Pls help me to move on...
- Thread starter twinkler
- Start date
Hi to all
Thanks for all the advice. Me not into football but it is a good digression.
Like what giantemu has put it, "We may think he is a gambler....but he will probably call himself an investor...."
He really feels that he is a serious investor and kept saying that it will be his life-time interest. I am sure he is bound to argue where is the line for disciplne and greed.
At the insistence of my family at that time, I had actually drafted an informal IOU stating the amount that I had lent, the repayment period (as indicated by him) and had his mum signed it as a witness. I think he was pissed when I suggested the IOU but he signed it as they needed the money urgently and his parents baulked about the IOU. They had asked him what's there to separate about finances between the both of us. MIL had even asked "Isn't my money his money too?" I guess I am like a free ATM to them.
I have also lent out more money after the IOU but I did not bother about the IOU after that. Now, I asked myself if I can just forget about the money, write off everything as a bad debt and simply move on. Many times, I was tempted to but when I found out that he has the means to repay but he did not (esp when I needed the cash urgently), I couldn't let it go. My family said that if we intend to divorce, I should fight for alimony or at least get back what I am entitled to. Since everything has turned out ugly, yes, I may need to file a civil suit separately if I intend to get back the money. I don't even know how to go about doing this. *Sigh*
He has said that he will never give me alimony but he will pay me back everything soon. He told me to go for a simple divorce to save money and time but my family is worried that once the divorce papers are signed, he will disappear (since he is in another country) and feign ignorance about the loan. He claimed that he will not do this as he had a respectable job.
He wasn't like that prior to marriage (coz he probably have no money at that time) so I guess circumstances and time really do change a person. As his parents depend on him and his job for their financial well-being, I had initially hoped they can knock some sense into him but of course, they could not see the point and felt that I was making a big hoo-ha out of nothing. To his parents, he is the perfect son and one that they are very proud of. They dismiss our quarrels/fights as petty as they do pretty much the same themselves.
There isn't a lot of information about good divorce lawyers out there. Do I just simply look up in the internet and give them a ring to find out more? I read somewhere that most lawyers charge for consultation and I don't want to just find any lawyer and end up paying a lot of money for someone whom is not very good. Any recommendations for divorce lawyers?
I left my job to go to a new country with him. Not entirely for him but that is the main reason. Wanted to work hard at the marriage but to no avail. All my belongings are now stuck in that country. A short stay here in SIN became several months and after so many ugly exchanges between ourselves, I dread going back to retrieve my stuff.
I wanted to confide in my close friends but they are either busy with kids or work. Glad that I can still turn to my family and now this forum, for support.
Thanks for all the advice. Me not into football but it is a good digression.
Like what giantemu has put it, "We may think he is a gambler....but he will probably call himself an investor...."
He really feels that he is a serious investor and kept saying that it will be his life-time interest. I am sure he is bound to argue where is the line for disciplne and greed.
At the insistence of my family at that time, I had actually drafted an informal IOU stating the amount that I had lent, the repayment period (as indicated by him) and had his mum signed it as a witness. I think he was pissed when I suggested the IOU but he signed it as they needed the money urgently and his parents baulked about the IOU. They had asked him what's there to separate about finances between the both of us. MIL had even asked "Isn't my money his money too?" I guess I am like a free ATM to them.
I have also lent out more money after the IOU but I did not bother about the IOU after that. Now, I asked myself if I can just forget about the money, write off everything as a bad debt and simply move on. Many times, I was tempted to but when I found out that he has the means to repay but he did not (esp when I needed the cash urgently), I couldn't let it go. My family said that if we intend to divorce, I should fight for alimony or at least get back what I am entitled to. Since everything has turned out ugly, yes, I may need to file a civil suit separately if I intend to get back the money. I don't even know how to go about doing this. *Sigh*
He has said that he will never give me alimony but he will pay me back everything soon. He told me to go for a simple divorce to save money and time but my family is worried that once the divorce papers are signed, he will disappear (since he is in another country) and feign ignorance about the loan. He claimed that he will not do this as he had a respectable job.
He wasn't like that prior to marriage (coz he probably have no money at that time) so I guess circumstances and time really do change a person. As his parents depend on him and his job for their financial well-being, I had initially hoped they can knock some sense into him but of course, they could not see the point and felt that I was making a big hoo-ha out of nothing. To his parents, he is the perfect son and one that they are very proud of. They dismiss our quarrels/fights as petty as they do pretty much the same themselves.
There isn't a lot of information about good divorce lawyers out there. Do I just simply look up in the internet and give them a ring to find out more? I read somewhere that most lawyers charge for consultation and I don't want to just find any lawyer and end up paying a lot of money for someone whom is not very good. Any recommendations for divorce lawyers?
I left my job to go to a new country with him. Not entirely for him but that is the main reason. Wanted to work hard at the marriage but to no avail. All my belongings are now stuck in that country. A short stay here in SIN became several months and after so many ugly exchanges between ourselves, I dread going back to retrieve my stuff.
I wanted to confide in my close friends but they are either busy with kids or work. Glad that I can still turn to my family and now this forum, for support.
Hello Twinkler
Give your friends a call. They WILL make time for you. Don't worry. That's what happened to my friend, she was too 'considerate' to call us thinking that we were too busy with our lives, until we found out that she'd been feeling so lousy for a few weeks. Everyone made time.
I'm sorry to hear that your husband and his family doesn't seem to know what a marriage really means.
Give your friends a call. They WILL make time for you. Don't worry. That's what happened to my friend, she was too 'considerate' to call us thinking that we were too busy with our lives, until we found out that she'd been feeling so lousy for a few weeks. Everyone made time.
I'm sorry to hear that your husband and his family doesn't seem to know what a marriage really means.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Twinkler, where is the discipline that he can argue on? Look at his financial situation and he advised his parents life savings into the same shit as well.
A person that over sketch the budget beyond his limit has already lost the discipline. He is playing with money he cannot afford.
A person that over sketch the budget beyond his limit has already lost the discipline. He is playing with money he cannot afford.
"he advised his parents life savings into the same shit as well"
Milo, actually we argued about the above many times and he said it was sheer bad luck that the market bottomed out even though they bought blue chips. He felt that no one can be blamed coz he was doing the best for his parents. In his words, he was helping them to grow their wealth and his parents wholly agreed with him. I became the money-grubbing evil witch in their eyes.
He kept putting me down and insisted that I am the antagonizer everytime we quarrelled/fought. It's making me crazy and I kept wondering, is it really me who should change?
Milo, actually we argued about the above many times and he said it was sheer bad luck that the market bottomed out even though they bought blue chips. He felt that no one can be blamed coz he was doing the best for his parents. In his words, he was helping them to grow their wealth and his parents wholly agreed with him. I became the money-grubbing evil witch in their eyes.
He kept putting me down and insisted that I am the antagonizer everytime we quarrelled/fought. It's making me crazy and I kept wondering, is it really me who should change?
wat_are_dreamz
New Member
Hi Twinkler, matka is right. Just give ur frens a call, go out for a meal n drink. They will have time for u, dun worry. I do agree w ur family tat u shd get the $ back from him. Its sad tat he has changed so much n is so irresponsible towards u n his parents.
I wish u well. =>
I wish u well. =>
miloice
Well-Known Member
Sheer bad luck....
there is nothing to argue abt liao. Pointless. This is gambler's mentality. They lost because of luck. Crap. You put all the eggs in basket... its not by chance but by choice and having false confidence over the market that he actually has no control over. We see this happens all the time. When they are making, all talk damn big... as if they are gurus of the market. In actual fact, all are small time players that cannot afford a dip in the market.
This isn't going to change. Yes, you should change. Do so by waking up and realize that no one can help him except himself. And you do not need to sponsor him to continue.
there is nothing to argue abt liao. Pointless. This is gambler's mentality. They lost because of luck. Crap. You put all the eggs in basket... its not by chance but by choice and having false confidence over the market that he actually has no control over. We see this happens all the time. When they are making, all talk damn big... as if they are gurus of the market. In actual fact, all are small time players that cannot afford a dip in the market.
This isn't going to change. Yes, you should change. Do so by waking up and realize that no one can help him except himself. And you do not need to sponsor him to continue.
Going for margin is not really investment. The element of gambling is much higher. The reason to go into margin is because you can't afford to pay for the stocks.. or you playing with much higher stakes that you can afford.
It is like going into a casino and borrowing money from the casino to gamble.
It is like going into a casino and borrowing money from the casino to gamble.
His ex-colleague kept bragging that she made 10k grow into a few hundred thousands from margin trading, and if she an amateur can easily do it, so can he as well. What she did not emphasize was that she had also lost a few hundred thousands in a day as well. Maybe she did but he had filtered it out.
Initially, I wasn't aware coz I thought he had quit. He told me he had no money for the monthly medical bills so I paid. The bills weren't cheap. I later realized that he had no money coz he had lost in margin trading and that was why he was in a constant bad mood. I told him that I cannot pay the bills after I have found out and it made our relationship worst. His parents and more importantly himself, did not understand why I wasn't supportive at all.
At least some of you here can point out right away the ills of margin. He is highly educated and studied finance. How could he not know? Initially, I thought I was prejudiced and ignorant as they made me out to be.
I asked myself if I am able to overlook this and carry on in the relationship. However, it has reached this stage and he clearly wanted out. It seems silly of me to want to hang on and pretend nothing had happened when the damage had been done.
I should probably seek a lawyer asap and get this ugly incident behind me. No one has good lawyer to recommend so I will just look through the forum again for past recommendations. My life seems to come to a standstill now.
Initially, I wasn't aware coz I thought he had quit. He told me he had no money for the monthly medical bills so I paid. The bills weren't cheap. I later realized that he had no money coz he had lost in margin trading and that was why he was in a constant bad mood. I told him that I cannot pay the bills after I have found out and it made our relationship worst. His parents and more importantly himself, did not understand why I wasn't supportive at all.
At least some of you here can point out right away the ills of margin. He is highly educated and studied finance. How could he not know? Initially, I thought I was prejudiced and ignorant as they made me out to be.
I asked myself if I am able to overlook this and carry on in the relationship. However, it has reached this stage and he clearly wanted out. It seems silly of me to want to hang on and pretend nothing had happened when the damage had been done.
I should probably seek a lawyer asap and get this ugly incident behind me. No one has good lawyer to recommend so I will just look through the forum again for past recommendations. My life seems to come to a standstill now.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
If cost is not a big concern, you can consider engaging Foo Siew Fong of Harry Elias. She heads up the Family and Matrimonial Law division there.
Check out her credentials at http://www.harryelias.com/peopledet.php?id=9.
Check out her credentials at http://www.harryelias.com/peopledet.php?id=9.
Hi Twinkler,
Sorry to hear about what u have been going thru. I am also in a rough patch of my marriage and am looking into separation before proceeding with divorce.
I am here if u need a listening ear. My msn is [email protected]
Be strong.
Sorry to hear about what u have been going thru. I am also in a rough patch of my marriage and am looking into separation before proceeding with divorce.
I am here if u need a listening ear. My msn is [email protected]
Be strong.
dinnielooi
Member
doreen, since it's so miserable, why not go for divorce immediately
Similar threads
