Having a crush on bf's good friend
- Thread starter yellowsubmarine
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infojunkie
Active Member
if u hook up with him, how long do u think the thrill will last? or u dun expect it to end?
and u still at wk now? and him?
and u still at wk now? and him?
infojunkie
Active Member
i think u hv identity crisis too...
o no, 1st a crush and now an identity crisis.. 
I can't possibly tell him he is not earning enough and not doing well enough at work. Tats marriage sucide.
I dunno what happens when I climb higher, maybe I will look down at him, tats bad of me.. so how..? I dun look for the next better job / pay so I can be the small woman beside him?
All thoughts are inner, yes, I agree, even if I kick this crush, next better player comes along, I may have the same problem again.
Looks to me I have these options, maybe more, so pls contribute.
1. best case scenario, have an affair and hope no ones find out.
2. get another job which will keep me so busy I stop entertaining such thoughts
I can't possibly tell him he is not earning enough and not doing well enough at work. Tats marriage sucide.
I dunno what happens when I climb higher, maybe I will look down at him, tats bad of me.. so how..? I dun look for the next better job / pay so I can be the small woman beside him?
All thoughts are inner, yes, I agree, even if I kick this crush, next better player comes along, I may have the same problem again.
Looks to me I have these options, maybe more, so pls contribute.
1. best case scenario, have an affair and hope no ones find out.
2. get another job which will keep me so busy I stop entertaining such thoughts
susanna_low
New Member
There will always be someone better or more capable. However what is really important in ur heart?
If you want to play fire, make sure you can deal with it.
If you want to play fire, make sure you can deal with it.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Watson,
options 1 & 2 are quick fixes but it doesn't address something beyond your ever growing appetite to be with a more successful partner.
Would you despise your own parents or family for being less educated or successful than you? Do you treat your partner as your family? There are more value and depth in a person than career. and success. Perhaps, at this junction its hard to appreciate the other qualities and meaning in your life. But, it will come a time, when it all makes sense. I hope that day will not come after you have lost what's you had but never cherished all these while. Just as how we regret only after losing a parent.
Maybe, you should take time to really revaluate everything. What is the worth and meaning to your life? Is it material career success and being with someone that is always capable to lead you financially and career wise? Find that true meaning for yourself. IF the decision is 1 or 2. At least, there is no regrets for you know you are being really honest with yourself.
options 1 & 2 are quick fixes but it doesn't address something beyond your ever growing appetite to be with a more successful partner.
Would you despise your own parents or family for being less educated or successful than you? Do you treat your partner as your family? There are more value and depth in a person than career. and success. Perhaps, at this junction its hard to appreciate the other qualities and meaning in your life. But, it will come a time, when it all makes sense. I hope that day will not come after you have lost what's you had but never cherished all these while. Just as how we regret only after losing a parent.
Maybe, you should take time to really revaluate everything. What is the worth and meaning to your life? Is it material career success and being with someone that is always capable to lead you financially and career wise? Find that true meaning for yourself. IF the decision is 1 or 2. At least, there is no regrets for you know you are being really honest with yourself.
susanna_low
New Member
Endless comparisons.....
Is it "the grass will always be greener on the other pasture" symptoms?
Is it "the grass will always be greener on the other pasture" symptoms?
infojunkie
Active Member
"best case scenario, have an affair and hope no ones find out"
oh forget abt the best case scenario, and think of the worst case scenario if u really want to go for it. u will hv fun at the early stage. but when the fun runs out, u'll hv to brace urself for the scary parts... and i tell u it's going to be real SCARY. no point hoping that no one finds out. there r gossips oredi as u desperados eyeing each other for a possible fling... by all means go for it, but remember to use contraceptive... unless u're thinking of giving ur son half-siblings.
and b4 u take the plunge, do think abt the consequences that might happen... the things u will gain and lose. cos there r many gd reasons to cheat and there r many gd reasons to stay faithful. go figure it out.
oh forget abt the best case scenario, and think of the worst case scenario if u really want to go for it. u will hv fun at the early stage. but when the fun runs out, u'll hv to brace urself for the scary parts... and i tell u it's going to be real SCARY. no point hoping that no one finds out. there r gossips oredi as u desperados eyeing each other for a possible fling... by all means go for it, but remember to use contraceptive... unless u're thinking of giving ur son half-siblings.
and b4 u take the plunge, do think abt the consequences that might happen... the things u will gain and lose. cos there r many gd reasons to cheat and there r many gd reasons to stay faithful. go figure it out.
"don't trouble trouble till trouble troubles you"
seems like you are taking your current situation for granted cos you are 'bored' with the way things are now. but let me just remind you, very often people will only tend to cherish things around them once they have lost it. By then its too late to turn back the clock again.
don't do things that you'll regret later. some things are irrepairable, like broken vases which will show the cracks even after mending.
seems like you are taking your current situation for granted cos you are 'bored' with the way things are now. but let me just remind you, very often people will only tend to cherish things around them once they have lost it. By then its too late to turn back the clock again.
don't do things that you'll regret later. some things are irrepairable, like broken vases which will show the cracks even after mending.
infojunkie
Active Member
well, mr h's one and only goal is to be a certified douchebag
miloice
Well-Known Member
watson, no one can tell u the right thing to do. What's right for me might not be for you. But, one should be more long sighted. When you make the call, be aware of not just of the short term gains but the full consequences of your actions and where it is leading you. Is it towards your goals and priorities in your life? That's why I think you need time to really search within for the answers. The temptations will always be around. The issue is deeper than this crush. For me, if you are not sure, let it pass. There will be more. Make the decision with your mind clear.
Anyway, even if you are finding your partner now less suitable and you needing someone more powerful and successful. It need not be this guy. What can he offer to you than the immediate instinctive lust for someone powerful? Cast your nets beyond this guy. There are others outside that would be more suitable and ready to provide your needs and commitment. There is no need to get involved in a messy affair involving 2 families. The options are definitely beyond just 1 & 2.
Anyway, even if you are finding your partner now less suitable and you needing someone more powerful and successful. It need not be this guy. What can he offer to you than the immediate instinctive lust for someone powerful? Cast your nets beyond this guy. There are others outside that would be more suitable and ready to provide your needs and commitment. There is no need to get involved in a messy affair involving 2 families. The options are definitely beyond just 1 & 2.
getting a bit messy now and beyond me, crush went ahead and inform my boss about my interview, and in the 1st plce I did not want my boss to know i was looking to leave.
Now stick to my old job, I may be outcast, my boss is a rather petty person and may take this personally, me interviewing for another post and not informing him beforehand.
From what I found out about new post, is that I will be under another manager, though working closely with crush and team. Also new post is very tough, but visible, chance for promo is higher.
Now stick to my old job, I may be outcast, my boss is a rather petty person and may take this personally, me interviewing for another post and not informing him beforehand.
From what I found out about new post, is that I will be under another manager, though working closely with crush and team. Also new post is very tough, but visible, chance for promo is higher.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Your opinion of "crush" hasn't yet crushed???
By the way, wise up please, don't shit in the same place you eat.
By the way, wise up please, don't shit in the same place you eat.
I m now stuck in office, not gg for lunch till I sort this out.
I dunno wat to do, hubby called to congrat me. And also told me to go for it, I meant take new job, cos of better prospects and visibility.
Crush drop by just nw to tell me I got the job, never ask me if I truely wanted it. He also told me, he informed hr already so hr will proceed to arrange transfers with my current boss.
My heart is beating too fast to breathe
I dunno wat to do, hubby called to congrat me. And also told me to go for it, I meant take new job, cos of better prospects and visibility.
Crush drop by just nw to tell me I got the job, never ask me if I truely wanted it. He also told me, he informed hr already so hr will proceed to arrange transfers with my current boss.
My heart is beating too fast to breathe
i dun believe in leaving without a job, I casually went for this interview, without any other interviews lined up, who knows if I can land another job if I quit now.
Or if I will get a similiar pay package. Though I do not need to put food on the table, but I am also no "xiu nai nai". I have many other vices which need $$. so I cannot be without a job.
so option of quitting is OUT, I will not consider quitting.
Or if I will get a similiar pay package. Though I do not need to put food on the table, but I am also no "xiu nai nai". I have many other vices which need $$. so I cannot be without a job.
so option of quitting is OUT, I will not consider quitting.
I don't think it is "crush" that she can't get over with... she is just itchy.
I would say, like hunky has said, go let crush screw you upside down.. but don't think that no one will know.. very likely.. the whole company will know.. and your hb will know.. and later your little boy will know.. so if you are prepared for all these - go ahead and screw him... good luck.. and it will be crush no more..
I would say, like hunky has said, go let crush screw you upside down.. but don't think that no one will know.. very likely.. the whole company will know.. and your hb will know.. and later your little boy will know.. so if you are prepared for all these - go ahead and screw him... good luck.. and it will be crush no more..
the 1st thing that will happen has already happened - it is affecting your job & the choices u'd make with a clearer mind.
2nd thing and 3rd thing yet to come... funny thing is, it normally happens to pple having the affairs... this is refreshing to me cos it's simply a 'crush' - a word i have not really heard since secondary school.
rem the term 'office slut'... it's a term i hate, but it's very real... and every other guy is gonna try u... when all is over, u lose your job, lose your dignity, lose your family... can be very real if u can't handle it...
u seem the type who make decisions before thinking them over... if such is the case, watch your weaknesses and think of worst-case scenarios First in order to curb it. it'll help.
2nd thing and 3rd thing yet to come... funny thing is, it normally happens to pple having the affairs... this is refreshing to me cos it's simply a 'crush' - a word i have not really heard since secondary school.
rem the term 'office slut'... it's a term i hate, but it's very real... and every other guy is gonna try u... when all is over, u lose your job, lose your dignity, lose your family... can be very real if u can't handle it...
u seem the type who make decisions before thinking them over... if such is the case, watch your weaknesses and think of worst-case scenarios First in order to curb it. it'll help.
texasholdem
New Member
clean ur mouth real clean after eating.
Just had long talk with crush over my suitability on the post. Told him I m not very confident, would need much coaching on the job. He assured me my mgr will be there to help. I did not mention about my crush on him of cos, tat would be suicidal.
He wants me to accept the post and train hard. My boss has been notified, and I wld be transferred within a mth.
He wants me to accept the post and train hard. My boss has been notified, and I wld be transferred within a mth.
"Cos I know he has very good feelings about me too, not a 1 sided thing. And I'm not the only person to notice it..
We are always the butt of couple jokes in office, and it stems from the special treatment I rec. from him.
On top of this, I am given an interview chance with him next wk, if I get the post, I shall work very closely with him..
(travel and work together)
He gave me the interview chance and arranged it privately for me, somehow I think he will push for me to get the job though I may not be up for it. (I'm not experienced enough)."
- there's an unwritten understanding where this is headed... u dun need to mention.
We are always the butt of couple jokes in office, and it stems from the special treatment I rec. from him.
On top of this, I am given an interview chance with him next wk, if I get the post, I shall work very closely with him..
(travel and work together)
He gave me the interview chance and arranged it privately for me, somehow I think he will push for me to get the job though I may not be up for it. (I'm not experienced enough)."
- there's an unwritten understanding where this is headed... u dun need to mention.
So powder, what now? already at this stage. I quit my job?
Tell hubby the truth, I dunno if he can take it. I'm exasperated, and dunno my next step, except to wait n see what happens. Just called hubby to inform him about my job confirmation, he's sounds happy & excited for me
Tell hubby the truth, I dunno if he can take it. I'm exasperated, and dunno my next step, except to wait n see what happens. Just called hubby to inform him about my job confirmation, he's sounds happy & excited for me
i'm beginning to wonder if we have different definitions of a 'crush'. yours seem to be a reality already played out to the point of a full-blown affair.
as per earlier...
1) Job - is Job. treat the new job as a new opportunity... let his favourtism work in your favour But earn your own merits too!
2) Crush - is crush... crush it. find a new source perhaps... someone u can admire from far but could never get close to... else get a placebo and just find refuge in other activities.
i dun really see a need to tell your hubby unless u're having an affair and wanna come clean. how would u expect your hubby to react to a crush? "noted"?
as per earlier...
1) Job - is Job. treat the new job as a new opportunity... let his favourtism work in your favour But earn your own merits too!
2) Crush - is crush... crush it. find a new source perhaps... someone u can admire from far but could never get close to... else get a placebo and just find refuge in other activities.
i dun really see a need to tell your hubby unless u're having an affair and wanna come clean. how would u expect your hubby to react to a crush? "noted"?
Not full blown, I just have positive feelings towards him. I will not talk to hubby over this.
Now option 1 seems to be the only thing to consider.
I can only hope my mgr will not think I'm in the job cos of my crush is showing favouritism. Esle it will be a long hard road ahead.
I also have to focus on rekindling any sparks with hubby. Think over my priorities like wat Milo posted earlier
Now option 1 seems to be the only thing to consider.
I can only hope my mgr will not think I'm in the job cos of my crush is showing favouritism. Esle it will be a long hard road ahead.
I also have to focus on rekindling any sparks with hubby. Think over my priorities like wat Milo posted earlier
normally as the person in it... u will be more aware than most around u... of cos, doesn't mean they're not aware, but just means u May think that more pple are interested in it as u are. it's like those self-conscious women who thinks the world is watching them... when actually nobody really pays much attention.
rekindling anything with your hubby is very unlikely... when u have to talk abt doing it, it obviously isn't even present. thing is... u know u're bored, and prob looking for a change... he will not be able to give u these things...
if u wanna snap out of it, it's not what u can do with him, not what u can do with your crushes... it's what u can do for your own spirits and zest for life. my best recommendation is to find a good book to read and re-channel your energies...
i'm a guy and i'm attracted to women, but i dun have to date them nor conquer them... it is not impt, what is important is self-actualization and finding my place in this world... no amount of sleeping with women can give me the fulfilment that i can get from finding myself. i dun tend to my infatuations, i let them die a natural death... i dun do the 'chicken-little' and go "the sky is falling, the sky is falling"
rekindling anything with your hubby is very unlikely... when u have to talk abt doing it, it obviously isn't even present. thing is... u know u're bored, and prob looking for a change... he will not be able to give u these things...
if u wanna snap out of it, it's not what u can do with him, not what u can do with your crushes... it's what u can do for your own spirits and zest for life. my best recommendation is to find a good book to read and re-channel your energies...
i'm a guy and i'm attracted to women, but i dun have to date them nor conquer them... it is not impt, what is important is self-actualization and finding my place in this world... no amount of sleeping with women can give me the fulfilment that i can get from finding myself. i dun tend to my infatuations, i let them die a natural death... i dun do the 'chicken-little' and go "the sky is falling, the sky is falling"
infojunkie
Active Member
a sub-retard playing the devil's advocate?
i'm glad u hv more than one goal in life...
i'm glad u hv more than one goal in life...
infojunkie
Active Member
rite thommy, shouldn't hv let it get the better of me...
"Crush drop by just nw to tell me I got the job, never ask me if I truely wanted it. He also told me, he informed hr already so hr will proceed to arrange transfers with my current boss."
Dun you think your crush is quite confident he can 'manipulate' you as he went ahead to do the above without consulting you? I'm quite sure he can sense you have a crush on him, otherwise, no 'normal' colleague would do these things without getting the consent of the party involved.
Dun you think your crush is quite confident he can 'manipulate' you as he went ahead to do the above without consulting you? I'm quite sure he can sense you have a crush on him, otherwise, no 'normal' colleague would do these things without getting the consent of the party involved.
Thanks for all your help and helping me see the pic clearly..
I cannot stop this from happening, I guess I went for the interview thinking nothing can happen, and is a good progression for me, I may also be too naive to see his intentions.
But at this stage, I cannot and will not back out from new job, and I will have to constantly keep my behaviour in check.
I spoke to crush again today, he reckons, professionally this is good for me, if I wan to climb up. He also asked me if I can do the job, cos really , its much tougher then what I face now. I can see he is giving me a lot of chances, and he has also tried to convince the other managers to take me. I will not be reporting to "crush". But my new job will need his advice / help / directions
There's only so much he can help me once I'm on board. I'm afraid all this may just further accelerate my exit out of this company.
I cannot stop this from happening, I guess I went for the interview thinking nothing can happen, and is a good progression for me, I may also be too naive to see his intentions.
But at this stage, I cannot and will not back out from new job, and I will have to constantly keep my behaviour in check.
I spoke to crush again today, he reckons, professionally this is good for me, if I wan to climb up. He also asked me if I can do the job, cos really , its much tougher then what I face now. I can see he is giving me a lot of chances, and he has also tried to convince the other managers to take me. I will not be reporting to "crush". But my new job will need his advice / help / directions
There's only so much he can help me once I'm on board. I'm afraid all this may just further accelerate my exit out of this company.
HI Meg,
I never tot about why he did what he did, he prob tot I was really keen on the job and he was just helping me.
Of cos in the interview I gave the impression I really WANT the job, though I am hesitant.
I assumed its common practice to look eager in every interview even though the job may not be 100% what you want. Get the offer then reject , but the bare min is do anything necessary to get the offer.
no?
I never tot about why he did what he did, he prob tot I was really keen on the job and he was just helping me.
Of cos in the interview I gave the impression I really WANT the job, though I am hesitant.
I assumed its common practice to look eager in every interview even though the job may not be 100% what you want. Get the offer then reject , but the bare min is do anything necessary to get the offer.
no?
Nothing wrong with him helping you to get the job. But its his actions after confirming you got the job (he went ahead to inform your boss and HR without consulting you). Effectively he is 'forcing' you to take on the new job by informing your boss ahead of you. Dun you think there is something not right in this action?
I think you are getting yourself into unnecessary problems since it is just a crush. Eventually you might end up having to leave this company.
I'm surprised your hubby didn't notice something wrong with your crush's actions.
I think you are getting yourself into unnecessary problems since it is just a crush. Eventually you might end up having to leave this company.
I'm surprised your hubby didn't notice something wrong with your crush's actions.
Hi all, I was informed I got the job, but mgr have not given me offer yet, I meant the package and what level. I am considering to use this opportunity to push them to give me 1 level higher.
I don't wish to move from my current job to new job and stay at same level. But I also hv to be very careful, apparently HR have not informed my boss. Typically such transfers shud be parallel move. But the guy I m take over is 3 level higher than my current. And this new job has greater responsbilities. Am I pushing it too far? I shud see detail offer early next wk
I don't wish to move from my current job to new job and stay at same level. But I also hv to be very careful, apparently HR have not informed my boss. Typically such transfers shud be parallel move. But the guy I m take over is 3 level higher than my current. And this new job has greater responsbilities. Am I pushing it too far? I shud see detail offer early next wk
sorry, my post is a bit unclear.
revised here
1. I got the job, but I do not know the package / level yet, I will know early next wk.
2. It should be the same level , maybe a slight increase in pay only.
3. I wish to try to speak to them on giving me a level up for the new post becos I know the post is urgent to fill.
4. They have no choice but to take me since internal transfer is faster and the director who interview me is keen to take me, then wait for a new hire.
5. I have untill early next wk to plan how I should approach director / mgrs to give me a higher level.
6. My current boss yet to know of this as HR held back info to him since I have not received detailed offer in black and white.
7. I feel new post is taking over a guy which is at least 2 levels higher, (e.g MGR III) so no reason I shud move over and still be MGR I. I have to wait till 1 to 2 yrs later to see promotion??
My qns:
Since i know I have the upper hand, I know they want me on board, should I use this leverage to push crush to award me 1 level higher?
Am I pushing this too far? FYI a team of 5 interviewed me, and the biggest guy in this 5 is my crush and decision maker.
and I am almost OVER my crush now, am just focusing on the job. So using the term "Crush" as ez definition.
revised here
1. I got the job, but I do not know the package / level yet, I will know early next wk.
2. It should be the same level , maybe a slight increase in pay only.
3. I wish to try to speak to them on giving me a level up for the new post becos I know the post is urgent to fill.
4. They have no choice but to take me since internal transfer is faster and the director who interview me is keen to take me, then wait for a new hire.
5. I have untill early next wk to plan how I should approach director / mgrs to give me a higher level.
6. My current boss yet to know of this as HR held back info to him since I have not received detailed offer in black and white.
7. I feel new post is taking over a guy which is at least 2 levels higher, (e.g MGR III) so no reason I shud move over and still be MGR I. I have to wait till 1 to 2 yrs later to see promotion??
My qns:
Since i know I have the upper hand, I know they want me on board, should I use this leverage to push crush to award me 1 level higher?
Am I pushing this too far? FYI a team of 5 interviewed me, and the biggest guy in this 5 is my crush and decision maker.
and I am almost OVER my crush now, am just focusing on the job. So using the term "Crush" as ez definition.
"I assumed its common practice to look eager in every interview even though the job may not be 100% what you want. Get the offer then reject , but the bare min is do anything necessary to get the offer.
no?"
if u are not keen, dun even bother to go for the interview, its a waste of everyone's time. U get the offer then reject, it will only make u look bad. May come back to haunt u for future interviews for all u know.
this does not apply to only ur this interview, it applies to all interviews u go for. Be sincere.
no?"
if u are not keen, dun even bother to go for the interview, its a waste of everyone's time. U get the offer then reject, it will only make u look bad. May come back to haunt u for future interviews for all u know.
this does not apply to only ur this interview, it applies to all interviews u go for. Be sincere.
infojunkie
Active Member
watson, u're dizzy and flighty.