My dear...
Actually the moment you got hit, you should have sought help, because usually a woman will go extremist... and it will be very difficult to root out the problem, and will hinder your progress (in most cases, that's so).
The more you are like this, the more harder to find another partner, and the more you will be stuck in difficulties in life esp when your kids need you... financially or emotionally. It's like when you needed a partner, you actually are stuck in the opposite end.
And mind you... any issue coming could start you down a mental spiral into depression... and suicide. Though your experience may be different to Kerin Peh's, but your psychological mechanism is the same.
Both of you are at risk, only that she died and you are still around.
If you love someone... you will cherish, you'd forgive, you'd fight for him, or at least... you don't want to hurt him. This is the truth of love. What you are experiencing... is, as I have said... a 'break' or a shock due to the break of emotional attachment and expectation.
Yes yes yes, you have 'gambled' all, made all the sacrifices...
But maybe it's not the right time, yet I have to point out yours is not love. Once you have met your One, then you'd realize what is love, and you'd soon forget your ex-husband. I mean, you will remember who he is, but the pain will be gone.
For now... what you need is to seek help. Medication and all those talking things with counselor WILL NOT help you. Yes yes yes, you can feel better now, numb numb with medication... but eventually when you need to confront another relationship, all those pains and sh|ts will come back, and you WILL BE confused again.
Your ex-school mate was a sad case... a pitiful one. She could have survived if she had encountered proper aid. But she didn't. And at every 'stimulus', she 'was' pumped down... and *motivated* enough to take her own life.
It was preventable... but despite the media, no professional help was rendered. No counselor can help her or know she needed.
If you really cannot take it, seek me out. It's not my policy to reveal my personal contact here. You will have to choose to save yourself...
But here... think, my dear... when you were a kid, what was life? Now you have two kids... Life is not always so sad. It got ups and downs. Right?
I won't say forget this forget that...
But what you need to do now is to understand... don't die for someone who doesn't care about you.
And don't die to upset your parents and your kids. Your kids deserve to grow up as you did, and they deserve their mother's love.
If you really need to, you can seek out my facebook account...
And remember, do not listen to the morons and idiots here... You'd get even more confused.
It's good you face your weakness. It's ALSO good you are only 29... You still have a choice. Maia Lee was dumped twice, have two kids with different men... She is kicking and alive, and ENJOYING life.
What about you?