Hi Ericia,
Agree with SL too.
Initially, I kept pestering my FH for ideas/views/decisions too after we decided on marriage.. then after a while, I too got tired and didn't talk to him much on the topic liao. However, from july... he started getting kan cheong and was talking to me about the wedding preps' items... hee... and knowing most of the things have been researched... i gave a "oh you are concerned now" attitude... just to spite him.. playfully of course..hee...
Gals are gals.. we tend to want the "most perfect" thing for our weddings and is always more enthusiastic about the preparations when compared to the guys (this website's membership alone speaks volumes)
Hee... so when the guys said this ok, that also ok and don't seem to care as much as we do, we felt they are not concerned about it.. and we start feeling upset.. grumbles and worse still vent our frustrations on them....
Talking from experience... cos there was a time when I felt very disappointed (own thinking) and angry with my FH... and he started asking me why... that was when we really talked.
He said...
<font color="0000ff">1) "Don't make unnecessary assumptions and ASK instead"</font>
-it doesn't mean he don't care about the wedding things when he didn't talk about it. He mentioned that when gals do things, we normally share ideas, ask this ask that cos we tend to be more vocal in expressing our thoughts.. but when guys do things.... they normally don't...
<font color="0000ff">2) Focusing on a marriage is more important than the wedding day. In chinese, he said "we should concentrate on the Hun1 ying1 rather than Hun1 Li3"</font>
-He said many a times a couple broke up, quarreled, stopped talking etc etc shortly after the wedding or even during the preps because there is a lack of communication on other topics in life... whenever they met, things on the wedding filled the conversation and after the wedding is over, there was an emptiness among the two.... so he suggested we talked about other things too instead of the wedding alone..
<font color="0000ff">3) Splitting of tasks</font>
- he suggested that we split up the tasks and look into those areas under us (ie: get quotes, meet the person involved, informing the relevant parties etc etc) and then update the other on the decisions or alternatives available.
Other tips (own views as well as advice from gals on other threads
a) I realised that guys are usually not as patient on getting the various quotes as us.. so for those requiring communication with vendors on the various quotes, let the gals do it. (eg :caterer, bridal shop etc). After that, do a shortlist of about 3 of them then show it to the guys and together, make a visit down and make the final decision together... cos giving the guys too many quotes will only make them confused and less likely to be focused in their decisions/views.
2) Guys are normally not as particular about designs and decoration as much as we gals.. so those that deals with such items, gals, think it's better that we handle it....
3) Those that are rather static or more fixed such as photo montage, church/banquet program, house reno, contacting the printers/collection etc, transport etc, let the guys handle..
Hee.. hope the above helps..... cos I have been through those stages before... so hopefully, can share share how we went through those "upsetting" times
But.... of course, the main thing is that my FH's counselling job helps... "TALKING" is of importance to him... and perhaps he thinks more and further than me at times......... good or bad... really depends hehe
