Sex and love

[Centrist]

hi Guys,

Do you have this problem that you feel your husband really doesnt care how you feel or what u think?

I have been having this problem with my husband since we got married. I felt cheated after marriage.

We have been together for over 10 years now, but we go married 5 years ago.

First of all, sex was a problem. I know it is weird for a wife to have tt problem when usually it is the men who usually desires this. But in my case, i feel like i had to beg for it most of the time. I initiate it all the time till im frustrated to ask anymore. To date the last time we had sex was a little over a month ago. Before we got married, we had sex every other week and i thought this was what we’ll engage in post marriage but it was worst. It is not that i asked for it every day. I only ask to do it once a week then once in two weeks. But eventually i just didnt ask anymore.

It was worst after i gave birth.

He’d show annoyance at the slightest things disregarding the situation that i am in. Like managing the child and yet expecting me to pay attention to him. He doesnt help around the house unless if asked him.

When i tried to share with him my problems, he’d just go silent like he didnt care or sometimes just tells me to ignore the problem. Smthg i would to someone who i wont care about and want to change topics. In terms of intimacy, we dont show it anymore. Whenever i askwd him for sex, he’d just say he is too tired, having migraine BUT his thumbs seem active enough on mobile legends. He’d stay up late to play his stupid games.


Now i wonder if i should just leave him. I talked to him but there are still no improvements. I regretted marrying to be honest.

I remember crying at some nights when i was rejected. My sniffles are loud enough that he’d notice. Even then, he didnt do anything.

I want to leave him but i think of my child. I dont know what to do.

 

[xainn]

There has to be something going on or a reason to that. Find an opportunity to talk to him. It may be that you have changed yourself in some aspects that you may not have realised too. Or he may actually like you to doll up or communicate or get intimate with him in certain ways that you didnt know and he didnt say.

Communication is important. Hope it works out for you.

 

[xxdaggerxx]

It could be performance anxiety or maybe he has erection problems.
Some men are a shamed of this so they pretend they dont need sex.

Does he watch allot of porn? If so, ask him to cut down.

Wear sexy lingerie and be extra feminine/cutsy to attract him.

 

[Mr. J]

Hi There,

I am in a similar situation (worse situation maybe, but sex is one aspect) as you, but I am the husband. I and wife have not had sex for about two or maybe three years. In my case, wife left me for two years to stay in her home country after giving birth. I didn’t like this long-time separation, but she insisted. However, anyway, she is not the sexually active woman. For her, sex is just a mechanism to get a kid in order “to finish her task” (in her own words). She stopped dressing up once we got married and didn’t care at all about appearance. Honestly, I don’t think there is still spark between us. Same as you, I also regret marrying her. For your info, she was the one insisting us to get married early. Compared to my wife, I am much more adventurous in sex. I do like to do oral sex on lady and even I am cool if we would like to try more adventurous things like threesome or swinging. I am even fine if she wanna play with other guys as long as it is just sex. Unfortunately, wife is the opposite. Sex is rare and it is only vaginal intercourse in only one or two positions without even any oral sex involved. Thinking about this, I feel that we both may be sexually incompatible. In addition, even though she looks naturally okay, it just occurred to me recently that she is not the type that naturally makes my heart sing. You may ask how we got together then. Well, it was maybe mixture of loneliness, stress (I was in graduate school) and unclear-and-rushed decision making. Anyway, we have a kid now, so divorce will require much consideration. It is difficult to move forward, but it’s not possible to move back. I did stray a few times when she was not around and our relation was at low points. I suppose it was due to frustration. Anyway, now I’ve determined not to repeat my infidelity. I have been good for this year so far. However, it is a big question mark if I can live like this for the next 10 to 20 years.

Back to your inquiry, I can’t provide any advice. However, by sharing my own problem, maybe you may get a clue or hint on how to solve yours or at least, you become aware that you are not the only one trapped in sexless marriage.

All the best...

 

[Jezebel]

We have realised over time that sex and love are two separate things. But when you have both it can be a lot more exciting and it creates a special bond between two... We have always had very liberal and open conversations about sex even while we were dating. We were never shy about sex. It was defnitely an aspect of our relationship....

 

[Will88]

hi Guys,

Do you have this problem that you feel your husband really doesnt care how you feel or what u think? ...........

I fully agree with jezebel that sex should be part of marriage life. I wish my wife is like you, requesting for sex. I have been deprive for sex for many years.

In your case, you need to know whether has your hubby sex drive lost drastically or he feels there is a mismatch in your characters with his. Another possible reason could be he doesnt find you attractive anymore.

You seems still quite young. I wouldnt suggest you to give up this marriage yet. You should find ways and change topics of communication between you both and understand each other better. Only then you can decide better the way forward.