Funny letter.
To:
Dear Husband
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show
for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me
that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week,
you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done,
cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new lingerie. You came
home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching
the game.
You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything.
Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case
is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your Ex-Wife
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that
you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far
cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your
constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you
cutoff all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You
look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't
say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you! when you had on that new lingerie because the price
tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother
had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your lingerie was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit
my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Every-thing happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you
always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a
dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla.
I hope that's not a problem.
Signed
Rich As Hell and Free!