Having a crush on bf's good friend
- Thread starter yellowsubmarine
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yellowsubmarine
New Member
Damnit, I still have not gotten over the crush. and of coz still refuse to act on it.
Some time back though, when he saw I was stressed out at work, he started doing affectionate things to me like stroking my hair, massaging my shoulders, caressing my back.
My response was shock, and a total black face - because during that time, I was pissed at him for something work-related.
My girl-friend said considering he's someone who is not touchy feely, doing all this means he's attracted to me. Somehow I still don't think so.
Anyhow he has returned to his non-touchy feely self since we're nearing the end of the project we are working on.
It's a weird feeling. I still will never do anything about it but I'm just writing about it coz I just wanna let it out lah.
Some time back though, when he saw I was stressed out at work, he started doing affectionate things to me like stroking my hair, massaging my shoulders, caressing my back.
My response was shock, and a total black face - because during that time, I was pissed at him for something work-related.
My girl-friend said considering he's someone who is not touchy feely, doing all this means he's attracted to me. Somehow I still don't think so.
Anyhow he has returned to his non-touchy feely self since we're nearing the end of the project we are working on.
It's a weird feeling. I still will never do anything about it but I'm just writing about it coz I just wanna let it out lah.
infojunkie
Active Member
hmm... it's all up to u now
infojunkie
Active Member
there is only one crush... rite yellow?
to be or not to be, that is the qtn
to be or not to be, that is the qtn
Denise80,
Not necessarily so. Matters of the heart and matter of legal obligation or religious belief that binds legal obligation to relationship... they are all different.
Perhaps I am a guy, I am more rational over such things.
She is a human, not a robot. So... Eh~
You very kpo, I now discover... LOL~
Not necessarily so. Matters of the heart and matter of legal obligation or religious belief that binds legal obligation to relationship... they are all different.
Perhaps I am a guy, I am more rational over such things.
She is a human, not a robot. So... Eh~
You very kpo, I now discover... LOL~
miloice
Well-Known Member
Denise, when one is clouded by emotions and lust, its a struggle within. Things are not so clear. Its easy to feel disgusted with others.
But, if you are struggling with it and being disgusted and guilty over your own selfish thoughts, all the self reflection isn't going to take away the feelings overnight.
But, if you are struggling with it and being disgusted and guilty over your own selfish thoughts, all the self reflection isn't going to take away the feelings overnight.
yellowsubmarine
New Member
junkie - yep. still the same guy. but i think others got a bit confused becoz of other people's crushes too. LOL.
yellow,
sounds like your 'crush' seems interested in cheating on his gfren with u. Here there's the sexual attraction and the moral issue. But I think your primary interest in your crush is that he provides whatever your bfren does not give u...u want to address that issue directly with your bfren? Morally, people are characterized by what they do. People who lie are liars, people who cheat are cheaters. If you/he can choose to continue in ambiguous relationships while they date exclusively with another, what is there to stop him/her/you from cheating on the/your spouse next time?
sounds like your 'crush' seems interested in cheating on his gfren with u. Here there's the sexual attraction and the moral issue. But I think your primary interest in your crush is that he provides whatever your bfren does not give u...u want to address that issue directly with your bfren? Morally, people are characterized by what they do. People who lie are liars, people who cheat are cheaters. If you/he can choose to continue in ambiguous relationships while they date exclusively with another, what is there to stop him/her/you from cheating on the/your spouse next time?
infojunkie
Active Member
yellow - blame it on the gatecrasher 
i retract the part i said about ambiguous relationships, think i confused yellow's situation with watson's. But I still think the stroke hair/massage shoulder/caress back is the guy's attempt to cheat...he has a gfren and she is his fren's girl...I don't think those actions are innocent gestures. He is attempting to cheat. Maybe my ideas are very stone-age, but crushes start when one faces problems with his/her current partner, compares partner with someone else, finds the partner lacking, and unconsciously wish to be with the crush. Maybe I am too sweeping in my statements, I did not ask if yellow had tried to communicate her needs (or things that she find attractive in the crush) to her bfren, so that there is no need for her to find a listening ear outside. For so many of the EMA cases we've seen here, most if not all started off with 'I talked to him/her about us'. The triangulation with a possible eligible party (why not a parent, same sex fren, priest, sibling, etc?) instead of working through the problems directly, is a cheat: TS cheated the bfren's chance of working the relationship with her. On the other hand, if the problems in the current relationship cannot be worked through, ending it because of incompatible factors is better than ending it because one is thinking of someone else.
yellowsubmarine
New Member
I did communicate my needs of what's missing with my bf, of coz. But he feels he cannot fulfill these particular needs. He can tell that his friend and I connect more easily than he and I. So yes there is something that that guy can give me that my bf cannot give. But at the same time, I know there is something my bf can give me that that guy will never be able to give me.
On top of which, I love my bf. But I'm not even in love with this crush.
The massage shoulder/ caress back thing was a few seconds. The stroking hair thing, honestly, was very weird for me, considering he's not the touchy feely kind. It was the first time he had even been affectionate. I'm still unsure if it even meant anything. But I have never once initiated or reciprocated anything with this crush.
I didn't stop these gestures before because it came as a total surprise and I was too exhausted and thought maybe he didn't mean anything by it.
I'm still not entirely convinced it meant anything from his side. From a guy's POV - does it??
In any case, if it happens again, I will be sure to stop it. I won't cheat on my bf and I will not steal another girl's man. I've been cheated on before so I know this is not something I'd do.
I have also deliberately kept my distance as much as possible from the beginning (except for work) - I don't SMS or call him or even try to get to know him. Actually, vice versa too - except for that odd period when he was affectionate.
It's just he's on my mind every now and then and the crush is going on a little longer than I'd like and I hope it'd be over soon...
On top of which, I love my bf. But I'm not even in love with this crush.
The massage shoulder/ caress back thing was a few seconds. The stroking hair thing, honestly, was very weird for me, considering he's not the touchy feely kind. It was the first time he had even been affectionate. I'm still unsure if it even meant anything. But I have never once initiated or reciprocated anything with this crush.
I didn't stop these gestures before because it came as a total surprise and I was too exhausted and thought maybe he didn't mean anything by it.
I'm still not entirely convinced it meant anything from his side. From a guy's POV - does it??
In any case, if it happens again, I will be sure to stop it. I won't cheat on my bf and I will not steal another girl's man. I've been cheated on before so I know this is not something I'd do.
I have also deliberately kept my distance as much as possible from the beginning (except for work) - I don't SMS or call him or even try to get to know him. Actually, vice versa too - except for that odd period when he was affectionate.
It's just he's on my mind every now and then and the crush is going on a little longer than I'd like and I hope it'd be over soon...
infojunkie
Active Member
gotcha!
u dun sleep at all?
anyway, follow ur heart if u're clueless
u dun sleep at all?
anyway, follow ur heart if u're clueless
Good for you yellow! Integrity is something that you either have or don't, glad that u are resolute against cheating, because this decision affects your entire life. I don't know if this will help you, but from what I've learnt, guys can be 'educated'...although u have told him about your needs, and he has told you he can't probably do it, you can slowly help him learn how to fulfil your needs. Say, you are tired from work and you will like him to automatically come and massage your shoulders, you tell him "Dear, I feel very tired, can you please help me massage my shoulders?". After umpteen of times, this will become a habit...the next time your bfren sees you exhausted, he will automatically come and massage your shoulders. This habitual behaviour may not have anything to do with thinking, but u get your needs fulfilled all the same
how? Time to get busy and 'train' your bfren instead of 'crushing'
I just realized that you find your bfren lacking in his ability to listen to you. One way you can 'train' him: Tell him u need 3 min of his time to do nothing but listen to you talk when you need to. Get a timer/alarm to go off at 3 min. Tell him you will tell him things and during that time, he must listen, nod his head, and repeat what you say to him (if he doesn't know what listening means). Tell him that in the 3 min he is not allowed to tell you how to solve the problem, he is only allowed to listen.
What I suggested above is just an example of what you can do: tell him what you require, and get him to do it, until a time it becomes automatic, your bfren will know what you need, and you will get what you need.
All the best!
What I suggested above is just an example of what you can do: tell him what you require, and get him to do it, until a time it becomes automatic, your bfren will know what you need, and you will get what you need.
All the best!
Yellow,
You can listen to Hweebs and marry subsequently for your 'integrity', then fall in love with another or as your 'imperfect man' falls in love with another...
Do you realise what you are doing? What is the real integrity in a relationship? Junkie said something right... for once.
Don't cheat your heart. You are trying to be a Godess. The right cheater here is only you to your heart, not to your bf.
You and Hweebs don't understand Man... you are just cheating yourselves that there is another way... Then end up as (eg) Sadtz or Seawaves6...
If this is not the guy... if your heart is still unstable... why are you pushing yourself to BELIEVE you love your bf? Then you married, and you expect romance or love will be better after marriage?
VERY likely, you'd be finding him MORE defective, and he will not be giving you EVEN more...
I am sorry, to Hweebs as well... What I am looking at is like a beginning of yet another relationship disaster!
Hweebs,
I am a man, when has man been 'trainable' in such a manner you mentioned?
If this is possible, all Sadtz needs to do is tell her husband STOP FvCKING around, and why is she still thinking about things and shadows?
No offence.
These two women are enjoying super doses of self-denial. And your job should be getting them out of it... not telling them to have the integrity to cheat themselves and stay...
No one Man is perfect. Saying her bf lacks something is already a red alarm to you... There will always be something lacking in a man or woman. This is NOT her real problem, Hweebs.
You can listen to Hweebs and marry subsequently for your 'integrity', then fall in love with another or as your 'imperfect man' falls in love with another...
Do you realise what you are doing? What is the real integrity in a relationship? Junkie said something right... for once.
Don't cheat your heart. You are trying to be a Godess. The right cheater here is only you to your heart, not to your bf.
You and Hweebs don't understand Man... you are just cheating yourselves that there is another way... Then end up as (eg) Sadtz or Seawaves6...
If this is not the guy... if your heart is still unstable... why are you pushing yourself to BELIEVE you love your bf? Then you married, and you expect romance or love will be better after marriage?
VERY likely, you'd be finding him MORE defective, and he will not be giving you EVEN more...
I am sorry, to Hweebs as well... What I am looking at is like a beginning of yet another relationship disaster!
Hweebs,
I am a man, when has man been 'trainable' in such a manner you mentioned?
If this is possible, all Sadtz needs to do is tell her husband STOP FvCKING around, and why is she still thinking about things and shadows?
No offence.
These two women are enjoying super doses of self-denial. And your job should be getting them out of it... not telling them to have the integrity to cheat themselves and stay...
No one Man is perfect. Saying her bf lacks something is already a red alarm to you... There will always be something lacking in a man or woman. This is NOT her real problem, Hweebs.
yellowsubmarine
New Member
I believe it's common to find other people attractive even when you're in love with someone. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. The only thing that's wrong is if you ACT on those feelings. I have not. And therefore I have not cheated.
It's kinda like I'm always recommending porn to my bf. He can get turned on by other women for all I care. It's not as if he's seeking them out.
Pushing myself to believe I love my bf? I know my heart, I know who I love. No one can convince me otherwise. There is a significant difference b/w love and a crush.
Hweebs - thanks! Will try those methods.
It's kinda like I'm always recommending porn to my bf. He can get turned on by other women for all I care. It's not as if he's seeking them out.
Pushing myself to believe I love my bf? I know my heart, I know who I love. No one can convince me otherwise. There is a significant difference b/w love and a crush.
Hweebs - thanks! Will try those methods.
infojunkie
Active Member
yellow,
i dunno abt L, but u gotta be god damn sure that ur bf is mr rite.
is ur heart telling u this?
this song's for u: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbFQa4SeY48
lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/save-me-lyrics-aimee-mann/e9da111f0dcb728f48256a480007a75c
i dunno abt L, but u gotta be god damn sure that ur bf is mr rite.
is ur heart telling u this?
this song's for u: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbFQa4SeY48
lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/save-me-lyrics-aimee-mann/e9da111f0dcb728f48256a480007a75c
Yellow,
Go ahead and marry him later and...
Then you'd know what Scope is driving at.
You still don't get it. You are still believing that there's something about your bf being lacking...
You still believe it's normal to be attracted... and you don't act on it, it's ok. Hweebs doesn't understand the red alarm.
Do you realise that if that guy... if he gave you the massage and did things better, and then... you CAN end up have sex with him... once, then twice, then...
And then, trust me... you'd tell yourself, he's not the one you're going to marry, it's just casual sex... the one you love is your BF.
And after you get married, you'd be even more attracted to someone else in a bigger way. Let me tell you the blunt big fvuking truth... Romance usually ends with marriage, and too many sex with the same women... UNLESS he's the destined guy.
And I don't think he is your destined guy. You'd still making up too many excuses for that/those someones crushing into your heart.
You still don't understand what I am saying...
You are not being honest with your heart. If your true love appears later on in your marriage, you'd be finished... you'd be stuck. Things will get super complicated. And your BF can just go fvck ONE woman when he becomes your husband, and you'd feel like kicking him out of your life...
Don't need to try any methods, Yellow. You cannot train your man... A man is a man. If he's not your destined lover... by the time you are 40yo... You'd be in big trouble. Look at Irene Kang.
She was smiling like a crappy fake with Jack Neo.
I am going to offend you on this one... Let's play a game then, marry him... if you dare. LOL~
Go ahead and marry him later and...
Then you'd know what Scope is driving at.
You still don't get it. You are still believing that there's something about your bf being lacking...
You still believe it's normal to be attracted... and you don't act on it, it's ok. Hweebs doesn't understand the red alarm.
Do you realise that if that guy... if he gave you the massage and did things better, and then... you CAN end up have sex with him... once, then twice, then...
And then, trust me... you'd tell yourself, he's not the one you're going to marry, it's just casual sex... the one you love is your BF.
And after you get married, you'd be even more attracted to someone else in a bigger way. Let me tell you the blunt big fvuking truth... Romance usually ends with marriage, and too many sex with the same women... UNLESS he's the destined guy.
And I don't think he is your destined guy. You'd still making up too many excuses for that/those someones crushing into your heart.
You still don't understand what I am saying...
You are not being honest with your heart. If your true love appears later on in your marriage, you'd be finished... you'd be stuck. Things will get super complicated. And your BF can just go fvck ONE woman when he becomes your husband, and you'd feel like kicking him out of your life...
Don't need to try any methods, Yellow. You cannot train your man... A man is a man. If he's not your destined lover... by the time you are 40yo... You'd be in big trouble. Look at Irene Kang.
She was smiling like a crappy fake with Jack Neo.
I am going to offend you on this one... Let's play a game then, marry him... if you dare. LOL~
yellowsubmarine
New Member
I don't believe in perfection. There are things about me that my bf feels don't meet his expectations, and vice versa. Relationships are a lifelong learning process. There is no perfect fit.
I know myself well. I'm not the cheating kind.
Scope - I totally don't agree with your opinion. But that's fine. People can disagree.
I know myself well. I'm not the cheating kind.
Scope - I totally don't agree with your opinion. But that's fine. People can disagree.
Yellow,
I do not expect you to agree. It's like a game, I know you are going for the donkey card... I dare you to take it. And you'd decide for yourself. LOL~
Don't you ever get it, Yellow...
You don't understand man, nor your bf. I was looking at you agreeing with Hweebs... and you'd disagree with me. LOL~ Today, he lacks something, fine... you 'train' him.
Tomorrow you train him that... then you train him this... The whole idea is very simple, you are looking away from the donkey card you are about to pick up.
It has always been a marvel... when women will always pick up the bloody donkey card even if they are told and explained sooooo obviously. LOL~
Your self-denial is... too much for this relationship to work. Just remember, even if you marry him... his destined girl won't be you, your destined guy will miss you. It's not just your choice.
But anyway, if marriage is not your issue, you can still choose again. But... girls in such degree of self-denial always value marriage over their guys... which is, love is never the issue.
Just go ahead and disagree with Scope. I wish you all the best...
Here's the donkey card... take it.
I do not expect you to agree. It's like a game, I know you are going for the donkey card... I dare you to take it. And you'd decide for yourself. LOL~
Don't you ever get it, Yellow...
You don't understand man, nor your bf. I was looking at you agreeing with Hweebs... and you'd disagree with me. LOL~ Today, he lacks something, fine... you 'train' him.
Tomorrow you train him that... then you train him this... The whole idea is very simple, you are looking away from the donkey card you are about to pick up.
It has always been a marvel... when women will always pick up the bloody donkey card even if they are told and explained sooooo obviously. LOL~
Your self-denial is... too much for this relationship to work. Just remember, even if you marry him... his destined girl won't be you, your destined guy will miss you. It's not just your choice.
But anyway, if marriage is not your issue, you can still choose again. But... girls in such degree of self-denial always value marriage over their guys... which is, love is never the issue.
Just go ahead and disagree with Scope. I wish you all the best...
Here's the donkey card... take it.
infojunkie
Active Member
yellow,
rite no one is perfect. but the closer he is to (ur) ideal, the greater ur chances of happiness & success.
well, the hunting season ain't over yet.
rite no one is perfect. but the closer he is to (ur) ideal, the greater ur chances of happiness & success.
well, the hunting season ain't over yet.
roomfulofstars
New Member
No such thing as 'destiny' or 'The One'. At least not to me.
Junkie,
No one is perfect, but no matter how 'close'... say 99% perfect, there is 1 in a 100 days this chap may commit infidel in Seawaves6's case (assuming she hates infidelity), that implies that happiness is not based on chance.
Femme,
Which means you have got to find that 'One' IF you do not wish to just rot in the rest of your life... often packaged with misery.
LOL~
There will always be someone out there designed specially to pair up with you. Not every man you come across will just suit you.
No one is perfect, but no matter how 'close'... say 99% perfect, there is 1 in a 100 days this chap may commit infidel in Seawaves6's case (assuming she hates infidelity), that implies that happiness is not based on chance.
Femme,
Which means you have got to find that 'One' IF you do not wish to just rot in the rest of your life... often packaged with misery.
LOL~
There will always be someone out there designed specially to pair up with you. Not every man you come across will just suit you.
infojunkie
Active Member
ok it's all abt fate... use intuition to find true love then
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hweebs saw the red alarm ok! But yellow wants a chance to try at her relationship with her bfren, and is determined not to cheat, so why not give it a shot to try? If all fails, at least she has given her best shot instead of just comparing and comparing. In this world, there is ALWAYS someone better...then how? Keep skipping to the better one by giving excuses that 'oh, he/she was not right for me, not the true love'? Of course there are the ones who are more/less suitable, but no one, not even an identical twin, can be exactly like any individual. There will always be tensions and conflicts in a relationship, even in 'true love', but if one chooses to take the easy way out and leave whenever problems come, then how will he/she ever find happiness? There will only always be the next better one out there.
scope: bet u always go into relationships thinking/trying to see if she is the right one. Then when u see differences and conflicts, you cut your losses because 'she ain't the destined one', then u leave w/o much explanation and the girl who is suddenly jilted is left baffled, wondering if there is some major defect in her.
You are always comparing them to the one u lost...how to match up? The one in your memory will always be better!
You are always comparing them to the one u lost...how to match up? The one in your memory will always be better!
Hweebs,
That's untrue. Let me go through why... I am a very 'special' guy, so normal people without depth will not understand.
Say... I met this woman at long last, she appeared perfect. Sweet, cultured, and beauty the envy of any... and she insisted to be with me despite her parents' objection.
We stayed together for many years hence... until one fine day... she changed. She met a bunch of colleagues... bad influences... and she ended up betraying me. During her 'infidelity', I knew all the way of the other. I even warned her.
She left. I was heartbroken, I even packed for her when she left.
Then as usual a woman be... She never contacted me, or I could not contact her. She vanished. She ignored me.
I sincerely wished her to have found happiness but I knew her too well. She has a very... unique temper. But I am a very accomodative person, so it had been always ok. You can say, I am a super nice guy to my women... to their defects.
When she disappeared, I supposed it was hopeless... So... I took a week, and found another.
But the new woman... loved marriage more than me. I knew she felt insecured... especially whenever I talked on phone with beautiful starlets.
I tried to warn her, I hope she could change.
The earlier woman who betrayed me... was deeply hurted by the other guy. She came back when I was seeing the new woman.
So I returned... telling the new women to wait for me for about two years; The new woman was a smart woman, so she didn't listen to me. She broke contact with me a few months later...
I laid down the rules when I returned. She shalt have a second chance, but she must change. She broke all the rules; she didn't even confess she has another child with that jackass during her disappearance. And instead of changing for the better, she was worse than when I first met her. I am still glad I returned because if I don't, she'd believe every man is a dickhead who just want sex because of her beauty.
I told her before when she first returned, if she is a already a mother, don't come back... or I'd still let her stay at our place so that she can work and I could start another relationship... and she must be prepared for a 'soft landing', ie to go back after eventually.
Sigh...
Around last September, she became havoc. I was the one who insisted to bring her home (since she is a foreigner), but she is now on a sort of cold-war with my parents. And since last Sept, she wanted to return to China. LOL~
Her infidelity or her other child is not the issue in real for me. Hweebs, you can say I already see a more 'defective' woman in her when she first returned. If you were right here, I should have 'cut losses' and kicked her back to China. My relationship always is about Love. I love all my women, and will try to accomodate to their defects, and even to them happening around me *all at the same time*.
As a man, you betray me, you ignore me for two years, and you have a child with another...
If I were to be like Seawaves6 or that Sadtz, I'd definitely kick her out.
There will always be a better one... But I am not you. Got it? I am out for love. She blew up her own second chance.
And... hilariously put... As she was increasingly becoming a havoc, I have located later someone I have been thinking of for more than a decade. And she's married. LOL~
You have to understand why Scope can handle all those things... because my basis of relationship has always been love, being them. It's not about marriage and how long and such, and who the fvck appear first.
Order is never an issue.
The issue about 'destined' is that I don't actually care, even by heaven's will. I talk about destined one here is that women in general are marrying too simplistically... They just jump into the first offer they got.
Then self-denial comes into the picture...
There will always be tensions and conflicts, but I am a very solid relationship dealer... I am actually a very very very nice and accomodative guy to women's tempers and nosense. I don't even care you had a husband, you are not a virgin, or you are just an infidel... like what you guys and gals focus on so much.
What you all see logically is illogical in relationship... to me.
Real relationship is always about the other person. Period.
I know what you all are thinking... LOL~
So you bet is wrong, completely wrong, and you owe me a cup of copi. LOL~
Using that example of the 'New Woman', I did not cut my losses in real on her. I did told her to wait for about 2 years. I know of the 'Old Woman'... I know she'd go havoc in about 2 years. I am serious with all my women. So I know them well...
I never actually compared. I am not crazy, women are different. If I start to compare... LOL~ There are at least 4 major characters in my memory. How to compare?
The Old Woman is extremely beautiful, the New Woman is also beautiful but she is very very sexy and she danced as good as Wondergirls, and sings very well. I don't even compare them. For what?
Love is not something I see as how local women see it. I am very particular about this. And the woman I lost 15years ago... just say that I have beautiful women around me here and then... Fact is, I have developed sort of a very high resistance hence to average or silly women. It was love at first sight, alright. I was super shy, super unsure... I got plenty of admirers back then, but I never had a gf then．
I was the usual medalist for sports... and even literature. See...? Until I was so sianz about such events during JC.
So when I first met her... Just say that it was a fatal and destined attraction. But I seriously don't think I can compare her with the others... It's just a feel, and that feel never changed all those years. And I don't even know of all others... why I fell for her. So how to compare???
I always go into a relationship... not trying to see if she's the right one, but hoping she is the right one. I'd try to work things out, and even warn. I usually only give a woman... ONE chance.
You can also see... to me marriage is NOTHING. I cannot live without love and romance... ... Ask any women who have been with me. I want to hug them every morning, then they go to work and when we met, we'd kiss. Everyday, I'd prefer to say and hear something sweet. I like to give surprises... I happen to be a humorous guy as well.
I happen to like to sing, and sing very well as well.
I just want someone who can appreciate a person like myself... for who I am, and love every day of kisses and hugs and romance... and will crack jokes with me as well. That's why... I shun local women... and I am looking to search for that someone in Europe nowadays... LOL~
Just remember when you try to gauge people like myself... We're the rare type of men who is very very specific in love when it comes to relationship; we want romance as well.
To us, there is no such thing as commitment based on marriage. Only forever love.
When 'you are not the right one for me', you'd know that 'you're seriously not the right one'. It is not an excuse, it's a fact. When I leave, it's because I have to.
If I don't find someone who understands what I need to live... how can I be happy? Let me be straight here... I am serious with my women, hence I know what their major problems are... and when I quit, that's really because the problems are really serious. It's not because someone is better out there.
I don't even mind infidels... what about someone better out there? But if she cannot change for the better, it's impossible. When I judge it won't work, it just won't, and it'd be a judgemet after serious considerations.
And lastly... I don't care what you people want to think of me. It's as if we have the same faith, same depth and... I just don't care. I just want Junkie and Hweebs to understand... there are certain men around who ain't like the same mould.
You can see now how and why I can pull those women's sick problems right out... ... Women... Nothing special about MOST of them.
That's untrue. Let me go through why... I am a very 'special' guy, so normal people without depth will not understand.
Say... I met this woman at long last, she appeared perfect. Sweet, cultured, and beauty the envy of any... and she insisted to be with me despite her parents' objection.
We stayed together for many years hence... until one fine day... she changed. She met a bunch of colleagues... bad influences... and she ended up betraying me. During her 'infidelity', I knew all the way of the other. I even warned her.
She left. I was heartbroken, I even packed for her when she left.
Then as usual a woman be... She never contacted me, or I could not contact her. She vanished. She ignored me.
I sincerely wished her to have found happiness but I knew her too well. She has a very... unique temper. But I am a very accomodative person, so it had been always ok. You can say, I am a super nice guy to my women... to their defects.
When she disappeared, I supposed it was hopeless... So... I took a week, and found another.
But the new woman... loved marriage more than me. I knew she felt insecured... especially whenever I talked on phone with beautiful starlets.
I tried to warn her, I hope she could change.
The earlier woman who betrayed me... was deeply hurted by the other guy. She came back when I was seeing the new woman.
So I returned... telling the new women to wait for me for about two years; The new woman was a smart woman, so she didn't listen to me. She broke contact with me a few months later...
I laid down the rules when I returned. She shalt have a second chance, but she must change. She broke all the rules; she didn't even confess she has another child with that jackass during her disappearance. And instead of changing for the better, she was worse than when I first met her. I am still glad I returned because if I don't, she'd believe every man is a dickhead who just want sex because of her beauty.
I told her before when she first returned, if she is a already a mother, don't come back... or I'd still let her stay at our place so that she can work and I could start another relationship... and she must be prepared for a 'soft landing', ie to go back after eventually.
Sigh...
Around last September, she became havoc. I was the one who insisted to bring her home (since she is a foreigner), but she is now on a sort of cold-war with my parents. And since last Sept, she wanted to return to China. LOL~
Her infidelity or her other child is not the issue in real for me. Hweebs, you can say I already see a more 'defective' woman in her when she first returned. If you were right here, I should have 'cut losses' and kicked her back to China. My relationship always is about Love. I love all my women, and will try to accomodate to their defects, and even to them happening around me *all at the same time*.
As a man, you betray me, you ignore me for two years, and you have a child with another...
If I were to be like Seawaves6 or that Sadtz, I'd definitely kick her out.
There will always be a better one... But I am not you. Got it? I am out for love. She blew up her own second chance.
And... hilariously put... As she was increasingly becoming a havoc, I have located later someone I have been thinking of for more than a decade. And she's married. LOL~
You have to understand why Scope can handle all those things... because my basis of relationship has always been love, being them. It's not about marriage and how long and such, and who the fvck appear first.
Order is never an issue.
The issue about 'destined' is that I don't actually care, even by heaven's will. I talk about destined one here is that women in general are marrying too simplistically... They just jump into the first offer they got.
Then self-denial comes into the picture...
There will always be tensions and conflicts, but I am a very solid relationship dealer... I am actually a very very very nice and accomodative guy to women's tempers and nosense. I don't even care you had a husband, you are not a virgin, or you are just an infidel... like what you guys and gals focus on so much.
What you all see logically is illogical in relationship... to me.
Real relationship is always about the other person. Period.
I know what you all are thinking... LOL~
So you bet is wrong, completely wrong, and you owe me a cup of copi. LOL~
Using that example of the 'New Woman', I did not cut my losses in real on her. I did told her to wait for about 2 years. I know of the 'Old Woman'... I know she'd go havoc in about 2 years. I am serious with all my women. So I know them well...
I never actually compared. I am not crazy, women are different. If I start to compare... LOL~ There are at least 4 major characters in my memory. How to compare?
The Old Woman is extremely beautiful, the New Woman is also beautiful but she is very very sexy and she danced as good as Wondergirls, and sings very well. I don't even compare them. For what?
Love is not something I see as how local women see it. I am very particular about this. And the woman I lost 15years ago... just say that I have beautiful women around me here and then... Fact is, I have developed sort of a very high resistance hence to average or silly women. It was love at first sight, alright. I was super shy, super unsure... I got plenty of admirers back then, but I never had a gf then．
I was the usual medalist for sports... and even literature. See...? Until I was so sianz about such events during JC.
So when I first met her... Just say that it was a fatal and destined attraction. But I seriously don't think I can compare her with the others... It's just a feel, and that feel never changed all those years. And I don't even know of all others... why I fell for her. So how to compare???
I always go into a relationship... not trying to see if she's the right one, but hoping she is the right one. I'd try to work things out, and even warn. I usually only give a woman... ONE chance.
You can also see... to me marriage is NOTHING. I cannot live without love and romance... ... Ask any women who have been with me. I want to hug them every morning, then they go to work and when we met, we'd kiss. Everyday, I'd prefer to say and hear something sweet. I like to give surprises... I happen to be a humorous guy as well.
I happen to like to sing, and sing very well as well.
I just want someone who can appreciate a person like myself... for who I am, and love every day of kisses and hugs and romance... and will crack jokes with me as well. That's why... I shun local women... and I am looking to search for that someone in Europe nowadays... LOL~
Just remember when you try to gauge people like myself... We're the rare type of men who is very very specific in love when it comes to relationship; we want romance as well.
To us, there is no such thing as commitment based on marriage. Only forever love.
When 'you are not the right one for me', you'd know that 'you're seriously not the right one'. It is not an excuse, it's a fact. When I leave, it's because I have to.
If I don't find someone who understands what I need to live... how can I be happy? Let me be straight here... I am serious with my women, hence I know what their major problems are... and when I quit, that's really because the problems are really serious. It's not because someone is better out there.
I don't even mind infidels... what about someone better out there? But if she cannot change for the better, it's impossible. When I judge it won't work, it just won't, and it'd be a judgemet after serious considerations.
And lastly... I don't care what you people want to think of me. It's as if we have the same faith, same depth and... I just don't care. I just want Junkie and Hweebs to understand... there are certain men around who ain't like the same mould.
You can see now how and why I can pull those women's sick problems right out... ... Women... Nothing special about MOST of them.
infojunkie
Active Member
What has that got to do with me?
i dun wanna get dragged into this discussion ok?
i dun wanna get dragged into this discussion ok?
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infojunkie
Active Member
易怒
情绪化
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roomfulofstars
New Member
scope guy - haha, no lah. I still don't believe in destiny or 'The One' as in I don't think there is such a thing as a perfect match or someone "designed specially to pair up" with someone else.
If I think like that, I think expectations will go haywire, and I'd set myself up for failure only.
Sometimes people are compatible with each other for a certain period of time. To me, love isn't just an emotion, it's a decision.
If I think like that, I think expectations will go haywire, and I'd set myself up for failure only.
Sometimes people are compatible with each other for a certain period of time. To me, love isn't just an emotion, it's a decision.
Femme,
Hmmm... And what may you decide? To explore for the one you'd be compatible with? To explore for the one you'd be compatible with for eternality?
Actually, Femme, is that not to decide to fear failure or to fear being haywire? LOL~
There is a saying, if you like to know... The more you fear failures, the more likely you'd fail. If you cannot find the One, it's not the same that you decide to just find anyone.
Do not believe in destiny, believe you deserve the best. Believe you deserve to produce the best babies. You are scaring yourself. But I can assure you that nothing can be more scary than to invest so much of your life then to find that he is not the One... because then you'd realise also that you have missed the One. LOL~
I have seen it all the time. Rather than to jump in then to jump out crying, better to jump in with great care and stay happily forever.
It's always emotional... from the day when you hold the hands and walk into the church, when you face the parents of both sides, when you walk into the bedroom, and... when you struggle for divorce... and worse, facing your children.
Well... Your decision. LOL~
Many said, it's naive to believe in real love... But when the time real love is needed to keep for your men, you'd find it very very necessary.
Hmmm... And what may you decide? To explore for the one you'd be compatible with? To explore for the one you'd be compatible with for eternality?
Actually, Femme, is that not to decide to fear failure or to fear being haywire? LOL~
There is a saying, if you like to know... The more you fear failures, the more likely you'd fail. If you cannot find the One, it's not the same that you decide to just find anyone.
Do not believe in destiny, believe you deserve the best. Believe you deserve to produce the best babies. You are scaring yourself. But I can assure you that nothing can be more scary than to invest so much of your life then to find that he is not the One... because then you'd realise also that you have missed the One. LOL~
I have seen it all the time. Rather than to jump in then to jump out crying, better to jump in with great care and stay happily forever.
It's always emotional... from the day when you hold the hands and walk into the church, when you face the parents of both sides, when you walk into the bedroom, and... when you struggle for divorce... and worse, facing your children.
Well... Your decision. LOL~
Many said, it's naive to believe in real love... But when the time real love is needed to keep for your men, you'd find it very very necessary.
Femme,
When you said you don't believe in "The One", it does sound worrying because you are suggesting that you can accept the second best. And when people settle for the second best, things go very wrong after marriage. For the amorous or bold one, when they meet "The One" after marriage, it means infidelity or divorce. For the more 'morally upright' or shy or aka foolish type also, when they meet "The One' after marriage, it means suppressed feelings and an unhappy marriage.
Sure you can manage your expectations by using more of your head than heart when choosing 'The One' because after all, how one defines "The One" is different from another. Just don't regret your choice somehow. If you can't just find "The One", to me, so be it! There is no need to rush into marriage just because it's time? High level of tolerance is not equated to love when you couldn't stand your second best during the course of your marriage. Rather, if he's "The One", love will help you overlook and accept his flaws and imperfections. As aforementioned, "The One" is not deemed as a perfect entity to all but rather, deemed as the best in your eyes.
I had 8 relationships before I met 'My One'. And for someone who started late in dating (as late as 19 years of age), that's like many relationships. Immediately people would think I'm easy, open & liberal. I just don't believe in settling for the second best so when I moved on, it's really because I find that I couldn't accept some critical flaws in the men I dated. You have to really understand yourself well in order to know who is "The One" for you. To me, that communication and connection is extremely important and that "My One" could put up with my bad temper and all other idiosyncrasies. And in fact, with my right one, I don't even get angry often.
When you said you don't believe in "The One", it does sound worrying because you are suggesting that you can accept the second best. And when people settle for the second best, things go very wrong after marriage. For the amorous or bold one, when they meet "The One" after marriage, it means infidelity or divorce. For the more 'morally upright' or shy or aka foolish type also, when they meet "The One' after marriage, it means suppressed feelings and an unhappy marriage.
Sure you can manage your expectations by using more of your head than heart when choosing 'The One' because after all, how one defines "The One" is different from another. Just don't regret your choice somehow. If you can't just find "The One", to me, so be it! There is no need to rush into marriage just because it's time? High level of tolerance is not equated to love when you couldn't stand your second best during the course of your marriage. Rather, if he's "The One", love will help you overlook and accept his flaws and imperfections. As aforementioned, "The One" is not deemed as a perfect entity to all but rather, deemed as the best in your eyes.
I had 8 relationships before I met 'My One'. And for someone who started late in dating (as late as 19 years of age), that's like many relationships. Immediately people would think I'm easy, open & liberal. I just don't believe in settling for the second best so when I moved on, it's really because I find that I couldn't accept some critical flaws in the men I dated. You have to really understand yourself well in order to know who is "The One" for you. To me, that communication and connection is extremely important and that "My One" could put up with my bad temper and all other idiosyncrasies. And in fact, with my right one, I don't even get angry often.
Denise80,
Usually the case is like this:
Woman met this man, wow~ She felt love or everyone encouraged them to be the perfect couple, and when she thought he met the minimum requirement for the man she'd love or would spend her rest of life together, they get married.
*But what may be what you like in a man may usually not be what God has sent you.* You won't even know who is the One by your own choice or chosen requirements.
Old people call that Fate.
Then after marriage... since it never was true love or the One, the woman ends up in self-denial. But when the man fvcks another, this self-denial breaks (self-denial works double ways); or the woman has all along discovered something is wrong after marriage... then the destined man appears, and then she'd go as what you said... suppress herself and go on the mundane cycle everyday as a wife or... go into an affair, or struggle for divorce.
And since most women doesn't really married out of true love, most of these will happen...
Hmm... Denise80, you once told us... if your man fvcks another, you may forgive him but you will likely... have an issue in your heart... LOL~ So you must be careful as well, because... very likely when you reach 40 (for your case),that's when younger and more beautiful and sexier competitionS come.
It's... like a mystical issue, but true love is really important. If you cannot find a man who is capable of love... You'd be in big trouble. Because when you become old and ugly beginning as early as 40yo for most women, one fine day you'd find your man having sex right there in your sacred bedroom, and you'd either endure the competition or... you just give up, or he'd just kick you out when you are 50yo and soooo ugly and standing in his way for getting sexual delights.
You'd become secondary.
Look at Irene Kang... Do you really believe Jack Neo will stop fvcking around? LOL~ Why did Irene marry Jack Neo in the first place? Jack is not the One... Why is she still around Jack?
For all the wrong reasons, very likely. The children, the 'family', and peers from the church...
How do you know if another's the right one? When you cannot behave normally... Say, when you are spited by his existence, when you cannot response to him at least from a friend's point of stance, and of course, if you think of him or feel for him. You'd know something is wrong, because you are reacting to his presence.
Denise, I am not thinking you are easy or open or liberal... because of 8 relationships. LOL~ Exploring the ducks before you got your prince is encourageable. At least you don't jump into the first hole to discover it's shit or gem.
There is no need to purposely ignore or purposely target somebody in a relationship; just be normal, and go with your heart. Your heart never lies, and anyone can be a friend. Just because one has only 1 or 2 relationships doesn't mean she's not easy or open or liberal.
Most women have bad tempers... Because of hormone changes every month. It's more like mood-swings, and sexual heat goes up and down, up again and down... Some women can cry at fixed intervals.
Femme's problem is basically, she's denying herself of being a woman... and denying that her partner is a man. She'd learn probably by the hard way when she's... OLD enough.
She needs to know... there is really feeling that will never change. Just that she has not met such a feeling, doesn't mean she won't belong to. The arrangement of heaven also requires a woman to prove her worth.
If she's afraid of failure, and look away from the One... Things will get very complicated for her... The paradox of kiasi-sm. The more you are kiasi, the more likely you 'si'. LOL~
So for me, my basis is always clear cut in this p0ker game against God... Base it on love, and you'd never go wrong.
Usually the case is like this:
Woman met this man, wow~ She felt love or everyone encouraged them to be the perfect couple, and when she thought he met the minimum requirement for the man she'd love or would spend her rest of life together, they get married.
*But what may be what you like in a man may usually not be what God has sent you.* You won't even know who is the One by your own choice or chosen requirements.
Old people call that Fate.
Then after marriage... since it never was true love or the One, the woman ends up in self-denial. But when the man fvcks another, this self-denial breaks (self-denial works double ways); or the woman has all along discovered something is wrong after marriage... then the destined man appears, and then she'd go as what you said... suppress herself and go on the mundane cycle everyday as a wife or... go into an affair, or struggle for divorce.
And since most women doesn't really married out of true love, most of these will happen...
Hmm... Denise80, you once told us... if your man fvcks another, you may forgive him but you will likely... have an issue in your heart... LOL~ So you must be careful as well, because... very likely when you reach 40 (for your case),that's when younger and more beautiful and sexier competitionS come.
It's... like a mystical issue, but true love is really important. If you cannot find a man who is capable of love... You'd be in big trouble. Because when you become old and ugly beginning as early as 40yo for most women, one fine day you'd find your man having sex right there in your sacred bedroom, and you'd either endure the competition or... you just give up, or he'd just kick you out when you are 50yo and soooo ugly and standing in his way for getting sexual delights.
You'd become secondary.
Look at Irene Kang... Do you really believe Jack Neo will stop fvcking around? LOL~ Why did Irene marry Jack Neo in the first place? Jack is not the One... Why is she still around Jack?
For all the wrong reasons, very likely. The children, the 'family', and peers from the church...
How do you know if another's the right one? When you cannot behave normally... Say, when you are spited by his existence, when you cannot response to him at least from a friend's point of stance, and of course, if you think of him or feel for him. You'd know something is wrong, because you are reacting to his presence.
Denise, I am not thinking you are easy or open or liberal... because of 8 relationships. LOL~ Exploring the ducks before you got your prince is encourageable. At least you don't jump into the first hole to discover it's shit or gem.
There is no need to purposely ignore or purposely target somebody in a relationship; just be normal, and go with your heart. Your heart never lies, and anyone can be a friend. Just because one has only 1 or 2 relationships doesn't mean she's not easy or open or liberal.
Most women have bad tempers... Because of hormone changes every month. It's more like mood-swings, and sexual heat goes up and down, up again and down... Some women can cry at fixed intervals.
Femme's problem is basically, she's denying herself of being a woman... and denying that her partner is a man. She'd learn probably by the hard way when she's... OLD enough.
She needs to know... there is really feeling that will never change. Just that she has not met such a feeling, doesn't mean she won't belong to. The arrangement of heaven also requires a woman to prove her worth.
If she's afraid of failure, and look away from the One... Things will get very complicated for her... The paradox of kiasi-sm. The more you are kiasi, the more likely you 'si'. LOL~
So for me, my basis is always clear cut in this p0ker game against God... Base it on love, and you'd never go wrong.
miloice
Well-Known Member
hi Denise,
allow me to voice a differing pov. Actually, I do not believe in the one either. Timing and opportunities play very important part in build the right relationship too. None of us is forever constant. We evolve and grow. The relationship will feel like the ONE when its growing in together towards common goals and achieving synergy and happiness. Having new wonderful memories and experiences.
That exact same person is fully capable for completely screwing around and messing up the entire foundation of the relationship.
Do you think if your current husband is your 1st relationship, you guys would manage it exactly the same as now? Likewise for him. We need our experiences to discover our needs and mould our personalities. We evolve to become partners with better judgement in selection and growing the relationship with who we really need and want.
Every relationship is never the same. There is no such thing as 2nd best. Its only in the mind that we make such comparisons and discriminations to our partners. Are they really 2nd best? Just because we aren't exactly appreciative on how they are, i.e. not how we want it, that we should discredit them of anything. Everyone is unique. Recognizing difference and being able to iron them not as flaws but part of their personality. Incompatibility exists in every relationship. Just to what level and if its beyond one's acceptance. And if synergy is still possible or has direction drifted away?
allow me to voice a differing pov. Actually, I do not believe in the one either. Timing and opportunities play very important part in build the right relationship too. None of us is forever constant. We evolve and grow. The relationship will feel like the ONE when its growing in together towards common goals and achieving synergy and happiness. Having new wonderful memories and experiences.
That exact same person is fully capable for completely screwing around and messing up the entire foundation of the relationship.
Do you think if your current husband is your 1st relationship, you guys would manage it exactly the same as now? Likewise for him. We need our experiences to discover our needs and mould our personalities. We evolve to become partners with better judgement in selection and growing the relationship with who we really need and want.
Every relationship is never the same. There is no such thing as 2nd best. Its only in the mind that we make such comparisons and discriminations to our partners. Are they really 2nd best? Just because we aren't exactly appreciative on how they are, i.e. not how we want it, that we should discredit them of anything. Everyone is unique. Recognizing difference and being able to iron them not as flaws but part of their personality. Incompatibility exists in every relationship. Just to what level and if its beyond one's acceptance. And if synergy is still possible or has direction drifted away?
scope: nah, your kopi <{__}
but if your own experience is like that, why are u so adamant that yellow just give up and go?? If u had tolerated and tried, then why she cannot see if her relationship with her bfren can be tested? In any case, there has been no cheating involved since yellow steered back from her obsessions with the fren...I will think she also avoid being with that guy too. So why u tell her to give up...u got double standards ah?
but if your own experience is like that, why are u so adamant that yellow just give up and go?? If u had tolerated and tried, then why she cannot see if her relationship with her bfren can be tested? In any case, there has been no cheating involved since yellow steered back from her obsessions with the fren...I will think she also avoid being with that guy too. So why u tell her to give up...u got double standards ah?
Hweebs,
LOL~
I thought you have learned.
Why not for once you help me to answer your question for me? LOL~
I am not telling her to give up, anyway. I am telling her to make sense with herself, and if wakes up... if that man is not the One, she should give up.
If she insist being on such dose of self-denial, she could... Go ahead and marry! LOL~
I just replied to a PiggyLove who said something about... it's not finding the One and woman must learn to love what she have found.
LOL~
Go ahead, go marry~ Go and self-deny. Go and learn to love what Yellow has found. LOL~
Women... LOL~
Look, Hweebs, she never really steers back. A woman in such high dose of self-denial has no even concrete direction... how to steer anyway?
I think I SHOULD give a seminar to local women, and wake them up BIG TIMES. LOL~
LOL~
I thought you have learned.
Why not for once you help me to answer your question for me? LOL~
I am not telling her to give up, anyway. I am telling her to make sense with herself, and if wakes up... if that man is not the One, she should give up.
If she insist being on such dose of self-denial, she could... Go ahead and marry! LOL~
I just replied to a PiggyLove who said something about... it's not finding the One and woman must learn to love what she have found.
LOL~
Go ahead, go marry~ Go and self-deny. Go and learn to love what Yellow has found. LOL~
Women... LOL~
Look, Hweebs, she never really steers back. A woman in such high dose of self-denial has no even concrete direction... how to steer anyway?
I think I SHOULD give a seminar to local women, and wake them up BIG TIMES. LOL~
Hweebs,
We'd be going round and round if you can't answer yourself of what you asked of me.
You see... You are trying to get more facts when you cannot even have a basis to digest. Which is, if you want to guess about men as myself... you should have more depth.
You can also answer me... What does one chance means? Why have I given the Old Woman a second chance? Why don't I just find another new 'game'? Infidelity is a great convenient socially recognised 'excuse' to kick her out.
It's not as if I'd need a week to find another beauty... when I am in the mood to search. I was seeing a beauty already when she chose to return.
Not to say for 2 whole years, she ignored me... after a whole two years, and chose to come back. Why do you think a woman will choose to return to a man?
Woman, think. Don't just jump around trying to get facts... You'd never get all the facts in this world, of anything. So what I give you more facts... Hweebs...
What does that mean... Everything, nothing. Hweebs, it'd be helpful for your... career. LOL~ Just think.
We'd be going round and round if you can't answer yourself of what you asked of me.
You see... You are trying to get more facts when you cannot even have a basis to digest. Which is, if you want to guess about men as myself... you should have more depth.
You can also answer me... What does one chance means? Why have I given the Old Woman a second chance? Why don't I just find another new 'game'? Infidelity is a great convenient socially recognised 'excuse' to kick her out.
It's not as if I'd need a week to find another beauty... when I am in the mood to search. I was seeing a beauty already when she chose to return.
Not to say for 2 whole years, she ignored me... after a whole two years, and chose to come back. Why do you think a woman will choose to return to a man?
Woman, think. Don't just jump around trying to get facts... You'd never get all the facts in this world, of anything. So what I give you more facts... Hweebs...
What does that mean... Everything, nothing. Hweebs, it'd be helpful for your... career. LOL~ Just think.