My BF and I decided to plan for our wedding next year. We are 30 this year.
Some background on our families. My BF family and my family are not well to do yet alright for basic necessity. My BF parents are open minded not to have any banquet, encourage us to just ROM and save money on having a banquet.
I personally don’t like complicated arrangement so we have been looking around for a small place to hold a cosy banquet about 8-10 table and we found it. So I started to communicate to my parents. Dad was initially open-minded that he will only invite his cousin and not his siblings; I will explain at the end why is it so. Here comes the drama queen (mother) issue, I told her that I only intended to give her 1 table to invite her friends and try not to invite relatives. (I will elaborate more later why is it so). So my mother was angry stating that why she can’t invite her siblings, why she can’t invite her whole ‘village’ of friends giving me reason that her friends invited her to their children wedding and told her to invite them back in the future. (what logic?!?!?! Anyone can enlighten me?) Mind you, her ‘village’ of friends is like she has one group of singing friends, one group of line dance friends, one group of Community Centre WEC friends, one group of market drink kopi friends, at least 5 tables.
JFYI- My BF and I only wish to invite very close friends, not intending to invite colleagues etc, so both our friends will take up 1 table to 1.5 tables.
So my mother started to be ridiculous and said why I never discussed with her that I want to get married. She never want to discuss anything with me in my growing up phrase, suddenly she wanted to get involved when I want to get married? (What logic again?) Initially my dad is supportive on a small scale reception. But my mother is evil enough to brainwash my dad, in the end my dad come and quarrel with me that he want to invite all his siblings too.
My dad asked me how tables my BF is giving us. I said none, for the fact that the banquet will be paid equally by my bf and me. We shared the cost, we are perfectly fine to give a good treat to friends and close relatives not ungrateful ones. Mind you, we don’t come from rich background, you don’t expect my bf’s parent to sell away the house just to give a grand wedding? My dad said he has to invite his siblings even though all these year they don’t treat him like a brother, if he don’t invite, when he’s dead, it’s tough to give a reason to the ancestor (ARE YOU SERIOUS?) And here come the classic sentence you will hear in Taiwan drama. ‘Never mind, you are daughter, it’s like water being pour away, don’t want invite then don’t invite. Next time your brother married, no matter what have to invite everybody” *slow clap*
Some backgrounds on my relatives –
Father’s side-
My dad is the earliest brother who raises his siblings up but all the siblings are ungrateful and bullied me dad. Huge dispute happened among the uncles yet my dad became the scapegoat. Fine. Ever since my grandma passed away 5 years ago, we never see the relatives anymore. In Chinese tradition, the younger siblings will go to the eldest sibling house for visiting as a form of respect. Unfortunately, no call no visiting. It’s common, our family are not rich so all my uncles and aunts are not interested to connect with us. (mind you, my relatives are a bunch of realistic money minded people, they don’t care any kinship at all)
Mother’s side –
My mother is an duplicate of her mother. BIASNESS to the core. My maternal grandmother is an evil old lady who cursed my brothers and I to be knocked down by car and die. A lot of thing happened along the way, the 5 sisters 1 brother quarreled and turned against each other. The last time I saw my aunt during CNY is 4 -5 years back. Recently, surprisingly, the sisters get in contact again.
My take on my relatives is, if they are not sincere people who come to give the blessing, I don’t want them to come at all. I don’t want to be cursed by them for no reason.
Before you judge on my unfilially, please do read on.
My background – I was the eldest in the family with 2 younger brothers. I am also the one who is least respected and expected to contribute the most in the family. I was self-sufficient since 17 years old whereas my brothers can go for their full time university and slowly take their time to find a job, even after started working, it’s ok that they don’t give household allowance. Whereas, I was requested to be independent after my ‘O’s, I went to poly and work 8 hours/day (4pm to 12mn) daily just to make sure I earn enough to pay for my expense. After my 3 years local diploma, being a fresh grad I managed to land myself in a temp job to gain working experiences. Paying at $5/hr, getiing less than $1k +/- per month before CPF, she expected me to give $500 household allowance and I managed to negotiate to $300/ month.
Fortunately, I was thrifty and managed to save $10k after 2.5 years, to further studies for a part time degree. My mother knew about that and claimed that ‘nobody ask you to go study, you want to study, that’s your problem, I insisted my household allowance to be given to me’. My degree course cost me $30k, I didn’t take any loan and insisted on being extreme thrifty to ensure and paid it all during my 1.5 years of part time studying. I was earning less than $2k at that time, all my salary gone into my school fee. On the happiest note, I was at my skinnest at that time too!
My mother is bias to the core, she only dote on my brothers. Always threatened kick me out of the house so she rent the room out for more money. She scolded me whore and asked me to be whore to earn more money. However nobody knows this except my own family members. All my mother’s friends think and say that my mother is the best and doting mother to me. All are fake.
Some people reading the first part will feel that I am not filial to accommodate my parent request. All along, I think she is bias, despite that I made it an effort to bring my parents on a fully paid holiday every 2 years. What she wants, no matter how difficult it is, I tried to give her. Put yourself in my shoe, growing in such a negative environment and verbally abused by her and the family. Do you think I should accommodate anymore
I am soft hearted. Even I am mad at her, after a few days I will give in. But this time, it involve a huge sum of money and might get my bf and I in debt if we are going to accommodate her just to make her happy and princess on that day.
What will you do if you are me?
Some background on our families. My BF family and my family are not well to do yet alright for basic necessity. My BF parents are open minded not to have any banquet, encourage us to just ROM and save money on having a banquet.
I personally don’t like complicated arrangement so we have been looking around for a small place to hold a cosy banquet about 8-10 table and we found it. So I started to communicate to my parents. Dad was initially open-minded that he will only invite his cousin and not his siblings; I will explain at the end why is it so. Here comes the drama queen (mother) issue, I told her that I only intended to give her 1 table to invite her friends and try not to invite relatives. (I will elaborate more later why is it so). So my mother was angry stating that why she can’t invite her siblings, why she can’t invite her whole ‘village’ of friends giving me reason that her friends invited her to their children wedding and told her to invite them back in the future. (what logic?!?!?! Anyone can enlighten me?) Mind you, her ‘village’ of friends is like she has one group of singing friends, one group of line dance friends, one group of Community Centre WEC friends, one group of market drink kopi friends, at least 5 tables.
JFYI- My BF and I only wish to invite very close friends, not intending to invite colleagues etc, so both our friends will take up 1 table to 1.5 tables.
So my mother started to be ridiculous and said why I never discussed with her that I want to get married. She never want to discuss anything with me in my growing up phrase, suddenly she wanted to get involved when I want to get married? (What logic again?) Initially my dad is supportive on a small scale reception. But my mother is evil enough to brainwash my dad, in the end my dad come and quarrel with me that he want to invite all his siblings too.
My dad asked me how tables my BF is giving us. I said none, for the fact that the banquet will be paid equally by my bf and me. We shared the cost, we are perfectly fine to give a good treat to friends and close relatives not ungrateful ones. Mind you, we don’t come from rich background, you don’t expect my bf’s parent to sell away the house just to give a grand wedding? My dad said he has to invite his siblings even though all these year they don’t treat him like a brother, if he don’t invite, when he’s dead, it’s tough to give a reason to the ancestor (ARE YOU SERIOUS?) And here come the classic sentence you will hear in Taiwan drama. ‘Never mind, you are daughter, it’s like water being pour away, don’t want invite then don’t invite. Next time your brother married, no matter what have to invite everybody” *slow clap*
Some backgrounds on my relatives –
Father’s side-
My dad is the earliest brother who raises his siblings up but all the siblings are ungrateful and bullied me dad. Huge dispute happened among the uncles yet my dad became the scapegoat. Fine. Ever since my grandma passed away 5 years ago, we never see the relatives anymore. In Chinese tradition, the younger siblings will go to the eldest sibling house for visiting as a form of respect. Unfortunately, no call no visiting. It’s common, our family are not rich so all my uncles and aunts are not interested to connect with us. (mind you, my relatives are a bunch of realistic money minded people, they don’t care any kinship at all)
Mother’s side –
My mother is an duplicate of her mother. BIASNESS to the core. My maternal grandmother is an evil old lady who cursed my brothers and I to be knocked down by car and die. A lot of thing happened along the way, the 5 sisters 1 brother quarreled and turned against each other. The last time I saw my aunt during CNY is 4 -5 years back. Recently, surprisingly, the sisters get in contact again.
My take on my relatives is, if they are not sincere people who come to give the blessing, I don’t want them to come at all. I don’t want to be cursed by them for no reason.
Before you judge on my unfilially, please do read on.
My background – I was the eldest in the family with 2 younger brothers. I am also the one who is least respected and expected to contribute the most in the family. I was self-sufficient since 17 years old whereas my brothers can go for their full time university and slowly take their time to find a job, even after started working, it’s ok that they don’t give household allowance. Whereas, I was requested to be independent after my ‘O’s, I went to poly and work 8 hours/day (4pm to 12mn) daily just to make sure I earn enough to pay for my expense. After my 3 years local diploma, being a fresh grad I managed to land myself in a temp job to gain working experiences. Paying at $5/hr, getiing less than $1k +/- per month before CPF, she expected me to give $500 household allowance and I managed to negotiate to $300/ month.
Fortunately, I was thrifty and managed to save $10k after 2.5 years, to further studies for a part time degree. My mother knew about that and claimed that ‘nobody ask you to go study, you want to study, that’s your problem, I insisted my household allowance to be given to me’. My degree course cost me $30k, I didn’t take any loan and insisted on being extreme thrifty to ensure and paid it all during my 1.5 years of part time studying. I was earning less than $2k at that time, all my salary gone into my school fee. On the happiest note, I was at my skinnest at that time too!
My mother is bias to the core, she only dote on my brothers. Always threatened kick me out of the house so she rent the room out for more money. She scolded me whore and asked me to be whore to earn more money. However nobody knows this except my own family members. All my mother’s friends think and say that my mother is the best and doting mother to me. All are fake.
Some people reading the first part will feel that I am not filial to accommodate my parent request. All along, I think she is bias, despite that I made it an effort to bring my parents on a fully paid holiday every 2 years. What she wants, no matter how difficult it is, I tried to give her. Put yourself in my shoe, growing in such a negative environment and verbally abused by her and the family. Do you think I should accommodate anymore
I am soft hearted. Even I am mad at her, after a few days I will give in. But this time, it involve a huge sum of money and might get my bf and I in debt if we are going to accommodate her just to make her happy and princess on that day.
What will you do if you are me?