I can’t decide what’s right. I tried looking for couples with similar scenario but I can’t. Can you help me?
I have been married for 10 years (2008-2018) and dated 3 years (2005-2008). In 2016, my husband chose to relocate to China for a work promotion and the intention was for me to join him with our kids after a year. I literally gave birth to our second child one month before he left and so we thought it makes more sense for me to stay in SG for better support first.
When we visited him in China for a month during my maternity leave, I found out that he was cheating on me. I gradually found out even more over the next 1.5 years that he has actually been cheating on me since 2006, one year after we dated. He basically started from porn to HJ/BJ massages to full service prostitutes which eventually led to 2 affairs with prostitutes (2014, 2015-2016). Prior to that, he has no history of cheating or such practices.
How I found out all these were through my own investigation which I verified with him. He has never been upfront on these informations as he claims he doesn’t want to hurt me further *bullshit*. I am pretty sure he and the last affair prostitute are no longer together and he has been free from cheating the past 1.5 years. He claims he won’t cheat again and the difference is because he has been discovered. He was in sin previously as no one knew and he got bolder and it became a downward spiral. In terms of what broke down between us, mainly it was because I was fat and he finds fat ppl a turn off.
Friends have commented he seems to have become nicer. He spends time with family, nice to ppl ard us and more respectful to my parents. However, I can’t seem to move on. I am not able to convince myself that he has done enough to save the marriage especially when he has never been upfront and honest about whatever that have happened and just wants to move on and he has not shown consistent signs of placing family/me in first place. He said a lot of mean things to me as well which I find it hard to forget.
What would u do? How do I know if he has done enough to save the marriage but it is only me who is not willing to forgive and move on?
I have been married for 10 years (2008-2018) and dated 3 years (2005-2008). In 2016, my husband chose to relocate to China for a work promotion and the intention was for me to join him with our kids after a year. I literally gave birth to our second child one month before he left and so we thought it makes more sense for me to stay in SG for better support first.
When we visited him in China for a month during my maternity leave, I found out that he was cheating on me. I gradually found out even more over the next 1.5 years that he has actually been cheating on me since 2006, one year after we dated. He basically started from porn to HJ/BJ massages to full service prostitutes which eventually led to 2 affairs with prostitutes (2014, 2015-2016). Prior to that, he has no history of cheating or such practices.
How I found out all these were through my own investigation which I verified with him. He has never been upfront on these informations as he claims he doesn’t want to hurt me further *bullshit*. I am pretty sure he and the last affair prostitute are no longer together and he has been free from cheating the past 1.5 years. He claims he won’t cheat again and the difference is because he has been discovered. He was in sin previously as no one knew and he got bolder and it became a downward spiral. In terms of what broke down between us, mainly it was because I was fat and he finds fat ppl a turn off.
Friends have commented he seems to have become nicer. He spends time with family, nice to ppl ard us and more respectful to my parents. However, I can’t seem to move on. I am not able to convince myself that he has done enough to save the marriage especially when he has never been upfront and honest about whatever that have happened and just wants to move on and he has not shown consistent signs of placing family/me in first place. He said a lot of mean things to me as well which I find it hard to forget.
What would u do? How do I know if he has done enough to save the marriage but it is only me who is not willing to forgive and move on?