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- Thread starter cheerio
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pple, take a look at the following site and if you are interested, let me know
http://www.asiasalsa.com/
http://www.asiasalsa.com/
green_tranquility
New Member
Cheerio,
It's ok to go out movies as friends. I suggest u to go lah. Who knows u will earn 1 more good friend or BF? Hehee
It's ok to go out movies as friends. I suggest u to go lah. Who knows u will earn 1 more good friend or BF? Hehee
dead_heart
New Member
cheerio,
i also suggest you to go. Good to have more friends.
i also suggest you to go. Good to have more friends.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Woah, I feel excited for you, Cheerio. It's just a movie and perhaps coffee thereafter, so I don't think he will jump into conclusion that you are interested in him. Just get into the momentum of dating to add variety to your life and nothing more than that.
The dating scene these days is very different from like 15-20 years ago...hehe...men and women go out but need not lead to anything, and no one will take it overboard if one party is not interested. Well, that's how my bf and I started out too, as friends and just doing normal activities.
The dating scene these days is very different from like 15-20 years ago...hehe...men and women go out but need not lead to anything, and no one will take it overboard if one party is not interested. Well, that's how my bf and I started out too, as friends and just doing normal activities.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Hi Green, you must be an dependent lady to be able to look for your own activities while your bf sleeps in. I think this is so good. My sis in law and brother is one such couple. She is independent and never run out of things to do by herself like walking the dog, cooking, making juice. She is a wonderful wife to my brother, plus a career woman too. I'm secretly learning a lot from her to keep a balance in work and love.
I am really easy going and conceding in this relationship, maybe due to my age (mid 30s liao) and past experience (tired of being the provider and decision maker, and never quite happy). I play the role of a little woman now hehe who takes delight in simple things in life. I feel we women need to let our man have the chance to be our hero, by taking on a more feminine role in the relationship.
I am really easy going and conceding in this relationship, maybe due to my age (mid 30s liao) and past experience (tired of being the provider and decision maker, and never quite happy). I play the role of a little woman now hehe who takes delight in simple things in life. I feel we women need to let our man have the chance to be our hero, by taking on a more feminine role in the relationship.
Sgbabydoll, i can see that you are complementing your bf, and thoroughly loves the role. Good for you! =) (and your sister in law is one intelligent wife)
My wife and I are learning to complement each other as well. We learnt from our past mistakes that we often rush to take the driving seat but usually end up in conflicts(sometimes bad ones). Hence, there are occasions which i'm comfortable to let her make decisions.
Sometimes, it's not easy(to shallow) when she is not the initiative sort but loves to be the decision-maker, and i'm the sort who is more organised and do researches. Thus for matters pertaining to housing/finance/impt stuffs, i would discuss with her regarding my researches before making OUR decisions (as she could make irrational decisions on her own)
My wife and I are learning to complement each other as well. We learnt from our past mistakes that we often rush to take the driving seat but usually end up in conflicts(sometimes bad ones). Hence, there are occasions which i'm comfortable to let her make decisions.
Sometimes, it's not easy(to shallow) when she is not the initiative sort but loves to be the decision-maker, and i'm the sort who is more organised and do researches. Thus for matters pertaining to housing/finance/impt stuffs, i would discuss with her regarding my researches before making OUR decisions (as she could make irrational decisions on her own)
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Hey, cheerio!
Have you said yes to the movie date?
Have you said yes to the movie date?
dead_heart
New Member
hi good morning
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Cheerio, if can click then ask him for coffee after the movie. If cannot, tell him that you have to leave after the movie. Easy right?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Hi deadheart, how was the trip to Sentosa?
pple, ask your opinion for the following story that i am about to tell, it happened to one of my closest friends..
here goes,
A, 32, married with 2 very young kids. her hubby is those type very nua one, dont help out, fav pastime is play computer games and always left my fren to go to bed on her own. her kids are quite a handful to manage, although they got a maid, A basically got to do a lot of monitoring and her kids stick to her as well, she works btw. she has told me on several ocassion on how her hubby treated her, like one incidence she complained of her back aching really badly and she needs to see doc on sat, polyclinic got more facilities and stuff, then come fri the hubby told her that he goin to play basketball with frens and asked her to stay at home to look after the kids!! so infuriating!!
recently A became close with a colleague at work and they always talked, even late at night coz the hubby playing games and left her alone. at one of their fights, A told the hubby off that if he continue to take her for granted and neglect her feelings, he cant blame her if one day she stray. but the hubby still like bo chap like tat. so, the expected thing happened, when A went dinner with that coll of hers, they kissed and hugged. A felt guilty about it. Do you think that given her situation, she is forgivable?
put yourself deep into her shoes, I know pple tends to condemn such behaviour without really looking into the problems that the parties are facing. I am not saying that she is not wrong or she can use her problem with her hubby as excuse for what she did, but if you were her, can you fare better?
-----------------------------------------
Ok, Alvin Tan, if you unfortunately happen to read this, yes, yes, yes, Sg gals are sluts, give us a break, will you?
here goes,
A, 32, married with 2 very young kids. her hubby is those type very nua one, dont help out, fav pastime is play computer games and always left my fren to go to bed on her own. her kids are quite a handful to manage, although they got a maid, A basically got to do a lot of monitoring and her kids stick to her as well, she works btw. she has told me on several ocassion on how her hubby treated her, like one incidence she complained of her back aching really badly and she needs to see doc on sat, polyclinic got more facilities and stuff, then come fri the hubby told her that he goin to play basketball with frens and asked her to stay at home to look after the kids!! so infuriating!!
recently A became close with a colleague at work and they always talked, even late at night coz the hubby playing games and left her alone. at one of their fights, A told the hubby off that if he continue to take her for granted and neglect her feelings, he cant blame her if one day she stray. but the hubby still like bo chap like tat. so, the expected thing happened, when A went dinner with that coll of hers, they kissed and hugged. A felt guilty about it. Do you think that given her situation, she is forgivable?
put yourself deep into her shoes, I know pple tends to condemn such behaviour without really looking into the problems that the parties are facing. I am not saying that she is not wrong or she can use her problem with her hubby as excuse for what she did, but if you were her, can you fare better?
-----------------------------------------
Ok, Alvin Tan, if you unfortunately happen to read this, yes, yes, yes, Sg gals are sluts, give us a break, will you?
dead_heart
New Member
well, the weather was hot and my boi was afraid of the speaker, too loud, kept clinging to me like a koala bear, and say he's scared. In the end, gotto bring him to other places to see look. Went off around 12plus. However saw alot of colleagues with their families, a form of gathering for all of us.
sunflower44
New Member
Hi gals,
can i join in the chat? Vey sianz at work today, mon blues.. arghhh....
Cynthia and PinkyDy,
I work quite near Vivo, so usually will lunch there too! Hehe..
can i join in the chat? Vey sianz at work today, mon blues.. arghhh....
Cynthia and PinkyDy,
I work quite near Vivo, so usually will lunch there too! Hehe..
ok, to add on, A has tried to talk to her hubby on many ocassions and always end up badly, he will say things like he already treating her very well already wat, wat else she expect?!
and when she cried during their quarrels, he will say things like cry for wat, he ill-treating her isit?! so little by little, she just gave up hope on him, and she dont even cry anymore, 哀莫大于心æ», sad loh...
and when she cried during their quarrels, he will say things like cry for wat, he ill-treating her isit?! so little by little, she just gave up hope on him, and she dont even cry anymore, 哀莫大于心æ», sad loh...
dead_heart
New Member
cheerio,
the situation u mention regarding HB not helping out sounds familiar as it happens to me, although in the end, its the HB who strays....
the situation u mention regarding HB not helping out sounds familiar as it happens to me, although in the end, its the HB who strays....
dead_heart
New Member
hi pinkydy and sgbabydoll,
how's ur wkend?
how's ur wkend?
dead_heart
New Member
hi sunflower, welcome to our "chatter"
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Hi Sunflower, all are welcome here.
I live near VivoCity, in Bt Merah to be exact, and work in Orchard.
I live near VivoCity, in Bt Merah to be exact, and work in Orchard.
Cheerio,
It seemed to be a very common issue among the couples and leading to the other party to stray. Can understand that her HB pushed her to commit such an act but morally it is not right for her to do it but honestly we are all human beings with need and having our weakness too. so the fault lies at both ends. From the way her HB behaves, I dont think she will be forgiven. So is your fren still going on with her male colleague ? how far have they progress other than hug and kisses.
It seemed to be a very common issue among the couples and leading to the other party to stray. Can understand that her HB pushed her to commit such an act but morally it is not right for her to do it but honestly we are all human beings with need and having our weakness too. so the fault lies at both ends. From the way her HB behaves, I dont think she will be forgiven. So is your fren still going on with her male colleague ? how far have they progress other than hug and kisses.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Vios & Deadheart, I had a tiff with bf yesterday and I am beginning to think that though we are able to complement each other in many ways, we are not compatible in some areas. For example, when he is upset or angry, he doesn't get what I mean and becomes sarcastic. This bothers me some. I try not to provoke him but I'm no saint here...
Obviously, A has come to a point whereby all the stress and problems have accumulated without much effort/contribution from her hubby, and thus, the natural instinct is to seek other solace in the arms of comfort. It's understandable to yearn for a shoulder to cry on or to confide in, when one can't find that support from their partners. But the 'kissing and hugging' seem to come from a lack of(herein) and I feel that two wrongs doesn’t make a right.
I think A ought to think for her future and about the meaning of happiness (to her). It looks like her hubby has grown addicted to his computer games, and seem to be missing her out in his life; a lack of constant communication from him to her.
For me, the best way is to sort out her marriage(and personal feelings towards her hubby) first, and remain friends with her colleagues(without crossing that emotional line).
I think A ought to think for her future and about the meaning of happiness (to her). It looks like her hubby has grown addicted to his computer games, and seem to be missing her out in his life; a lack of constant communication from him to her.
For me, the best way is to sort out her marriage(and personal feelings towards her hubby) first, and remain friends with her colleagues(without crossing that emotional line).
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Cheerio, I can understand your friend's situation without prejudice or judgement, having had an unfulfilled marriage myself. But do let your friend know that the male colleague is just a diversion from the problems she faces in her marriage. It won't take away those problems nor make her any happier, so at the end of the day, she will still have to face her problems squarely.
I have been cautioning her that her coll is up to no good, from the first instance that she told me about their sms and stuff, which decent guy will talk to married woman with kids some more until past midnight? furthermore, he will say mushy things like he will 疼疼her and if nobody is there for her he will hug hug her, they are from different offices lah, so their exchanges are mainly sms and phone calls..
and true enough, she also admitted that he is up to no good loh, with sex in his mind probably if she didnt stop at kissing.
guess she really is too deprived of love and attention.
i did ask her what she wants, she say for the sake of her kids she will never opt for divorce, but she and her hubby simply cant communicate.
and true enough, she also admitted that he is up to no good loh, with sex in his mind probably if she didnt stop at kissing.
guess she really is too deprived of love and attention.
i did ask her what she wants, she say for the sake of her kids she will never opt for divorce, but she and her hubby simply cant communicate.
sgbabydoll, all human beings have weaknesses and habits/traits which piss people off but very very often, we couldn't see it ourselves or at our own angle. Probably, you have had pissed him off with something which you aren't aware of.
A lesson that i've learnt and try to remind myself, that is not to argue/explain when i'm full of negative emotions... cos' words might be different like they sound.
A lesson that i've learnt and try to remind myself, that is not to argue/explain when i'm full of negative emotions... cos' words might be different like they sound.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
I totally agree with you, Vios. I know well that he becomes sarcastic when upset, so I have been trying not to argue or explain when both of us feel negative emotionally. I would wait for the heat to simmer down first before talking it out. On a normal day, he is reasonable and listens to and remembers what I have to say. Given this I should have waited till another day to say my piece but like I have said earlier, I am no saint here, and sometimes my anger gave me the impulse to just say it.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Cheerio, if I were you I would have run out of advices to give her too. A lot of problems between couples cannot be talked out at all. Like for my case, I was unable to talk my ex out of telling lies and spendthrift lifestyle. Although communication is key to a successful marriage, if one party is not being truthful no matter how much the couple talks there is unlikely to be improvement. Been there, done that. It's so sad lor.
Sgbabydoll, ur not alone. I had a tiff with my FH as well and now we r going to break up. There is juz too many misunderstanding between us. And quarrels after quarrels, Im juz so sick and tired of it. He may not be rich, in fact in some form of debt. He's always broke, I would have to support our expenses most of the time. All I ask is a little appreciation. In return, he juz keeps spending more money. Want to buy this and tat. I wonder if he spared a thought for me. Juz coz there was a misunderstandin and miscom between my future MIL, him and me, which coz me to make certain comments bout my MIL. He said I was disrespectful to his parents and it hurt his feelings. He made a decision on a videography with his fren while I was busy arranging for my wedding shoes to be made. When he told me he agreed to it, I already upfront oppose to the idea. Now the date of our wedding is getting closer, our budget doesn't allow us to get both photography and videography. He insists to keep his, even though my photography was arranged earlier. I had to cancel mine so tat we will have sufficient budget. I have spared a thought for him and for us. But he hasn't. He juz thinks tat I mind tat he's using my money coz he's not capable of having his own money till he's debt is paid off. I have already used up all my savings for the additional things for this wedding. Yet he doesn't understand how much pain it is to me and all the sacrifices I have to make. For me, its like I feel its a once in a lifetime thing and I juz want it to go well. Thre is no next time anymore, so I want to make sure even if i have to spend the money, its onli once and its onli this time. Im juz realli upset and disappointed. And all I get back in return is all these words and his thoughts of me being a bad person. All i care about is money money money.
cheerio, actually the root problem lies with her hubby's attitude/mentality towards their marriage. A boat doesn't move straight without rowing on both sides.
So is A gonna tell herself to bite the bullet for the rest of her life and pull it through for the sake of her children (with the possiblity of external comfort, again)?
Or, is A gonna tell herself that she will make a firm decision for herself, and possibly, for the future good for her children as well?
So is A gonna tell herself to bite the bullet for the rest of her life and pull it through for the sake of her children (with the possiblity of external comfort, again)?
Or, is A gonna tell herself that she will make a firm decision for herself, and possibly, for the future good for her children as well?
Seriously, I also dont know what she is going to do, she said that she is going to stop meeting that guy, but i really doubt that she is strong enough to stop that no-good-guy's advances IF her hubby continue to act that way.. I also dont know wat to say lah...
Pinky, if I were you, I guess I will stop all wedding stuff, money spent is already gone, you deserve a better guy.
Pinky, if I were you, I guess I will stop all wedding stuff, money spent is already gone, you deserve a better guy.
I dont noe. Its somewat ended already. But its like I dont noe wat to do or move from here. Juz the thought of having to call everyone up to tell them the wedding is off juz seems like a horrible process. But if i were to go on with the wedding, would i be more miserable? I dont noe. Any advise?
dead_heart
New Member
Pinkydy, is the wedding cancelled in the heat of a quarrel? Do you really want to cancel?
Maybe you could like think it thru, wat you really want and then have a good talk with ur FH again.
Maybe you could like think it thru, wat you really want and then have a good talk with ur FH again.
dead_heart
New Member
sgbabydoll, the only way i can think to get to ur bf is to really wait for both party to cool down and then have a real talk. You can tell him how u feel when he behave tat way towards you. Subsequently, you can also ask him how he feel during then.
Hope you are okie
Hope you are okie