Anger and Domestic Violence

[ScaryStuff_85]

Hi all, male here. I know the whole stereotype about domestic violence with men being the perpertrator most of the times. Or at least that's what the media will have us believe. But what if it is the guy who is suffering from domestic violence?

My partner(11 years younger) has some really severe anger issues. She cannot stand to be called out for anything whether it is done harshly or just talking about it kind. She has admitted that even when she is in the wrong, if called out for it, she will have no qualms about getting very aggressive and violent. When i say violent, think about getting slapped like 7-10 times per cheek, getting strangled, punched, kicked in the crotch.

Further to that, she has absolutely no qualms about viciously using words to hurt. For example, in recent times, during arguments, she has said things like

1) You are but a pauper. You only have $xx,xxx.00 and this house and half of what you have will go to me if we split

2) You only have A-level, I have degree. So who do u think u are?

3) I can get better and more care and concern from any other guy outside.

While I can understand that she did not have the most ideal upbringing growing up, I have tried on many occasions to encourage her to snap out of certain behaviour and mindset but to no avail. The anger and violence issues are just the tip of what I am really unhappy about. But just these 2 alone are enough to scare me significantly. ROM is just about a month away.

 

[Myra5]

Your SO is fully aware of how she is treating you and yet she still does it. Does she show any remorse for the things she have done? Apologized or sought ways to control it?

You also mentioned that you are scared significantly by her anger and violence, and tried to help her to break out of this cycle. So I believe you know what path you should take. As your marriage is not yet legalized since ROM is 1 month away, how is she entitled to half of the assets? I assume she thinks you will proceed with the ROM.

It is worrying that however you approach her, her reaction is just to get aggressive and violent. Future-wise, will this improve? If not, then you have to decide whether you want to live with this part of her or to break away for a better life for yourself.

 

[ing1]

Hi all, male here. I know the whole stereotype about domestic violence with men being the perpertrator most of the times. Or at least that's what the media will have us believe. But what if it is the guy who is suffering from domestic violence?

My partner(11 years younger) has some really severe anger issues. She cannot stand to be called out for anything whether it is done harshly or just talking about it kind. She has admitted that even when she is in the wrong, if called out for it, she will have no qualms about getting very aggressive and violent. When i say violent, think about getting slapped like 7-10 times per cheek, getting strangled, punched, kicked in the crotch.

Further to that, she has absolutely no qualms about viciously using words to hurt. For example, in recent times, during arguments, she has said things like

1) You are but a pauper. You only have $xx,xxx.00 and this house and half of what you have will go to me if we split

2) You only have A-level, I have degree. So who do u think u are?

3) I can get better and more care and concern from any other guy outside.

While I can understand that she did not have the most ideal upbringing growing up, I have tried on many occasions to encourage her to snap out of certain behaviour and mindset but to no avail. The anger and violence issues are just the tip of what I am really unhappy about. But just these 2 alone are enough to scare me significantly. ROM is just about a month away.

Omg.. U gotten kicked before? Better think twice *10x before you sign. But why did u decide to propose to her despite of the anger issue and violence?

 

[raspberry76]

Haven't married yet ? Just break off with her. Anyway, why be someone you won't be happy for life ??

You worry about the house thing ? What is a house compared to a lifetime of happiness ? Go find a better woman.
Be a man and snap out of it. Don't let those who truly care for you worry for you.

 

[Chocogal]

How can there even be any violence involved if you love someone? I will say you are part of the reason for her to be like this, because right you gave her the right to..right from The beginning you Allowed her to treat you like this as she didn't change at all. Any kinds of relationship even someone who's an acquaintance don't even have any right to hit you and she's not even your wife to begin with now and she's already treating you like that. Can you imagine your never ending episodes of such treatment. Are you thinking that after marriage it might get better?

I don't think so. How many 20 plus years does one have that to have already that kind of character set in her that she's even going to change?

 

[Whygetmarried]

Have you done anything wrong against her previously? Like cheat on her, hurt her emotions or disappoint her big time...

 

[newproject]

Dude how old are you?

How long have both of you being dating?

I know you think because she is 11 years younger has a uni degree to your A level, she's a catch.

No lah...

 

[verysadguy]

If you have read my posts here in the past, you would have realised that I am a victim of domestic violence and I'm a guy.

My nick here is to remind me not to marry a wrong partner again. I was so depressed in the past and even hurt myself during my short 5 years marriage.

I've finally decide to divorce and do not regret the decision I make. I'm happily single with my own house now. I feel very sad that men are always been framed as the abuser with no help while women are always assumed to be the victim. This is totally not true in this era. Both girls and guys can be victim of domestic violence.

If you decide to step into this marriage, you are putting yourself in a precarious situation. Not only you would suffer, your family would suffer as well. Don't forget that men would always be at the short end of the stick. My only advice: DON'T MARRY.

 

[beaverjuice]

One can either be the right partner or the wrong partner for your SO. If you have done everything right and things are still so wrong then she is obviously the wrong partner for you.

By your own account, you have done everything right and yet things are not working out. Staying the course for the flat and living on the wing of prayer that she will change after marriage is a fool's errand. The light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming freight train.

If that is the case then i hope you have not signed your life away at ROM.


"Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.
A good marriage must be created.

In the art of marriage the little things are the big things…

It is never being too old to hold hands.

It is remembering to say “I love you” at least once a day.

It is never going to sleep angry.

It is at no time taking the other for granted;
The courtship should not end with the honeymoon,
it should continue through all the years.

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world.

It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.

It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude
of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.

It is speaking words of appreciation
and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.

It is not looking for perfection in each other.
It is cultivating flexibility, patience,
understanding and a sense of humor.

It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.

It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.

It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.

It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal,
dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.

It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.

It is discovering what marriage can be, at its best."

The Art of Marriage by Wilferd A. Peterson