Need Serious Advice, in a direction seeming wrong but feels too right

I would appreciate some advice on my current direction.

Relationship with my ex went into failing stage in June this year.
Thereafter I started joining dating website to find companion and attention.

In july I met some guys out for lunch. Many were just hi-bye because I feel they were not right.
Particularly I met this guy X. He was not pressing and chatted casually like greetings "good morning how's day"........not much conversation as we only exchange not more than 3 liner per day.

But late in july I met this guy X out for dinner after responding to his date out.
He was very pleasant, was 8yrs older than me while I'm in mid 30s.

He knew i was in complication with my ex and thru the few weeks he accompanied me almost every day for dinner and outing. He tried holding my hands but i brushed it off coz i still hopes my ex could work things out with me.

In August my ex gave the ultimatum as he went with his guy friends for short holiday despite me pleading him for 2 months to go holiday together. I gave up the relationship.

I shared with Guy X and he asked me to be his SO. I accepted.

Guy X made me feel very emotionally attached as he knows how to let me feel comfortable and sync with me.
I feels he understands me and knows how to sing my tune and make me laugh.

But some cautions i felt.
He created his dating website quite a few months back........but he told me I'm the only girl that ever went out with him. His dating account was closed and reopened cited "account problems".

He calls me more than he texts me. Don't really have texts to read what he says.

He works in confidential works which shared a broken relationship that his colleague has with the partner due to confidentiality of his movements........indirectly i understood he cannot share much with me on professional usage of time.

He is divorced 4 years ago, but he sounded pretty pleasant that he did not find any right person in the past 4 years before eventually meeting me on dating website.

With no gf for 4 years i felt everything came so fast.
We did not maintain conversation when we first added but after first date (which was 2 weeks before i broke up) we start immediately within 2 weeks after knowing each.

He proposed for a holiday trip to Japan with me just 2 weeks after we started our relationship. In short he proposed a trip within 1 month from meeting up and we had limited conversation before that.
I was not comfortable initially as we only got together 2 weeks. But he knows how to soften me up and makes me feels everything works right......that no matter how wrong things looked i feel right after he reasoned with me.

Trip with him is in Nov this year and he said no obligation that we can cancel if by then i don't feel comfortable but he proceeded to book trip to Japan for long 2 weeks.

Also he upfront told me he won't mingle with my groups of friends and prefers to keep separate circle of friendship.......but just me and him without circle of friends intersection.

I'm a very active use of facebook thus asked for his facebook but he said inactive and seldom used so brushed it off.

He did assured me that he wanted to bring me to see his parents Next year Chinese new year which is after the holiday, but i didn't want to visit parents so soon when we barely started.

I'm confused now and would need some sound advice.
Everytime things looks so wrong but conversation with him would eventually feels so right.
 


LILPIXIE

New Member
due to past experience, if a guy refuse to give you his facebook, definitely something fishy...
my partner & i also not facebook fan, we only have less than 200 friends but we do add each other because we only add family and real friends...

but what do you expect from this relationship? if you going for serious marriage relationship, i think you better clear all of your doubts before getting deeper. if you going for casual rebound relationship, then you just enjoy your time with him.
 

ken1980

New Member
I studied Psychology and I am a certified coach. Be careful, this sounded so fishy. You know what? Getting free sex is the easiest thing during a holiday trip. 14 days is so long, if you have sex everyday, the air ticket will be paid for and you have no way out. Moreover, your ex will never accept you ever again, this is a check mate. Worse, if he is looking for more than just sex, you will never able to return to Singapore again. If a guy really loves you, he will never put you in such a spot. He will make you feel so comfortable, he will bring you to see his parents, everything will be perfect. If a guy has a lot of hiding, he will do it all his way. Why not we do it this way, tell him that you will do the booking instead, ask for his NRIC, and go to the ROM website to check if he is married. Secondly, bring him to see your parents, take picture with him and your parents, in the event that if this is a scam, your parents know who to look for.
 

glorym

Member
Wanting to keep a separate circle of friends should make your alarm bells ring already. Big time. If he is serious about the relationship, all the more he would want to introduce you to his friends to show you off. Likewise, he would want to get to know your friends too. I'd say stay absolutely clear from this guy before you fall any deeper. He is simply a smooth talker with an agenda.
 

ohmytego

Member
It does sound fishy to me when he says prefer to keep separate circle of friends. Guys usually would wanna intro their SO to their friends isn't it? Why like so secretive.

Japan for 2 weeks is too attractive to pass up. But what if you becomes just a **** buddy during the trip and after returning he totally ignores you. Are you ready for that kind of consequence?

Must consider good and bad consequences. Most importantly, protect yourself.
 

mifenmei

Member
I don't think he is serious about this relationship. I agree with ohmytego, he just wants a **** buddy/companion.
 

buddhabar

Active Member
The most basic thing is to ensure he's eligible. Log in ROM with your singpass and verify his marital status. Mysterious guy is always not advisable unless you're still a kid looking for adventure. Your biggest fragility is you're emotional vurnerable. In anyway, he seems so much like a player, knowing exactly where and what to steer clear off.
 

meimei1601

Member
U need to believe the weird feelings u have. From what u said. U dun even trust that guy X at all. The way u feel for him is a re bounce. U needed the care and attention that u didn't get from Ur ex. The hurt and sadness u felt suddenly have someone u can hold on to makes u weak. He is not controlling u. U are the one who is forcing urself to believe this are true and yet have doubts.

U never know what might happen during the trip. Like u said everything goes on so fast. Than what's the hurry?

Honestly, u are not ready into another r/s yet. The loneliness u have and emptiness u felt will lead u into doing something u might regret for life. Takes time to love urself first and heal after a breakup.

And yes.. All those u mentioned about him is not right. I suppose he might be a married man. Or someone out there looking for his prey like u to have sex for free and do whatever a he wants.

Be careful.
 

DingOOPS

Member
I agree with all the peeps here. When we can't see Facebook, can't meet parents and can't know their friends, something is definitely not right. You may become a mistress without realising it. Take care my dear! My take is not to go for the trip!
 

Pandora8

Member
Lady. . He is just a smooth operator playboy. Have known so many of them.. just get hold of his Ic n check if he is married.
 

dloreangel

Member
looks like your instincts are telling you something.. and apparently everyone in this thread feels it from you too.. be careful and always think of yourself first!
 

Tangerine777

New Member
Sounds to me, he is just using your emotional weakness to get whatever he wants.

Cancel that Japan trip. It sounds highly suspicious.
Of course, the decision is always yours to make but the consequences is also yours to bear.
 

huy0319

New Member
my current bf and i know each other through online as well. on the 5th date, we are already together. but he did bring me to see his parents and meet up his friends. even facebook we also added each other although we did not disclose our pictures together in social media and we did not update our status to in a relationship. after together for 2 months, we went for a short trip.

i feel that this guy is not serious about you.. as what you said, he jus undergo a divorce perhaps he might have some fear to commit in a relationship. i feel that if a guy is serious, he would have bring you to mingle with his friends.. if possible, dump him. don;t because he is a gd catch and hold on to him..
 

Joes

Member
I would appreciate some advice on my current direction.

Relationship with my ex went into failing stage in June this year.
Thereafter I started joining dating website to find companion and attention.

In july I met some guys out for lunch. Many were just hi-bye because I feel they were not right.
Particularly I met this guy X. He was not pressing and chatted casually like greetings "good morning how's day"........not much conversation as we only exchange not more than 3 liner per day.

But late in july I met this guy X out for dinner after responding to his date out.
He was very pleasant, was 8yrs older than me while I'm in mid 30s.

He knew i was in complication with my ex and thru the few weeks he accompanied me almost every day for dinner and outing. He tried holding my hands but i brushed it off coz i still hopes my ex could work things out with me.

In August my ex gave the ultimatum as he went with his guy friends for short holiday despite me pleading him for 2 months to go holiday together. I gave up the relationship.

I shared with Guy X and he asked me to be his SO. I accepted.

Guy X made me feel very emotionally attached as he knows how to let me feel comfortable and sync with me.
I feels he understands me and knows how to sing my tune and make me laugh.

But some cautions i felt.
He created his dating website quite a few months back........but he told me I'm the only girl that ever went out with him. His dating account was closed and reopened cited "account problems".

He calls me more than he texts me. Don't really have texts to read what he says.

He works in confidential works which shared a broken relationship that his colleague has with the partner due to confidentiality of his movements........indirectly i understood he cannot share much with me on professional usage of time.

He is divorced 4 years ago, but he sounded pretty pleasant that he did not find any right person in the past 4 years before eventually meeting me on dating website.

With no gf for 4 years i felt everything came so fast.
We did not maintain conversation when we first added but after first date (which was 2 weeks before i broke up) we start immediately within 2 weeks after knowing each.

He proposed for a holiday trip to Japan with me just 2 weeks after we started our relationship. In short he proposed a trip within 1 month from meeting up and we had limited conversation before that.
I was not comfortable initially as we only got together 2 weeks. But he knows how to soften me up and makes me feels everything works right......that no matter how wrong things looked i feel right after he reasoned with me.

Trip with him is in Nov this year and he said no obligation that we can cancel if by then i don't feel comfortable but he proceeded to book trip to Japan for long 2 weeks.

Also he upfront told me he won't mingle with my groups of friends and prefers to keep separate circle of friendship.......but just me and him without circle of friends intersection.

I'm a very active use of facebook thus asked for his facebook but he said inactive and seldom used so brushed it off.

He did assured me that he wanted to bring me to see his parents Next year Chinese new year which is after the holiday, but i didn't want to visit parents so soon when we barely started.

I'm confused now and would need some sound advice.
Everytime things looks so wrong but conversation with him would eventually feels so right.

I had an experience before with a guy that doesn't share his Facebook. What I found out was he wasn't what he said he was. And on top of that, he lie alot even to the extent of his identity.
 

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