many 'players' around me doing that... And often, the girls got cheated easily. LOL~
Those players do, however, help me to filter out those stupid women making my search easier as a result.
'Then you will explore to see if there is love'... Do you know love of which you shalt be exploring for? Know why many women are taken for a ride... like that Irene Kang?
They assumed too much.
Ling,
LOL~ Before anything, would you mind to recall how you end up having the first date with him and how was the first date... in your own version?
Most importantly, a pretty retard question actually... is he your first boyfriend and do you have in the 3 yrs span before you met him any other suitors?
Just curious... before you get the questionaires. Hehe~
LOL~ Before anything, would you mind to recall how you end up having the first date with him and how was the first date... in your own version?
Most importantly, a pretty retard question actually... is he your first boyfriend and do you have in the 3 yrs span before you met him any other suitors?
Just curious... before you get the questionaires. Hehe~
We went for a lunch for our 1st date and it was a pleasant date with chats of laughter. He's not my first boyfriend. During our dating period, there are suitors wooing me, among them, there's one which attracts & touched me. Cos that time, he was working night shift hence we hardly have time to meet,perhaps is bcos of lonely hence I did ever want to break with him during that time. But he told me to give him time and he will try his best to spend more time with me. Prior to that, he really did try to spend more time with me.
Ling,
Personal opinion...I think he's just not the right one for you. Similarly, you're not the right one for him. I'm a 'hyperactive' or outgoing person as well who needs to be constantly entertained. With the right one, I don't feel bored even though he's not exactly exciting also. My hubby's kind of a geek too but because he's just the right one for me, I don't feel bored in my relationship and marriage with him.
Will you be happier without him? If a part of you screams a yes, then I guess it's time to bid goodbye. If you'll be upset without him forever, then try to work things out. Be the one to initiate new things to try out together.
Personal opinion...I think he's just not the right one for you. Similarly, you're not the right one for him. I'm a 'hyperactive' or outgoing person as well who needs to be constantly entertained. With the right one, I don't feel bored even though he's not exactly exciting also. My hubby's kind of a geek too but because he's just the right one for me, I don't feel bored in my relationship and marriage with him.
Will you be happier without him? If a part of you screams a yes, then I guess it's time to bid goodbye. If you'll be upset without him forever, then try to work things out. Be the one to initiate new things to try out together.
I broke up with my previous boyfriend is because he has a new girlfriend.I got to know my hubby is after 2 yrs I break up with my ex boyfriend. My hubby & I are friends for 3yrs and he started to woo me after the 3 yrs. Hence, we dated for 3 yrs before we proceed to rom.
"Hweebs, remember, marriage is never a decision"
- you see, we totally disagree on this point. To put it simply, 'love' is definitely not possible between us because our fundamental values of our existence and relationships are poles apart. But let's not continue further and put the emphasis back onto ling.
Ling, I'll say that most if not all relationships require effort of some sort. There are no 2 people who are totally complementary or alike in the world. If you have thought someone is 'perfect' for you, it probably means that you have not known the person well enough to know his dissimilarities with you. Like for you and your 'hubby', you had not realised how introverted he was when u ROM, and now when u know him more, u see the introverted part. In a way, you can argue and say that now you know him u feel he is not compatible. But if you just give up and look for the next one, this pattern of 'looking for the perfect' will repeat again and again, because there is no one who is 'perfect', through time, everyone u like/love will have some values or habits that are different from yours. Yet, if you recognize that no one is perfectly suited to you, everyone who you fall in love with can be your lifelong partner. This view differs from scope's, whose view is that 'there is the perfect one for me out there'. So depending on your own value system, you choose whose philosophies to believe and use lah.
- you see, we totally disagree on this point. To put it simply, 'love' is definitely not possible between us because our fundamental values of our existence and relationships are poles apart. But let's not continue further and put the emphasis back onto ling.
Ling, I'll say that most if not all relationships require effort of some sort. There are no 2 people who are totally complementary or alike in the world. If you have thought someone is 'perfect' for you, it probably means that you have not known the person well enough to know his dissimilarities with you. Like for you and your 'hubby', you had not realised how introverted he was when u ROM, and now when u know him more, u see the introverted part. In a way, you can argue and say that now you know him u feel he is not compatible. But if you just give up and look for the next one, this pattern of 'looking for the perfect' will repeat again and again, because there is no one who is 'perfect', through time, everyone u like/love will have some values or habits that are different from yours. Yet, if you recognize that no one is perfectly suited to you, everyone who you fall in love with can be your lifelong partner. This view differs from scope's, whose view is that 'there is the perfect one for me out there'. So depending on your own value system, you choose whose philosophies to believe and use lah.
Hweebs,
Love is totally possible between us if you are attractive enough and you are a woman. LOL~ But you are not my type, we can be very good friends eventually, anyway.
You don't understand what you are talking about... "If there is love...", for Ling and many examples here plus tons of other women out there, how many married without your 'exploration' of love? LOL~
I am not trying to argue with you, of which something you already know but your gifted self-denial as a woman is in full force. "If there is love..."...
What if there isn't? LOL~
Why is there isn't? They married. Ling claims 'Love fades'. Given your idea, your love can fade as well, even if you have explored as many many many many other women would.
Hweebs, it's not our fundamental values or existence or relationships are poles apart... it's simply your self-denial.
Love love love... just as Monokuro was enjoying her last few sessions of married dates with her husband... when you need love, it was never there. The battle was lost the minute self-denial kicks in, and she marries someone she couldn't fought to retain.
Hweebs, you are looking for a mate whose your ownership can last forever... while your beauty won't, inspite your one-sided imaginery understanding of men would. I am looking for a bond, where the bond can last eternally.
Only true love will do the trick.
It's about time to throw in the questionaires... LOL~ I just want to see how Ling replies to Vios and you. I have already some ideas about her.
My questions are not asked for fun... ie. LOL~
But you are right... if I find Ling and that man are not compatible... I'd suggest they break. Because the compatible one will be missing her, and that'd be an insult to the match made in heaven for everyday of infidelity commited against heaven's will by staying with the husband... and denying the husband to meet Ms compatible.
Double sins.
There is still one piece of background puzzle... If Ling replies to you, that should help.
Love is totally possible between us if you are attractive enough and you are a woman. LOL~ But you are not my type, we can be very good friends eventually, anyway.
You don't understand what you are talking about... "If there is love...", for Ling and many examples here plus tons of other women out there, how many married without your 'exploration' of love? LOL~
I am not trying to argue with you, of which something you already know but your gifted self-denial as a woman is in full force. "If there is love..."...
What if there isn't? LOL~
Why is there isn't? They married. Ling claims 'Love fades'. Given your idea, your love can fade as well, even if you have explored as many many many many other women would.
Hweebs, it's not our fundamental values or existence or relationships are poles apart... it's simply your self-denial.
Love love love... just as Monokuro was enjoying her last few sessions of married dates with her husband... when you need love, it was never there. The battle was lost the minute self-denial kicks in, and she marries someone she couldn't fought to retain.
Hweebs, you are looking for a mate whose your ownership can last forever... while your beauty won't, inspite your one-sided imaginery understanding of men would. I am looking for a bond, where the bond can last eternally.
Only true love will do the trick.
It's about time to throw in the questionaires... LOL~ I just want to see how Ling replies to Vios and you. I have already some ideas about her.
My questions are not asked for fun... ie. LOL~
But you are right... if I find Ling and that man are not compatible... I'd suggest they break. Because the compatible one will be missing her, and that'd be an insult to the match made in heaven for everyday of infidelity commited against heaven's will by staying with the husband... and denying the husband to meet Ms compatible.
Double sins.
There is still one piece of background puzzle... If Ling replies to you, that should help.
scope,
No. The self denial is yours. I will not even consider it. Our stands are poles apart. I will not even attempt to argue with you, because it is pointless.
""If there is love..."...
What if there isn't? LOL~ " - TS says there is, who am I to doubt her, or judge her relationship? Even if it is an illusion it is really none of my business to bust it. Though u will think that it's your moral duty to do so.
No. The self denial is yours. I will not even consider it. Our stands are poles apart. I will not even attempt to argue with you, because it is pointless.
""If there is love..."...
What if there isn't? LOL~ " - TS says there is, who am I to doubt her, or judge her relationship? Even if it is an illusion it is really none of my business to bust it. Though u will think that it's your moral duty to do so.
Hweebs,
It's really pointless until you face the One and God's little test. LOL~
Ling said there WAS, and love fades... I don't know true love can fade... ... Perhaps it can. Just not how I see it.
Perhaps to you, they can drag on loveless to keep the shell of a family. After all, drag another 20~30 years, Ling would be too old and ugly to make an easy escape. LOL~
Hweebs, you are a councellor... ... Make sure you understand it's a lifetime thing you'd be affecting.
Whether you'd consider it, or a woman will consider it, is when you got to know me in person physically... You are too just too quick to jump to conclusions about yourself.
Love... is never rational, my dear Hweebs. Not to say, you are trying to be your Goddess. LOL~ Still, you are not my type. I prefer someone who have the grace upon themselves to see themselves truly.
Don't escape my question...
What if there isn't? Why if there isn't? It's not only you or Ling who'd explore love after or without bothering 'commitment'. Many silly women made love to players because of promises of 'commitment'.
Tell you a big simple secret... A man is either capable of love, or he isn't. LOL~ Such a stubborn woman... you'd likely to understand one day.
What if there isn't... why if there isn't? LOL~
Until you need love, it has never been there... ... You don't know what yet is the real power of love. I expect my women to give me the ultimate version of love... as I'd love them ultimately.
You will not love me in ultimate fashion... you are too stubborn in the wrong way, and you deny even yourself. LOL~ How you love me? Hence, how can you be my type?
How picky are you as compared to me? Millions of men can promise you anything, and throw a love for you to explore...
But among the billions... how many girls have what I want...? LOL~
Don't cheat your heart. It's a sin. Till you meet your destiny, let's kiss the truce. ^.^ No point I say too much before that.
"If there is love..." I hope sincerely you encounter your love of a lifetime. It will help us to gain an understanding and be true friends.
It's really pointless until you face the One and God's little test. LOL~
Ling said there WAS, and love fades... I don't know true love can fade... ... Perhaps it can. Just not how I see it.
Perhaps to you, they can drag on loveless to keep the shell of a family. After all, drag another 20~30 years, Ling would be too old and ugly to make an easy escape. LOL~
Hweebs, you are a councellor... ... Make sure you understand it's a lifetime thing you'd be affecting.
Whether you'd consider it, or a woman will consider it, is when you got to know me in person physically... You are too just too quick to jump to conclusions about yourself.
Love... is never rational, my dear Hweebs. Not to say, you are trying to be your Goddess. LOL~ Still, you are not my type. I prefer someone who have the grace upon themselves to see themselves truly.
Don't escape my question...
What if there isn't? Why if there isn't? It's not only you or Ling who'd explore love after or without bothering 'commitment'. Many silly women made love to players because of promises of 'commitment'.
Tell you a big simple secret... A man is either capable of love, or he isn't. LOL~ Such a stubborn woman... you'd likely to understand one day.
What if there isn't... why if there isn't? LOL~
Until you need love, it has never been there... ... You don't know what yet is the real power of love. I expect my women to give me the ultimate version of love... as I'd love them ultimately.
You will not love me in ultimate fashion... you are too stubborn in the wrong way, and you deny even yourself. LOL~ How you love me? Hence, how can you be my type?
How picky are you as compared to me? Millions of men can promise you anything, and throw a love for you to explore...
But among the billions... how many girls have what I want...? LOL~
Don't cheat your heart. It's a sin. Till you meet your destiny, let's kiss the truce. ^.^ No point I say too much before that.
"If there is love..." I hope sincerely you encounter your love of a lifetime. It will help us to gain an understanding and be true friends.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
"I meant that being able to commit is a non negotiable criteria to me. After he meet the criteria then i will explore to see if there is love. Only if there is love then there are other developments. Me very the picky one "
I find this theory weird. How can commitment precede love? Would you consider committing to someone you don't love?
To me, love represents commitment. If there is no love, commitment would mean nothing.
I have met men willing to commit right from the beginning. I think they were more in love with the idea of marriage or relationship than with me. I avoid such men.
" I find this theory weird. How can commitment precede love? Would you consider committing to someone you don't love?
To me, love represents commitment. If there is no love, commitment would mean nothing.
I have met men willing to commit right from the beginning. I think they were more in love with the idea of marriage or relationship than with me. I avoid such men.
actually to me Love is something that you discover along the way.
It is actually conceivable to me to not love someone you are about to marry. I'm not saying I mean uncomfortable or don't like still go ahead. I mean everything is good, chemistry, balance, character compatibility but you still can't quite call it love yet. So for lack of a better word, on your wedding day, you just simply say, 'i love you' lor.
How I'd like to see love is something that you discover along the way. After this person has conscientiously and consistently shown her affection towards you with patience, care, understanding. After she has born you your children. After she has carried herself well in your name, as your wife, as the mother of your children, then talk about real real love. Like the kind your mother/father/brother has for you. Of course that would be a different kind of love but that's what I'm talking about lah. The couple (married and unmarried) love is not something you talk about easily before going through trials and tribulations together.
But along the journey still no harm saying 'love you baby, sleep tight' lah.
haha...
know what I mean?
It is actually conceivable to me to not love someone you are about to marry. I'm not saying I mean uncomfortable or don't like still go ahead. I mean everything is good, chemistry, balance, character compatibility but you still can't quite call it love yet. So for lack of a better word, on your wedding day, you just simply say, 'i love you' lor.
How I'd like to see love is something that you discover along the way. After this person has conscientiously and consistently shown her affection towards you with patience, care, understanding. After she has born you your children. After she has carried herself well in your name, as your wife, as the mother of your children, then talk about real real love. Like the kind your mother/father/brother has for you. Of course that would be a different kind of love but that's what I'm talking about lah. The couple (married and unmarried) love is not something you talk about easily before going through trials and tribulations together.
But along the journey still no harm saying 'love you baby, sleep tight' lah.
haha...
know what I mean?
so if my point were in response to Doll, I'd say commitment can precede love.
You can commit to be exclusively with a person you are in a relationship without necessarily loving her first. That is, you are comfortable with who she is and how you are around her and you think she is the one, you can commit to her. You can't quite love her yet because there is such a long journey ahead of you, but I feel, you can commit first.
You can commit to be exclusively with a person you are in a relationship without necessarily loving her first. That is, you are comfortable with who she is and how you are around her and you think she is the one, you can commit to her. You can't quite love her yet because there is such a long journey ahead of you, but I feel, you can commit first.