Partner has diabetes. Still marry him?

[simpleman]

cassandra, As I said, most people are not tested or diagnosed. Sad to say, most Singaporeans are not very knowledgeable about such disease. And even so it is a very minor disease if it is just thalassemia. Yes, ideally couples should discuss everything before marriage.. but in this instance, really, it is so minor that most would not have thought about it.

I just think you and your family are too uptight. Let me ask you. do you even know if you and your family have this disease? Have you tested for it?

Grey, Not very high. 1/4 if both parents are carrier.

 

[cassandralee]

Thank you for your different points of view. I sincerely hope there are no health effects. My family had never shown any sign of being carriers before in routine blood tests, but I got tested specifically after I found he was a carrier. I tested negative, thankfully.

Maybe more upsetting is that we had discussed family health history, including genetic diseases, with his family before getting married. This is part of the reason I am so upset. By asking, wasn't it obvious we cared about health matters?

My parents had suspicions about him and his family generally, but I encouraged them to trust him. Now my parents' worries have been confirmed, and I feel I've been cheated. I don't know how anyone could not think this wouldn't happen by withholding this kind of information before marriage.

And yet, even now, they won't admit that they have done wrong by not disclosing. They just act as if nothing is wrong. Now, I know that his father and his siblings were actually diagnosed with the condition (and he was, too), and yet they never brought it up. They know it's a family disease. They know they are anemic. Doctors had told them the reason for it. I do not believe that it just slipped their minds. I feel hopeless that they just disregarded my feelings.

But some of the perspectives on this board are interesting. I see some people apparently think Thalassemia is not significant. I wonder are these people carriers or non-carriers? My family (which is indeed conservative), and I thought most Asian families who don't have genetic diseases, would definitely think twice about marrying into a family with a genetic disease.

That is one of the concerns for the future. Will my kids need to worry about being rejected because of this. Will I feel it's necessary to hide it? I will encourage them not to hide it. There are people out there who do not mind it, but everyone ought to have the opportunity to make the decision of whether they want this in their life, for themselves. But to be honest, I wish I didn't have to in the position of needing to tell them that.

 

[denise80]

Cassandra, there are no symptoms for those suffering from Thalassemia so I doubt he deliberately withheld the information. Let me share my opinions with you as a Thalassemia minor. We are just slightly anemic but are very normal - we jump, run, race, walk, eat anything we like, sleep and work etc. This is passed down genetically and if it had been 'major', the person wouldn't even have survived till today. The chances of both couples having Thalassemia are very low but still important to check.

I think you should give him the benefit of doubt. It's either he really is not aware or he really didn't think it's a big deal. I agree with you that sometimes men can be such 'relax' ppl regarding such issues. My man is one like this but because I have Thalassemia, I got him to do his medical check up as well.

Try not to upset your relationship with your hubby further by bringing up issues like 'will your kids be worried about being rejected blah blah'...when the time comes, just get them to do the check up and advise them accordingly.

For your future kids, frankly, whether it's ur hubby with this genetic problem or not, you are still the mother of your children and it's still part of your responsibility to break the news to them. Don't feel bad about anything. If they are understanding kids, they'll listen with an open mind. Do it sensitively tho cos I rem my sibling being mad over the fact that my dad broke the news to all of us only much later in life but hey, they didn't know abt their health too till they're in their 50s haha...

 

[arsenal_84]

Hair balding is also a generic side effect...during my poly days i used to hate my father side of the family.
Nowadays, i don't bother talking to them much but cny has been a bothersome holiday imo.

 

[myc]

me and my bf are planning for marriage, anyone can share the details for any pre-marriage check up?

and if there's any promotion for the check up? Some of the check up that i saw costs quite a bomb.