How do you see & handle this?

[january_jan]

I just found out that my bf had created a Facebook account using a fake name. What surprised me was, he added alot of "friends" into his FB and those "friends" who he added were all girls basically and they are from other nationalities like Thai & Japan.

I can't understand his motive & thinking at that point of time when he did this. I can't accept this. What most upset me was, he even went to Thailand so often during a period of time. I am not sure what he did there because he always go there with his group of guy friends only.

I am very upset and not sure if I should believe him that he didn't do anything unfaithful.

 

[mewmoon]

Have you communicated with him about your discomfort? Instead of wallowing in your insecurities, you could attempt to find out more instead.

 

[january_jan]

Yes, I did asked him about this further. He said he created that FB account bcos he was stressed and wanted to let out his troubles to people whom he don't know so that nobody will recognise him locally.

I don't see how those people (esp girls) can help solve his troubles in any way. Anyway, he said he didn't get to chat with any of those people ultimately. He also deactivated the account after knowing that I was upset & angry.

 

[whereto]

the truth is probably he was hoping to find some easy girls to have some holiday fun with.
thats my guess!
ya my hubby also did those things. but has anything happen, I dont know.

 

[january_jan]

Hi whereto, so in the end what did you do? forget about it? pretend nothing happen?

 

[mewmoon]

Maybe instead of focusing on the fact that he created a fake Facebook account to add girls, you might wanna find out what sort of troubles he is experiencing. Why is he attempting to find solace through strangers and not with you? Maybe he's trying not to stress you out as well but as a couple, you can encourage him to share his problems so you two can work it out together. Two heads are better than one after all.

 

[clipperjunk]

please lah...lame excuse about stress. common ploy when caught...

 

[triquetra]

"Yes, I did asked him about this further. He said he created that FB account bcos he was stressed and wanted to let out his troubles to people whom he don't know so that nobody will recognise him locally. "

Why does your boyfriend see the need to talk to other girls about his emotional problems? Cannot talk to the girlfriend about his problems? If he really needs to talk to someone about his deep emo stuff, he can find his guy friends right, or at the very least, his good female friends in real life, rather than some random stranger?

Sounds like emotional cheating to me.

 

[january_jan]

mewmoon, triquetra,
he doesn't really have any good female friends. He also seldom talk his troubles to his guy friends, except when they meet up once in a blue moon.

He did talked to me about his troubles but bcos I also have troubles at work & at home, so perhaps that's his reason not to add on to my troubles? Not sure lah. I also don't se ethe need to talk to other girls about this, but that's what he said.

clipperjunk,
anyway, there's no way I can know if he does anything.

 

[mewmoon]

Then you two will need to work out your communication skills. We have our own prob that we don't want to add on to the burden of our loved ones but by talking it out and sharing, it could improve your relationship. Good luck.

 

[january_jan]

thanks all.

 

[lovingyou]

Don't assume in a r/s... it will prove more effective for you to speak to him and see how things proceed from there...

 

[kenrach]

sometimes, I wonder what's with men and the internet. Sigh.

Yup have a good talk with him.

 

[erenic]

I do encounter such upsetting situations where my bf (an avid photographer) went for photoshoots for models for carshow or etc. Frankly speaking, deep down my heart, it bothers me. To him, it's a hobby. I talked to him and he has diverted his scope more towards to kids and weddings. Seriously, i think men are sometimes insensative about their actions that it would indirect hurt to another party, thinking it was plain fun.

A Facebook account may seems harmless to him so long he see, no touch and chat with another party, but to us, it's a distressing issue. One thing leads to another. Why head for someone whom u hardly knows to give u advice ? When in doubt with his actions, speak up to him this issue needs to be rectified.

As for gg overseas with his grp of friends, that's his personal time that we do need to respect provided he is reliable and u feel at ease.

 

[flattenedfrog]

facebook to chat with girls = for fun
thailand trip with guy frens only and frequently = for fun and sax

if u ask to join him for the trip, he confirm sian 1/2

 

[its_fate]

Another one with sterotype mind..

My guy friends frequent Thailand and Vietnam.. Do agree that they went there for FUN! They are there to do volunteer works. They FEEL "SHIOK" and "FUN" after all the hardworks and sweat!

Really a frog = 井底之蛙!

 

[giantemu]

are you people not confident about yourself or not confident about your partner?

if not confident about yourself - please do something about.

not confident about your partner please leave him.

see, very simple.

seriously, if he is to stray, he will. If it is not via facebook, its via twitter or what nots.

 

[sgbabydoll]

"I talked to him and he has diverted his scope more towards to kids and weddings."

If your bf is a gynae and plastic surgeon, would you request that he changes specialty too? Geriatrics should be safest??

If he is a pilot would you limit him to flying cargo planes only?

 

[giantemu]

no lah...become pathologist - like that sure no chance of interacting with anyone alive...

 

[miloice]

well, he might then develop a fetish. This kind of worrying and monitoring will not end.

 

[xiao_nu_ren]

When the word stress comes out from your man..... The next thing that will happen, is an affair.

This is from my own personal experience. Thus, just take note that's all. I'm not referring to all guys here. However, it's most guys.

 

[miloice]

what kind of statistics are you basing on?

 

[moistfaucet]

milo,

number maybe rule the world and the universe, but your mind and your heart THE ONE rule your life, why should you bother about the Statistic ?

I am quite surprise people asking about statistic on the matter of heart. what? the number WILL tell you anything about HIS ACTION NEXT ?

Chilli Queen ,

you is quite true half of it, guy HATE confrontation,and argument with women, he is maybe on the way to affair or he just want to avoid suspicious by her darling.

and yet, it is the women bring the MATTER to the surface AGAIN.

 

[miloice]

Online chatting doesn't equates to cheating nor affair. Neither does it surely lead to one.

It depends on the intention of the individual. If a guy is out to cheat, he will find all kinds of ways. I disagree with the suggestion to link these acts with cheating.

 

[seawaves6]

January: gotta open eyes big big to watch. my hubby does tat too b4 & after we got married. eventually stop cos i hate it & kpkb him on tat.
now? upgraded..he switch to affair liao.
texts console not useful aldy, must emo & sexsual comfort liao.

my gran told me this when i was young. too bad i didnt ustd it earlier.

"when u're single, open ur eyes to see the world. search for ur Mr right.
when u're attached, open ur eyes bigger, ensure Mr Right is not Mr Wrong in disguise.
When u're married, close 1 eyes, extend ur ears. Listen to ur partner, overlook the blunder."

 

[hweebs]

wahh...sounds like wise words. Jan, you want to know how to see and handle this news. I will say that you go by your gut feeling and comfort level. No matter whether he had been unfaithful to you or what, a relationship is based on trust. So in the end, whether you trust him or not will decide how you will see and handle the news. If you no longer trust him and force yourself to accept that the facebook account and thailand trips are harmless, there will come a day when this problem surfaces again, and you will trust him less and less.