emotional infidelity

[Hurt woman]

Hi guys. This is my first time posting here. I feeel like I am going to explode. I have to own it down here because there is no other people I can turn to.

My Husband whom i married for 2 years, but tgt for 9 years recently got caught in an emotional infidelity by me. We just held our AD banquet in less than 2 months. It is really hurtful for me.

A couple of days ago when I caught my Husband covering his head with a pillow using his Hp. He thought I was alrdy sleeping soundly but I actually woke up suddenly and saw it. I then woke up in the middle of the night and checked on his phone: true enough I found something. He was FB messenging a woman who I don't know. They seems to be casually chatting till it gets personal that she told my Husband her ex who got married suddenly texted her and missed their good times tgt blah blah blah. And my Husband entertained her and for Duno what reason asks her how's sex with the ex? I was appalled/horrified/stunned/saddened/angry. And I realised my husband likes veery post she posted and even inserted this emoji (face with hearts in the eyes) to her solo picture.
When confronted him on who is he texting that night, he evaded by saying it's his FB group chat Fren until I said out the full name of that bitch. Then he said It was his student / client whom he is mentoring. And he even said he has to entertain them. To a personal level?? I couldn't believe my ears. That's the lamest excuse. I'm so deeply hurt and saddened. We had a huge quarrel and he even threatened to shame me on FB by throwing a fit?? How can he treat me like this? I am truly upset.... Is there logic in his words? I'm the one being victimised and he acted as if it's no big deal because he says he nv cross the line by going out with the girl. but to me, this is alrdy crossing the line.

To the guys out there, can you pls enlighten me? What's gg on ur head if you do such thing? are u flirting for the fun of it or do u hope to get something out of the conversation with the woman (commuting an extra marital affair)?

Thanks all...

 

[foolishguy]

Hi, sorry to heard about your incident...

To answer your question, your wont get the answer that you are seeking for by asking others. Throughout my marriage of 5 years, I did not entertain the thought of msging girls. Even though there was a time there was a attractive girl that tried asking me out for dinner, I did find her attractive though but I cut it short right there and then and stayed committed to my then-wife...I did not give her my number, she got it from my part-time course mates. I rejected her softly and even told my wife about it. We had a good laugh over it.

But my ex-wife was different, she was very outgoing and had a lot of male friends, always saying things like guys are easier to talk to, they are just friends know way back...etc...I did read a post on FB that I found interesting, opposite sexes cannot be very good friends on a emotional level. On a superficial level with common interests, yes I agree. But not on the very closest type of friendship that you would have with your same gender mates. For the attached or married, being very close to a opposite gender friend or flirting with the opposite sex definitely brings jealousy to the relationship, then for what you would do this to jeopardize the relationship? I did trust her for the longest time but my worst fears was realized after I found her cheating on me.

But it largely depends on personality I would say. some people are just flirty in nature and won't go beyond the limits, but why give yourself the chance to tempt yourself in the first place? Given the right location/time/situation it's very hard for one not to stray especially if she/he is the type that you are attracted to.

I do hope that your husband is only flirty in nature and nothing more. Do keep in mind though and decide if you want to keep digging or just take his word for it and only look at the good things that he does. Once the can of worms is open, everything won't be the same anymore...good luck and best wishes

 

[Hurt woman]

Hi, sorry to heard about your incident...

To answer your question, your wont get the answer that you are seeking for by asking others. Throughout my marriage of 5 years, I did not entertain the thought of msging girls. Even though there was a time there was a attractive girl that tried asking me out for dinner, I did find her attractive though but I cut it short right there and then and stayed committed to my then-wife...I did not give her my number, she got it from my part-time course mates. I rejected her softly and even told my wife about it. We had a good laugh over it.

But my ex-wife was different, she was very outgoing and had a lot of male friends, always saying things like guys are easier to talk to, they are just friends know way back...etc...I did read a post on FB that I found interesting, opposite sexes cannot be very good friends on a emotional level. On a superficial level with common interests, yes I agree. But not on the very closest type of friendship that you would have with your same gender mates. For the attached or married, being very close to a opposite gender friend or flirting with the opposite sex definitely brings jealousy to the relationship, then for what you would do this to jeopardize the relationship? I did trust her for the longest time but my worst fears was realized after I found her cheating on me.

But it largely depends on personality I would say. some people are just flirty in nature and won't go beyond the limits, but why give yourself the chance to tempt yourself in the first place? Given the right location/time/situation it's very hard for one not to stray especially if she/he is the type that you are attracted to.

I do hope that your husband is only flirty in nature and nothing more. Do keep in mind though and decide if you want to keep digging or just take his word for it and only look at the good things that he does. Once the can of worms is open, everything won't be the same anymore...good luck and best wishes

Thanks dude. He is not flirty in nature to start with.but this is the second time I caught him messenging a girl actively. The first time was 2 years ago but it's nothing flirtatious. But I made it a point to him that I hate my partner messenging woman for chit chat. This woman wasn't even his Friend, just acquaintance.. I just feel so betrayed.....

 

[Merryl.lee]

Thanks dude. He is not flirty in nature to start with.but this is the second time I caught him messenging a girl actively. The first time was 2 years ago but it's nothing flirtatious. But I made it a point to him that I hate my partner messenging woman for chit chat. This woman wasn't even his Friend, just acquaintance.. I just feel so betrayed.....

I think at some point of time, be it the female party or the male party, you are bound to feel attracted (even if it's just a bit) to other people, even when you are already attached. So, it's more of a matter of how disciplined you are to avoid straying. But in all fairness, I think it takes 2 hands to clap. It was wrong of him to be messaging another lady flirtatiously. But he is after all the husband who has been with you for a long time and have chose to marry you instead of others. So, I trust that he still have feelings for you. Maybe you can consider if any sequence of events happen that might have triggered his actions? There could be both external (maybe the lady was making lots of advancements?) and internal (maybe you and your husband have not been flirting with each other frequent enough?) that have triggered this.

If you still want to keep the relationship, think of what's the best way to get over this argument. Getting angry is perfectly fine, because it shows how much the relationship meant to you. I would have gotten angry too. But getting angry and hurting each other (even verbally) is NOT. It will dampen your relationship one way or another. Don't do anything that will strain your relationship further. Calm down and resolve this peacefully.

I might be wrong, but I believe you know what's best for the relationship.