"Guo Da Li (过大礼)" ??


New Member
Hi iceblue,

My just over.

I'm hokkien, hb Teochew.

My mum bought:

- the traditional stuffs,you can consider not buying to make things simple( face bowl, bath bowl,etc)
- comb, pyjmas, slipper for combing my hair on the eve of AD
- jewellary for me
- big xi stickers to paste at her house
- small xi and big & small yuan (fate) to paste on the things she is going to give them
- face, bath towel & red packet (to replace shoe) for his family (except hb)
- face & bath towel, pyjmas, belt for hb (put separately from his parents & silbings)
- Red packet (hb to buy land), two oranges and a packet of lian zi in a tray ( can be given on Guo Da Li or AD) to be placed front of the bed
- bed sheet for our new house
- ring for hb
- two bottles of orange juice/ syrup for exchange for two bottles of wine (OX or depend what they buy)
- hua qiu ( if have, can recycle)

IL gave:

- cake (depend how many our parents need), they will bring extra, my mum return even no
- Dowry (my mum retun some, even no) Eg: $2k, return $1K
- Si Dian Jing ( for me)
- Some teochew desserts ( 4 kinds , two packets each, my mum return one packet each)
- Even no of Oranges ( My mum return some, even no)
- xi biscuit, cake for their relatives
- hua qiu ( for our house and their)
- Two pair of Long Feng candles (My mum return two Long) Both side light half on Guo Di day and the rest on AD
- two bottles of wine
- two can of pork troxxxx ( to replace roast pig)

If I remember correct, that's all. Hope it help


New Member
Hi faye,

U can refer to my GDL list as posted by chin leng earlier on. Pls refer to archive through oct 28, 2003. Thanks


New Member
Hi Eugeneelie,

U can refer to my GDL list as posted by chin leng earlier on. Pls refer to archive through oct 28, 2003. Thanks!


New Member
Hi iceblue,

I also Teochew & my HB also Hokkien.

Dunno what to buy & give. Also keen to know the answers to your qns too....;p

Btw, when yr wedding ?


New Member
hi wedding999,

my wedding will be next yr. i dun have any knowledge regarding this. that y i need to find out in advance. i haven even book my banquet.

btw, when is urs? where u book ur banquet?


New Member
Hi iceblue,

Hv u fixed a date ? When of next yr ? Early / Mid / End ?

Mine is end of this yr. I already booked my hotel & studio.


New Member
hi wedding999,

i haven fixed a date yet. maybe beginning of next yr.

where u book ur hotel and studio. i had book my studio but the hotel not yet, still searching.
I am teochew & was told that "si dian jin" is a must to be given by my MIL. But in the event that your husband is teochew, your in-laws also have to give you the "si dian jin". Whatever your parents buy for you is considered "jia zhuang".

But 1 question though --> Does the MIL makes the decision what & where to buy the "si dian jin" or can I select what I want (bracelet, earrings, necklace & ring)???

Moreover my parents say don't have to be all gold esply since young people these days prefer white gold but my MIL insists that have to buy gold. Don't know how also.


New Member
hi powerpuff,
as the cost is bared by MIL, she calls the shots lor ... unless she ask for ur opinion then its a different story. just remember, what our parents say doesnt matter in this sense coz the one paying for the SDJ is our MIL. if possible, try to get those more modernised designs gold. some gold are very old fashioned.

let her pick out the initial lots of bracelets and can also ask the assistance to pick out those more modernised ones. give her some 'face' and ask her opinion... remember to bring ur hubby with u!!! sometimes u might feel lost or rather blurred from too much shine ... when this happens, ask for his opinion.

do they know ur jewellery preferences like u like white gold or diamond?? :p prior to getting the SDJ, i had mentioned casually some time ago tat i like white gold and diamonds. sometimes when she asked and my hubby is ard, he answered on my behalf saying tat i've lots of diamonds and ALL white gold. *kekekeke*

maybe u can mention when the topic of jewellery comes up tat u're a white gold person and u absolutely refused to wear gold... and probably can get ur hubby to 'agree' on this also ... hopefully ur MIL will 'change' her mind abt total gold by tat time lor.

in my case, my MIL indicated where to get and that i can choose either white gold or gold. so at the jewellery shop, i let her picked out all the INITIAL items like bracelets then we did shortlisting together based on designs and costs. as i probably wont wear them much, i dont see the point of getting expensive items plus i dont want her to spend too much $$ on these wor .... there are more costs to come. anyway, i've a mixture of diamonds and gold. as long as its not solid gold gold and old-fashioned type, i'm ok. eventually all these will be handed down to the next generation so gold more value also.


New Member
Hi Coven,

So nice of your MIL to let you choose if you would like white gold or gold.

In my case, my MIL say I can only buy gold when actually I did causually hinted I like white gold and diamond.

Before we went to buy she has already hinted I can only buy gold. And on that actual day before we enter the shop, she say it again. She says that diamond is of no value and is more expensive.

We first went to Poh Heng, FIL keep saying not nice and x. So PIL brought me & hubby to their regular shop. All the jewellery are really old fashion. My hubby & I can only try my best to choose the nicest & reasonable price one there.

As they did not tell me the bugdet, my hubby also dun dare to ask, I can only jugde on my own. I tried my best and buy 4 items at only $1K. And my FIL still bargain with the person. I feel quite upset inside but I can't show on my face.

Anyway, I think other than the wedding day, I won't wear on normal day. Will just keep and just down to the next generation. Or probably I will wear when I am in my fourties or fifties.

Luckily my mum din insist they I must buy gold for dowry. She bought me diamond and I am very happy and contented with that liao.

Hi Powerpuff,

Think, it is better to follow what your MIL say as she is the one paying.

But you can put in a nice way and hint her you like white gold and probably diamond and see what she says. If she still insist gold, then follow it else you won't know what she will go around telling the relatives abt her future DIL.

This is wat my mum told me. To just follow so that you can have a better impression in front of the relatives. It is true and it happens to me.

After my MIL bought the jewellery, we went to her mum's home, my hubby grandma's home. All the aunts and uncle are there and she show them what she bought.

They asked abt the price and say it is cheap and nice in front of me. In a sense that I am not someone who will make use of this chance to 'rob' MIL.

Although I feel that value cannot judge their sincerity towards me but I still feel sad inside me.


New Member
Hi Gals,

I am a Hokkien and my husband to be is a teochew. Can someone share with me what we need to do on the Guo Da Li? What I only know is that my parents in law will buy me "Si Dian Jin".

Thank you.


New Member
Dear Chin Leng,

I am so sorry, but I think you have a Guo Da List spreadsheet, can you email it to me? Thank you very very much!


New Member
Bee Kah,

Don't feel sad lah. They are entitled to what they think. As long as your conscience is clear, it is difficult to please everyone. To some extend, we are doing a lot of things by ourselves. I found a set of jewellery I like on sale last year so I told hubby that I want that for my 'Si Dian Jin'so he paid for it over a period of 12 months instalment. heh revolutionary rite?


New Member
I think for more traditional folks, they will only buy pure gold.... But anyway, we young pple will not go ard showing off our gold right? All these boils down to pleasing our PIL.... and following their tradition.

Bee Kah: At least u get to choose wat u want....

My PIL bought for me without even bringing me but luckily my PIL quite modern and she chose something like 'platinum-gold' bracelets, which is more modern and I wore it during my tea ceremony...


New Member
Hi all

Need help from you gals. Both FH and myself are cantonese. My mum passed away already and my dad know nothing about the customs. my dad say anything they give he'll accept but my FMIL insist tat my dad write down what he wants to be given to her during "ti-qing".Anybody knows what my dad should ask for? How much do you usually ask for ping jing?

Thanks a lot!


Active Member
Hi all brides,

My wedding in Dec 04.

i m quite confused abt Guo Da Li.

When will the Guo Da Li usually be? 1 month or few weeks before actual wedding?

Before Guo Da Li, both side parents hv to meet up few mths earlier to discuss first right? usually, when wil it be? does this discussion involves even grandparents n etc?

Cos my MIL intending to bring her own mum (my hubby's grandma) to my house n discuss first with my parents what they want. However, i find its funny that FIL is not coming to my hse cos MIL say he dunno this kind of things. i mean even FIL dunno this kind of things, he can come along mah.

pls. advise. thanks.


New Member
hi kite,
GDL is usually 2 wks b4 AD. but this can be subjected to the 'shifu' whom might gave some specified dates for this and tat

its not a compulsory practice for both sides to meet up. if both sides met up b4, the items can be arranged either over phone or the couple as the middleman. usually its the parents plus a 'matchmaker'. its not compulsory for both the parents to go. again its a subjective practice. leave it up to the PIL to decide.

for mine, i'm the middleperson. i conveyed what my parents want to my PIL. on GDL day itself, my hubby and the 'matchmaker' will come to my hse bearing the 'gifts'. and on AD itself, the 'matchmaker' will be tagging along with the guys entourage to fetch mi.


Staff member
Hi all,

Apologies for not seeing your messages earlier. You can download the file from my posting here.

Please feel free to contact me if you require any further assistance. Thank you.

Chin Leng.


Active Member
Can someone advise me on teochew custom for GDL? my family is traditional teochew family .. "pure teochew" family...


New Member
hi there

Can someone advise me on GDL? Who should follow whose customs? I'm a cantonese while my husband is a hainanese. How should we go abt the whole event? Thanks!


New Member
HIHI, my MIL has looked around for the si dian jing, i am sure she will buy me yellow gold, how can i put it nicely across to her that i prefer white gold, later she think i am greedy....


New Member
hi geri,
u cant put it too obviously ... so wat u can try is to 'pass the message' thru ur hubby. can be when watching an ad on white gold, remark tat's a nice one and u still like white gold with yellow gold to ur hubby WHEN ur MIL is ard


Active Member
hi gals,

just wondering usually before guo da li, both side parties will meet up to discuss? usually who are e person gg to discuss stuffs? both side parents and relatives?


New Member
hi kite~
tin usually parents from both side, maybe a matchmaker (not sure if needed) and the couple.

for us, i'm the middleperson.


Active Member
hi coven,

oic. but my mil said FIL no need to come to my hse n discuss cos he dunno e traditional stuffs. Instead, MIL gg to bring her own mum, funny?


hi, so for those gifts from the bride side eg. toothbrush they're to be kept at the couple's new house? As our house does not have too much space to keep alot of things can we say change them to red packet? thanks


New Member
My MIL came with the matchmaker (who's her neighbour) over to "ti qing". The moment they stepped into my door, they commented on my mom's feet "why so swollen?". That really made my mom upset and spoilt the atmosphere. I mean you shouldn't say something like that when it's your first time to other people's place, right!

So just remind your hb - whoever is coming, don't ever say the wrong thing.