My bf's daugther........

May, no. The condition would only be detected after birth about one year old.

Anyway, she hopes to find a partner, but it is not because she wants him to take over the children.
 


why do people still look to romance when they are physically struggling and grappling with insurmountable difficulties in life?

just voicing out a question, not judging or anything ...
 
Doll,

Not to pour cold water.. but she has to be realistic..

It is better to temper her expectation with realism.

She is divorced with 2 kids.. one with special needs. And she is suffering from cancer.

I am not saying it is impossible to find a partner but it will be doubly hard for her..
 
Is it a woman thingy?

I don't feel the need for love or romance.. I mean, I don't exclude them.. but really it is not that important.. It is like a nice to have.. a bonus .

Anyway, still can find love and romance and not in marriage.. this is my stand..
 
SM, how should I talk to her about setting her expectation right? I don't wanna throw a wet blanket as she's already in negative mode. She now has 1-2 FB kind of thing going.
 
still, it is romantic love.

are her parents still around?

perhaps she could direct her love to her parents IF boyfriend problems become too overwhelming to handle ...

or get a pet ... and saying this does not downplay her predicament. pets give owners happiness too ...

if i were her (and im not saying it as if i were perfect) and i met a man like the ex-HB you described, i would stop looking for love unless love sought me out. just too painful, too much to risk again
 
doll,

If she is looking for love, romance and companionship - minus the marriage, then might as well. Marriage in her case is going to be more difficult.. not saying impossible..

Of course very difficult to put it to her.. you have to do it subtlely..

I have some female friends like her.. well not exactly the same - the thing is to lead them to the road of self-realization..
 
Doll,

give her all the kindness she needs.

there was a time when i followed local blogs run by cancer patients.

one of them blogged just several days before her passing that the doctor told her she was going to die soon and sent her for mortality counselling with a nurse.

but she insisted that she felt absolutely fine. just that the diagnosis paralysed her with fear.

a few days afterwards her husband wrote the last post to say she has departed.

life is just so short and fleeting.

give love to all, especially a friend who is suffering
 
I have a female friend, divorced and cancer stricken.. She past away exactly 1 year ago. And she was very positive.. till the very last days..

Fortunately, she was childless. So it made her going slightly easier..
 
SM, she isn't looking for marriage but FBs are sexual relationship which leave people feeling empty? For example, with one of the FBs, they don't have much to talk about but there is physical attraction.

I told her it is ok if she is in this FB-thing but remind her to protect herself, because, people in FB-situation usually have more than one sexual partner. Also, don't fall in love with an FB.
 
Yes, if she is in for the sex and physical attraction thing.. it is fine.. the usual risks will apply..

FBs is a very interesting relationship.. it needs maturity to handle it. Definitely, real-love has to be out of the equation. Affection for one another physically is important.. but real love can complicate matters..

If she is happy, what is stopping her. And yes, she has to take care of herself.. but herself being down with illness, she would likely not to care too much about "risks".. which is a dangerous thought.

Why don't she find something that is at least more commitment.. not in marriage.. but in companionship and love and of course, sex (if that is what she is craving.
 
"Why don't she find something that is at least more commitment.. not in marriage.. but in companionship and love and of course, sex (if that is what she is craving."

That's what she wants but hasn't any luck yet for the last 1.5 years.
 
It depends..

On whether she is creating opportunities to meet more people...

The more interaction you have, the higher chance of meeting someone.

And depending on her requirements.. is it too stringent..

My take is. Don't wish. Make it happen..
 
doll ...

that local blog i used to follow ... the lady had ovarian cancer. she was a few years older than her husband. she was in her early 30s and he in his late 20s when they married.

she was already very sickly when they married. so they appealed to ROM to waive the 3 mths booking period for them.

she already had a hysterectomy when she married her husband. she could never have children ever.

this is true love.

but another poor lady who belongs to the same blog network as the above ... she also had a female cancer with removal of female organs. she also found and married someone during her sickness. but he neglected her severely throughout their marriage.

eventually, they divorced at her request. she tried to be bright and happy. but soon she heard that he found a new gf very quickly. even though they were divorced, she was still quite sad that he could move on so quickly over her. i think it caused her emotional health to deteriorate. she passed away very soon, a few months after her divorce and the update from the ex-HB on his new gf.

how many men can be like the one in the first example? i think such men are extremely rare.

even in the second example, the marriage didn't survive the illness.

it is hard .... very very hard ... so stop looking if the process itself is hurting. give herself a break ... look for happiness in other areas.

feed a pet, read a book, watch a comedy on tv ... just stop looking for a man if the process of looking hurts so much
 
SM, she's meeting a lot of people through dating agency and her course of work. She isn't doing nothing in socialising and interacting.
 
May, it's not like she's so obsessed with finding a bf lah haha. She definitely has other activities. She has passed over on men who are keen on her as she felt they are not suitable.

Like what SM has said, mothers also need to live her own life other than being mother to her children. Doesn't mean when you become a mother or father you only play that role leh.
 
"She definitely has other activities. She has passed over on men who are keen on her as she felt they are not suitable. "

Why are those men not suitable? Too old.. too poor, too fat, balding? I am just wondering..
 
I would have imagine it is much easier for a woman to find a bf for companionship (at least) than it is for a man to find a woman..

Or I could be wrong?
 
When I was initially separated, I went for a couple of online dating.. well all sorts of women out there.. so I am thinking there could be all sorts of men out there as well.. some could be decent..
 
I believe.. first and foremost, happiness is within yourself. You have to be happy inside out.. it is a desired state of mind that you want to attain.
 
"I would have imagine it is much easier for a woman to find a bf for companionship (at least) than it is for a man to find a woman."

Well, depends on what kinda relationship you want. As a woman, if you are OK with no-strings attached relationship it is one of the easiest things to do. But if you want a committed relationship, it is not easy because men don't commit easily and women also tend to take a long time to ascertain men of their suitability for long-term commitment.
 
Like for me, I am not looking particular for a gf right now. I am happy to have casual dates on/off.. and if someone I can date more than 3 times then it may develop into something.. otherwise I just go on and on.

No pressure.. I quite like the idea of meeting someone new.. if no chemistry then probably the end of it.. or could again meet casually..
 
Yes, if a woman wants marriage.. it scares the shit out of men.

I have met women and on the first date, they asked all sorts of questions - like filtering potential hb that it turned me off..
 
"I believe.. first and foremost, happiness is within yourself. You have to be happy inside out.. it is a desired state of mind that you want to attain."

SM, she isn't happy. I suppose the burden of the children is too great on her shoulders. There is no taking turns. There is no backup. There is no peace of mind.
 
online dating, you have to be open to meeting all sorts of people .. sure there are some players, people who are only looking out for FBs but there are also people who are seeking their true companion. before i met my husband, i went out with all kinds of people i got to know online - some were a bit touchy-feely, some just wanted someone to hang out with .. i certainly didn't expect to meet my husband on a dating site.
 
Children's burden is also a mental thing.

Of course a backup will help..

I have three children.. so you think it is easy. My ex-wife travels frequently.. so can't really get her to help much.

And now I have no maid. But u see, I still have time to spend some time here.

It is a matter of time management. I don't take it a burden mentally and it is much easier this way. Physically it is not easy though.
 
Doll,

is it her all-pervasive unhappiness which people somehow can sense that puts off those men she is interested in?

Cuc,

so eventually did you meet your HB online?
 
May,

I know.. I am just using it as illustration. But it is not easy to manage 3 children at the same time even if they are perfectly normal.

some single mother will complain (even if they have only 1 child) about the stress and strain.

A lot of times, it is mental.

For me, having a maid is essential. Now just waiting to select the next maid.. Without the maid, it is killing at times..
 
After having met a "player" at a premium dating agency she now realises that players are everywhere. Got high class and low class. So, she open up to the idea of online dating and did go out with a couple of men for a few times.
 
"is it her all-pervasive unhappiness which people somehow can sense that puts off those men she is interested in?"

No, she is cheerful but you can feel her heart isn't with you sometimes. Perhaps drifted off to her children or her problems.
 
may, yes i met my husband through the very same site - he wanted to know more about singapore, we emailed a bit. few months later he came to singapore, 1.5 weeks later he asked my parents for permission to marry me. we got hitched about 1.5 years later .. now married for 4.5 years, have two daughters.

doll, players are everywhere .. between my previous relationship and meeting the husband, i went out with a few .. some ended up being casual acquaintances (we still say hi on msn chat, etc), others - well, it just ends like that.
 
ha ha..

Everybody wants marriage material.. as if there is a chop on the head..

I normally run away from woman who has marriage as top priority..
 
What is your definition of indecent men, May? Don't want marriage means indecent ah? Haha.

By the way, did you read a recent newspaper article about movie dating (compared to other one-to-one and speed dating) being the most likely avenue to meet a partner?
 
may, yes it was. after my previous relationship ended, i just decided to sign up to look-see. i wasn't looking for a serious relationship, after just being in one. during the six months before i met the husband, i went out with a number of guys for dinner dates .. some try to get touchy-feely at the first date, others are very direct in asking if you want to do the deed with them. there are a few that i clicked with - i admit that as i was not with anyone exclusive back then, i did have several FBs thing going on with some of them. it was a mutual understanding - not love.

somehow along the way, the relationships i have with some of the FBs changed from being sexual to platonic .. we still say hello and find out how the other is on msn chat, through emails.
 


indecent = some try to get touchy-feely at the first date, others are very direct in asking if you want to do the deed with them.
 
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