Husband emtional extra martial affair

[hweebs]

scopeguy, i thought those are quite interesting questions from u! Quite a different view from us. On the other hand, I cannot totally agree with what you say about true love and test and etc. What if the man is a psychopath/sociopath, is someone who finds pleasure in hurting people, etc? Is it not the other party's right to protect himself/herself from the abuser? There are seriously horrible people out there, and sometimes regardless of how true the love is, one can get seriously damaged staying on in a toxic relationship.

Nonetheless, I thought this true love thing is an interesting perspective. May I share with you guys the role of extra-marital affairs (EMA) seen from the family therapy/marital therapy perspective?

Dyads (two people) are actually unstable relationships that can become close and distant at various points of time. In a marriage, the couple tries to recreate the perfect mother/maternal love he/she experiences as a baby, and thus invest all his/her energy, time, love in it, and this is often the most loving time in the marriage. Before they know, they have become so close that they are dependent on each other and functions as a 'we' instead of 'I's. Now this loss of self can be very scary, and usually one party will either cling harder or distance himself/herself to feel less scared. This movement causes the other party to feel scared of the change (that the spouse is pulling away, or is too suffocating). The pair then keeps 'dancing' according to how he/she had been brought up. If the mother of the man had been totally dependent and domineering of him, he will see that his wife is currently trying to engulf him as well, and will try to distance himself from her. It is of no chance that the wife will be someone whose parent(s) are quite distant, and she has always felt rejected by them. She now sees his 'cooling off' as a rejection of her and tries to cling harder.

Both parties start to feel really uncomfortable and maybe angry with each other, but they can't voice out the frustration because they are scared of losing each other. In family therapy, the pair who is stuck then tries to get outside help by pulling a third person in, and there you have the third party. Triangles are more stable than dyads, and each can take turns in playing roles as the persecutor, victim and rescuer. It can start as simply as complaining about the spouse. The man gets another woman, the wife gets another man, the husband starts an affair with his work, and the wife has an 'affair' with the kids. In this way, both parties can avoid facing each other and their problem, and pushes the problem to the 3rd party.

With the 3rd party found, the cooled off marriage may suddenly heat up. Both parties who are still in love with each other tries hard to save their marriage (crisis time), and tries different methods to interact with each other. Unfortunately, if the pair does not solve the root problem in their avoidance, they will keep bringing in new 3rd parties to relieve their stress. It can be a child who suddenly acts up, so that the parents can stand together in alliance (that's why I get to see so many children...mostly scapegoats of their parent's marital problems), mother-in-law, etc.

Interesting huh?

Then again I must make a qualifier...what I described is of a NORMAL marital relationship that is based on love and belongingness. If what you have is a pathological relationship with a person with PDs, then please take care of yourself!

 

[scope_guy]

Hi Lee,

When you love someone, you take in a person in a package. To summarise, you are having too many departments for one love operation.

I am not sure whether I should counter you point by point because the posting was designed for the damsel in distress. She'd have to understand what I am saying. She'd have to feel what I said, and know what she needs to do.

LOL~

If we want to talk about faith, we can.

I am curious, is it possible to you to be faithful to more than 1 woman? Now, before you answer this question, just think about it... What is fate?

The way you have looked into things, is as if mortals are able to judge and rule accordingly beyond the powers of heaven. Say, if I may... I'd also love to know exactly who is the destined one in this life, then we can go on a date, get married and everything will fall in places.

How perfect. But reality is, mortality is not simple, and a 30yo woman will not have a chance of living a 20yo again and choose once more. LOL~ So will the men.

Have you wondered... If this woman that this man has fallen crazy for could be the destined woman and not his wife? Which is, heaven has destined that this man shalt be together with that woman, but the man and the wife insist to be together, conducting a heaven adultery... Hence when the man finally met the woman, he goes bonkers... due to his affair with his wife. LOL~

You have to think a little to understand what I am saying. So... let me reinstate this question: Can a man be faithful with more than 1 woman? ^.^

Many people are confused... love is always mixed with selfishness, fate is replaceable by mortal controls... When has love being selfish? When has man become his own god? LOL~

Hweebs,

I am afraid that to my faith of love, the only thing that is normal is two persons of true love bang together. Any other such relevant relationships are not normal to me.

There is no real therapy in this world for relationships; I don't care what those 'experts' would label themselves and those theories.

It's wonderful we don't see eye to eye on certain issues, just like husband and wife being made different. So how do we reconcile our viewpoints? LOL~

Simple.

If we are willing to communicate and think, everything will be more ok than to assume on the other's part.

But the problem is, woman are known to be irrational, where the matter of the heart is a result of action... due to the heart, not the brains. If I may... I'd like the women to choose rationally their partners, and rationally speaking all of them will choose me. LOL~

The above is a psychological qualifier... Which is to say, dear hweebs, as you can see from Lee's point of view... everything isn't clear cut, but too many assumptions made that even I must confront.

For me, the question is very simple... Is marriage the end or simply a mean...? If this is a mean, it'd be a tool. If that's the end, many women would have reached the goal... and they shall be reborn via divorce.

But let me be very frank here, nobody in their right minds loves divorce. But nobody can be bothered about marriage. Marriage is after all ONLY a ceremony between man and woman...

Never ignore the real element embedded in the relationship of a man and his woman... or women.

There is never such things about 3rd party. I love you means I love you. The stakes always are between the two (or three, or more). Why drag in babies, familys of in-laws and sometimes... mutual friends? Or even to have an affair?

Now we can go back to your first issue...

There are horrible people out there... But heaven is said to make man and woman in pairs (too simplistic). Horrible man will meet horrible woman. LOL~ And they'd become wonderful people. Just like a poor man will meet a nice lady, and ends up a big businessman.

There will be all sorts of men and women... who love to hurt people. Even my mum nags, and she hurts me. But there will always be he or she who is compatible match made in heaven.

Marriage between two could be a big mistake. But many couples spent 10 years together and another 10 years in marriage, and you only need 6 months when one of the couple's true love appears... And 20 years of being together, they realise they are not made for each other.

Marital issues are very simple actually. If you start on the right basis, decisions usually are a linear equation.

The TS has a problem... Do you know why?

She's telling me she doesn't even understand why she married this guy, after so many years of like marrying the right guy. And Lee is telling me it's nothing wrong of her that she takes care of his mental health and goes for divorce. Her problem will still be there if she divorces him.

She has chosen to give herself to this man, of whom comes in a package (his mental problem, his fated encounter with that woman plus the baby, of cos). If she loves the man, if she loves her kid and the father of the kid... What do you think she'd choose? LOL~

But let me tell all of you here...

Be it she chooses divorce or not... both paths are wrong. This issue is never about her husband, or her divorce options... It's about her own self. Heaven wants her to wake up. Note that she is not only choosing for herself... as many here simplistically supposed so.

She's also choosing for her baby.

If she remarries, is she going to dump the baby to the mentally ill father? LOL~

My questions... are hence designed for this damsel in distress. What she chooses is not my problem. How you people want to see it is not my problem as well. Not that I am hostile or insensitive. We have to agree on this, this is her life, we cannot change free will, we can however aid her by guiding her.

And she must be responsible for her own choice. It's her own problem. God and I will be interested to know how she chooses. She must take on the third path, because both apparent paths are wrong. LOL~

Interesting eh? You (any of you) may be another TS... So let's not get too sure. LOL~

 

[seawaves6]

oh, so many response today. hee. nowadays i really look forward to coming back cos can read/post e forum. heehe.

scope: are u married??
i really duno abt man. but i definitely know my hubby inside out, upside down.

1. Did you marry your husband because you are true to the marriage vow that you are in love?
- yes, of cos. but hw abt the vows to me? if only 1 person stand by the vows then y 2 person must read it? eg: a contract got to be issuse & accept. if only 1 party, it cant form anything.

2. If 1. is Yes, then since your husband is now suffering from mental breakdown and his love for another, why is your concern more like over the other woman?
i also concern on his mental being. been checking his status w hospital daily. they say no mental unsound. just depression more of emo problem & have risk of self injury, so must keep watch. i know for sure if i tell him "no divorce." he's out of depression aldy. this hubby of mine is a great actor. he "attmept sucide" on good friday when TOW say she dun love her anymore & their rs is a past tense. of cos tats a drama also lah. tow say he always threaten w death whenever she say want breakup.
so if i love him, i must tahan all emo abuse on myself? bcos i worry for his mental being, then stay & help him, be w him. wont it be acknowledgemnt of his EMA. then since i can accept, y on earth he needa stop?
if u google, u can read many woman stories. how they love him, forgive him each times but eventually the man still stray a dozen times.
the logic is simple. if e other party accept & acknowledge the affair & turn a blind eyes to it. then its a known fact that they wont get divorce. in tat case, can continue sequences & more affair.
just like if u dun kana dock salary for nt punctual, then most pp will turn up late for work.

3. If your concern is indeed that you are feeling sooooo bad because of another woman or other women or what other people said about your marriage, do you really love your husband?
- of cos love. bcos love then scare will kana hurt again.
if its ur neighbour hubby have affair, who will be scare or feel bad?
its nt only abt this woman. i more concern after this woman, is there more woman coming.
i dun care wat other pp say & im sure pp here & everywhere wont dictate a couple's direction.
everyone here is like a listening ear or wat (share experience de).

4. Your husband is now on a mental break down, how does it help when you are all over your husband's love for another woman?
- ok, no. then how? accept tat i gotta share my hubby then help him get over his gf & end up drown myself while saving him? no no no.
we can lose love, lose pride but definitely dun lose ourself. its the basic respect for ourself & those who love us.

5. If the yet another woman comes by, will you just say goodbye... find another man you 'love', then another woman comes by your new man, you say heartbreak and goodbye again, then... ... Do you understand what I am driving at?
- kaoz! if its really tat way, then the problem is nt w my man. its w me aldy.
u see the diff frm marriage & bgf rs? if bgf rs, u can hi/bye anytime. but when u commit to marriage, its a confirmation of both party. u're my mr/ms right & cant be overwrite!
(tow is e overwrite lah. lame joke anyway)

6. Do you love your husband or do you love the single-ownership of a man?
then i think im a petty person.
my man = no sharing, single ownership only.
tats y we got married. nt for the hdb flat. nt for the photoshots, nt for the marriage leave. but bcos we want to spend the rest of our life together, 2 of us. (the baby is a bonus)
i believe many got married for e same reason as me too.


7. Do you know that a man can seriously and deeply and truthfully love more than 1 woman?
- tat i really do not know. but shldnt 1 exercise control? just like sexsual urge. u cant just ML or masturbate anywhere.
see, he aldy have me. y must still have another one? singapore is monogamy, wat ending he expecting frm the affair? want to convert to muslims & marry >1 wife? tow is married w 1 son somemore lor.

8. You are not really losing your husband... He's still your husband, the only way to lose your husband is to stop loving him. The man is still there with hardship... the vow said you go through whatever together... Are you prepared to tell everyone your husband is hopeless... Or is it really because you don't understand what the vow says or what marriage is all about? Do you love your man in real?
- marriage cant rely on love only. if marriage rely on tat only, it will be dying b4 u find out. to continue, need more than love. to get over his infidelity need more than love.
to let him get over tow, need more than love.

- ok i aldy answer to the best of my ability.
but somethings too difficult to express & lengthy to say.

 

[seawaves6]

and scope, u purposely register to reply this tread arh?
maybe u can start ur own tread w kuci-kuci.
prehaps nw i know y u use "inhuman" earlier. i guess most of us aldy know why.

and when on earth did i told u i dun even understand why i married my hubby?
anyway, enuff of ur god-ly talk. mortals like me nt "up to tat level" to ustd.

 

[scope_guy]

Hi Seawaves6,

LOL~ I was checking about a subject via google and landed in this forum. Then I see your problem, so I decided to drop by. ^.^

Interesting you are. LOL~

In truth, to me love is a clear cut thing... yes, to the point of inhuman, because I can see I don't think the same way as you.

I am reading through your reply.

LOL~

One lesson doesn't make you learn... You don't even understand why you married, and why you now have this problem. And why you'd have this problem again even if you divorce. ^.^

Let me be very frank with you. I experienced betrayal as well. And the woman even dares to have a child with another in that short span of two years' total disappearance. LOL~

She was totally hurted, if I hadn't decided to return, she'd think like you and probably sees men as dicks. Another woman'd curse me for my decision.

Infidelity... LOL~

I came back only because I don't want her to be harmed, and I was giving her a second chance as she merited it. I don't care about how many children she has out there, or what monster she encountered...

What's important was about she.

I just want you to know one thing, if you don't treasure this man, you won't treasure anything. Where is your focus? On the second woman? On his second love? LOL~ Why don't you look hard at the man you chose to marry years ago and has a baby with? Then you tell this 'godly' talker here you know why you married that guy... and that marriage can't rely on love.

You *don't* even know the man you were marrying, how do you why you marry? LOL~

The woman who betrayed me blew up her second chance, by the way. Celebrate~

I see from how you answered qn 7, you still don't know much about man... and fate. It's not a question about how many women your man has beyond and behind you.

Seawaves6, dutifully speaking, Singapore may be a monogamy, but how things will end between you and him is all depending partially on you and partially on him. Do not tell me that it's legitimate to divorce or morally correct because of another woman or element.

Qn 4 actually decides your psychological path. Well... It's up to you to think, Seawaves6. You are not stupid, you know leaving him will only hit him harder, likely to worsen his condition. Marriage is a ceremony, relationship is about two persons... If you care that much more for yourself and is prepared to let your husband deteriorates... it's your choice.

This is your test. Do not blame anybody but yourself. That goes to everyone else. This is also an opportunity to justify an infidelity.

Why do men each has one and yet find another? Seawaves6, he's your husband after all. All those years, after the pregnancy... here you are telling me why your husband is so madly in love with another... What have you been doing?

Then what you don't love, you'd lose. I tell all my women that... I'd tell you this as well.

LOL~

I already made this clear... Heaven wants you to wake up. You are also choosing for your baby... Which daughter or son wants no father? LOL~

LOL~

Qn 1, you got it right, but you have to get all the rest correct to justify that psycho trap. Your husband may not have honored his part of contract, but in this contract, it's not the usual contract... Because when you gave yourself away, when you have the baby, when you took the vow... you answer to yourself, you vow on your own soul, not your husband's.

Now the entire marriage lies in your hand. Let me be frank, this is the time you know what love is... or you never know. What has your baby done? Do you love your baby? LOL~

I sound very wicked... very cruel. Very inhuman...

I know.

 

[miloice]

So much talk abt ts not understand him. How much does he understand. Face it, not all decisons turn out fine nor wise. One should cherish the relationship for what it is and not some past memory of the sort.

a working relationship needs both parties to commit to. Marriage or bgr doesn't change that. The vow itself has no power. It's power is exercised by those that stand by and commit to it. Falling in love with more than one is Not generic to men. Understanding emotions doesn't mean the need to remain in non functional marriage.

One just need to consider all the points and make the call. Be it divorce or not, the important thing is to live their lives to the fullest. If u recognize that every person and situation differ, then u would also realize what u said is not generically true. It would be unfair to somehow conclude that she doesn't cherish this man, she will never know how to cherish any other. If the marriage is cancerous, then the tumor has to be removed. How many yes does one needs to spend to understand tha not all partners would appreciate our commitments and efforts. There is always a limit to giving. Some things just dun work out. It isn't that no efforts is put in. We dun have to possess every person that we love. Is it for the best interest of both to remain married this way. I dun have answers for everyone. That answer is unique and for her to search within. Her focus shouldn't be continuing the roller coaster on endless checkings when those answers are clearly consistently revealed and discovered already.

 

[hweebs]

scopeguy, good answers! Very convincing points made to what i wrote, i must say.

From all our heat of discussion, I suddenly see that we are all talking about 2 different things, and mixing them together. Let me share what I see okay?

Here we are talking about the interest of the self, and the interest of the relationship/love. In self interest (which is what most of us is talking about), this marriage/relationship/EMA/child problem is a test of her ego strength, resilience etc. The other side of the coin is really if seawaves' ego is strong enough to withstand such stress/pressure. For seawaves, this current hurt/betrayal may not be the only pain in her life. If so, this episode not only hurts like crazy, but also echos all the other similar and deeper wounds in life. If that is the case, and if seawaves is not able to tolerate such pain, it is better for her to let go instead of pushing herself. Many people whose ego is not strong enough and/or have not developed fully will develop psychological problems like having depression, psychotic or even becoming schizophrenic. Schizs usually develop when overwhelming stress 'breaks' them. In such intolerable stress, one can also turn suicidal. Now we all want seawaves safe and sound, don't we? So she will have to weigh her own limits and do whatever is necessary.

Scopeguy takes the view of the relationship and true love. In this case it is of the welfare and growth of the couple that is focused, so going through the thick and thin, in times of good and bad is what is preferred. Scopeguy takes the view of "one true love", very much the soulmate view of Jung. But there are also other views out there, that life has countless possibilities and everyone is possible as chance will have. In this view, who one ends up in the end is really that of a choice than what is destined. I will think that it is everyone's freedom what to believe. In any case, in view of the relationship that is normal or not, I guess choice is the key word. Choose well, then stick to it (commit). But if you hadn't chose that well, you may want to change your choice. The best marital relationship possible is one where both people have individualized, and are not clinging to each other for unmet needs. If one has not fully grown out of his/her past, childhood and family, there is no true love, only a reflection of his/her old needs in the past. Why? Because you are never fully present to give yourself and your love to the other when you are fighting your own demons.

My heartfelt advice? No matter what is your decision, it is most beneficial to think about your life, and the meaning and purpose of your existence. Liberate yourself and live your life you choose to, free of the expectations and wishes of other people. Guided by your true self and not your mum/dad/husband/in-law/child, you can then truly, like what milo said, live your life to the fullest. The seawaves that emerge when it happens will be fully alive, in control and will make the best decisions

 

[scope_guy]

Hi Milo On e Rocks,

My very simple question is, whereby marriage is so all important to a woman, why marry in the first place? LOL~

You are finding a lifetime partner, and obviously... Seawaves6 doesn't understand man nor would she expect the man she claims to understand inside out to have been stuck in IMH and to have fallen madly in love with another, and she has a baby with such a man.

My question stands... Why has she married this man of hers... whom she is intending to justify a desertion from, leaving him to deteriorate as she acknowledges, and... LOL~ Cruel as it might be, in her case, if she were to be remarried again... given the current projection, is she going to dump the baby to a mentally unstable ex-husband?

Let me be very clear, when you stepped into the ROM and made the vow of which you claim to be UNIMPORTANT (how important can it be if you suggest it's powerless; a vow is only a vow if you believe not in it), you have chosen.

For your choice means that (by right) you have kept other men out of your love life, you have decided that he is your only option. In a way, you vow on your own soul... in such a contract, not the man's. LOL~

Which is, you betray yourself, you betray your own vow, and divorce is looking sweet as a choice to 'live your life to the fullest'... now with a baby. So...

Why marriage? LOL~

If this were to be how women in Singapore perceive marriage, it's more like doing a game of pokers... You ain't sure why you marry, you ain't even sure of the man, you have no love to begin with in REAL, and to the families of both sides...

"I am prepared to dump my husband whom I sworn on my soul to go through all hardships with into the void of hellish IMH... and make my baby fatherless."

Is it the best interest she marries him? This question should be asked *BEFORE* the marriage, isn't it?

Somethings of course can 'don't work out'. But if a woman is married with such a concern that something in the future just don't work out and I can always go for divorce... ...

Still, why marriage?

Make the call, go ahead. I am not seriously telling her to continue with the marriage. Her own decision to marry the man, her own decision again to leave him to deteriorate in IMH via divorce... How can she continue with a man whom she never really loved?

Offended? You should.

So... am I so inhuman to suggest that she doesn't even know why she was married in the first place?

I recognise every woman is different, Milo.

But the vow and marriage are the same... In the same building in Singapore, different women entered the ROM with a man each for different motives to sign on the same piece of junk doc. Their choices from the beginning mark their end of their life... to the fullest.

I know where Seawaves6 comes from, but I must remind her... that in the way that she conducts herself in marriage, she fantasized too much about men, about her man, about marriage, and about love. I dare say she doesn't understand what real love is. It seems to me that she just wanted a mate to fulfill her social norms.

Systematically speaking, she may like to have a divorce.

If you want to know, I'd like to advocate she goes for a divorce as well. It's very lucky that the reality of Seawaves6 or this marriage emerges with only one baby. What'd happen if heaven gives the test when they are both 50yo? LOL~

Go ahead and divorce so that the man can be systematically free, if he survives his own depression.

After all those years, I doubt Seawaves6 understands why her man has fallen in love so madly with another. And how can she understand a man inside out when he is reportedly mentally messed up?

This marriage is a complete error in my 2ct view.

When a woman loves a man, she'd fight for him, she'd fight to stay with him... to care for him everyday. When a bullet comes rushing, she may also die for him. When a wolf took the man, she'd fight the wolf. Every person and situation may differ...

She chose to leave.

Not all decisions are wise... That's why I am 'inhuman' as compared to many. But I must suggest again... this is the opportunity to prove herself; she either learns something from this lesson, or she can fight with me for all her life is she so desires... when she is in fact fighting with herself.

Nobody is responsible for how she takes the lesson. Unless of course, she has an addiction for divorces or visits to ROM.

Infidelity... when has marriage being seriously upheld for the holy word Infidelity to enter the picture? LOL~

Who will be next to take the vow... without love? Interesting, isn't it?

Mortals...

 

[scope_guy]

Hi Hweebs,

I am only forcing her to face her own silly problems with the psychological results she produced for herself.

The rest is up to her to convince herself of what path would be taken.

Have a nice day. ^.^

 

[infojunkie]

"inhuman" is the wrong word to use...

it should be 'inept'

 

[scope_guy]

Junkie,

Despite your insults, I hope you can learn from the lesson of Seawaves6.

If people want the best, there will always be a test... because the best usually attracts the competition. LOL~

On what'd you justify that inept would be the right word to use? LOL~

 

[infojunkie]

u see it as an insult?

u r trying to get seawaves to open her mind rite?

i'm doing the same thing to u too...

dun be so negative ok

 

[scope_guy]

Hi Junkie,

LOL~

I am not trying to open up her mind, I'd trying to force her to make a choice while been prepared to face herself. Her mind can stay closed for all I care.

Statistically speaking, I have not seen one woman who even would confront her own problems to ever change course...

She doesn't want to suffer... She doesn't want to show the world that she chose a mentally challenged case who... against Singapore's social norm has fallen in love with another. She doesn't seem to want the responsibility due to her own choice.

My view this far...

Carefully analyse my initial questions for her... They are created not really meant to open her minds, but to let the conflicts of herself become extremist... to the point of being too glaring to ignore.

I know women... all too well. I am letting her to fight against herself, and sitting back myself to watch the show. Look at the way she answered...

She's in a complete mess herself. LOL~

This is her lesson, and she can blame me... but, all I have been doing is to make her a mirror... If she yells, she is yelling against her own mirage. Women's psychology is ever so... funny. See?

Of course, I have to see you as an insult. You have not provided ample arguments to justify otherwise. But no, I am not offended.

 

[infojunkie]

oh rite, u're not trying to open up her mind.

u're trying to force her to make a choice and her mind can stay closed for all U care.

that sort of sum it up for u... u're trying to play GOD to her.

what holy shit... oops! my bad

 

[scope_guy]

Junkie,

LOL~

When has man become his own God?

Experience tells me that the way to deal with such woman is as such.

It's shit, it's holy. LOL~ The beauty of mankind.

 

[infojunkie]

kind of lame u know?

it's a waste of time talking to haters like u...

lunchtime.

 

[scope_guy]

Junkie,

I am too inept to know. LOL~

Me too. I have reserved a seat for lunch. Toast.

 

[miloice]

Marriage in the first place is man made. What a relationship need isn't vows or promises. But the commitment. It is intended to be a lifelong walk provided they do so together. Where is the commitment from her husband? Of all the questions asked, apply to the husband. What does it tells u?
U spoke abt the test... His test was long past and he has failed miserably. Is there any future? I am very skeptical abt that.

U have made lots of assumptions abt the ts and ignoring all the points she brought up and numerous chances he was actually given. It's not a second chance... That was long given and taken for granted. Pls go straight to the point instead being this long winded.

I find your posting provoking contraversy for the sake of doing so.

 

[sgbabydoll]

I just skip Scope Guy's posts. So much written but point still unclear.

 

[scope_guy]

Hi Milo On E Rocks,

Whatever lifelong walk she intended when she signed herself off, please be reminded that it was her own choice. It WOULD be her choice again to choose a MAN for the next commitment.

You are like telling me that this world is perfect. I have been very straight to the point. If she cannot sort things out in this marriage when the man has not discarded her, she'd be taking the same risk and doing the same thing... perhaps with yet another baby in her account in the next.

The only issue is, she'd be too old by then...

I read all of the forumers' suggestions. I did not ignore her and your (all of you) views. But PRACTICALLY speaking, let's be honest with yourselves... if she cannot handle this one, she's really going into another relationship with the same (perhaps a bit modified) risk. And what...? You'd tell her to just divorce AGAIN? LOL~

I have been most straight to the point. Heaven wants her to wake up. This is her test, and all I am doing is to remind her of her own responsibility towards her own choice.

This is her lesson from an earlier choice, she can choose to learn from it, or she can choose not to... and repeat.

Where is the commitment from her husband? You asked. LOL~

So what if I shot her husband dead? If she loves her husband, she'd hold onto his corpse and seek revenge upon myself.

You cannot change the biology or psychology of a normal man. Monogamy or marriage is 'man made'. What will happen to her and her man will be their own choices to make. Since the man is now in a mental disorder, she'd have to show heaven what she is about.

Do NOT forget, she is now a mother. The baby has a father-- that man. She is not learning from her mistake. Her union and her intending divorce are both made in grave mistakes or confusion.

What is the problem with the husband? He fell in love with another... Women always take fate for granted, forgeting that they are not goddesses. You chose one, you discarded another only to discover later that the one you've discarded was the one for you, and the one you chose is the one for another... LOL~

Regardless, you took the vows, and what will be intended in a relationship is all your own doing. It's about her self-respect.

Nobody forced her to take the vows... to go to ROM, to choose a guy not meant for her, and equally... nobody forced her to have his baby, and to leave his husband in a worse condition and nobody forced her to divorce...

There is no need to bother about her points. Look at the way she answered the questions. She is in a mess! LOL~

She doesn't even understand what she's driving at!

What 'assumptions' I made on TS are from what she offered in this public. (Eg) You cannot tell me you know the husband inside out when this man is a mental case, and you obviously was shocked to find out of his mad love over the other.

Illogical.

Milo, Seawaves6 has to confront herself. There is no such thing as lifelong walk... Everyday is a challenge. Believe it or not. Only when she confronts herself and can get through this challenge, I don't understand how 'lifelong' would she be in other commitment without luck.

In my view, my 2ct view... Seawaves6 is not ever prepared for commitment. It's like signing a billion dollars project without checking out what is a building, what will hold a building and what the materials are like, and what all those contingenies would be. She just jumped in, and hoped to be lucky.

Sorry, apparently, she's not on a lucky roll.

And you are, in my view, telling her "It's ok, just cut the losses and make another roll..."

LOL~

BTW, how much a chance do you think that a woman with a baby can land on a better 'commitment'?

Go ahead, divorce. The man is depressed, at most he kills himself... correct eh? Is that what she wants? I am not going to stop her. Milo, why should I?

Go ahead, be selfish, end your misery... live your life to the fullest~ LOL~ Do I sound more human saying this?

Hi Doll,

You don't need to be clear. It's not your turn yet. LOL~

 

[hweebs]

wow, battlefield.

i dunno about you guys, but from the start of this thread till now, I got this sense that seawaves has actually grown a bit through all the talking. I mean, look at the start of this thread, when seawaves was completely lost at what to do, and feeling hurt, until later when she still feels hurt but made a choice to stay on, but understands and realizes her dilemma of staying/moving on, up to now, when she is able to stand up for herself and not does allow abuses made to her! I'll say that it's great!

Scopeguy, I get what you are trying to do, but I dunno if seawaves is ready for it or not. All of us have our own periods of expansion and contraction. Sometimes we are ready for action and moving on, while other times we can be tired and want to take a break instead of fighting battles. From what I see, seawaves has grown abit since the start of her thread, and will continue to do so at starts

Acceptance and understanding needs time too, sometimes gently, sometimes forcefully. I'm sure she has heard what all of us wanted to say, let's give her time and space to think, sense and act for herself

 

[ariel84]

"If this were to be how women in Singapore perceive marriage, it's more like doing a game of pokers... You ain't sure why you marry, you ain't even sure of the man, you have no love to begin with in REAL, and to the families of both sides..."

Wah Scope, sounds like you have something against Singaporean women leh. Did I miss it or did TS even say she is Singaporean. Even if she is, she doesn't represent all Singaporean women. Don't understand your point in highlighting Singaporean women here.

"I am only forcing her to face her own silly problems with the psychological results she produced for herself. "

Erm, silly problems? I think it's so condescending to say that of someone else's life problems.

"I already made this clear... Heaven wants you to wake up."

Wah, you are a messenger from God?

 

[miloice]

What's wrong with the husband? Are u from another plannet? Can emotions be a reason to not care abt his own marriage and hurt her repeatedly? And to u, it's nothing... Just emotions? For once, her husband should confront himself and face the music like a man and not a whinner. It's only a failed relationship with tow....millions have fallen out of love. What is so special abt this man. He is a real loser and whinner. And to me, he is manipulative.

Dun tell me u never did fall for another than your partner. Most people fall in love with more than one person. But we understand the commitment and consider the feelings of our partners. We cherish the relationship and hence exercise the determination to handle our emotions. The mistake isn't on emotions... It is the failure to cherish, prioritise and failthful to their mates.
There is more than just emotions. The emotional blackmail and dramas he exhitbited. His intentions to go for tow is a selfish one. Was he thinking of interest of his family? Or tow family? No.... It's his crazy obsession. This man does know how to love. It's a total insult to talk abt love and commitment.

Go straight to point.. no need for long talks... Just apply all the questions u posted back to the husband.

 

[scope_guy]

Hi Hweebs,

It doesn't matter. It's a golden chance for her to take it, ready or not. I don't expect her to go divorce everyday. LOL~

Besides, I need the readings.

A woman betrayed me. She'd become stronger if I didn't consider to return to heal her from her ordeal.

Everyone can become 'stronger'; the betrayer will become stronger by going the wrong path, and think that all men are dicks, and with her beauty, you can expect alot of... problems.

Seawaves6 could be growing stronger... But there is generally never a richer man on the gambling table. So...

Hweebs, I have been prepared for such an... audience when I chose to land in here. Women... LOL~ I am not offended. You are nice, we can be friends online.

Seawaves6 is now in a stage that she can grow into anything... From a man's point of view, it's better to brain 'Storm' her right now, especially when she is mother already. Her baby will likely to grow under her influence... on relationship matters.

Wow, battle!

Let them shoot. I actually find them entertaining. ^.^

 

[miloice]

It's not a battle ground lah. But an attempt to talk abt the context and point numereous bad assumptions and illogical things mentioned.

I willing to engage with logic and not long post with blaring assumptions to disagree for the sake of doing. His points isn't all that deep... Just purely ultra long winded, beating abt the bush. Frankly and crudely.... Talking cock.

 

[scope_guy]

Hi Milo,

This man that man. They are all just man. Don't you ever get it? It's only how luck plays. It's always the women who must choose on how to handle, who must take their own responsilities for their own choice.

Or you can choose a dog... Dogs are women's best partners. LOL~ If you choose a man, you must understand that a man is NO robot.

My bedroom is empty, if I love you, you can visit my bedroom. LOL~

Let me be very frank with you, I'd love anyone who is worth my love from how I see it. And I'd love her forever if she's worth forever. All my women know about my love history. There is nothing to hide? Love is beautiful, till the ignorance of people smears it.

The feeling of a partner who really loves a man will understand that the man is a man, and not a property. Unless that man is so unattractive or unworthy for women's attention, he's lucky, he can look into the eyes of his woman and said "You are only one I love..."

There is no such thing as commitment without real love. It's like expecting two men to sign a deal with no honor... LOL~

You can blame the man now in his depression... If hence that the man can work for the marriage but he works against it, then what have the woman being doing for the marriage that the man shalt fall so deeply with another? Logical question.

Why hence do you blame so much on the man? He did nothing wrong, if he truly loves both women. If he does go bonkers, he'd love no one... he won't commit adultery being insane, would Seawaves6 stay with him? LOL~

Hmmm... I have to defend for his husband... and for her baby's sake... because I am a man, plus I don't like the skewed ways of women perceiving relationship.

Hi Ariel,

1. Whether I am against Singaporean women will be decided by how they conduct themselves. If you are not IQ 0, I believe she is doing something for her FLAT. And how many people in this world will engage a local lawyer for a local FLAT? LOL~

I may be wrong...

It's not hard to understand that if this is a Singaporean scenario, you highlight the Singaporean element in it. What's there so hard to understand? LOL~

2. If that's what you think, tell me why are they not silly problems? This is her life, you read her answers up there. Whatever she'd choose will be silly in my view, when she'd probably choose based on a confusion... or blind hurt.

If she cannot make sense of what she'd choose, how not silly will it be? Again and again, she's a mother.

3. Well, if the theory goes is true, then we are all children of God, and since... anyone can be a messenger for 'Dad'. LOL~

Anyway, any books can carry a heaven, why not a forum? LOL~

Sounds very young to me... ...

 

[infojunkie]

milo,

some things just dun need logic, like some ppl r twisted for the sake of being twisted

 

[ariel84]

"1. Whether I am against Singaporean women will be decided by how they conduct themselves. If you are not IQ 0, I believe she is doing something for her FLAT. And how many people in this world will engage a local lawyer for a local FLAT? LOL~

I may be wrong...

It's not hard to understand that if this is a Singaporean scenario, you highlight the Singaporean element in it. What's there so hard to understand? LOL~"

Scope, it's nothing wrong to highlight Singaporean element but your sentences and comments reek of your bias views against Singaporean women.

"2. If that's what you think, tell me why are they not silly problems? This is her life, you read her answers up there. Whatever she'd choose will be silly in my view, when she'd probably choose based on a confusion... or blind hurt.

If she cannot make sense of what she'd choose, how not silly will it be? Again and again, she's a mother."

More of condescending reply from you here. If you're sincerely here to help TS, your tone is not helping at all. Unless you're truly just speaking for the sake of causing controversy.

"3. Well, if the theory goes is true, then we are all children of God, and since... anyone can be a messenger for 'Dad'. LOL~"


"Sounds very young to me... ...""

Are you talking about me? Maybe I'm really not as old as you with your "history of women" and vast knowledge of how women think and behave.

But I must burst your bubble. You think you know a lot about women (from the many times you mentioned about how well you know them), but you know NOTHING at all. Don't even know how to speak to one logically, in a forum properly, in a way that she can understand your bulk of text.

Oh and oops... I hope you know what happens to false messengers, if you really subscribe to that theory.

 

[miloice]

Just luck? Thanks for the joke! Lol

Good luck to u then. Dun lump all men together. Every single person differs. I have had my emotional moments be it before or after marriage. The diff is simply whether the person has the will power and priorities straighten. If he fully understand the consequences of his actions and know what is important to him, he would have think twice and waken up from his issues. Not go on to lie and find reasons to excuse his behavior. People that never acknowledge their issues will excuse themselves and blame everything else... victimising themselves.

Dun talk as if u have read thr the minds of everyone here. Thanks for your gayish offer to your bedroom. U didn't even realize I am a guy. Sums up your analytical and judgement level in here. Lol. U r surely one talk cock king.

 

[scope_guy]

Hi Milo On E Rock,

What's the difference btw you being a guy or being a gal? LOL~

Why should I realise you are a guy?

As you have said, we could be gays. LOL~

I do not read the minds. I merely did a proceedure to extract Seawaves6's readings, and respond to the general concerns on relationships here, including your concerns. Read through.

So please don't jump to any conclusion you ain't mature to do. Gays are known to be marrying, as you should realise, while not in Singapore.

I am not a gay, but if I do love you, you can still visit my bedroom. LOL~

Anyway, relationship has become a joke. Just have fun.

Hi Ariel,

1. I must confess, I don't really prefer Singaporean women. But that doesn't mean I won't end up being in love with one. As I said, I am no God.

2. Only she can help herself. My sweetest tone will be useless.

3. Perhaps I know nothing at all. But you sounds so confirmed that you know I know nothing at all. LOL~ Interesting people.

LOL~

 

[ariel84]

"Perhaps I know nothing at all. But you sounds so confirmed that you know I know nothing at all"

My assumption is based on your posts here.

 

[scope_guy]

Hi Ariel,

Promising. You pick things up pretty fast. LOL~

But your assumption is not right... if you want the honest truth. I got to go, I have a something more exciting to do for now. ^.^

Catch u later.

 

[hweebs]

seawaves, suddenly i get this insight. Can I kaypo and ask? I wonder if one of the problems u had with your husband is his inability to choose? Like he cannot choose between u and his mum, and now you and the woman? And because he is always stuck and not able to choose, he became depressed.

 

[seawaves6]

ok, skip scope completely. dun find his "thesis" objective. tho he say he dun care but still can write so much.
" The man is depressed, at most he kills himself... correct eh? Is that what she wants? I am not going to stop her. Milo, why should I? "
so ur gal hurt u real bad? tat y u gotta take out on some1? tats y google affair/infidelity? oh pls! dun reply, nt the least interested to read.

just hope normal gals wont be unlucky enuff to be in a rs w him. tsk tsk tsk..

hweebs: hubby do have some inability in making decision, abit of indecisive. but thats nv our problem cos usually if he cant decide, i will decide. which he is always ok, cos he fear make wrong decision. so if i decide, then wrong decision, he no responsiblity. so usually will prefer me to decide for him.
i have no problem with decision making.

btw me & his mum, clear cut. he always side me.
me & tat woman, he claim equal side. told me b4 tat he nv want to split w me. he just hope to have me & tow, both. say cant live wo me, but also cant breath wo her. something like tat.
but tats was in e past, update his version liao now.

he discharge today aldy, all is ok.
say he nv actually want to die. was just threatening me to stay but end up backfire.
learn his lesson tis time cos the imh stay scare the shit out of him. haha.

dear all,
i feeling better as the day go by, esp after seeing e counsellor. hb will also be seeing the same counsellor shortly.
we decide tat we shld give each other some space & time to seriously think abt our individual life & marriage purpose. we had set a time frame of 6m to live separately to cool ourself or rekindle our sparks. (could go both way, depends on hw we both cope)

 

[miloice]

Good for u that u guys and sorted things out and have clear plan with timeline to work things out. Take care.... Many people cannot even picture after infidelity but truth is... Lines isn't that clear cut.

It might not be a good idea for the spouse to side either party. Their roles is to be the bridge. to exercise eq to smoothen the friction between. Taking sides hardly does that. It forms more hatred between wife and mil.

 

[denise80]

Scope,

it's funny how you perceived little of Seawave's love for her hubby just because she once thought of leaving him due to his infidelity. You kept saying that TS should focus on whether she loves him and not on the other woman and if she doesn't focus on her love for her husband but only keep thinking about the other woman, she's therefore not in love with her hubby? What warped logic is this? Talking about marriage vows. The moment her hubby chose to be unfaithful to her, he has already broken the marriage vow. Are women or anyone in this world expected to continue loving their partners when their partners failed them to begin with? Even if they do, that is not purely called love. It's their magnanimity.

How about her hubby to begin with? If he's truly in love with her, why had he been unfaithful to her and why had he been lying about leaving the other woman several times?

Seems to me that you've been hurt by your woman whom you gave a second chance but still failed you later on. If you truly love her, then you shouldn't have sounded so bitter when offering your views and advice to Seawave.

Anyway to Seawave, I feel it's good that you err on the caution side now. Even if he fails you eventually, you can walk away and emerge stronger without feeling any regrets.

 

[suspicion]

scope is another nut case which should be send to IMH to talk with the patient there

 

[hweebs]

hi seawaves,

happy to hear that things are moving on well

happy for you!

i think the counsellor will work with u2 about the problems etc, but maybe i give u some idea of what i was thinking lar...in case it helps

i'm glad u answered my qn...it is the siding that i'm thinking about

my hypothesis is as follows:

strong mother gives birth to son, allows son to be weak (easy to control)

son grows up and resents being controlled by mother, looks for an ally to help him fight her. So he found u, who is another 'strong' woman.

Wife stands on son's side to fight mum, son+wife win

one day son suddenly realized that wife is just like his mum: a strong woman! Worried that he will live a life like his childhood (mum makes all decisions and controls him)

Son tries to get out of wife's influence but is too weak to. So son tries to get another strong woman to help him. Son finds the other woman to 'fight' wife.

Other woman saw his 'trap', does not save him. Wife may leave him. Son becomes scared. Son doesn't know what to do. Son collapses from his inability to choose. Son gets depression and goes to IMH.


Not sure whether it's true or not, or if it rings a bell for u. If it does, bring it up to your counsellor to work through lar, all the best! " )

To all,
can we not insult each other here? I'm sure each and every one of us leave msgs for the purpose of helping, and not destroying, albeit our different approaches. The intention is good. you don't have to subscribe to what the other person says, but can we accommodate each other in our freedom and intention to help?

scopeguy: ok, friends then. *shake hands*

 

[scope_guy]

Go ahead. Do what you want. LOL~

Denise80,

I am not sounding bitter, because of that woman. I have been sending more women to the doors over the years who couldn't make it. I can understand people trying to 'guess' even without much basis.

I can see how you forumers see things. LOL~

No matter what, face it. Seawaves6 nor any of you here are the type ready for commitment, nor the type I really want to bother about in relationship. I am not your type too.

I got my readings. It's not what I want, but it comforms to the results in general. And I advocate Seawaves6 to just go ahead and divorce; it'd be better for the man in this concern.

As for infidelity, I don't think any of you here have qualified yourselves to be so particular about this topic. You'd need to understand love in order to touch on something else as holy.

To each own.

BTW, Seawaves6... A depression in a cronic stage carries a medical risk of suicide; it doesn't matter if it appears to you that he is using it to threaten you to stay. Let's face it, this marriage is not only about him, his issues will also mean something could be wrong about you as well.

You have like happily pushed everything to the infidelity. And the forumers have happily supported you. LOL~ Bad news for you, and your baby. And it is very strange that some men will go to IMH just to 'threaten women to stay'. But that doesn't matter. The fact is, you know very well it won't help his condition if you leave, and you chose to do so anyway.

This is obviously a man whom you have chosen to marry who is not so important after all to be worth fighting for. This marriage has been a mistake right from the start. To be fair to myself, if I were to find a woman like yourself...

I rather stay single forever.

You can ignore me, some people can say I am nutcase... But if you cannot survive such an issue/challenge in this marriage... If you cannot understand the need to fight for happiness, to be responsible for your own vow... and presume that since the other breaks his vow urs will be broken too...

LOL~

One of her lawyers is almost right, why don't you give him a chance? As for me, why isn't he that important after you chose to marry him and carry his child that doesn't make you realise the need for some effort to...
...woo him back.

As for the rest of this forum... It's a pity, that if this lesson of Seawaves6 were to be presented into your lives... None of you will likely to learn anything out of it.

LOL~

Twist and turn, and look away at the issues... if you all like. Marry, divorce... LOL~ None of you can see things logically. Sad.

 

[scope_guy]

Hweebs,

You are a conseller, I am here for the scientific examination. These people's readings are normal. Although they will never will learn from the lesson...

*Shake hands* It's always better to be friends than enemy. LOL~

I am now worried about her baby... Seawaves6 is now having this idea that the husband goes to IMH to threaten her to stay... ... Why don't I go to IMH to threaten the government to decrease GST? LOL~

While your job is to make your client happy, my job is to make them tell me the truth about themselves. LOL~

See ya!

 

[hweebs]

ehhh...scopeguy, wrong. My job is not to make pple happpy. If it is so I'm in the wrong line, should have been a clown/comedian instead.

My job is sort of problem solving + 'self improvement', aimed at self actualization etc. You use very straightforward and cold approaches, while mine are more humanistic. I get this image that you would have made a good surgeon: problem, use scalpel and cut, problem removed, good. It is refreshing to have someone to tells the truth unflinchingly now and then, but we mere mortals may not be able to take the lightning strike from ze skies...we chao4 da1 instead of wake up from slumber. "The operation is successful, but the patient is dead". Thankfully we are not so strong, coz then I have business

 

[infojunkie]

gee 2 posers in a row... what more can we ask?

oh i forget the "t"... it sould be posters

 

[scope_guy]

Hi Hweebs,

LOL~

How do you think people who will not face the truths or their problems would have any problems solved or self-improvement? To me, most counsellors are more like entertaining their clients, make sure they go back happier.

For me, I cut in direct, I got my readings, they show me the results (as u can see), and whether this mother or the rest will learn from this lesson or from my operation is not really my problem. Seawaves6 is a mother... If she chooses to ignore, and takes this lesson for granted, I'm apparently worried for the education of the child.

I would have 'sayang-ed' this woman with some warmth... and tactics if I know her privately offline. But firstly, I am not her peer, so no matter how I'd appeal to her in this forum, it'd not be possible for her listen *completely*. Stubborn women like herself seek supports, or the only ones who can influence her will be someone she trusts or endears to...

I will not be loved by her. LOL~

See, Hweebs. I do not do unnecessary things. So we cut straight through, cold and to the point. Because from my experience... when I first read this case, observe her options:

1. To leave and be free; 2. to stay and SUFFER.

She was like telling me already what she is inclined to do: Divorce.

LOL~

But she doesn't want to be like so straight forward. So... She pushes everything to the infidelity, and tried to tell people how had she been going on... Her husband is not here to share with us his own side of the story, and WHY he'd end up persistently after another woman who was even subsequently married.

And the forumers jumped to her support... without even like bothering about the existence of the baby.

The operation is indeed successful, one landmark result; and yes, it is dead. From the beginning of this whole drama, from the moment of such 'blissful' marriage, it has been a mistake. How many women who don't value true love as a foundation of marriage won't be facing such a risk?

All of them.

I do not think nor expect anyone here to learn from the lesson... otherwise, this will be a perfect world, and I won't have to be so... picky, and more and more picky on women I'd be involving with.

Every woman wants commitment... Almost every such woman I have to send them to the doors.

The one who can stand my lightning strike... will be my woman. And I'd do anything in this life to get her... As for the rest, I can't be bothered.

So the insight you are seeking is that these women are cureless if you are not their lovers but a mere counsellor. LOL~

A friendly remark... Forget it. LOL~

Welcome to the real world, Mr Friend.

If they can solve their problems without facing the truths and they can improve while being totally defectively defensive and refusing to even face themselves... I am not sure what self actualization it would serve.

I am one big case of 'self-actualization'... That's because I face issues, and I am cold and straight to the point.

Infidelity is a holy word... Mortals... are just biological machines with psychological implications. Sometimes I am too scientific... but in real, I am a big romance sucker. LOL~

Someone said I become bitter because of a betrayer... How can I be bitter and yet chose to return to take care of her broken soul?

Who shalt stand at the end of the test shalt be the chosen. Hweebs, don't waste time guessing about this case... The entire problem lies with Seawaves6. This man is obviously never that important and she married him, and has his child... While she is busy finding a lawyer to free herself, she'd go any length... including making her baby fatherless.

LOL~

Maybe the oppositions should go to the IMH to threaten the government to change policies. I suppose that'd save the government resources on court sessions and alot of troubles.

Yes. I find it totally hilarious when I read her... She chose to marry such a man, whom she knows inside out...? Or she chooses to believe that among tons of ways to keep a woman, a man will resort to IMH, and IMH will collaborate with the man by investing their integrity and professionism to compile a depression case... for the purpose of one woman?

Won't it make sense that her baby will be a more effective tool for making her stay? Using that baby, talk to her parents will be more effective than faking depression with the help of IMH.

Of course... I MAY be wrong. LOL~

Entertaining. So why shouldn't I register to be part of this... exciting case? LOL~

 

[miloice]

It's obvious the intent of the posting is to stir up contraversy and reactions. Why entertain him further? Let his blabbering continue all he wants. Yawns. Crap claims of inviting people to your bedroom. Get real. Lol

feels like back to reservist. Talking big over crap for the sake of talking crap.

 

[hweebs]

scopeguy,

i think you are not giving seawaves enough credit. It takes 2 hands to clap, and a marriage is between 2 people. Seawaves IS trying to work on her marriage, her husband IS the one with the EMA, the husband IS the one who might be pulling a power play. No matter what the reasons were for getting married, seawaves is definitely not solely at fault, so please do not attack her anymore.

junkie, why add the 't' in your message? You do not dare to openly be aggressive so have to pretend to be nice hah? Tells me a lot about you.

 

[infojunkie]

u know what's sarcasm?

 

[infojunkie]

oh i forget, counselors think straight

 

[scope_guy]

Hweebs,

I am not really attacking Seawaves6, it's more like 死马当活马医. Serves no purpose to really attack.

Oh~ It's husband's fault~ LOL~

So tell me, when has there being a fair judgement based ONLY on one party's account? Hweebs, tell me.

If two hands must clap... What has she been doing from the choice to marry to have the husband falling in love for another? Seawaves6 is accusing her husband for infidelity, but if such is not an act of God, then Seawaves6 must have done somethings to have made her husband so madly in love with the other woman.

If love cannot be ordered, then what fault has the husband?

The entire issue is very simple, this marriage has been a big mistake. And BOTH share the fault. Since both marry on obviously wrong basis.

Now all of you try to point a finger at the voiceless husband... when the wife has been obviously trying to tell everyone she didn't even know why she married this guy in the first place.

Remember, when she took the vow, she took it on her own soul. She shares the blame of this marriage failure as much as her husband. That's the cold truth... She doesn't even suppose that he's worth the effort to be woo-ed back... or she doesn't even bother to think of it.

Do you think those couples in the 60s who usually sticked together for their lifetimes never had such issues?

Who is not thinking straight?

I cannot give Seawaves6 any credit before she earns any. She must first face her own issues... her own attitude and mentality towards her love life... If she cannot, even if she finds another man who can initially accept her baby as well...

Here comes the same risk, and she 'thinks straight' and she files for divorce again... As a counsellor is that self-improvement? Has any problem being solved? LOL~

Let's be honest with yourselves, forumers... Have you spared a thought for the baby?

Do you think relationship matters are like doing a P/L?

LOL~ Food for thought... but who is digesting?

My 2ct.

 

[seawaves6]

heya all!
hweebs: ya, my mil is really a strong in character. she is one w say at (her)home.

aiyoh speaking of my mil hor, really quite disturb by her action.
guess wat! tat time when she come raid my hse when im out, she took back the USED pillow & almost no filling bolster which she give bb earlier last mth.
tat time i dun want take but hb say if dun accept mil will tot i dun give face. so i just take lor.
then during the raid, she took tat back also.
omg! funny right?
just realise tat she took them yday when i chg bb bedsheet. yday reaction was like duno whether to laugh or to sigh. lol

 

[cocoon]

some mothers are just very protective of their sons no matter how old the guy may be.. is the old pillow and bolster your hubby's which he used from young? maybe she is superstitious and thinks weird things like she has to keep them so that no one does vodoo with them? older ladies are usually more superstitious.. (just a suggestion cause i rem my ex's mom and her antics)
or maybe she just miss the pillow?