Any Brides whose HTB is 'Ang Mo'?

[cuclainne]

Lucky for you, Denise, that you were able to move there to study first. Stockholm doesn't have the same rules. It doesn't matter whether you're married or not, you still have to put in an application for a temporary resident permit. The embassy will call you for an interview, after which your application is forwarded to Migration Board in Sweden. Then your other half will be called for an interview. The approval process takes between 12 - 18 months (gasp!) during which time you can't travel to Sweden, even as a bona fide tourist. If your application is approved, then you get a permit that lasts for a year. Then you get called again for an interview to ascertain if your relationship is still intact. If it is, your permit gets extended for another year. After two years and if you're still together, then you will get your permanent resident permit. Phew!!

Yes, the embassy staff can be rude. I called them once to ask about the process and they told me that there's a lot of fake marriages going around. Aiyoh, a few black seeds can really cause problems for the ones who are sincere.

That's why FH is trying to look for a job here. We want to settle here for a few years before moving back to Stockholm. Alternatively, we might have to consider uprooting to a different country. FH doesn't want to thrust me into a completely different cultural situation because he's worried that I might hate it. I don't mind moving but I know that he's also worried that I might not be able to get a job immediately cos I have to learn the language and re-learn everything again.

Yes yes, the Asian stuff were sooo expensive but I don't mind paying extra for durian. FH loves it.

 

[de_luxe]

wow wow.... u gals r really active.. this thread is livening up!

hello denise & cuclainne...

 

[angie707]

hi cuclainne, thanks for the great link. I'll be staying in berlin or munich. changes will be berlin cos his friends and family are there. as for munich, that be my future school.

as for paris, i went there last mth for 4days. many pple cant speak english but some are helpful..we understood each other on sign language

i love louve..eiffle tower arch of triumph etc.

yes..in berlin central, i bot some chinese stuff and is expensive. 0.25kg of longgan cost me euro$2.30 and in spore 1kg oni less then S$5

I packed many local food there...esp.chinese herbal soup and instant pck curry,laksa etc...
migrating there isnt easy. its like we gg to back and courier our food items and stuff together..amounted to be high cost.

we do all these out of one word...LOVE.

Denise- how do u do an engagement..can we tell the govent verbally or have to produce docu. to state we are official FH and FW..(my question mark key is out of order).

In spore, sporean r racist against china chinese and some indian workers from india etc. Gg to Europe, its the same treatment. Just dont really feel comfortable when pple staring at my and my bf on street and malls. I speak alittle german though...everytime "yah" means "yes"hehe..its same as spore singlish.

 

[de_luxe]

Hi Elizabeth

Our big day is 8 Jul 06... currently trying to decide on the venue, etc... most likely it's gonna be the tea ceremony in the morning, solemnization followed by dinner and dancing.

I doubt we'll be doing one in Germany tho we did think of it. Depends on how much $$$ is left after we've firmed things up for the one here. I would like a church wedding in his village followed by a dinner. Or else, to make things simpler, we might just do a causal gathering at a pub for friends & family who can't come here. Just throwing ideas around now lor..

On the other hand we r both clueless on how things r done there and think it'll be a major hassle to plan it from here. So see how things go... and take them as they come

 

[angie707]

hi cuccu,

it seems so difficult to apply a perm resident permit..so much waiting..and interviews..
what do they ask you in the interview session..

deluxe-have u got yr perm.resident pass...

if we go over, we have are v lonely and dont know when can get a job - some worries on my end.

 

[de_luxe]

Hi Angeline

I was in Berlin last summer, was really cool! Wish we had more time there...

I'm prepared to settle anywhere... provided it's not a 3rd world country n we can still have a decent lifestyle

I know it's not the same in Germany. M told the civil ceremony is always held at the rathaus (townhall), usually on a friday. then the church on sat, followed by dinner n dancing through the night. They also have some traditions that take place before the wedding.. but i dunno if pple really still follow nowadays. I would suggest that u do the tea ceremony here cuz they dun have such things there, might come across as strange to them?

I didn't know abt the restriction of having only 1 church wedding. Our frens did church wedding in France n in M'sia... is it ur church's regulation?

I think dun need to worry so much abt finding work in Germany first, just concentrate on settling down n exploring. Can also take German lessons - will be a great way to meet pple n make friends. Their social welfare n insurance is rather comprehensive so financially it might be a little less taxing

Do u know if Germany recognises S'pore marriage cert or have to convert or something like that? I was told that Germany doesn't recognise M'sia marriage cert. Was getting nervous cuz I'm worried that social welfare n insurance might eventually be a problem...

 

[de_luxe]

Hi angeline

My FH is working here so i din apply for PR there yet cuz we've no plans to move for now. We might move back or to somewhere else when we have kids cuz we feel it's better for kids to grow up with nature n w a proper childhood, n not the stressful ones that S'pore kids seem to go through now!

 

[angie707]

ladies,
where do u choose yr gown..does yr FH go with you..if yes, i have to ask my another half to come to spore and view some gowns.un thinking of cheong sum. im in the mist of reading other pple review on gowns and studio packages.
do share with me if u have nice and reasonable wedding gown packages.

tks,

 

[de_luxe]

hello cuclainne...

i can't quite figure out if ur FH is in S'pore or Sweden... When's ur AD?

I've learnt German previously then stopped abt 1.5yrs ago cuz my work got too busy. I'm so pai seh whenever i go over for a visit. His parents n most of his friends dun speak much English n it's hard to communicate. I find it very strange, his friends who can speak English somehow dun want to talk to me in English. But his parents n his friends who can't speak English, try so hard to communicate w me. His mom is even taking causal English lessons from a friend!

 

[de_luxe]

Salut Denise!

Comment ca-va?

What a coincidence, I studied in France for 3 yrs of which 6 months were spent in Paris for an intership. Was staying in the 13th arrondissment.. how abt u?

I fully empathise w ur immigration experiences. Experienced a fair bit myself, that's part of the reason why I decided to come back to S'pore. My stay in Paris was marred by some very bad racism on the streets. There was a time when I was harassed everytime i went out alone and it got to the pt where I didn't want to go anywhere alone. I've never experienced things like that in the other parts of France where I've lived before... Sure pple stare and all, but it's see no touch, and hardly anyone hurled verbal abuses at me in public... *shudder*

I kind of resigned myself to the riduculous prices of Asian stuff in Europe... now i'm missing all the cheese, breads, desserts. Strawberries n cherries r so darn ex here!! Well, well... can't have my cake n eat it right?

When r u planning to have ur wedding? Ur question abt ang baos.. well, it depends. I'm told usually can break even for the bqt, but not for the entire wedding i.e. including flowers, gowns, etc... But this will also have to depend on the type of guests, some can be rather stingy. The venue will also have an impact on the amt given. Usually pple will give more if the place is perceived to be high-class. Hope this helps.

 

[de_luxe]

Hi angeline

so far i'm checking out BS alone or with girlfriends... my FH hates shopping so we agreed that I would shortlist 2 or 3 before he comes with me...

One of my frens did the selection herself and her FH only saw the gown just b4 the AD... I guess, it really depends on ur own pref.

 

[de_luxe]

Ladies

How closely r u following Chinese traditions? My mom was talking abt dowry, mei ren (matchmaker), the hair combing ritual the nite b4 AD, long feng candles blah blah blah.... i was like alamak... so troublesome

Much as I would like to respect her wishes, I dunno how to manage the whole thing esp since his side wouldn't have a clue abt wat to do... I also dunno how to explain all these things to him cuz i dun fully understand either!

 

[de_luxe]

oh btw, if anyone uses MSN n would like to chat, my MSN is [email protected]

 

[liz4jeroen]

Wah ladies! Happening ya! Just ended conversation with FH online. Can't help but to check the thread here. Lots of sharing going on! I'm supposed to be in bed and yet I'm still up. If my FH knows about it, he will like hey please rest!

To answer some of the questions:

I bought my gown from Allure Charix which is pretty reasonable price. From $499 to $699. depending on design and size. My FH wants me to have a gown of my own. Over there is expensive. So decided to buy it from here and bring it back. He has no clue of what my gown is like. I picked it myself. We agree that he will only get to see it on AD.

We are taking indoor shoots. A friend who is a freelance photographer is doing it for us. Too expenisve to do indoor and outdoor shoots. So focus on one then the other over there.

Money is also the issue. already spent a big bomb on the application for temporary stay. In Netherlands, I've to take exam. First stage temporary cost 850 Euro! Good grief! From 50 to 850! It's crazy! Next application of VTV, the next stage, I've to take exam and pay again. This gets me to stay there for a longer period. Then PR another exam, hope to clear so that I don't have to renew every year that cost money again. SIGH!!!

So far, they were helpful and friendly but have to wait for a very long time! Ai yo! So slow!

O yes! The Asian food is so expensive! I was like goodness! I have to do away with vegetables that is found here and eat what is local there. I love the fries there. Yummy! The pastries! Lekker! (delicious in Dutch).

I'm also worrying over a lot of things too! Work? Money? Ya! Master the language first, then worry about the work later. It will be easier to find work once the language is mastered. I'm working hard on it now!

My FH finds that I progress very well but I feel I'm too slow! LOL!

My FH also said if I'm not used to staying in Netherlands, we can move to somewhere else like Canada or a place I feel comfortable. See how it goes. I can't bear to take him away from his work. He has such love and passion for his work and the company looks after their welfare very well. The only thing I find it ridiculous is their medical system. So stupid! First, you must go to a GP before you can go to a hospital. You have to get a referel letter. What man!!!

Partly I want to stay in Netherlands is coz next time, I also want my kids to be in a less stressful environment, more family time, more outings to the nature where u can't find it in Singapore. I don't like the education system here, being an ex-teacher. I don't want my kid to suffer!

I guess nasty people are everywhere. So far I met really nice people. But the youth over there can be real terror. Smoke and can be a real nusiance! what to do! They legalise soft drugs too.

Ok! Better go and sleep! Till later ladies! Great to read all your sharing and exchanging notes! If we will to visit Germany, France or Sweden and when all of u are there, must meet up man! I'm keeping contacts of those going over to Netherlands from my class so that can meet up over there, so won't feel so lonely!

But I must say, his family is so great! With so many celebrations of birthdays as so many brothers and sisters. They are very closely knitted and very warm and supportive and helpful. Glad to be able to be welcome into his family so well. I'm like a daughter and sister now. I would say they understand me better than my family!

Sending me emails, ecards! really sweet of them! I miss them very much! This part I've no worries that I will be ill-treated as my mum was worried at the start.

I thank God for that!

 

[liz4jeroen]

Ya de-luxe, I know! I dislike it also but manage to talk my way out of it. So troublesome lor! In the end, they are ok with it though I've some little arguements. I'm a very stubborn gal lor! My parents are actually quite open also lah! At first, my mum wasn't happy an dhtat I only have tea ceremony. She wanted him to come n pick me up. I was like how and it so x to rent a car! after much discussion, my mum just go with tea ceremony will do. Even to find the place to do it also raise some unhappiness. I want it at home, she didn't want it. Ai yo! In a restaurant! No privacy and I don't like it at all. Lots of lots of ironing out! My friends told me it's very natural to end up aruging and quarrelling! I even cried when I talked ot my FH about it. So upset! But in the end, all went well. I've to exercise patience while talking to my mum. PHEW!!!

 

[liz4jeroen]

Oh Ya! I forgot to add it also doesn't help when my relatives and grandma being kaypo! Even my sis also! Ai yo! Who's wedding man! Make things worse! My mum will get wishy washy on the plans we have discussed! Headaches! But luckily, she decides to let go and as long as I'm happy. My FH would compromise anything for my mum. He just too nice! But I put my foot down on the matter. He doesn't want to upset my mum. I got so fed up but after much talk with my FH who makes me see that no matter how she is still my mum and wants the best for me. My heart softened and talked to her nicely! That helps!

 

[binkies]

Hi all,
I am a newbie. My FH is Angmo and is an American with German blood running in him. Currently I am in USA but will be back to Singapore in September. So far my experience with Americans has been a pleasant one, lets hope that it stays that way.
Marrying an Ang mo is a big challenge itself especially when he is not in Singapore and that he is not rich.
Anyway, I hope that you girls will be able to give me some suggestion on planning the wedding. We have the fiancee visa thing going right now and that he will be visiting me in January 2006, to meet my family members. He should be staying for 2 weeks and during that stay I'll like to plan on a photo shoot for us.
Here are the questions :
1. Is it possible to get a basic package that provides clothes and services for indoor and outdoor shoot? Do you have an estimation on how much I will be spending?
2. Usually how long do BS take to develop pictures for photo selection?
3. We have to hold wedding or "meet-the-new-couple" gatherings in Singapore, Germany and 2 states in USA. What will you suggest on arranging and planning my wedding?
4. Do you think I shld buy a wedding dress since i have a few wedding parties? However I will not be able to hold all parties at once. I might out grow my dress.

My mind is soo messed up with all that is taking place. This is only one of the problems that I am facing along with visa issues, parental issues (my parents are not quite able to accept a non-chinese son-in-law, in addition to the fact that I will be moving away from Singapore) etc....

So I appreciate if anyone is able to make some suggestions.

Thank you.

 

[cuclainne]

de_luxe, my FH is currently working/ living in Stockholm. He was here last Sept (when we met in person for the first time) and we got engaged when I went to Stockholm this year. His families are fabulous - his mom and I are best friends. How are you ladies getting along with your future in-laws?

We haven't set a date yet but we would definitely like to get married in the early part of next year. It depends on two factors actually: 1. if he manages to get a job here and 2. if he manages to finish his conversion course.

I'm so sorry to hear that you ladies experienced racism, as subtle or straight-out as can be, in the places you will be calling home. I had no such problem in Sweden - I was able to go out on my own and left to my own devices. No one came to 'disturb me' (an incident in HK comes to mind, but that's another story). I think the feeling of security is quite important, especially when your own safety is at stake, plus being in a strange country initially - well, it's just something worth thinking about.

Yes yes, so expensive the things at the Asian store ... it's like daylight robbery. Lol. My mom told me not to worry, she would send me boxes of stuff I might need if/ when I move back there. Hahaha. FH brought me to three different Asian stores but after two months, I kinda know which one is the better one to patronise. Hehehe.

I haven't decided on anything yet, just doing research at the moment. I might go and have my wedding gown tailored so I have something to keep with me ... for memory. It probably won't be white though - FH and I thought sky blue might be nice, but that's still up for discussion.

He'll be here in Sept - just 2.5 weeks more to go.

 

[liz4jeroen]

Hi Grace,

Welcome to this thread! I understand your predicament as my FH is not rich too. Ever since, they convert to Euro, his income has been slash by half. SIGH!!!

I face the same problem at the start with my mum too for not accepting my FH coz he is an ang mo and that I'm moving away. I had a hard time at first and even argued over it. I was shocked as I thought my mum was open as before I even met FH, I did ask her what if I do met a non- Chinese. But sharing with her about him, telling her about him, his family, show pictures help gradually for her to accept him. The first meeting of my FH this year in Jan set a very good impression on my parents. They like him a lot esp my mum.

So not to worry, break the story slowly, share with them. I'm sure they will accept and embrace him. Ultimately, they want us to be happy. Take one step at a time, share your woes with your FH. It helps to lighten your burdens and worries. My FH was very worried to but we pray very hard. Hiccups helps a couple to draw closer in a relationship too. A test in fact.

I have no idea regarding BS and photo shoot offer by them as I'm doing it all individual. They do have package though. You can look up at the website or check out the thread here. Join this thread "Anoyone preparing wedding from oversea". I'm in there and some of them are already married and they stay oversea too. They can give you very good tips. They are very nice ladies. In fact, I think one or two are from US. They are most willing to answer your questions.

Some suggestions: Tailoring gown can be cheaper as my friend did and it depends how you want your gown. Simple or elaborate. I bought my gown to bring it there. You may want to consider these options.

Hope this helps a bit.

 

[liz4jeroen]

Hi Cucc,

How did you bold the name? I'm still trying to figure that out. Ya! Soon! Soon! YOu and you FH will be united! Yeah!

Hi De-luxe,

The best is to check with the embassy on whether they accept the marriage cert. I've no clue on that.

Hi Angeline,

Tea ceremony is a must. To show respect to our elders and parents. cannot do away without it that we are Chinese. My FH is also very interested in it and even ask me for more info to read so that he can prepare himself.

HI Denise,

I've booked my ticket and plan to fly back on 3 Dec with my FH. But now is waiting for application to approve. We took the risk to book it. can't wait any longer as air ticket price may raise.

 

[cuclainne]

Elizabeth, you can look at the formatting tags under the HELP section. This is located on the bottom of the page, next to the Emoticons link.

Yes yes, we've already made plans to have dinner at Equinox Restaurant when his friends come down and party till dawn. Lol. Should be fun.

Hi Grace

Well my plan is to get married at ROMM in the morning (preferably Friday) and then have the wedding dinner on same day. Then Saturday, I will do nothing except get my henna done and Sunday would be the typical Malay void-deck lunch event. FH and I are discussing on having another smaller get-together for his families and friends (those who are coming from overseas) a few days later. I would probably get my gown tailored, for the wedding dinner but for the get-together, FH and I agreed that we needn't dress up for it as we want it to be a casual do and merry-making. As for the bridal packages, I will probably rent outfits from BS. It's around $1500 for two-three outfits with the services of the MUA for two days which I think is not too bad. But I will have to make an appointment for FH to see/ talk to them first because everything is researched by me but he needs to have to say his say too.

 

[binkies]

thank you everyone for your advice. I guess I will have to do lots of research once I get back.
Let the wedding stress begin!!!!!!

 

[cuclainne]

Ya ya - very stress, especially when FH is not around to share the 'work'. Lol.

 

[liz4jeroen]

Ha ha ha... ya! But also enjoy the fun of it!

 

[liz4jeroen]

Ladies,

I'm pulling my hair over MUA. Trying not to spend so much and getting info from a few over the thread. Spoke to two on phone but yet to arrange to meet. SIGH!!! Don't want to spend too much money on trial as well. I think I just talk to them first. It's worse coz I'm doing 3 different days! that's why so expensive! SIGH!!! Lament! Lament!

 

[liz4jeroen]

Hi hi,

Do you ladies have MSN? De-luxe, I've added you into my contact. Mine is [email protected]. We can chat sometimes.

 

[cuclainne]

Hi de_luxe and Elizabeth, I have added you to my MSN.

 

[de_luxe]

Elizabeth - Wow i din know there r so many tests to go through. What on earth can they ask?

U know wat? I tot of buying seeds of Asian vegies to test it they can grown there. Maybe I'll try it on my next trip n experiment in FH's parents' garden. I really missed vegies everytime i went over. Sauerkraut n red cabbage doesn't work for me

FH's family is very nice, the major drawback is communicating with his parents that's all. What I don't like is that other pple seem to expect me to be fluent in German by now. Guess that would be a realistic expectation if I'm not working n twiddling my thumbs at home!!!

Yah I know how it's like w the drugs n all. Well just have to be careful i suppose. IMHO I think things like that happen here too except that it's all hushed up by the authorities.

Gd dat u worked things out w mom. I'm trying to do that too. Haven't reached the arguing part yet. I just get fed up cuz she says that it's up to us and then makes a fuss when we decided to go for a poolside venue. So hot, blah blah blah.. sigh... I'm a person who favours win-win situations so things like this irks me...

BUt i must say ur FH is really nice... u r lucky.. i'm in the middle, trying to convince FH to spare a tot for my mom's wishes n at the same time trying to find a middle ground for all of us to stand on... bleah!

eh.. what's MUA?

 

[denisek]

Hi de_luxe

Salut! Its nice to know that you had lived here in Paris before too. It must have been very convenient for you to get your asian goodies in the supermarkets since you live in the 13 district

I live in the 10th district, so its rather far for me to get there. Hence I go there only once in a while and I buy a lot back. Usually have to go with my FH since he can help me carry everything back What and where were you studying in France?

Yes I do encounter also quite some people giving me horrible stares as if I have 3 eyes! Yes I agree sometimes its not very safe here compared to Spore. I don't even dare to go out alone after 9pm! I think other towns and cities are better too, like what you feel.

We are intending to have our Spore wedding in Jun 06. Our dates are not exactly fixed yet. We will probably have the french wedding in Aug. What about yours?

Its lucky that your fh is still currently working in Spore, so you don't have to relocate for the time being. Wished we could be back working in Spore too.

 

[de_luxe]

Welcome Grace,

I totally empathize w you.. money n culture are always major challenges. I wish those who think that being w an Ang Mo is like a dream come true and life is like a fairy tale's happy ever after would just wake up to reality. Pls dun get me wrong. I'm certainly happy w my FH. However, it hadn't been easy to get to this stage and pple just can't seem to figure out why.

I'll try to answer ur questions as well as I can k?
1. Is it possible to get a basic package that provides clothes and
services for indoor and outdoor shoot? Do you have an estimation on
how much I will be spending?
Yes, most packages r usually like that. If u want, I can email some of the packages that I've gotten so far to u. On the average, comprehensive packages (gowns, suits, photos, make-up, flowers), price can range from $3k to $5k.

2. Usually how long do BS take to develop pictures for photo
selection?
Not exactly sure. Was told by a BS to complete shoot by March if I wanted the album to be ready for viewing on actual day in July. GUess the 4 months covers photo selection n mounting the photos in the album.

3. We have to hold wedding or "meet-the-new-couple" gatherings in
Singapore, Germany and 2 states in USA. What will you suggest on
arranging and planning my wedding?
Wow.. this is beyond me. If u need help on specific info in S'pore, i might be able to help. Totally clueless abt Germany n USA tho

4. Do you think I shld buy a wedding dress since i have a few wedding
parties? However I will not be able to hold all parties at once. I
might out grow my dress.
Maybe buying would then be a better deal. Could choose something that's less formal than the usual ones so that it can be used in both formal n causal venues. I don't really understand why u would outgrow ur gown though... this is not going to last a couple of yrs right?

For now, just try to take things easy ok? U sound rather stressed out.

I think parents, being parents, just simply can't bear the tot of not having their kids take care of them when they r old as this goes against the Asian values we've all been taught. And it doesn't help that more negative news tend to spread far more than positive ones... u know like kids leaving n never ever coming back even if the parents r ill or something serious happens here. Give them assurances n some time to adjust to the situation might help... I think it would be easier for u if u can find out exactly what their concerns r, so u will know how to best address them.

 

[de_luxe]

oh ok.. figured out that MUA means make-up artist.. me blur lah

 

[de_luxe]

Salut Denise

Yeah I had easy access to Asian stuff n food. In fact my appt block was just next to a supermarket. Can't remember the name tho... Was staying on the 31st flr but the appt faced the wrong direction n the view was of the industrial area... bleah.. Before that I lived in e 9 arrondisment within walking distance from the Opera House but the studio was tiny n too freaking ex. Worse still the landlord couldn't care less abt it. Lights in common areas were not repaired, dust was like a foot high. The last straw was when rats started coming into my studio n ripping open my packs of pork floss n other food stuff!!!! Really disgusting! I called it quits after 2 months hahaha... was a good decision cuz I felt so much safer in the 13th. Tho i paid more for the rent, the appt was like 5x larger too...

Do u speak french fluently now? Mine's slowly rusting away and trying to learn German only helped mess it up even more. I told FH's mom "er ist im voiture (he's in the car)." Obviously she couldn't understand me.

I was studying Hotel Management in Institut Vatel in Nimes for 3 yrs. We have to do attachments of 6 months every yr. So I went to Paris n Cognac.

The culture is so different in each place. Nimes being in the south, pple r warm n friendly but can be quite superfacial. Cognac, pple are more aloof initially but they are really sincere n nice when I got to know them better. Sad to say, Paris was the place I liked least to live in... tho it's a nice place for a holiday. Have u had the chance to travel ard France / Europe?

Our wedding is on 8 July 06.. currently trying to neg w the venue n then have to settle the BS. I'll prefer take packages cuz my work just doesn't allow me the luxery of time to do things a la carte.

 

[de_luxe]

Alright ladies.. that's it for now.. it's way past my bedtime...

Have a good weekend! U prob wouldn't hear much from me cuz the server at FH's place has been down since 3 wks n doesn't look like it's gonna be fixed in time for the wkend!!!!

See ya next wk!

 

[liz4jeroen]

Hi Deluxe,

Your mum is just like my mum. She will say everything leaves it to me and made a fuss over it after that. Very frustating! That's how the argument started when I asked her exactly what she wanted and she didn't want to tell me and then she ended up being upset that I'm not doing what she wanted. I can fully understand what you are gong through.

Not blur lah! I also took a while to figure out the terms used here. Saw u online but can't talk as my FH was online just now. Was talking to him. Check out the thread before I hit the bed.

You say it all! The mentality of Asian Chinese expects that. Very annoying! Even over the issue of money as well. I simply cannot understand why! My FH's parents are so different. Very generous and even though they're not well-off, they give everything to their children and never expect anything back. That's what I call selfless love! So sad sometimes when I think of the Asian Chinese mentality. The way my parents are brought up.

I also have the problem of communicating too as they don't speak English very well. The sweetest thing is his mum tried to pick up English to communicate with me. I'm so touched!

Ya! Exactly! Being with an ang moh is still the same as being with anyone else. They are still human. They think is a life of luxury. Not at all! Still have to slot and work hard also. But the plus point I feel is that the ang moh listen and respect my views and opinions unlike Chinese guys. Maybe I'm wrong. But that's my experience. I can freely my mind without my FH feeling threatened or intimidated. He will voice his as well and we respect each other's views.

Good idea! If it works, let me know. Want to grow some in the garden if I do get one as he promised me.

And the exam! It's the integration and naturalisation exam. Ya lor! So tedious!

Better sleep! I'm very tired! Till then! Ciao!

 

[liz4jeroen]

HI denise,

When is your AD? Mine is also in June, planned to have it on 10th. Snoring time! :

 

[cuclainne]

I agree with you ladies. They are also expecting me to be quite fluent in Swedish, especially since I was spending two months there, twiddling my thumbs. His dad even attempted to give me an impromptu language lesson over dinner which left everyone in stitches (laughing). But FH can be quite mean - his mom is a bit shy and sometimes when she's talking to me in English, she can't remember some words and when she asked him for help, he would feign ignorance so she would have to try harder. But she's very nice - did I tell you guys that she sent me a card while she was in holiday in Denmark ... and her English is getting better! So I better buck up on my Swedish. Lol.

Elizabeth, I called around but unfortunately the two schools that do offer Swedish language course told me that they don't have enough numbers to make up a class. Hmm, apparently Swedish is not popular enough (maybe not enough Swedish men to go around- lol). So they told me to take up one-on-one coaching but that costs about $1200 for 10 lessons. Wah! So ex!! But I'm now learning Swedish (practically for free) from a Swedish native who's here in Singapore on attachment (he leaves in December) and guess what, he lives near FH back in Stockholm. Good, then can also double date with him and GF. Lol.

Angeline, sorry I missed out on your question. During the interview, they will ask stuff like how long have you been together, how did you meet, have you been in the country before, what are the things you did, etc. I heard from FH that they would even ask questions like, what did he eat for breakfast this morning, or what's the name of the hotel you stayed at when you stayed in Sundsvall 2 months ago, or something like that. If you are already married, you will need to bring your marriage certificate. Otherwise you will have to bring other supporting documents such as letters (love letters???), photographs, etc. I was thinking I would also bring along my phone bills (beginning from last year) to show them that if i wasn't serious, I wouldn't be spending close to S$500 a month on overseas calls. That would be too expensive an act to carry on for a year. And once your application is approved, the government pays for your language lessons after which you have to take an exam to ascertain your level of proficiency - it's the way of assimilating you into the culture. So people either make it or don't.

Oh, wouldn't that be nice? To have your very own garden. Unfortunately we can't do that at FH's apartment cos it's in the city (we intend on keeping the apartment even if he comes to Singapore to live for a while). A friend of mine has moved back to Australia and he's enjoying the pace of life with his family - I think he referred to his garden as a 'forest'. Lol.

Ya ah - why is that? When I was in Thailand with FH for a vacation, the girls were all over him. I was so pissed! And when we go out to dinner, they would pretend not to notice me if I motioned to them, but the minute FH nods to them, they come running to ask what he needs. In the end, I just gave up and told him that if we want anything done, then HE should ask. But it worked the other way when I was in London with him - when he hailed for a cab, none would stop so he made me stand by the side of the road and the first cab stopped. Lol - that was very funny. But I understand the local sentiment - sometimes it's based on jealousy, sometimes it's also based on fear of the unknown. I recall a time when me and FH were walking towards River Valley (after watching a movie at Lido) when we passed by a group of local guys and they made a very uncalled remark about me and FH. But FH doesn't understand the local lingo but he could see that i was upset lor. Aiyah, bo pian la.

Wah, I guess I'm lucky that my parents are ok with it from the beginning. I suppose that's because there are a number of inter-racial marriages (mostly on my mom's side of the family). My mom already knew that I had struck a friendship with someone from Sweden but she didn't expect us to get serious so quickly. My dad was in the dark until I returned from Thailand and FH made me arrange a meeting. I thought he was going to ask them for permission to date me (very old-fashioned, right?) but immediately after he had a word with my dad, my parents started talking in hushed tones about a wedding. I was so shocked! He asked my parents for permission to marry me first, before asking ME! Lol. Lucky for him, that I agreed. Hahaha.

 

[liz4jeroen]

Hi hi Cuul,

Lucky gal! You get the lesson free now! Ya! Did u try sourcing through internet for the class? In fact, the Dutch class was only started recently, so I'm lucky there's one here.

Yes, emails, phone bills must be given. Keep them. That's what some of the items that my FH is going to submit. YOu know what! They still haven't sent the letter. He is going to call and bark them again. I mean the IND, the people who handle the visa procedures. SIGH!!!

It's already more than a month! They said they would send him a letter to gather all documents and unti now none. He has reason to WOOF WOOF at them! LOL!

It shows your FH respects your parents. I think I told u before he also came to ask permission from my parents to marry me. It was so funny!

Ya! I know what you mean! For me, I get stared over here when I went out with him. It's like sarong gal is it? There's this term they used to call the gals with ang moh man? ca't remember. I used to look at some of them coz some of the gals are very obvious showing off and having a fling with the ang moh and dress so scantily, now I got stare at but not coz I'm like one of those, just coz he is an ang moh. LOL!

Ai yo! Don't care what others thing lah! We are serious and truly in love!

GTG! Having a meeting later. Till later!

 

[angie707]

hi ladies,
thanks cuclainne for explaining.huh..very personal questions they also asked..v funny. but i throw away my hp bills..how to track..
u mean after marriage and even though we produce our M.certificate, they still ask us abt such question..if they keep asking..then when will i be a PR or resident..it will take years..

sigh..others see us marry ang moh like v glamourous but i find it more problems and laychay. after all, we still worry for a roof under our head and all expenses etc..

wow..so much to read in this forum. Welcome Grace to this thread.Sorry i cant help u cos im still sourcing for my WD..I'll have only a wedding gown and a tailor made sarong kebaya for lunch reception. We have not finalize our wedding date..i juz read and sought help from experts here.

 

[cuclainne]

Elizabeth, I sourced through Internet and classifieds but very difficult to find. Finally found two schools through newspapers but like what I said, they don't have classes cos not enough to make the numbers required.

Whoa! You better get him to check things out - they have a way of saying one thing and not keeping to it. Especially since you've already bought the tickets so you better make sure that they won't stop you at the airport and tell you to turn back or something cos that would seriously not make your day!

Yes, I think it's excellent how they are more receptive to our culture and insist on doing everything right. Do you know that he called my dad, Sir and when he spoke with my Dad, he stood in front of my Dad with his hands behind his back - like addressing a senior officer. Lol. He told me it felt like that - he was in the Air Force before mah.

Ya lor, it's not like we dress scantily or just out for a fling. Aiyah, everyone in my family is soooo excited that I'm getting married to a foreigner - they've been giving my mother advice (like to tell me not to give up my citizenship and such) but luckily my mom only nods her head and ignore. Lucky I got my mom to support/ protect me. When he comes here, I'm bringing him to meet the matriarchs of both sides (my grandmas from both my mom's and dad's side of the family) and I heard that some of my aunts have already prompt my mom to tell them when that is so that they can come along to take a peek at him. Aiyoh - kaypoh right! Hahahaha ... but I don't mind.

Angeline, yes it is all quite leceh but you have to go through it if you want to relocate la. Have you asked how the procedures are like for Germany?

My FH got a job offer in SG but unfortunately the salary they offered was simply too low to sustain both of us. People just don't understand and think that they are just oozing money like water la. Sometimes I see my poor FH having to work his butt off, even on weekends, for his business to take off. Pity him ... and now he's got me to take care/ think of.

Wah! You also wearing sarong kebaya?? My friend who's marrying a Canadian guy next year is going for a Peranakan theme. I think she bought the kebaya already.

Oh, by the way ladies, make sure that you have the proper paperwork all taken care of before you reserve a wedding date in Singapore. You can check ROM for the necessary documents before you can register. My poor friend has to postpone her wedding cos she didn't know that they needed a letter from MOM.

 

[liz4jeroen]

Hi hi ladies,

I'm back again!

Angeline better start collecting now even boarding pass as well, yours n his. My FH is better than me. He kept eveything but I threw them away. Me silly lah! Forgot! What ever you can prove your relationship keep them. Coz too many fake cases. Poor us! We suffer lor!

In Netherlands, you need to have the proof of non-marriage certificate as well. I need to get it verify from the ministry of the foreign affairs and the embassy. It's so expensive to get it endorsed in the embassy. I told him he must not lose it, expensive document. I also need to verify my birth certificate later. I was mourning and complaining to my FH when I found out the procedures are so troublesome. He has such perseverance that I must give him the credit. I've no such patience at all!

It took us a while to figure out the procedure as they keep changing. So frustrating!

Cuclainne, Ya! He's going to do that today! Hopefully they pick up the phone! SIGH!!! He has to "bark" at them to speed it up. So sieh!

Sorry to hear the news. Don't give up! I'm sure he will find a good one. Ya! Coz of the engagement, wedding doing up our house, air fare, he is working overtime to earn more. Poor our FH! That's why I'm trying all means to cut cost. SIGH!!! But he would just tell me not to worry and he will work extra hours. Don't want him to over tired himself. How not to worry!

The thing is he is a very positive man! I'm glad he is. It doesn't help to have both in the same mind frame.

My mum is Peranakan also. I love the kebaya, always wanted to wear them but I look very old in it leh! And very expensive also. I've one set. Got it for the school racial harmony from a Malay shop. That one is nice. Like it very much!

Deluxe My FH is a peacemaker. He hates conflicts and arguments. So he would try to please everyone which is sometimes I get fed up with. Coz you can't please everyone in the world. He hates it when I get upset and angry and blames himself for it. But in a relationship, it's inevitable there're conflicts coz of personality differences. I'm more the less patience one. He can tolerate me and rarely raise his voice at me, always keeps it inside and I get very irritated. Me terrible lah! He realises that conflicts can arise in a relationship. It's his first time you see! Ya! I'm the only gal he has dated! LOL!

But both of us learn to give and take and now, it's much better. Each conflict and talking it out has drawn us closer and made us more mature. Not trusting him enough almost caused a break up during the US trip. He was so horrified to lose me. I was like let's break up man! No big deal! I was so stubborn like a mule! Refused to talk to him! In the end, I searched my heart and cried non-stop coz I know I couldn't bear to break up with him. He's so much part of my life and I do love him very dearly. Thank God! We have come a real long way of weathering the storm. I know I would never be able to find someone who loves me so unconditionally!

Suffered bad bruises in past relationships. Like they say once bitten twice shy! He took a long time to earn my trust in him and he's working very hard at it.

O ya ladies, I shared with him yesterday about all of u and told him it would be so great to be able to meet up with u and yr hubby in future if we visit any of the European countries. He even suggested it would nice for all the FH to chat online, men's talk about us and we about them. LOL! We had a real good laugh about it. Not a bad suggestion ya! They can exchange their woes and stories with one another!

 

[cuclainne]

Elizabeth, I agree with you. KEEP EVERYTHING!! Lol. I kept the boarding passes from our holidays too. I will also bring our holiday pictures.

Thanks goodness FH is patient. He's still trying to find a job here and faithfully sending several emails out a day. I think if I was in his shoes, I would have given up a long time ago.

I think it would be unique if you were to incorporate something different into the wedding lor - like I was at one time, contemplating on wearing a sari for the wedding dinner. I wore a sari for an event before so I know how I look in one ...

Hahahaha - that's a good one. I will definitely share with FH. When I mentioned my friend who is living in Norway to him, he did ask if I was interested in making plans to meet her but unfortunately we couldn't cos Norway is pretty expensive, even by Sweden's standards. And I've already planned for him to meet up for double dates with some friends who are also dating foreigners. I think it's good to have some kind of 'support group' for those in the same boat la.

de_luxe, I agree with Elizabeth. My previous relationship (4 years with a local guy) was really bad. She knows my story. I am very lucky to finally find a good man, who's been nothing but understanding and kind to me.

 

[liz4jeroen]

Ya! Nisa did think about it but dunno leh! Don't want to spend so much money lor!

 

[denisek]

Hi gals

This thread is really interesting, lots to read and to share.

Welcome Grace. I can sensed too that you are a bit stressed out. Don't worry, I know this could be a difficult period to go through. I was in this stage too, and my parents particularly my mum was objective to me going out with my french FH. furthermore i moved to france that really freaked her out!

Nevertheless, she finally accepted it after some time. My aunties had to even talk to her about it! Phew! Ultimately, they will definitely accept your FH as they want you to be happy too.Have your FH met them? I am sure once they see how happy you are with him and that he's the ultimate one for you, they'll give you your blessings.

I am equally as clueless about wedding gowns and packages! I might do my gown back in SIN as I am worried that the gowns here might not really fit me. they could be too big and long since I am quite small. Also, its cheaper in Spore!

I will not do a indoor photoshoot as my FH don't like posing in front of the camera, Me neither. So a outdoor shoot will be enough.

Sorry I cant help much on your questions.But take it easy, they will turn out fine though there are definitely some obstacles to go through
Don't worry too much

 

[denisek]

Hi Elizabeth

Mine is supposed to be 24 Jun if there are no more changes! by the way where are you holding your wedding dinner? We are in the midst of choosing the venue and we only have abt 10 tables it was quite tricky since most hotels accept about 20 tables and above! So we might do it at beaufort actually. I quite like the resort ambience, something quite different. But I hope my folks won't object to it.

Good idea that maybe all of us gals could meet up somehow in Europe. Hope it can work out! Maybe we should exchange all our email addresses too so that we could still be in touch and write to each other when all of you have relocated to Europe.It will be a tiny 'european club'!

By the way, do you chat with your FH till very late at night? Me too, when we were having our long distance relationship, we chat till quite late due to time difference. The next day I always look like a panda at work!

I am quite lost in my wedding preparation, lots of things not done at all. Elizabeth, do you mind to let me know the address where you bought your gown? I thought of buying one too from SIN and used it for my weddings in France and the one in SIN. Do they alter it for you and how long does it take?

 

[liz4jeroen]

Hi denise,

My fourth aunt and uncle help to talk to my mum too. My Fh and I are very grateful to them.

Email me as they're pretty strict here. I give you the adress over the email. Don want to get suspended again. LOL! They sell shoes. I also bought a shoes from there, 4 inches! LOL! My FH is tall lah! I want to be as tall as him.

If I can recall, they take about a week to alter. alteration is $30.

My wedding dinner will be in Netherlands in his dad's school canteen. Save money! It's a nice place, don look like a school at all. Canteen is big and lots of privacy. There's a small garden too, not sure whether we want it to be in the garden, depending on the weather.

So far, deluxe and nisa is in msn chat. Do u have one too?

Ya! I chat with him till late at night. Very tired the next day. So u are back in Singapore? I thought you are in France? Ever since I came back, I never have enough of sleep. Now he's back to morning shift, it's worse.

I just can't wait to go back. SIGH!!!

It takes a while to figure out the wedding preparation. Ya! Lots of things to do. I was very excited and still is but just lots of things to do. Only thing that is still unsure is the MUA. SIGH!!!

o ya my email is [email protected]

 

[cuclainne]

Denise, I was in the same predicament as you. Most of the hotels' packages are minimum 12 tables - maximum 35 (more or less). I have no intention of inviting too many guests, lest it may seem impersonal. So FH and I have decided to have between 50 - 70 guests at the wedding dinner. Maybe you want to try having the dinner at My Secret Garden (http://www.mysg.com.sg). I went to check out the venue and the food at the place with another bride-to-be (from another thread) a few weeks ago. Food was good, ambience is nice (very romantic), and the service staff were very friendly. Unfortunately, both my friend and myself are fussy about the standard of the toilet, which we don't want to subject our guests to. Guess on our special day, we want EVERYTHING to be no less than perfect.

What is your budget like? If not, maybe you might want to try to rent a private dining room at Equinox Complex (http://www.equinoxcomplex.com). It'll be something unique - you'll get an unblocked view of the City skyline on the 69th floor. Their minimum is 30 pax so I think you can definitely have no problem getting them to accept your 100 guests and I think their menus are reasonably priced. I am going to this place with the same bride-to-be to check out the food (she is having her dinner at ACM near Fullerton and sourcing another venue for brunch) or I might go with FH cos we are considering this place.

I've been to a wedding in Sentosa before, when my British ex-colleague married his Taiwanese wife. It was so beautiful. His event was outdoors - and he hired a jazz band to play at the wedding, which was right by the sea. So you get the sea breeze ... so romantic at night. And the little children playing with those fire sparkles ... very nice. But very expensive also ... I saw how much money he paid them, in cash no less.

 

[angie707]

hi denise, grace and cuclainne

Do u have MNS..
My MSN is [email protected]

De_luxe and Eliz i have added u gals into my msn.

 

[angie707]

hi ladies,

i have told my bf abt accumulating everything of our travels, hp bills etc.. he laughed.

yup..we should have something like "european wives club" when we settle there. Apart from mns or email one another, we can visit each other..take those buget airline like BMI and EasyJet

i have set my eyes on Greenhouse at Ritz. Juz a lunch buffet. No sure if they can accomodate 60-70 guesets. If not, i have to get a private room.
the hotel mgr hasnt get back to me on the venue.

I doing my homework on wedding stuff..
wanna to have a surface budget plan first.

 

[angie707]

hi ladies,

dont stop this thread. Btw, where do u buy your engagement and wedding rings..

 

[cuclainne]

Angeline, I got engaged when I was in Stockholm this year. FH had gone to look at some rings but didn't want to buy the ring on his own, in case I might not like the design so he took me shopping for it. We finally found The One at a shop in Gamla Stan (Old Town). Or rather, I had gone there to have a look and saw a few that I liked. From the rings that I have shortlisted, he liked one and that's the ring he bought for me.

A few days after my birthday, he brought me to a park near the Royal Palace and that was where he slipped the ring on my finger and promised to be with me forever. Swoon! Lol! But it's really expensive to buy there so we might get our wedding rings here but I think FH has the idea to get the wedding bands from somewhere else (don't know why).