How should I live my next 40 years?


Active Member
Quite scary to read about how a relationship could 'transform' to become this did it happen in the first place I wonder...

The main thing I picked up from Mag's experience is that it's good for a woman to be able to be financially independent and to lead her own life still even if she's a mother to kids and/or a housewife at home. And of course, interestingly, Powder's posts (not engaging u so u need not respond) back then in 2009 sound so much more friendly...I like his view on how a woman should continue to be a gfren to spouse even after married because many would have forgotten this role as they take on roles of a housewife and mother. Hopefully with shared roles these days, both husband and wife can play multiple roles as parents to kids, lovers to one another and filial children to their own parents one's perfect. Every mistake is a learning opportunity.


Active Member
hi mag,

it's been awhile hasn't it? ok, must admit it's easy for me to ask why u peg your actions to your children and blame yourself more than u should, for things that Don't Happen well for them. thing is, the eldest one is pretty much an adult, in fact most kids turn adult earlier than we'd be ready to let them go.

in the absences of legal advice, u can google and search for other forums in the meantime... however if i do recollect, there Is free consultation n advice u can receive from this group of lady lawyers who do it for the very purpose of helping ladies like yourself.

actually i sorta sensed that u got close to finding that little bit of yourself at one stage, but fell back to choosing family. thing is, i dun think it has to be one or the other, and we Can find balance if we just see it from a higher plane.

took awhile to get into the right frame of mind before posting... sorta at a crossroad myself as i look to move out of my comfort zone yet again... but that's just it isn't it? that's what Life should be abt... as much as we derive happiness from Today, we should also realise that we need to seek andbuild happiness for Tomorrow...

good news is, being 50 is Indeed the new 40... u just need to break away to find your youth again, instead of jailing yourself within the same confines... or perhaps in some ways, u Are used to your cell. really hope u can get unused to what u are used to.

perhaps u might wanna pick up a book to give yourself more strength? i picked up a few books recently and found one that allowed my soul to resonate with it... but most imptly, it gave me the courage n reason to leave behind all i've built in the last decade, to seek for a newer life which i can control better.

It Is never too late... for u and me...


New Member
Hi Powder,

Nice of you to respond again and once again I like your insight. When I was working briefly, everytime I returned home, the spelling's not learned, the school hw not done. Teachers called to complain. Finally from avg marks of 70, grades dropped to 50s, 60. My elder boy from best express class, to the worst now. I saw my 13 years of hard work went down the drain. I know the 2 boys are very sad that I can no longer be with them during the day. The family is no longer a family and they are feeling the strain of it too. This is a crucial year for both of them, one PSLE, the other Sec 2 streaming. Finally, as he was still giving me the same allowance, I decided why not treat it as salary and the family, my workplace. Yes, it's not been easy these 3 years and the future, but without problems and obstacles, one can't be stronger. So now my salary has been cut to $2000, eventhough I worked so hard, and there' a real fear he may force divorce upon me, I've decided to go out and work again. I need a job in the event of a divorce so that the children can continue to live with me. Maybe this is God's way of forcing me to be myself, and to live for myself.

I've googled and managed to find free legal clinic. I've also been to see another lawyer for free this morning. Unfortunately each gave contradictory advice. But, I've a better idea what to do now and that's to do nothing but just get a job.

There are many crossroads in our life, I think life is a series of experience, each of which makes us bigger. Every responsibility we shirk is actually a failure to acquire strength.

My 1st priority is still to get a job fast. Wish me luck, and yes I'll try to see things from a higher plane and hopefully find a balance.

Hi Milo,

The average lifespan of a woman is around 83, at 49, thank God, I do not have any of the chronic diseases that's affecting many much younger than me,and it's all because I was able to look far far ahead and planned well what goes into my stomach. So I'm very concern where I'm heading at least in the next 30 years. I strongly believes our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds.

Denise, no SEX is the cause of it all. It drew a couple apart, don't forget husband and wife are only related by a piece of paper. I was very busy with all the young kids then and they shared a room with me. He said he doesn't mind, and I naively believed him. His job took him to places like China and Vietnam, Middle East, Thailand, Indonesia and Malaysia, and in Singapore he's surrounded by bevy of China mei mei in his office, it will take a monk not to stray. My husband is no monk it seems. I don't blame him for the breakdown, I only feel very very sad that he did not appreciate my sacrifice and efforts all these years in caring for him, the children and the house, and choose to make things worse. One lawyer, who's also a man, told me nowadays a lot of man this age think with their p not brain. No offence to any man reading this.


Well-Known Member
hi magdalene, one cannot focus on one aspect and expect everything else to fits nicely in place. After a year, you are much clearer that the fault doesn't really lie in one area. You guys basically drifted apart. The choice to live long term in a marriage without a balance is like a car going on miles without servicing. You guys are no longer in the same page, hence hard for him to really appreciate it. It is not true that men think with their dick, but the marriage and relationship ignored his instincts for too long, the hunger grows. His sexual urges doesn't stop since puberty till his death. Nothing changed about that all the while.


Personally i feels that a man who is going to stray will stray even if u have sex every single day......><"

I think tat a lot of men out there dun realize that marriage might not be for them....they have the tendency to nosedive into marriage thinking this is part of life journey and regret it in the later part of their life....

One very good example is a close friend of mine who recently got married....2 days ago he rings me up to tell me tat his wife is expecting twins and he wants out of marriage life....wat a good timing i must say.....zZzzZZzz....


Active Member

i can tell u all the mistakes that married women make... but that's gonna be too long a list, and it may no longer be applicable in salvaging, only prevention... so Best to just focus on the future than the past.

looking ahead, i think u need to slowly learn to let go and not feel so bad. sometimes bad academics has it's way of helping the person find another Calling... or vocation.

if it helps... my average is 55-65s excluding english, with an F9 somewhere for A.Maths... i figured early that that just wasn't my path... mum was worried, dad told me to just do my best (he wanted me to be a laywer/engineer)... obviously those doors are closed for me in the natural progression of education-based professions. so since i can't excel in grades, i found other ungradeable stuff which i can excel in.

think what's impt for us as parent is Not to just focus on the academic lessons... But the lessons abt academia and life without academia... and letting our children know What to expect IF grades dun favour us. my lessons to my elder one is never on grades/academics, but rather - why she needs Knowledge. else i'm more concerned with their Morals, Integrity, Values and Love for others. i think with these, u can never go wrong... along with that, i'm trying to imbue common sense with my daughter, help her improve her logic and thinking ability.

it's with these that i have gotten Further ahead than most locals with Bach/MBA.

so really, focus on the Right things... not the things Most feel is right. in order to build up a better Awareness, our best bridge would be reading books that Can Help. cos seriously when i read, it's not just for myself... but lessons which i can share with my kids when they grow older... cos just going by lessons i have learnt, is not gonna prepare them for Life.

also, it may not be easy for children to take advice from parents who are not 'respectable' in the first place... u know, like how i can love my mum to bits for bringing me up and putting in sacrifices that only mothers can make... But in terms of my future, my career, Money... it would be hard for me to take advice from mum. so perhaps we have to Learn first... in order to pass the lessons on to them.

many parents make the mistake of trying to teach their children how to have a good job, perhaps have a 10k salary... when they themselves never even had a 5k salary... IF u have a son like me, i would only listen, but not be convinced. So again, only teach lessons u Can teach...

lastly, perhaps, maybe... u have to treat them as equals, than as a parent.


Well-Known Member
true, many do regret some parts of their lives, be it right after marriage, after kids or during mid life crisis. Also, when they become successful, some guys become playful.


Active Member
I only thing I can say is when dealing with teenagers - patience is the key. Forcing on them is not going to work. Forbidding them one thing and they will intentionally do that thing.

And lastly, the worst thing we can do is to ask or threaten our children to be out of the house. They will do it.

Whilst you think that you are doing a great job and all-sacrificing for your children and family - yes, it is all great (really it is) but don't ever think of it as a sacrifice. Don't ever let your children feel that you are sacrificing for them. We should care for them because want to and want the best for them. Sacrificing will not make you happy.

Yes, the best is to look for a job and move forward. You need to get the connection to your children - especially your daughter. Think about what she said that "You are Scary". Don't take it negatively. Reflect upon it.


How to be happily be yourself when you don't even like you these days? Was there ever a time where u admire yourself? Was there ever a time where you seek to imitate the personality and character from a tv series where u find endearing?
To find back your confidence, dignity, humor and the other virtues, you have to imitate the person you admire and built upon it. It doesn't happen to chance where you wake up suddenly and find yourself happy all over again. You have to take the first step and start becoming the person that you like.


The sad irony about parenting is that sometimes the greater the effort the worse the result. I've a lot more to say but I don't want to be seen taking a dump on mag. Suffice to say that children must not just love their parents but its important they like them as well. And it wont happen if the ties that bind both exist purely on the plane of providing for their physical needs and making sure they do well in school.


New Member
Gosh, you are a mess.

I read thru your long story and the replies from the morons...

So after so much talk, what do you think you can do?

I sense a character problem with you. From what you said, you are actually a very simple-minded woman, and not exposed, and now basically an auntie.

Your miserable life is all about your own doing... And yes, let's talk about the need of change.

You have done wrong by allowing your girl to have a boy during her rebellious years. This is stupid. But it has been done. You are not wise to have married your current man because you don't click. For a woman like you, you'd like a nice man. Your husband sees the world and doesn't seem very cultured to me...

Why do I say that...

He leaves the parenting to you knowing the kind of woman you are, and while he does little, he pushes the blame all to you. This is 'small person' personality.

Now... as a couple, you are an auntie and he is a moron. How can your life ever be good? Your personality will not shine in this team, only get worse...

What you need now... is to look for a job, become a career woman. Trust me, once you have a job, your life can change. You are currently holed up inside your puny well... stuffy and there is seemingly no escape route. And you don't belong to the high IQ group...

Which is, other people say, you'd say, and you'd be like at a disadvantage when arguing... since I doubt anybody in your household (including your siblings) will listen to you.

So your only option is to become a career woman... and when necessary, divorce.

Don't divorce now... you are too weak. You got to stand up first. You have a lot of problems due to your personality. This will not go off if you continue down this path, and if you continue to waste time with the morons in this forum.

Listen... you are now at a disadvantage... your husband could dump you later on. Do not count those stupid allowance for blessings. Those are false sense of security. If you grow older like this, and the entire family won't listen to you, not only will your husband revolt, your children revolt... you will have nowhere to turn to.

Find a job, get exposure... Since you are not doing a good job parenting... then find a job lah... At most your husband will nag more.

The other path you can take... will be wasting time talking to the morons here as you have done so far... and be prepared to be dumped. And where will you go?

There is no sad irony about parenting. Your personality has dictated that you are bound to fail... because you have chosen the wrong man right from the start. He is not complementing you... see?


Active Member
I share Scope's views here. Parenting mistakes seem to be 'symptoms' of your personality flaws, Mag. At this stage, you tend to over self-pity too. Perhaps you should just gather yourself together and do something for yourself as you chart your exit path and slowly gain the respect of your kids.


New Member

She was too easy. That's why everything has fallen apart.

The only way to help her... is to show her to the doors. If she doesn't get exposure, all the talk in this world won't change a thing.

Too many women... fallen into this class unknowingly. LOL~

But... it's sure entertaining to read what the morons say... You see... so much talk, all irrelevant. Useless craps... ...

The only thing that'd change her personality... is the right people. There is no chance of meeting the right people if she stays at home. I got a feeling she is not even educated.


New Member
She's like my mum who devote her youth to care for the family and now being a mum myself, I wish I can nurture and care for my family as well as them.

My mum is someone who revolve her life around us n used to act like a dictator in the family though in my heart she is the dearest person to me and I know that she will always be there for me and wanted the best for us. I love her to bits.

However my greatest wish is that she be happy and have her social life.

It is very stressful to the family when she get emotional. In fact I spent a great deal of time to talking to her emphasing the importance of health n happiness.

Right now, I can see changes n when I call her, she's having a active lifestyle by exercising again (morning jog), shopping with her friends, short overseas trips etc.

Learn to live for yourself. Take a little step at a time and start by doing what you always want to do, hobbies/exercise, set new goals n search for your own happiness .

May it be losing that few pounds, buying that dress u always want, changing a new hairstyle etc. Do whatever to establish that self-esteem once again!

Someone here mentioned picking up exercise and I do think that is a very good start!

Picking up new hobbies can establish new friendship too!

Doing something little at a start is better than doing nothing and having good self esteem and confidence helps in better decision making.

Nobody can help u to walk out of your own circle except yourself.


New Member
Hi everyone,

I think the 1st 2 decades of marriage is the easiest because the wives are pretty and sexy.
Even if there is any competition from SYT, easy to beat them down because you understand your hubby better.

But once a woman reach 50yrs and above, she doesn't look as good as those SYT, will the hubby still find her a turn on and have sex with her regularly?

How do we maintain our sexiness till 80 yrs old?
Please can I have some guys' opinion on this?
What makes you want to have sex with your 80 yr old wife?


New Member



You ever go to Old Folks' Home? You look at the 'old women', you still want to have sex?

It's not 80... A man's sex drive last forever. And who doesn't want a sweet young thing? Even if you are able to maintain your look... Without love, if he is not the One, he'd look for 'variety' to p0ke around.

The only way out is the One. Nothing else.

Look at Yaw Shin Leong, he looks goody, but he also has affair... Is his wife ugly? LOL~

Women are stupid...


Active Member
Albee, I also think you're ridiculous in askng how can a woman of 80 years old maintain her sexiness. It's almost like sex is the only ingredient in a successful marriage to you. Is life just about that? Is that the only 'tool' women can or should have to sustain their men's interest in them? If that's what you think or what other women think, I'll think it's Pathetic.


Active Member
Here we are having Mag who 'gives it all' to family that she didn't think about her own life and thus lose respect from others and still don't know why she is suffering all these. Now we have Albee who is trying hard to make herself sex till 80years old so that her hubby wouldn't stray. I feel very sad to know that there are women in this world who think like that.


New Member

Any eg. to share?

I have one example though, my mum treats my dad real "bad" in a sexy cheongsam.

Sometimes, I really feel sorry for my dad being "mistreated" by mum and I wonder why dad can stand all her nonsense and still thinks she is the best of all women.


Well-Known Member
that's because she is the one for him. he still makes love to her.

Do you think all men ML with their spouses like they are prostitutes? Some does, but men have love and emotions too. Not just instincts.


New Member

Like it or not, if he is not the One, while sex is not the main ingredient, but sex is definitely on the mind of a healthy man forever. Which is... if you (say) can't offer sex at 80 and you and your man live till 100, that'd be 20 years whereby every day your man will go sex-less.

Is it possible for a man to go without sex for 20 years? Unless he is the One lah... See?

Albee is abit right... initially things will always be ok... then the sex becomes boring... then the man starts looking elsewhere... then the other woman will want his attention... then your man will start finding excuse to force you to accept another woman... or divorce.

Like it or not, it usually happens. That'd be when a woman will discover why the One...

Albee's concern is ok, but obviously, she doesn't know man.


Albee seriously if u r lucky ur hubby will still want to have sex with u regularly after u r in ur 40s....once in a blue moon would be more like it...

I know of so many friends who seem like the perfect husband having quickie during lunch with other women behind their wife back......

And i am toking abt guys who comes home every night and is always there for their wife and kids during weekend.....

Sometimes u can't blame the guys either...put it this way....a guy in his 50s would definitely be flattered when a young nymph goes after him ....whether it is for money or watever is not impt to him....><"

Anyway when i look ard the women nowadays...i can't help but not blame them for marrying coz of money...let's face it if u marry the average joe...the day he stray...u would have least with a rich bugger...the day he strays ur bank acct are still fat.....><"

Of coz a lot of guys will tell u tat how they wun strays blah finding the one means being satisfied blah blah...but until the day that happens u wun know eh...><"

If u r still doubtful, just hope to sammyboy and see the amount of guys camping there.....><"


New Member
The battle of the sexes... LOL~

Women... you always lose because you think you understand. But you don't. You lost your One and the game is gone. LOL~


Is this what happens when you put together a bunch of folks whose iq matches their shoe size? It is like a competition for who can write more bizarre and stupid.


There's a question about staying desirable and a cheong sum joke that went nowhere. Then auntie d ran in with a bullhorn protesting the idea that ONLY sex matters in a relationship. Does this woman ever try to read AND comprehend? It's really not that hard. How can a teacher not attained reading comprehension beyond primary school level? If there's an Olympic event called jumping to conclusion she would be the gold medalist.

Then beam me up scopy opined that it's all about marrying the one. If you did you'd still be doing the bone dance when she is 80. Any problem in the marriage is because you didn't marry the one. Any problem with your children? Yes sire shame on you for not marrying the one. Financial problem? Yuuup! Not the one! Indonesians burning forest for farmland? You got it; the fricking village didn't marry the one.

N korean refugee yesno otoh is a pragmatic dude. His ideal man is the ONE with MONEY. This dude when he interviews for a job will only ask about the retrenchment benefits. never mind the job scope career path nevermind who the manager is or what a sado he can do. Because he doesn't plan on staying for the long haul, just tell him how much he'd be getting when the time comes for his old saggy ass to be golden parachuted.


If i am so wrong women themselves would not have written this book.....Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped Into the Romantic Dream--And How They're Paying For It...

We live in a realistic world, face it old man...><"


Ok you win. If there is a book on it, it must be true.

I'm beginning to wonder why folks would indulge their ageism when insulting me. Then it hit me, ah people are reading my profile! Haha.


Good thing u understand OLD MAN..hahaha

Try to learn more before u step into the grave...u got not much time left.....><"


New Member
Hi Magdalene,

Hope you don't mind sharing with me in what situation why your hubby sided with the maid and wanted her to be in charge of household money.

I have a maid too but she is usually quite invisble to us, very little interaction with us.

Hope to hear from you soon. Thanks.


Hehe yesno thanks for the reminder. But take heed your own admonition: I may be old but you learn slow.



New Member
A whole bunch of morons laughing stupidly at themselves. LOL~

Anyway, you have an option to go on wasting time with those morons. They will be leading you to nowhere. Get yourself life experience and tell a moron a moron.

Without changing your personality, you will go on and on and on and on with your miserable life talking to morons.



Active Member
Mr. toma, I don't just read albee's post in here to conclude that her main focus in sustaining her marriage with hubby is about SEX and making herself as physically desirable as possible. In other posts, she has talked abt it as well. Mag's posts are even more obvious in this thread that she doesn't seem to be living for herself. Wonder who can't comprehend here? In another post by Marie, when Marie complained that her parents reacted by saying $ and deposit already paid for when Marie wanted to call off the wedding, many stupidly posted on why would parents think abt $ and not the happiness of their children. What do you think of such ppl's level of comprehension then? They can't even infer past this statement made by her parents! It's never abt $ but about the pride that old ppl usually have (though it's still not right). I correctly pointed out that and Marie also agreed to that. abt level of comprehension. Anyway I don't profess to KNOW everything but I also don't point out other ppl's lack of comprehension unless necessary like this case. So, why didn't you post there to tell your 'gd friend' in that thread off about his low level of comprehension? It got to show you're not objective at all when posting all these but well, I can always give ppl the benefit of doubt that they themselves don't read everything or comprehend anything fully too.


Active Member
denise u dumb dumb unwise woman...again?

why do u still persist in sneaking remarks aimed at me? really, u really shouldn't but u're too stubborn for your own good.

u just confirmed and sealed your poor comprehension and thinking ability. safe to say, i'm At Least 7 steps ahead of u in thought-processing.

i dun believe that u can state the obvious and think it's a freakin solution, and just end there.

ok, this part reaffirms what i have said abt u all along... that u are stupid and think u're very smart - u said, "many stupidly posted on why would parents think abt $ and not the happiness of their children. What do you think of such ppl's level of comprehension then? They can't even infer past this statement made by her parents! It's never abt $ but about the pride that old ppl usually have (though it's still not right). I correctly pointed out that and Marie also agreed to that."

denise denise denise... if i asked for a raise of hands, at least 90% of the pple know there's the old folk's pride involved too... it's not rocket science, in fact it's a no-brainer... thus most pple look past that, and come to the decision between the lesser of 2 evils...

...whilst u point out something that everyone Already knows, and u expect an applause and everyone to say how astute u are? u are extremely dumb, going purely by your thoughts here. by the way, u read the part in her last post abt u being right (abt the obvious), but u obviously didn't read further to know that she has arrived at a decision, explained, and her relatives seem fine. u're stuck on Yourself being right abt the face issue which again i must stress that everyone knows becos it's so logically n commonsense Obvious. how can u even think that u're the only person to think of that???

honestly, if i were to ask u to make a decision, u will still come back to where we have Already arrived - and that is that marie's happiness is of the most significant amongst all the evils. u Dare to say that u'd rather she marry and save face? nope, u'll come back to the same result, just that your pea-brain hasn't even processed the most basic firsl

of cos, it further shows how impt Face is, to u. becos u shamelessly still try to pit your pea-brain wit against me, and toma. and if u were really that smart, u'd realise that toma and me are not frens like u suggest, as we have argued more than we have agreed. we're just objective and neutral...and despite my arguments with him, i have come to respect him as an individual becos he has integrity and his own set of thinking, and he has Wit.

u neither have integrity, nor intelligence, not wit, nor anything above average. just seeing how u're trying to boast abt being the one to point out abt the Face thing, tells me exactly how shallow u are.

unfortunately i no longer can give u the benefit of a doubt, u have proven time and again how stupid u are, and u keep sneaking remarks referencing my posts.

i said - "kinda weird, but i'd be more than glad to lose tens of thousands THAN to see my daughter marry the wrong guy." the face issue is a given, thus not worth more than a mere mention, u unwise woman.

u are one dumb woman with misplaced pride.

ya ya, u "pointed out that and Marie also agreed to that". u wanna conduct a poll to see who didn't think that the old folks will have some face issues? we can do it here... i doubt anyone other than u, would have the lack of integrity and lie abt knowing it... most just didn't wanna state the obvious....cos in hokkien, it is termed 'gei gan'. u speak gei gan stuff, and u want the world to salute u.

good thing i'm not biased and believe teachers are generally smarter and more logical... u just happen to be one who Totally isn't.


New Member
Scope Guy,

I thank you for your reply. Your post is too interesting for me to ignore. Allow me to comment without offence.

Your description of me is very interesting. I may be 49, but everybody I came into contact with guess I'm only in my mid 30's at most. I feel very honoured that a 39 years old friend has asked me to marry him should I divorce one day. AND, please don't call him a moron, ok?

I have a baby face and I am very pleased to inform you that I have no problem fitting into my old S size dresses I owed before I had my 1st child. Everywhere I go, people addressed me as 'Miss' or 'mei nu', not 'auntie'.... lol

Judging by the way I write, I'm educated. I am perplexed why you feel I'm not. I used to work for MNC and Financial Institution for top-notched bosses well-known in their respective circle. I have very good testimonials and work appraisals from them. Be it self-satisfaction, recognition, praises, respect or monetary rewards, I have them all before I quit the workforce for the family.

At home, I am a devoted mum, understanding wife, a VERY good cook, and a handyman. I repair the cistern tank, replaced the wired door bell, change the power sockets, replace door knobs and repair gate lock singlehandedly. Of course, I've to charm the 'know-how bosses' to teach me when I purchase the parts from them. No 'touching' involved.

Last year, I successfully exterminate beg bugs when they invaded my living room and bedrooms and thus saved my husband thousands of dollars, should he had gotten a professional exterminator.I did it without even the need to throw away any furnitures. I surfed the web to find out all about bedbugs, their lifespan, habits and hiding place etc. To get rid of enemies, you have to know them well first, right?

I surf the web daily and read widely. Local news does not interest me as much as global news. I am abreast of what's happening, in and out of our small little red dot. Other than adult forums, I also visit the teenage and youth forums. I know how some teenagers view their parents.

Although I gave life to my children, but I never for a moment think I own them. Everyone is an individual, they have their likes and dislike, the need to be respected irregardless of age. The Sexuallity programme introduce in school from Primary school onwards, has made our children more aware and 'interested'. I know of children as young as P6 showing an intetest in the opposite sex. The culture in Secondary school now is very unlike those in my time. Secondary students are treated as young adults, the numerous group projects encourage students of different sex and diverse background to mix around. My daughter is a very pretty girl. At 16, 17 then, she was like honey to bees. As I say, I don't own her, I can't dictate what she does. I can only lay down some realistic rule (and back it up with good reasons), eg no boyfriend during Secondary School years. After 'O' level, at 18, do you think I can stop her from having boyfriend if she insist? The world has evolved, so has our children. You can only advise, and if they take your advice, you are considered blessed. Most of the time, they prefer to take challenge. See what happened when I put my foot down, she left the house to stay at her friends'. Therefore, I do not think I have done wrong as you said, neither am I stupid to let her date after 'O' level. Why try to stop what I cant stop?

Some hinted I tagged too much to academic success. I beg to differ on that too. I know my children well. I know what they can achieved. I often tell my children that to get As, one need not be intelligent, being hardworking is the trick. I have never pushed my children to get higher grades, I only demand that they be hardworking. My daughter is definitely not intelligent, but she's extremely hardworking. She is graduating in 1 week's time and is in the top 5% of her cohort. She has proved my point.

We lives in a realistic and very competitive world, so we have to be realistic. Last time, you can find job with just an 'O' level cert, now some can't eventhough they have a degree, as the market is flooded with degree holders. With so many degree holders, it is inevitable that employers would want to hire someone who can offer more than just a cert. Decades ago, one can still do reasonably well without education. In this era, it's not impossible, but it' going to be extremely hard.

Now, I do not wish to comment on other children or their parent's parenting style, as I said everyone AND every family is unique. My children I know very well. I did what I did because I believe a child has no concern for their future, a concerned adult secures his child's future.
Therefore, if I have to be strict, I have to. If I have to tell them what to do or even push them to do it, then I have to. But, I do try to balance it all up with love, spending time with them talking about their friends and cooking their favorite food etc.

Believe me, it' not easy to be a mum to my kids at all!

Having said so much, if you still think I am a simple-minded, not exposed auntie, you must be a moron!

You also said I met the wrong man. But, I can tell you, my husband used to be the perfect husband, and every inch a family man. I made the right choice then. The right man just didn't remain right that's all.

Take my advice, don't go round calling people names or judge a person by just reading a short story of her 23 years married life. You really sound like my husband.

Contrary to what you said, I don't find it a waste of time coming to this site as I wanted to share and see if I can learn something new. Some feedbacks are very insigthful, esp Power's.

I too can sense like you, and your post also made me sense you have a character problem. You need to learn how to respect others and share with tact.

Again, no offence mean....


New Member
Hi Magdalene,

Hope you don't mind sharing with me in what situation your hubby sided with the maid and wanted her to be in charge of the household money.

I have a maid too. I would like to learn from your experience to prevent such thing from happening in my house too.

Right now, my hubby has been giving me household allowance, don't know whether he will change in the future or not.

Hope to hear from you soon. Thanks from clueless albee.


New Member

See? Perfect auntie style of thinking.

You wrote as if education has failed. You are not the only 'aunties' who worked like that. I can quote an example... Sigh~ My econ lecturer at JC days, professional, but ended up like you, an auntie. But she is wiser. Talking like this shows you are kind of naive sort.

Now which auntie can't do what you did? Surf internet, talk about the world changed, talk about doing housework successfully...

You still don't get what I mean.

Actually, even if you work or worked, you are likely another Milo... a moron. See? But in your situation, you are better off exposing to other people than to hole up at home.

There is a chance you'd grow up. This is a mentality issue of 'old woman' that you are part of, and typical of Singaporeans.

When I was away from Singapore, nobody justify their problems the way you do... quoting me (laughably speaking) that you look young for your age so you are this and that. No no no... The thinking shouldn't be like this, and you have a personality problem indeed from the way you justify things.

It's just that you still don't understand.

You read how I slammed Milo and the rest for their thinking and you should realise there is something I picked up everytime they talked cock. It's the same with you. You have a personality issue, and the only way out is to go back and be employed again.

Now your life is just about a hole called home and pittance from your husband. And you talked like an auntie.

I am not taking offence for your frankness, but if you continue to see things in such manner... ... you are just immature. See? That's your problem. A mature woman will explore ideas, you... on the other hand explore things in a 1-1=0 manner, the manner which I have always told my mom to stop thinking like that because it gave everyone problem.

Think about it... You look at the many working ladies out there... many have attitude and mentality problems like you, and gossip about the pettiest problem as you do with your husband and making themselves miserable and small and auntie. See?

About your daughter... I still am on the same stance. You are just naive, and you push things to world have changed... and why ain't you happy with the outcome of 'following this change'? Because you have done a bad job, and you are quick to justify it with all the things in the world but your problem with parenting.

You are not the only one with a pretty girl... Grow up. Education at home is a persistent process, and need you to be mature. Or how else are you going to rein in your own daughter? But you are not mature, see?

You can call me a moron, but your problem won't go away... for the next 40 years if you look away. Hahahahahahahahahaha~

I have no character problem, Mag. But... I do have an IQ of above 190, and it is well-known and researched that people like us don't like nosense.

If you insist, you can go on talking with the morons and go round and round and round and round like that education minister is doing with his portfolio. LOL~

What can you really learn? They are just morons, and they only tell you nosense to suffer for another 40 years... when what you need is to step out again into the workforce... It'd not make a saint, but you will have a new life.

There is no such thing as a good husband in the beginning and then... he is not. You just married the wrong guy and you are too immature to confront your own issue. You seek escape by talking to morons, and going round and round...

Ting Yi is right, you are the only one who could help yourself... If you think you don't need to change... hehehehehe~

Then go on lah~ Go on with this personality, go on and refute Scope... and go on your suffering.

Your man is still the same man, my dear. How easy do you think a leopard can change the spots? The only issue is, you have never known your man well enough, that's why you thought he was better... when he is always him. It's just in your head, silly.

I'd respect people who self-respect. But I... same with those in my group, am very impatent with nosense.

I think the education system in Singapore has a problem. It teaches people ABC, but it never educates... and people become ABCs. LOL~

You need a new set of people, a new environment... and you need to prepare for divorce. But most important, you need to change that way you think. Otherwise, you'd be miserable. And then you will come back to this forum and share with the morons your problem that will never go away.

Though if you do, I'd be entertained. Nonetheless, I still hope you see the light.

By telling you to go work again, is in the hope you'd meet the right people who can change you... but that doesn't mean you'd definitely meet the right people. But it's better than you waste time in this forum going round and round with morons.

But should you choose to suffer... that's your own choice. Kekeke~


Active Member
Mag, from your last post, you do have some self-esteem problems right now. It's true that it's very obvious to us that you've tried very hard to answer Scope's questions to show that you're not an auntie in many different ways. Yet, in your previous posts, you shared how lousy you felt being a wife and a mother etc. There are some contradictions here. I'm not sure if reemployment is going to solve your problem but I'm sure you have to find back that self-esteem of yours or things will be the same as before.


New Member

There is no contradiction here. She is not cultured enough to understand. She tried for perfection, and become an auntie.

It's a typical profile for Singaporean women in their 40s.

Didn't you see... her reaction to me is as her reaction to her husband. LOL~

Denise80, that's her problem. Got it? Basically, communcation error because she chose the wrong man, and she won't admit it.

Typical. When I see her case, I know. Too usual.


Active Member
I do realise her reaction to u is similar to her reaction to her husband and her initial post. Sigh.

Her case is clear that she chose the wrong man but I thought she did acknowledge her man isn't a gd man?


New Member

Actually she knows the details of her unhappiness. If you look at her reaction to me, you do realise this case... the woman is inclined to push the blame to others. Like I said, her personality that resonates with the morons here is the problem. Her problem is hence she is not as lucky as the morons here to have such a personality.

If you do realise that her reaction to me is as to her husband's, you should also realise that there is no way she can change unless environment changes for her. That's why she needs a job, and later a divorce.

Why? She won't change her communcation pattern... her man won't change as well. So the fact is, talk cock sing songs is useless, it's still her to move her butts. LOL~


New Member
OMG, you really sound so like my husband! To meet one of his species here in this forum, I just don't know to laugh or to cry, you know. Ok, I'll just try to ignore you. FYI, I am returning to work.

Albee, it's nothing. He just wanted to spite me, that's why when my children complained about the maid being rude to me, he sided with the maid. Suggesting handling over the marketing money to the maid was also one of his ways to undermine my authority at home. He's a spiteful man who's too full of himself. He talks like Scope Guy, except instead of moron, he likes to call people stupid, dumb, asshole.

This maid once told me she heard from my previous maid that he's asked her for sex, that's why she quit working for me. I do not know if he's asked this maid too, but she's been carrying tales about my huband to me, like she saw used condoms in his car, his underwear has blood stains and her boyfriend told her it's because my husband has too much sex etc. . I am not sure if she told him things about me, neither am I interested in finding out. I dislike the way she tried to meddle in my affairs with my husband, and so other than giving her chores to do, I ignored her. When my husband asked me to hand over the marketing money to her, and she asked my husband to ask me to sit down and talk about it, I just cancelled her work permit and send her home. She went to Batam and my children told me they heard her calling my husband when they were out together. I also saw her at my void deck 2-3 times on some weekends. She said she was visiting some friends.


Active Member
Mag, scope can be really offensive and irritating at times but what he said may not be entirely rubbish. U may see some truth in what he said. No matter how I hated his comments and judgement abt my relationship with my hubby, I do reflect on what he and others said here and I focused less on 'baby-making' but on the enjoyment of sex and intimacy with my hubby and guess life for the both of us really improved tremendously. This is something which at the back of our minds we know we should be doing but we hate hearing the hard truths from ppl. I still disagree with him on certain things though there are things we can take into consideration.


Active Member

it's good news that u're headed back to the workforce, perhaps that might come as a useful placebo for now, before u find a cure.

i dun agree entirely with scope, but he does have some points to ponder with regards to mindset which make for a good basis of self-reflection... doesn't mean u self-reflect, u have to agree... but at least to explore... takes up just some time and perhaps might open angles u may not have seen.

your efforts, like most mothers... tend to go unappreciated for 90% of a year... as a saying goes, "Mothers are often the unsung heroes in our lives"... it's hard Not to yearn appreciation, and harder to receive it. i'm also on a new path myself, unchartered territories ahead for me too... but i guess life is a constant journey and once we See what it truly encompasses in Reference to Ourselves, then we can truly live for ourselves... And in doing so, we live for others, NOT living for others.

this means that as much as i need my family in my life, i am also prepared to continue living without revolving my world around them... we walk together... a family should walk holding hands, sometimes one of us will fall back and we let them fall back... we just keep our hands out for them to hold again. Doesn't mean we let go, just means we let Grow.

take a break from the forum for now, and prepare a new set of life ahead in the coming months... if i dun get to hear from u til then.... Merry Christmas!

yeah, the most magical season of the year for most.... take good care and Live!