should i end things with my fiancé?

[almondcheese]

Hello girls,

My fiancé and I had been together for near 6 years and we are planning for our upcoming wedding. Recently I found out that during our first year together, he was still having some feeling towards his ex-crush. I discovered so, because I found out that he had secretly took photos of his ex-crush (those photos taken a far) and I questioned him repeatedly before he finally admitted that he still hold some feeling towards his ex-crush during that time but it gradually died off. I felt disappointed, cheated and lost now. If he still have feeling with is ex-crush during that period of time, why he want to be together with me.

I’m lost and in a dilemna now. Wads worse is we are planning for wedding. Any adviseeeeeeee?

 

[JuzDream]

I am sorry to hear that.

But as u said, u guys been together for 6 years and u discovered he had photos taken 5 yrs ago that he secretly stalked his ex gf?

It means it happened long ago and he can be forgiven for that since he did not take any recent photos of his ex.

However, what cant be forgiven is that why didnt he delete the photos taken 5 yrs ago if his feelings died off from her?

 

[almondcheese]

I am sorry to hear that.

But as u said, u guys been together for 6 years and u discovered he had photos taken 5 yrs ago that he secretly stalked his ex gf?

It means it happened long ago and he can be forgiven for that since he did not take any recent photos of his ex.

However, what cant be forgiven is that why didnt he delete the photos taken 5 yrs ago if his feelings died off from her?

Thanks for the reply. He had deleted the photos after i found out. Sigh.

 

[JuzDream]

Why not ask for transparency from him?

Like u want to view his phone openly anytime and vice versa?

This is one way u can gain each other trust in future

 

[almondcheese]

Why not ask for transparency from him?

Like u want to view his phone openly anytime and vice versa?

This is one way u can gain each other trust in future

Yeah he would allow me to do so.

So in the past when we are in a relationship, his mind has another girl as well. Feel betrayed and cheated at the thought of this

 

[JuzDream]

Sorry for being direct.

R u sure u r able to accept this and spend rest of your life with a guy who hides things from u until u discover it?

This could happen again after marriage and it would be worse as you would have way more commitment.

If u dun feel is ready, is better u put the wedding on hold first and give all this into consideration.

 

[josongmejuin]

Hello... Sorry to hear about ur situation. To be frank, maybe at that time he was just confused. Cannot blame that she was indeed before u. But most impt is the time u spend with him. We all take past different. After all it was the start of ur rs during that time. Then feelings grew fonder Day by day. I m sure both of u do not see that u will be life partners at that time. Ask urself if this incident will bother u in future, if it will then maybe don't rush into marriage now as it may ruin the marriage in future. If u can let it go, Trash things out with him and ask him how he takes this rs and if both of u decides to walk down the aisle together, forget about this incident and get ready to be happy bride. Hope things work out well for u...

 

[Infernolord]

Hello girls,

My fiancé and I had been together for near 6 years and we are planning for our upcoming wedding. Recently I found out that during our first year together, he was still having some feeling towards his ex-crush. I discovered so, because I found out that he had secretly took photos of his ex-crush (those photos taken a far) and I questioned him repeatedly before he finally admitted that he still hold some feeling towards his ex-crush during that time but it gradually died off. I felt disappointed, cheated and lost now. If he still have feeling with is ex-crush during that period of time, why he want to be together with me.

I’m lost and in a dilemna now. Wads worse is we are planning for wedding. Any adviseeeeeeee?

Honestly speaking i find nothing wrong or he cheated you?
Why do you have so low confident of yourself? I have quite a number of dates before. I keep all of their photos..
Although i dun look at them now, To me, they are memories of my life, I do loved my ex before. Sometime i am curious of their lives, even till today, i still look at their fb randomly. But i do not have any feelings, but to wish them gd going forward.

The thing is i am sentimental. I cherished and i keep those memories with me.
U see, i think your man is just the same as me. He deleted now because you are Important now as compare to his past memory.
And my friend, this is 5 yrs ago. So long ago.. Maybe he jus keep them but he dun even bother to delete..

 

[almondcheese]

Honestly speaking i find nothing wrong or he cheated you?
Why do you have so low confident of yourself? I have quite a number of dates before. I keep all of their photos..
Although i dun look at them now, To me, they are memories of my life, I do loved my ex before. Sometime i am curious of their lives, even till today, i still look at their fb randomly. But i do not have any feelings, but to wish them gd going forward.

The thing is i am sentimental. I cherished and i keep those memories with me.
U see, i think your man is just the same as me. He deleted now because you are Important now as compare to his past memory.
And my friend, this is 5 yrs ago. So long ago.. Maybe he jus keep them but he dun even bother to delete..

Hmm photo of his excrush was secretly taken when we are alr tgt

 

[Infernolord]

Hmm photo of his excrush was secretly taken when we are alr tgt

Are you feeling that you are a rebound (spare tyre) from his ex crush?
A rebound that last 6yrs and he propose to you?
I know you feel upset, but do you think by digging something that happened 5 yrs ago helps in your marriage?

And again, maybe he still have some feeling for his excrush at that time, its "natural" cos he like her but doesnt not mean they are meant to be together.

My advise is that this is not a big deal and this happened so long ago. Dun dig this and bring unhappiness toward you and your finace.
What is important is going forward. If u found out he has other gers photo taken recently, then this is a big issue.

 

[almondcheese]

i had clarified with him that he doesnt have feeling for her during the time of his confession to me. He only have abit of feeling for her during the first few months we are together when he got lonely. We were on an overseas work trip then and know each other there. The ex crush was also at the overseas work trip. There are times when i wasnt be able to be with him so he get lonely.

I know its all in the past but i feel sour...
Is this normal? Is this acceptable?

 

[octobride]

Forgive and forget...

It's almost 5 years ago and he should have moved on... Don't let this matter spoil your plans for wedding!

 

[miloice]

Frankly, I kept my ex photos throughout dating with my wife. Do I have feelings still? I'm human, but there is good reason why she is my ex, these reasons are still valid. I threw the photos when moving out, simply because its no brainer. I don't want to risk hurting my wife for no good reason. It doesn't mean I don't feel anything or lost my memories about my past. Memories will be memories. You cannot erase that away. Life experiences makes us what we are today. She were there in his life before. That's the past.