Marriage doesn't mean anything

[janejane]

I am married for nearly 8 years with 2 kids now. Hubby and i have been together for 9 years. He is more to outdoor type, those chionging type, whereas i am more to homely type.
On Sunday, we had a quarrel over things and he ignore me for 2 days. Its really simply ignore, even i talked to him, there is no reply from him or either he just asked me to get lost

So sad and he has never treated me like that.
And the night before, i asked him, what is wrong, that is just a minor thing, need to get angry with me for so long? He replied its not just that, it's the things he asked me to do, i totally simply dont do it with my heart or i just anyhow do. He said he has to think of what he really wants. He said he feel like divorcing...
Upon hearing this, my world was like falling apart. I thought we were happy family with mutual understandings. He said i dont know what he wants, he likes to enjoy his life outside without ppl disturbing him and asked him wat time he'll be home, and he feels bored if he is at home. Isn't life like that? He said it's more of responsibility to me now than love...
He said if he could do the things which i help him every month, life without me will be no difference. If during weekends i wakey early to buy / make him breakfast means love, he could simply asked the maid to do it... I feel so worthless. Not priceless, but worthless and low morale. Everything which i have put in all these years have gone into the drain.
Nevertheless, i cannot let go of him. He said that we are still young now, he is 32 and i am 29.
My heart is really pained to the extreme when he said all these words, tears flowing non-stop.
And now, i asked me again, is it very 'sian' still being with me now. He asked me dont think so much. I cannot dont think, the words he said are inside my mind. Though now he treats like nothing happen, i really dont know how long we can last....

 

[fairyprincess]

You must be really shocked by your hubby's comments- did you see it coming? Any signs?

After all the crying, do step back and see what can be done...it takes 2 hands to clap...maybe he said it out of frustration- otherwise, it is soo irresponsible to just divorce- what about the kids?

Find out what can you do to make a difference in his life, and is he willing to do the same for you?

Its good that he raised this, otherwise, both of you may continue to take each other for granted, and stay on in a dead marriage...

 

[ckgal]

jane, do u know what he is doing outside, since he like to go out so much

 

[green_tranquility]

Did the guy get married too young? 23 years old before he has seen the colourful world outside? Now he seems to relish the world outside without being tied down by marriage?

 

[baby_lonblue]

i agree with Green totally

u both married too young ...

 

[happyxin]

Hi Jane,

perhaps its time to take a step back and rethink..
how was your live and what do you want in your live?

if he dun love you, no matter that you cook, serve him breakfast in bed or wash his undies, those are insignificant..

have you been pulling a long face and grumble everytime he goes clubbing? does he go clubbing often?
does he spend time with the family?
what was it that he says you are not doing right to, matters to him most? do you know what he wants? does he knows what you want?

Anyway, wat your husband said to you only means he is eiher not mature enough or is just plain too selfish. then again, he may really mean it when he said that. It seems he hasnt been ready for a married live or he was suffocated for too long.

I do not know what is your history and how your r/s had been all these times, but one thing for sure.. your rs needs re-evalution. you, yourself need re-evalution as well...
reflect on the "what was", think about the "what is" and plan for the "what will"..

i am in similar shoes as you are, so i am sure you can overcome this painful time as well..
jia you!

 

[piggystar]

Hi Jane,

I have a gf also facing such problem before, now i am not sure if they are ok or not.
She used to live with her In-Law, and its all started with doing household chores, husband angry with her as she dunno how to do a proper jobs, MIL bad mouth behind my gf's back. Her Husband angry with her for one week just cos of not doing a good job in the household chores. When my gf ask him why he is so angry with him, and husband given her the reasons, and also ask her to buck up if not he will divorce with her. OMG, i am so sad to know such small things will end up talking about divorce..

 

[cuclainne]

i feel that the issues that has transpired now can happen to all couples, regardless of whether they did marry at a young age or otherwise.

again, just because you have a different personality/ character to him, doesn't mean that the relationship is doomed.

and just because you have kids, doesn't mean you should push aside your role as spouse. just as you make time for the kids, you have to make time for your spouse and yourself! learn to keep a balance on these.

 

[den33]

Jane,

If yr guy is active type. Most Guys are attracted by interesting stuffs. Too much routine and bored stuffs will be one day back fire.
Ask yrself these.

1)Whats yr hubby character like?
2)Whats his Fav food?
3)What are some of the things that he will like to do in future or hobbies?
4)What things turn him on? Whether in bed or outside?
5)Which of the 2 children is his fav?

Then ask yrself again, this time its you with the same questions.

Compiling all, take the chance to do something together instead of staying at home most times!!
To me or my friends, you spend 20 yrs in Singapore, after 20 years, u r in a tiny dot,Singapore, u see the world, get married, enjoy things together, go travel, have fun, bring children out to the beach, throw sand at them, have fun, have a fun chat with yr hubby, eg: while outing, see a girl with big breasts, just jokingly say, her breasts so big...bigger then mine, see whats his reaction...either he will get shocked, smile or say siao..then laugh together. Wear something sexy, do some makeover yrself, get back yr feminine side, Guys still like abit sexy and lady like sometimes.

There are million of things to be done. Just think out of the box. Your hubby still have feelings not that much , but will still have. Its a matter of taking action and enjoying.

 

[denise_0704]

Hi,

Sorry to hear that.. Me too facing the same prob.. and my marriage is only 6mths.. and he's telling me his feeling for me is not like before.. Only 6mths.. and he's telling me that.. and now he wanna file for annulment.. I've checked.. no w3rd party outside..Sometimes I really wonder what guys take marriage as?..

 

[texasholdem]

Sometimes I really wonder what gals take marriage as?

 

[cindy_c]

Not all men are like that. Some do truly love their wives.

 

[hipohipi]

Reading these kind of stories really scare me.. how come lately "divorce" came out easily from married couple mouth har? dont know what had happened..
I do feel sorry for whatever happened to all of you.. hopefully you guys can find the best solution..

Last time one of my cousin told me never ever push or "trick" our bf into marrying us, what she means is not trick in bad way, but its like play certain game to make our bf afraid of loosing us then hurry hurry marry us without thinking much. Because soon or later, those guys will realize that they're not ready yet, or this is not something that they want (now), or whatever reason came out later on after the day they said "i do"; so most prob these kind of marriage would be fragile, and could end up in separation..
The reason my cousin told me this because last time, after dating 3 yrs, my then bf still hasnt show any sign to settle down with me, when i talked abt it with my gf, some of them told me to play their "game", which is suddenly play hard to get, and act as if i'm in high demand, like accepting another guy request to go out, or involved some guys to my certain plan (i used to like swim alot, my bf not, so i involved other guys in this activity), i also let some guys came to my hse or purposely accepting their call in front of my bf; luckily my cousin noticed and "woke me up" from those stupid things i did before too late; no matter how much i want to settle down, i still choose to have the nice and steady relationship after the banquet..

Jane, probably your husband just in a phase, since he settle down in young age, try be patient and try to give him some space first, meanwhile you try to "spice up" your life, like spend quality time for your self, making friends, enjoy your time with kids, make your self more independent and confident; sometimes man do get irritated or became fed up if their woman to needy, possesive, or "cling" on their back... you have 2 kids already leh, if your husband love his kids so much, he might not get in to a rush decision like that..
All the best for you..

 

[sgbabydoll]

HipoHipi, you are a virtuous wife doing this and that for your husband, but think again, what you are doing can be easily outsourced to a maid like he has said. As a wife, you should be doing things that will bring him happiness (provided that he can be reasonably pleased). For example, be understanding to him. This is not something that the maid can do.

 

[leng78]

Jane, I can empathise with your situation as I'm in a somewhat similar situation except that I don't have kids. Sometimes, it is because 2 people want different things in life. I think in the end it boils down to whether your share the same goal in life and the same values in life? And if your do, then how much of it are the same. If its very different are your prepared to work it out? Talk to him and find out what is the problem. Of course, in your case you still have children to consider. Take care...

 

[baby_lonblue]

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