I and my Husband know each other for 8 years and married for 3 years plus. His temper is bad. Even during dating, he ever raised voice at me and pinch me whenever we had argument and can’t control his temper. I have been asking him to go for anger management course or stress management. And he quit the job where we know each other just before our wedding, he claimed the job gave him a lot of stress and other physical discomfort. Things got better after he quit. At that time, we still quarrelled but not to that extent that result in physical or emotional abuse. During our marriage, he remained jobless. We started having arguments over multiple things. He was staying at my mom place at that time. One of the things we always quarrel is about bathing. He always don’t shower after a Long day at work, and only shower after his bowel or before going to work. So I won’t allow him to sleep on bed if he don’t shower, so he end up sleeping on floor most of the time and that makes the floor super oily and slippery which I hated. So we quarrelled over and over again. At that time he also struggling to find a permanent job. After argument, we often ended up in cold war for days and even weeks. He also had a hard time living with my mom due to his habit such as not brushing teeth, not showering, laundry at late night, keep the light switched on overnight. Due to this, we also had argument over and over again. I would ask him to move back to his mom place as he was having hard time living together with my mom. But his mom don’t allow him to move back, if he does, they would take it as divorce. Besides, there were few times that he pulled me out from the room and caused a big bruises on my thigh, or hit my hand with his fist. During this time, I have been thinking of getting divorce. But due to the bto we have purchased, I urge for counselling and he also moved out from my mom place after 2 yrs of marriage. Many of my friends and relatives have warned me before and after the wedding. But I was hesitating and he was remorseful and claimed he would not be violent again.
However even after he moved out, he screamed at me in the public few times due to argument over renovation, safety and something other issues which I can’t recall. Each time he also mentioned he was sorry and claimed he was too stressed up over work issue or renovation issues. As we continued our counselling with care corner, things slowly improved.
Finally, our renovation is over. We have moved in to our new flat. There was soooo much things to do, so much things to get at that time. We had a lot of different opinions on what appliances to get. On that night, he fetched me from work. While on the way back home, we had some minor conflicts over which vacuum cleaner to get. Yes, vacuum cleaner. Then progress to the key holder, to our schedule. Then he literally lost his mind. He bite me over my chin and my ear just because I refused to listen to him and standby my will. So I cried and wanted to go back to my mom place. But he subsequently pulled my hairs and hold me down to the bed, not allowing me to walk out of the room. I was so frightened and tried to struggle out of his arms and hide under the bed. While I was still crying and hiding under the bed, he claimed that he disagreed with my point and just wanted to clarify and have a talk with me. He claimed that if I move out, he won’t get a chance to talk to me. He even asked me to call police on that night which I didn’t. But I still make a police report subsequently. And again, he was remorseful and claimed he was very stressed up over work. he even had signs of fainting spells and chest tightness every often due to stress to prove that he really stressed up. On the same night, he arranged an appointment with psychologist for his anger and stress issue. Meantime, we also have an appointment with the counsellor at care corner next week.
Sorry for such a Long story.
Anyway I was so lost after this incident. Considered that we just moved in, all the efforts we have made (renovation, appliances, furniture shopping, decision mostly done by me), the money we have invested in (all paid by me as he do not have savings, he will pay me back in installments). Some said i should give him one last chance, since I have made police report and he has made effort to seek help. Some said I should divorce as he has been verbally and physically abusive over the years, and it’s not the first time. I’m really lost. Over the years, I have been thinking about divorce, but was tied by the flat, and hoped things will get better. But it doesn’t. On the other hand, the efforts I have put in, the money I have invested in (apart from the furniture, lightings, appliances, the renovation loan was also taken under my name), and the flat is less than 5 yrs. I really don’t know whether I should file for divorce.
Note: we have been sexless since marriage as he claimed he had some skin issue which have been addressed by now.
However even after he moved out, he screamed at me in the public few times due to argument over renovation, safety and something other issues which I can’t recall. Each time he also mentioned he was sorry and claimed he was too stressed up over work issue or renovation issues. As we continued our counselling with care corner, things slowly improved.
Finally, our renovation is over. We have moved in to our new flat. There was soooo much things to do, so much things to get at that time. We had a lot of different opinions on what appliances to get. On that night, he fetched me from work. While on the way back home, we had some minor conflicts over which vacuum cleaner to get. Yes, vacuum cleaner. Then progress to the key holder, to our schedule. Then he literally lost his mind. He bite me over my chin and my ear just because I refused to listen to him and standby my will. So I cried and wanted to go back to my mom place. But he subsequently pulled my hairs and hold me down to the bed, not allowing me to walk out of the room. I was so frightened and tried to struggle out of his arms and hide under the bed. While I was still crying and hiding under the bed, he claimed that he disagreed with my point and just wanted to clarify and have a talk with me. He claimed that if I move out, he won’t get a chance to talk to me. He even asked me to call police on that night which I didn’t. But I still make a police report subsequently. And again, he was remorseful and claimed he was very stressed up over work. he even had signs of fainting spells and chest tightness every often due to stress to prove that he really stressed up. On the same night, he arranged an appointment with psychologist for his anger and stress issue. Meantime, we also have an appointment with the counsellor at care corner next week.
Sorry for such a Long story.
Anyway I was so lost after this incident. Considered that we just moved in, all the efforts we have made (renovation, appliances, furniture shopping, decision mostly done by me), the money we have invested in (all paid by me as he do not have savings, he will pay me back in installments). Some said i should give him one last chance, since I have made police report and he has made effort to seek help. Some said I should divorce as he has been verbally and physically abusive over the years, and it’s not the first time. I’m really lost. Over the years, I have been thinking about divorce, but was tied by the flat, and hoped things will get better. But it doesn’t. On the other hand, the efforts I have put in, the money I have invested in (apart from the furniture, lightings, appliances, the renovation loan was also taken under my name), and the flat is less than 5 yrs. I really don’t know whether I should file for divorce.
Note: we have been sexless since marriage as he claimed he had some skin issue which have been addressed by now.