Hi, everyone and Lynn. i know my cents worth r nt going to be what you people like. But , at least im jus sharing what i gone thru and let Lynn see my side my story...
Lynn, i am the same age as u.. This yr 24. My case is somehow quite similar except, mines a final decision done and jus live n accept the after effect.
My bf (J) then was also a married man with a daughter (EX). His wife (HL) has many affairs and always dont want divorce then as she has no family n no financial income. she needs to rely on (J). They r married in 2007. Till march 2009 then she moved out to lived with her affair man (NXK), whom they had sex since the day she is pregnant n married to (J). I know (J) ard June 2009 and pregnant with his (J) baby in May 2010, while she wife (HL) is pregnant with (NXK) baby in Feb 2010. Therefore, their divorce in evitable.
Seriously, i didnt plan for this baby though i have thoughta abt having a baby to secure my man. My man is not someone charming or rich or anything gd. In fact, he is the worse man i ever dated. nothing sweet, nothing nice... debts n poor n abusive n loud...
I choose to stay n be with him cos my heart ache without him n whenever i looked at him, i jus feel i need him to walk w me... in my time of pain n fall, he dunno how to care n love me. But i jus love him so.
In the end in late Sep 2010, we file for divorce and it was finalise in early Oct 2010. We did the express service abt $2700 in all. Cos both are pregnant n need to settle divorce early.
The terms of the divorce is
- joint custody for 3 yr old girl,
- no alimony for wife HL(for wad she can claim? Pregnant with another man's child, dun think she gt the guts to ask as well)
- Care n control under husband(J).
Seriously, when there's a child concern, they will have contact no matter what. Unless, someone can replace the role / responsibility.
In my case, be it my luck or whatever, my now hubby, lives with me. As i also being pregnant n start to detest his daughter , my naggy MIL, i told my hubby that i will never be happy living in his house. True enough, we quarrel over every trival issue when staying in his house. So, we moved to my house n stay with my parents.
His daughter stay with his mom. Being distance apart, im in Katong and His place in Bt Batok, he dont have much time to go home as well. Only able go home 3 to 5 times a mth to visit daughter. and each time, i purposely choose late night to go back with him so that we wont stay long there. Approx. 3 hrs a visit.
His ex wife(HL) remarried in Late oct shortly after final divorce paper done and we married in Min Nov 2010. His ex wife (HL) jus given birth and my edd is next mth.
His daughter and ex wife have visitation rights and she visit their girl ard once a week. Cos, when she moved out till divorce paper done, she never visit the daughter and the girl couldnt regconise her. The daughter (EX) calls me mummy and her aunty. Sheis very furious and try to make it up by visiting every week. My MIL will bring to her as i wan total no contact from her to my hubby. Cos this fuc*ing bitch bad mouth n degraded me very jialat in front of my MIL and make me very pissed off. And my stupid MIL, is stupid enough to tell me everything she said to make me angry. But, of cos i pretend i dont mind. And, my MIL is stupid enuff not to take side or defend me as she says she is scare she might harm the little girl.
Thats why my anger n hatred for the little girl and my MIL grew... i feel i cant fight for myself bcos of her safety.
Anyway, all is well for now. Except that, my thoughts is ... When my baby is born, This will be a complete family for my baby and hubby. Cos, my baby and hubby will be with each other everyday and their bond is going to be closer. I want my baby to replace his daughter in time to come. i know saying this is very selfsih, but, the woman ask for it. Bcos of her daughter, i have to face sleepless nights and cried and suffer depression. Initially, my pregnancy thruout, i cried and no aprretite till my baby is small n light weight. finally, i tell myself. Luckily, my baby is a boy.. Its my winning card in the presence of my in laws. As they are more old fashion. After baby born, i will let them interact with the baby n share their attention for my child. So, in time to come, the loss of the little girl will serve lesser or no impact for the family and my husband.
Seriously, i am thinking why (HL) wants to fight for her daughters attention with me? I dont even want it. I want them to be closer in fact. So, her daughter will choose her over time n leave this family.
Right at the moment, my hubby have been changing to be more attentive to my needs than before. He knows i dont like his daughter to call me mummy and close to to me. So, he respect me n my decision of not wanting to go closer to her.
All i can say is, for this relationship and marriage, look at what i have become?
Im very sad... All my close frens have told me that i was a once full of smile and laughter girl... change to be some so vicious and unhappy. I have lost who i am for the man i married to.
I jerked in my slp and become very cautious and tempermental and unhappy... i become very narrow minded.
Is this worth it?
Is it fair?
Till now, i dont have an ans, i know if i gt a choice i will choose not to know this man, my husband.
but now, i have already walked to this extend. Fighting for my rights and my stand, i have to be fast n catious in order to survive his ex wife cunning acts.
I wish i can let go...
Lynn, will u choose to walk what i walk or will u see my faults n turn away from it...