No sex, no kid life

K

kfanss

New Member
I have been feeling miserable and need some advice.
My hb and I have been married for 5yrs in our early 30s. I come to realise that my hb seem no longer interested in sex, we did not have sex for almost 4 months already, I wonder is this normal and whether such relationship is healthy. I even start to think whether he still loves me? Every time I requested for it, he will always gives a lot of excuses such as tired, want to sleep etc. He knows that I have always wanted a baby but he does not want, so I think this could be one of the reasons why he does not want to have sex. Is true that his life is very hectic, he is always very busy with work, need to entertain clients and travel overseas frequently as well. I have given him time and try my best to convince him in whatever ways that I can think of to have kid, however he still insists no kid. My hb is a very stubborn person and once he decided, it is very difficult to change his mind. Every time I raise this issue to him, we end up quarrelling. I cried many times alone. I did have a m/c before which was 2 years back. I am not sure whether he still grieve over the incident (though he claimed that he was very stressed up during the period when I m/c). He said he cannot concentrate on his work but it has already been 2 years and both of us are not getting young. Sometimes, I wonder why he cannot spare a thought for me. I think he is just too selfish, he does not want to give up his current lifestyle. Our marriage life is so routine nowadays. It is always like wake up in the morning, go to work together, knock off, have dinner together either outside or in-law hse, then he will send me hme, either he stay at hme or he will go out with friends or entertain his clients at night (most of the time he will be out, leaving me alone at hme). I am really sick and tired of such life, what can I do about it?
 


kfanss,
Frankly speaking, I think u are as selfish as your hubby. Having a kid need both parties' consent, no matter how much you yourself wants that to happen. It's better to use soft approach on your hubby rather than scolding, blaming him. If I'm u, I will try to inspire him, e.g. bring him to places with many cute kids running about, bring him to family outings that have your cute nephew.

Having a kid does not solve the problems in your marriage. You need to have an open talk with your hubby without pointing any finger at him. If I'm a hubby facing a hot-tempered wife, I'll probably be too stressed up to talk to her or make love with her. Of course, your hubby needs to do his part for e.g. spend more time with you. You should also find your own activities to do instead of centralising your life around your hubby. Your life is boring because you choose it.

I hope both of you can work out the problems in your marriage before executing the baby plan.
 
Wasn't marriage meant to be routine after a while? What sort of excitement are you looking for?

From a guy's perspective, life in Singapore isn't easy. Many expectations to fulfil. Honestly, if i'm married, I won't want to have kid. Reason being that there are many things that come along with a kid, esp the massive amount of commitment and responsibilities which are brought forth.

Why not have a heart to heart talk? If he is reasonable, he should give you the chance to voice out. If he blatantly shuts you up, then its really up to you to decide what you want out of the marriage?

For a married woman, you are considered somewhat lucky. At least, he makes enough dough for the family and he doesn't slack and makes time for you....
 
"'Wasn't marriage meant to be routine after a while?"

No... That's precisely the reason why things becomes routine. The mindset that expects that to be happen. With time, the excitement is gone and you will start to find it lacking in your marriage until someone else comes into your life.

It takes effort to restore and add new sparks and excitement in a marriage. The idea and marriage that it should be so is going to work against that.
 
Instead of waiting for the hubby, kfanss can take the initiative to organise couple activities to add sparks back to her marriage. Why must we gals always wait for the guys?

Guys are quite easy to please actually. Little surprises from the gals will bring a smile to their faces for the whole day
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kfanss can also find more activities to do on her own! It's unfair for her to blame her boring, routine life on the hubby.
 
"Why must we gals always wait for the guys?"

exactly. it takes 2 to tango. Both must put the effort.
 
You have to give up the idea that sex & marriage are inextricably linked. Find a fun & exciting sex partner outside the marriage. Inside the marriage, play the homemaker and have the comfort & security - best of both worlds.
 
Realist,
Our hubby/wife can also be a fun, exciting sex partner! Haha we dun always have to "outsource" for more exciting sex ok. There are so many books out there that teaches one how to spice up sex life.

If "outsource", must pray hard that dun kenna STDs and AIDS ;) Even condoms dun give 100% protection.
 
So choose carefully where you outsource. There's this myth out there that any extra-marital relationship has a high risk of STDs. That may be true if you hang out with losers who use hookers. But if you choose educated, affluent, intelligent partners, they are usually quite capable of keeping themselves clean & healthy.
 
So... the virus would choose uneducated, non affluent pple to infect. How to keep clean & healthy by having multiple sex partners?

Don't cheat yourself loh. STD will infect through sexual contact. It doesn't matter how 'clean' a person might look on the outside.
 
HAHAHAHAH.... Tis is priceless. Din we use to think tat aids only affected homosexuals too? Dun be too complacent b4 a fall. It's ur choice how u wanna live ur life. But dun mislead others wif false info hor.
 
I think kfanss had voiced out one of her biggest block...they end up in fighting every time she raised the issue of having a kid.

kfanss, I think what the others are trying to tell you here is...instead of focusing on having a baby, you should put some efforts in rebuilding your marriage. Go on a holiday...etc etc...or simply...just keep him company on his favourite activities...I don't know how you are going to have to do it but really...taking a gentle and different approach might have your desired effect.

All the best!
 
Realist reminds me of Alexie!!! Yucks!

Back to Kfanss' case. I see that she has married the wrong man, and her husband has married the wrong woman, as in she wants children while he doesn't. Having children or not should be addressed before and not after the marriage. Now, the disparity in values and views is dividing them. Both are not happy with each other.
 
I agreed with doll. The issue about having children must be decided before the marriage. People sometimes assumed that all married couples want children which may not be the case.

But since they are already married, the next best approach is to use the softer approach of having greater intimacy.
 
realist,

And I think it is a myth to think that "educated" people are cleaner. Yes, they may be concern about hygiene but the fact of the matter is that they are mostly complacent. How many "educated" people who had multiple sex partners do compulsory and regular health screening against STD and other diseases?

Those in the sex trade have a check every other week. So the sex worker in GL is very likely to be "cleaner" than the MBA babe that you picked up in the pub.

And mostly, sex worker always use a condom. The same cannot be said of the casual sex partner that you picked up - however educated. Unprotected sex increass the chance of catching a disease dramatically.

And stats have already shown the STD and AIDs are mostly transmitted through unprotected sex - mostly ignorant (young teenagers) or complacent fools.

Of course the best is to stick to one exclusively partner.
 
I agree with SM on using the softer approach to encourage greater intimacy but it may only resolve one out of the two problems Kfanss has - lack of sexual intimacy. The child issue remains unresolved. Someone has to compromise. If Kfanss compromises, she will never be happy. If the husband compromises, there is no guarantee that he will be pleased with his new role as father.

I heard of a case (friend's friend) whereby the man did not want a baby but the woman insisted. Indeed, the woman got her way on the condition she would be soley responsible for the child. In the end, they split and the man has since clean forgotten he has a child.
 
doll,

And sometimes people view about having children will change with the times.

So it is still possible. But if couples have 100% disagreement on having a child, then it is an impossibility to begin with. Might as well divorce and find a man who wants children.
 
That is true, SM. There is no guarantee in life. A gf of mine and her bf were planning for marriage and when she discovered her pregnancy, he changed his mind about marrying her! She is now a single mom.
 
I have tried using soft approach, like suggesting to him to join a talk on family planning, how to add spark to marriage life etc but he is not interested at all. He is not interested too in family outings esp my family side, he will always try to avoid visting my parents and he cannot click with my siblings bcos they have no common interests. I seriously dun know how to inspire him when his mind is already set.
Maybe my thinking is a bit old sch of thought, I thought kid will help in binding a marriage and make man a more responsible person to take care of the family. I know my hb character, if we really have a kid, I believe he will spend more time with the family. His thinking is his kid must be very intelligent in future, probably bcos he comes from good sch. Thus, he chooses not to have bcos he worried that he has no time for the kid and it seem that he has little confident in me to bring up our child. That's really make me feel sad. He just want to focus on his career. He wants to earn a lot of money so that he can own lots of properties,cars, luxury items etc. Yes, I know is gd to be rich but cannot neglect family right. To me, family is more impt than anything else. Maybe some girls aims to be rich taitai but I am not lor, what is the use of having lots of $$ but not happy & lonely. I rather have a caring husband, lovely kid and comfortable home.
 
Doll
It never occurs to me that he does not like kid. B4 our marriage, I always thought that he is a family man and he is very popular with kids. Kids all like him. I dun know since when he changes his mindset, maybe influence by his friends. He has lots of friends not married and with no kids now.
My hb is exactly saying why must have kid? We never discuss to have kid b4 the marriage but he forgets that neither we say we do not want. So, I think is unfair lor..exactly, why must the girl be the one to compromise?
 
Green
I admit that I should not blame my hubby for the boring & routine life. I must go & find my own things to do. But i dun have a lot of frens and I am quite a homely person and sometimes after a hard day work, I just want to go home, rest & watch TV. I am not expecting my hb to accompany me everyday, but at least 2-3 days in a week is not too much right. But he chooses to go out almost every night, sometimes including weekends, so how to spend time with him when he has so many activities outside. And lots of time, I am not blaming him and I know sometimes is really he has work to discuss so I still let him go though I admitted that I will nag at him.
I am really interested to know what you girls usually do when your hubby is busy. I also wish to become an independent girl.
 
answer can be found here...

<font color="ff0000">"Maybe my thinking is a bit old sch of thought, I thought kid will help in binding a marriage and make man a more responsible person to take care of the family. I know my hb character, if we really have a kid, I believe he will spend more time with the family. His thinking is his kid must be very intelligent in future, probably bcos he comes from good sch. Thus, he chooses not to have bcos he worried that he has no time for the kid and it seem that he has little confident in me to bring up our child. That's really make me feel sad. He just want to focus on his career. He wants to earn a lot of money so that he can own lots of properties,cars, luxury items etc. Yes, I know is gd to be rich but cannot neglect family right. To me, family is more impt than anything else. Maybe some girls aims to be rich taitai but I am not lor, what is the use of having lots of $$ but not happy &amp; lonely. I rather have a caring husband, lovely kid and comfortable home."</font>
 
kfanss, if a caring hubby is what u want, you shouldn't have married this guy. He has ambitions and you have to respect that. To begin with, didn't you know he was career minded during the courtship days?

The unfortunate fact about modern life is that comfort and happiness comes mainly through material wealth. Are you really sure that you can do with just a caring husband, lovely kid and comfortable home? No man is perfect. If you have what you want, do you think you will be happier? Other stuff will somehow turn out less perfect.

Are you ready to take up the duties of a mum? And, to be a responsible mum for a new life, until the child grows up and finishes university? Is your husband ready to have that child and to be available to care for the child, when he/she is sick? Having a child may not necessarily mean that your hubby will be closer to you. Are you willing to take responsibility for your child when he commits a crime? Are you ready to bring up the child alone (esp, if and when your hubby divorces you)? What if your child grows up to be a ruffian? Would you proudly tell others that this ruffian is your child? Its just nerve wrecking. The duties of a parent don't just end with precreation. It begins from there. Traditions don't explain why you do something. You must know your responsibilities and what you want first.

As a husband, he doesn't skive and works hard. I salute him too. If he doesn't "play" outside, he is a really responsible hubby. Make money and still come home at the end of the day.

PS: I feel obliged to comment about ur perspective about having a kid. I have seen too many neglected kids.
 
I'm juz simply curious... The HB went out 7 days a week for entertainment (for his carrer) &amp; seriously neglected his wife at hm, &amp; there are still some many supporters for the HB instead of the wife.

So it means as long as it's for carrer, the HB is entitle to neglect his wife.

Weird!!!

Anyway if you really wants a baby, juz go for it. The more you concern abt all sorts of worries like what Who? mentioned, are you sure you are to prepare yrself bb4 u decide to give birth? Do you know how many ppl wants baby bt unable? &amp; how many unstable couples who bring up excellent child?
 
Kfanss, a child is a commitment which warrants discussions before marriage. You can't simply assume that he wants his own children just because he seemed a family man and was popular with kids. Even so, people change or choose a different path than the one that they were originally in.

On your question why the girl must compromise. Well, don't take it wrong that compromise is gender specific. Just that it is easier not to have a baby than to have a baby when there is one unwilling party.
 
kfanss,
I'm renting a room outside now. My bf is busy with work for past few weeks, my family is not by my side and I'm lazy to go out, so I always stay in my room watch video, surf net and clear office work. Hehe I dun feel bored leh. If my bf and I have no chance to see each other for many days, we will just call each other to chat for 5min. At least u get to see your hubby every night hehe. ;)

There're a lot of things u can do at home like watching video, read news, read books, play online games, do handicrafts, bakes cakes etc. If u don't like being alone at home, u can visit your parents, do voluntary work outside, sign up course etc.

Are u a fulltime housewife? If so, maybe u can take up some parttime job to occupy yourself.

There is no point grumbling that our life is boring, yet we don't want to take any step to change it.
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kfanss,
I find that u are assuming too much about what your hubby is thinking. Doll has brought up your assumption about his kid preference. It's better to ask him for his views instead of making your own assumptions leh!

Examples of assumptions:

" know my hb character, if we really have a kid, I believe he will spend more time with the family."

"It never occurs to me that he does not like kid. B4 our marriage, I always thought that he is a family man and he is very popular with kids. Kids all like him. I dun know since when he changes his mindset, maybe influence by his friends. He has lots of friends not married and with no kids now. "
 
“I have tried using soft approach, like suggesting to him to join a talk on family planning, how to add spark to marriage life etc but he is not interested at all.â€
Doll: If these can be called soft approach, I can’t imagine your definition of hard approach leh. Anyway, it sounds like you are trying to reform his thinking, so I don’t blame him for his incooperation because you seem to be forcing the kid thing down his throat.

“He is not interested too in family outings esp my family side, he will always try to avoid visting my parents and he cannot click with my siblings bcos they have no common interests. I seriously dun know how to inspire him when his mind is already set.â€
Doll: I am sure you didn’t just realise that he can’t clique with your family members.

“I thought kid will help in binding a marriage and make man a more responsible person to take care of the family.â€
Doll: Having a kid may not bind an already problematic marriage.

I have a question for you though, Kfanss, do you think there might be a chance that your husband finds you overbearing and busies himself to avoid you?
 
JO&amp;JY,

it's not abt "support" for either parties. neither isit abt who's right or wrong. it's weird to u becos u are sitting on a Judge's chair waiting to pass judgment.

solving a problem isn't abt who's right or wrong... that one even if u have the answer - assuming husband is wrong... u can't sentence the husband to go home early daily nor start trying for baby nor changing his current lifestyle... so i Find u weird for having such a mindset. so what if u're right? does it Actually Truly change anything?

answer is No. it takes time to convince a person, make a person Want something he doesn't want which You want. telling the person that he's wrong With the support of frens and family isn't gonna Miraculously make the person do what u want.

in any case, i think u might have realised that they married without any agreement to have kids... honestly if u marry a person who doesn't want kids, u have to realise that u might never have a kid if u marry them.
 
kfanss,

Regarding having a kid - you really cannot force someone to want to have a kid. Since you already married him, the other alternative - a bit extreme is to divorce him - if having a kid is so important to you.

I also don't want to question your reason for having a kid. Children are most wonderful and to be able to bring them to this joy and to watch them grow up is really a joy. It must be seen in this pespective and not because having a kid will improve you marriage life.

That is why I asked that you spice up your marriage life first. Greater intimacy will bring to the next step - who knows, he may change his mind.

And lastly regarding your own life. Only you can change it. I know of many married women who took charge of their lives - they packed their lives with so much activities that they are even busier than their hb woke up and took notice. So, don't sit at home and feel miserable. Find your life and enjoy yourselves even without your hb.
 
Who?
To be frank, my hb is quite caring to me actually and really I cannot "hiam" this type of husband. Is just only that he is very very career minded now, he wants to do lots of things at one time which takes up majority of his time. And is not that I dun support him which in fact I do, but just tat I hope while building up his career, he can also give a thought to family planning &amp; ve a kid while we still can. Do u know many couples want to have kid but unable bcos of health problem or whatsoever. Did I mention that we are not getting young, so why he wants to delay further and has higher risk of pregnancy complications later. Moreover, I am not asking to have many many kids, bcos I know I cant cope as well, I jus want to have one. Personally, I feel that I am ready and to me is a natural thing like motherly instinct, feel that life is incomplete without a child and also perhaps I ve gone through the m/c, for those who did not went thru a m/c, you likely will not know how I feel.
Agree with joy, I dun want to think too much about the future, such as those questions brought up by you bcos all these are question mark? I strongly believe that parents play an important role in moulding the child character and the upbringing of the child. If I ve a kid of my own, Im sure at least I will not neglect my kid.

Green
I'm not a fulltime housewife. I have a job &amp; in fact I am also busy at work too. But after work, usually I am alone at hme. so, thanks for all the suggestions, yes I do watch a lot of videos at hme bcos I am just too lazy to go out.

Doll
I'm not trying to reform his thinking. I try to reason and convince him but his answer is always NO without listening to what I said. whatever I said to him will be one ear in one ear out lor.. so, is really frustrated that he is not listening lor. My hb is the kind of person who cannot sit still, he must does something, like wash car even after a hard day work, goes out with friends, middle of the night go drive his car etc. If you ask him to watch a drama series at home, he will be bored to death. I dun think he finds me overbearing, it is true that he is busy.

Well, I appreciate the advices you all give. I come online to let out my frustrations and also to seek for views. Is really bcos I dun no what other approaches to use or must do when talking to my hb on the kid issue.
 
u can write a book on 101 reasons to have kids... pple who dun want kids will never pick up the book nor read it even if it's free.

on the contrary, i think u SHould try to reform his thinking gradually. instead of reasoning and convincing him... how to u reason and convince a person to be a father? sorry - but u can't appeal to logic nor reason for this particular subject... u have to appeal to something deeper, something more inspiring, to reach a point where he changes his mindset and Wants...

think i'm pretty similar to your hubby... i'm hyper-active and always on the move. sleeping and watching drama serials is like a Sin to me... die die have to live life to the minute and seconds... i dun want kids nor to get married... i met my wife - my mindset towards marriage changed. i walked busily on the streets from one appointment to another and when i took a stop to smoke, i saw myself smiling whilst watching kids at play and my mind started wandering to having children of my own to play hard with... when time comes for me to stop being a workaholic. my paternal instincts struck me there and then, and in the folowing months...

it's impossible to convince nor reason with me to have kids... wanting to be a father isn's something pple pressure u to do (ie parents/frens/society), just like Marriage... it has to Strike u, never abt words of persuasion... but a chrd struck in the heart and mind...
 
hi kfanss,

I think I am like your husband.
I am hyper-active. I am more career minded, work longer hours and still have more ECA than my husband but still manage to find time for housework etc at the expense of sleeping.

I live fast and hard. I am also 30, but then I cannot imagine having a kid now as I don't think I have time to bring him / her up properly. Bringing up a child is hard work and I think I am exhausted enough!

To me, no point giving birth to a child if he / she cannot be nurtured properly and end up a parasite to society.

Everyone from my parents to the gossipy aunties down the street try to convince me but I just can't take it what they are saying. Maybe my mindset will change later.

But my thinking is - if can't conceive naturally later in life when both are ready, we can always adopt a child. I've friends who did just that and they couldn't be happier.
 
I entered a pact with my bf then not to have kids after marriage. He agreed.

I was pretty convinced I will devote my energy to build a successful career &amp; kids aren't in the agenda

The turning point is I saw how my hubby adored my friend's 6 months old daughter. He practically carried her throughout the duration we visited my friend.

I see him in a new light. Before that, I view him as my soul mate &amp; best friend, but I never visualise him as a father.

There you go, now I am a SAHM. A change of heart! I amazed myself too, didn't occur to me I can be a nuturing mom either, to the extent of giving up my high flying career

Hubby didn't give me any pressure. In fact, he was very surprised I changed my mind
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I found that you are quite similar with one of my friend.
She gets married at the age of 23. Always wanted to have a baby but her husband dun want. Few months down the road, we meet up again. When I ask her, how is your family planning? She told me "Oh, now we dun intend to have a baby". There are too much commitment and if we cannot give the best to the baby, what for give birth". < I find that this statement a bit weird.

kfanss,
Maybe you can start to build up your r/ship with your hubby first. If he really dun like to go out with your family members, dun force him. You can start by going out with his family members or friends. Try to participate in his outing with friends or colleagues but try not to invade into his privacy.

If both of you have no place to do at night, maybe go for to a quiet pub, to chill out, have a drink, talk to each other. I guess that helps a not. My hubby and I always did that.

FYI, dun worry about the age of having a baby. One of colleague having her first baby at the age of 41. I know there is a risk but something just cannot be rush.

Cheer up
 
It is possible for a woman to have babies after 40 year old because she can choose to freeze her eggs for use later. I have extracted the following from last week's health publications.
-------------


Count your eggs before they hatch
During your next Pap, Silber says, ask about getting a vaginal ultrasound to determine your antral follicle count — an estimate of how many eggs you have left. Female fertility is a numbers game: You're born with all the eggs you'll ever have, and in addition to the one or two that are released during ovulation, others are dying off as you age. Some women have enough good eggs to last well into their forties; others run out sooner. If your count is low, you might consider putting your ova on ice (see next item).

Freeze your assets
If sperm are the tough Gap T-shirts of the reproductive world, your ova are like gauzy couture dresses. Until recently, this meant that freezing your eggs was mostly out of the question (the ice crystals that form during the slow-freezing process used on embryos damages eggs). But a new method, called vitrification, involves very rapid icing that safely solidifies the eggs. It's pricey — $6K and up for a single procedure (and the number of good eggs you'll get varies), plus annual storage fees — and it tends to be most successful when you and your ova are young (in your 20s). Though there are no long-term data on the procedure, it's worth investigating if you know your antral count is low or if you're about to undergo a fertility-zapping procedure like chemotherapy. (Check out infertile.com to find out more.)
 
not auntie,

It is inspiring that you gave up your high-flying career to be a full time SAHM. I applaud you for your devotion and commitment.

I have a fairly decent career going but frankly I think I am prepared to scale it down if I have a child with a man I love. Can I ask you if you'd have taken the path you did if you didn't feel your husband was your soul mate?

Right now, I am not confident that my marriage will last the long haul. We are simply too different in personality and life goals. We could probably go through life as "room mates" but not sure that's what I want for the next 30 - 40 years. That has really dampened any desire for children!
 
veiled

I felt very secured in our relationship so the only decision I need to make then was whether to have a baby. I didn't even discuss with hubby again, I just announced to him 'ok, let's have a baby!'

In fact, having kids actually strengthen our relationship because both of us went through the same learning curve how to be good parents &amp; we are united in our parenting style. Becoming parents also made us less self-centered. That's a rather positive outcome that I didn't forsee at that time because I always believe having kids create more conflicts in a marriage
 
Powder
Mind I ask how old are you? At least, you still change your mindset. But for my hb, I dun know whether the day will come whereby he automatically tell me "lets have baby". I think I have to wait very long.

Newsbride
Your fren very young get married leh. How old is she now? she must have given up the thought since her hb has been rejecting her. I hope I wont be like her one day.
My hb wont want me to join his fren outing bcos all guys and they talk abt cars and their guys things. It is a bit wierd for me to join too. Unless is couple outing, then maybe he will bring me along.

Green,
I know technology is getting more advance, but the procedure is very ex leh...I hope I need not have to resort to this method to have kid. Thanks for the info anyway
 
33, age is just a guide... factors include maturity, paternal instincts, financial stability amongst others...
 
wow!

"But biological clock waits for no man. Enuff said."

just advertise your darn blog and servises instead of talking like u've been saying so much and providing great wisdom...

wat a moron.

wat nonsense abt affair... and u dare putup some blog and service... with your kind of crap, how would anyone trust wat u put up?

post number 5?
 
from my point of view, i dun think u have made any softer approach in that way. if im your husband, and ive clearly show that im not interested in having a baby and u clearly know it and u still talk to me abt baby, whether is nice tone or whatever, it doesnt matter, bcos im irritated. bcos i alreadi told u and show u many times how i dun wish to have a children. i hope u understand

mayb the 2 of u can take time off, say once or twice a week to go out together. mayb go singing or for a drink or 2 or even a walk at the pub to remince the days that u 2 have when both of u were still dating.

what i feel nw is that both of u have lost the passion. bcos u have alreadi have a barrier between the 2 of you without even realising, or do u 2 realise but am not doing anithin to solve the prob?

u feel blame him for not giving you your'happy family' and he blame u for pestering him and making him stress up.

what's the point? if this carry on, both of u will go seperate ways.
 
Angel
To a cetain extent, I do feel that we both have lost the passion. we no longer have sexual intimacy but my hb feels that it is ok and not a neccesity to have. To him, there are other things more impt such as career and his hobbies. He always comment that I am too free, always think about the same issue all the time. To him, it is a "natural" process that our marriage wont be as loveydovey as before like when we are dating. But I am still so young, I ask myself do I have to spend my life like tat for the rest of my life - no intimacy, no kid and worst still no love in a marriage. we have been arguing lately and I have been crying a lot for little little issues, I feel insecure and I feel that my hb does not love me as much as before. I want to solve the prob but he feels that there is no prob. He does not want to talk. It has come to a suitation whether I take it or leave it.
I still love my hb but I'm resenting him for treating me this way. I dont want to go separate way but I'm really worried that we will divorce one day.
 
Today, I found out something shocking. I accidentally enter his email a/c. I saw girls send him msg such as Lao Gong, I love you. And he replied bao bei, I love you. Worst still, they took photos together and behave very intimately. The girl even send him a photo of herself where she was topless. There was also a lot of movie tickets booking which I am not aware at all. He even booked overseas trip. I checked the dates. He told me that he was going with clients but now I seriously doubt. I think he went with the girl.

Never did I expect that my hb will be doing such things behind my back. I always thought that he is really busy and just want some to have some personal time to chit chat with friends at night. Even though I have doubts, I chose to believe him that he will not be unfaithful to me. But now, I seriously wonder. I am totally devastated &amp; at a loss what to do. I am really really heart broken.
 


I am very sorry to hear this from you, Kfanss. When you first posted describing how busy your husband has been with work and friends, it did cross my mind that he could be seeing someone outside. Please stay strong. Try to talk your troubles out with someone you are closed to.
 
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