Is this an acceptable excuse not to RSVP?

[cookie0511]

I'm getting married in 2 months. We sent out "Save The Date" last year by giving heads up to those we wanted to invite since last December. Our proposed schedule for that day will be a church wedding mass in the morning at a church in Bras Basah, then a lunch reception at a restaurant in Bukit Batok.

Most of the people we invited early on were those whom both my fiance and I know, people from our various communities that we are both involved in. One guy whom we have served under for 2 years in some community leadership role, has been bugging us to get married since 2 years back, and he kept saying he would be the first to attend and couldn't wait to see us married as we "inspire him as a couple". When we finally finalised the venues, we sent him a heads up. He promised us to attend.

In May this year, we saw him again at an activity, and again, he promised us he would attend and would definitely be there. Then when we finally sent out our formal invites in August, he called me, stating that last year, he attended someone's wedding (incidentally my fiance and I attended that same wedding as it was another common friend), and he said that because he gave small ang pow, that friend stopped talking to him. He didn't want the same thing to happen to us, so regretfully he won't be attending our wedding. This is despite the fact we asked our guests to indicate if they could only come for the church or the lunch or both (and many have already stated their preference), and that we invited them because they mean something to us, not because we crave for their ang pow! And this despite the fact that he has been saying for 2 years that he wants us married and to come for our wedding!

My fiance and I felt really betrayed, because honestly, if he had just come (even for either church or lunch) without giving anything, we would have been happy. But the fact that he said this for not coming, we felt truly hurt, so much so that my fiance left the WhatsApp chat groups with this guy and unfriended him on Facebook. Furthermore, the lunch place was coincidentally near where this guy is staying. And we have friends from overseas who RSVPed immediately and willing to take the trouble to fly over here just for 1 day to attend our wedding.

Are we right to feel hurt and angry? Or are we overreacting? We are still in the midst of sorting out RSVPs as half the people have not replied. There are some who have replied and not coming due to going overseas and family issues, that we can totally accept and understand. We have to guarantee at least 25 tables for the lunch reception and now I fear we may not be able to hit that number now, so we also need some advise how to renegotiate if need be!

 

[SGblushingbride]

I’m sorry this had to happen 2 months before the wedding. You have every right to feel hurt and angry. I would feel insulted if a friend told me the same thing. We invited people close to us to share our special day, whether they will give a gift or not.

Preparing for a wedding is stressful enough, I wish people will understand this and reply to the invitations as soon as possible so as not to add to the couple’s worries.

 

[cookie0511]

I’m sorry this had to happen 2 months before the wedding. You have every right to feel hurt and angry. I would feel insulted if a friend told me the same thing. We invited people close to us to share our special day, whether they will give a gift or not.

Preparing for a wedding is stressful enough, I wish people will understand this and reply to the invitations as soon as possible so as not to add to the couple’s worries.

Yes, I totally get you. Even now, 2 weeks before our big day, we have people who ghosted us and chasing down RSVPs. It is as if we are begging people to attend our wedding! We are prepared to make a big loss in any case as I don't think we are going to have enough to make the minimum quota of 23 tables (more people are attending the church and skipping our lunch).

 

[valerias]

I'm getting married in 2 months. We sent out "Save The Date" last year by giving heads up to those we wanted to invite since last December. Our proposed schedule for that day will be a church wedding mass in the morning at a church in Bras Basah, then a lunch reception at a restaurant in Bukit Batok.

Most of the people we invited early on were those whom both my fiance and I know, people from our various communities that we are both involved in. One guy whom we have served under for 2 years in some community leadership role, has been bugging us to get married since 2 years back, and he kept saying he would be the first to attend and couldn't wait to see us married as we "inspire him as a couple". When we finally finalised the venues, we sent him a heads up. He promised us to attend.

In May this year, we saw him again at an activity, and again, he promised us he would attend and would definitely be there. Then when we finally sent out our formal invites in August, he called me, stating that last year, he attended someone's wedding (incidentally my fiance and I attended that same wedding as it was another common friend), and he said that because he gave small ang pow, that friend stopped talking to him. He didn't want the same thing to happen to us, so regretfully he won't be attending our wedding. This is despite the fact we asked our guests to indicate if they could only come for the church or the lunch or both (and many have already stated their preference), and that we invited them because they mean something to us, not because we crave for their ang pow! And this despite the fact that he has been saying for 2 years that he wants us married and to come for our wedding!

My fiance and I felt really betrayed, because honestly, if he had just come (even for either church or lunch) without giving anything, we would have been happy. But the fact that he said this for not coming, we felt truly hurt, so much so that my fiance left the WhatsApp chat groups with this guy and unfriended him on Facebook. Furthermore, the lunch place was coincidentally near where this guy is staying. And we have friends from overseas who RSVPed immediately and willing to take the trouble to fly over here just for 1 day to attend our wedding.

Are we right to feel hurt and angry? Or are we overreacting? We are still in the midst of sorting out RSVPs as half the people have not replied. There are some who have replied and not coming due to going overseas and family issues, that we can totally accept and understand. We have to guarantee at least 25 tables for the lunch reception and now I fear we may not be able to hit that number now, so we also need some advise how to renegotiate if need be!

omg! i get you ! 100% ( its never about the $ that matters! See the face of love ones that attend we happy already!)

its fine to give a small angpao / symbolic gift like honey esp if you do not have the $ means to give because attending a wedding supposed to be witnessing a joyful union, not "earning" opportunity. At least that is how my partner and I view our wedding to be will be like. Prepare and happy to lugi. ( Only invite those that truly matters to us aka inner friends and kakis and direct sibling/ parents)

BUT it is not fine to simply just MIA / cannot make up mind want or dont want go ! Imagine the shock of my potato life when i received the response, "see first" . See simi? can make it or cannot make it, see got mood to be involve or no mood to be involve? see whether our friendship/ jie mei ( i once view her as one, it seems like its a one way thing uh) is there or not there ? see simi gui.

Cannot due to abc reason also okay right, valid point can already tio bo? I already gave 2 years in advance notice lei! I started the invitation from my most inner circle to colleagues. imagine my great horror when I have friends ( not inner circle) willing to engage nanny to watch over her kids ( adult only event), Have colleagues that are willing to fly to my destination wedding of choice despite I havent make up my mind which country to choose yet. tell them date be early and they will settle. ( how incredible touched and grateful we was to hear that from them, personally I felt loved T^T esp when I asked with the expectation of " sorry, i cmi because xxx" , still gotta ask because its politically right to do so mah, since they are kaki )

What seeee first, see my wedding resolve around your schedule, see your mood meh?. I kid not you i was utterly thoroughly hurt and insulted when I see the word "see first". You mean i need to ask you again? Bridemaid outfit / MUA /Angpao/ role all these dont need prepare $ in advance meh( yes i paying & planning) ? Machaim beg you want to come or not? Granted, i kicked her off my inner circle status in my heart the moment i see the word " see first". Its so damn hurtful!

I can take a no ( valid point right?) , I can take a yes , I cannot take a half f*k response like this.