Advice needed- complicated feud with ex-hb

[beanienme]

i have been divorced for almost 2 yrs now.. the divoced was settled with joint custody and my ex-hb getting the care and control of our 2 kids.

i got weekly access to my kids until a month ago when my 9 yrs old daughter, suddenly refused to return to her dad's place n insist on staying with me. i by the way am remarried to my present hubby shortly after the divorce.

my daughter has yet to return to her dad's place n i've been providing for her since. my ex has yet to take any actions and i have repeatedly suggested to him to resolve this fast in order to settle my girl back to her usual routine. her school is quite a distance from i'm staying and it is exxtremely taxing for my girl and alot time has been wasted on travelling to n from school.

my suggestion to him: to allow my girl to be transferred to a school within my neighbourhood, with me having her care n control.
my ex has felt a sense of betrayal as he has been her sole care giver since the divorce citing that all his efforts were wasted. he has also rejected my suggestion and refused to pen down the transfer of school for my girl.

i'm intending to resolve this through legal means.any advice for me? or any suggestions to get over this without fighting it out in court?

 

[infojunkie]

what is the reason behind ur daughter's refusal to return to ur ex-husband's side?

i think u need to get to the bottom of this b4 taking the next step...

 

[powder]

i think it's quite straightforward isn't it?

the agreement was for his custody and he's been the caregiver for 2yrs, a month ago the kid went over to u and never returned, next thing he knows u're keeping the kid and wanting to change the school...

wouldn't call it a feud lah, he would have been the one making longterm plans for her and the sibling. it wouldn't be unreasonable for him to expect the siblings to continue staying together, instead of the sudden split unexpectedly in Your favour.

i would think he's disappointed cos he'd expect everything to be rather status quo rite? but instead of the kid coming back, now he has to deal with the kid Never returning, and has to agree to change her school and basically lose her to u...

u sound like u just broke an agreement, and in denial over your role as far as this is concerned. u Made your 9-yr old sound like the decision-maker, and u have Nothing to do with it.

maybe when your kid goes to school then decides to stay with the teacher henceforth - then u'll understand. next thing u know, the teacher is fighting for the right to keep your child and expect u to co-operatively discuss changing schools...

dun blame the child, nor be so lame as to place all the responsibility on the child. she's 9yrs old, u are making this whole thing sound like she's the mastermind and u're just following... If u were really there to discuss 'without fighting it out in court', then u would have Admitted u wanna keep the kid and be her longterm caregiver, and that it's rather unfair to ex-hubby... but no, u made this sound like your kid wanted everything, and jumping straight to legal.

i think u should just be upfront with your intentions without needing to sound innocent of any wrongdoing.

 

[sgbabydoll]

The court will not anyhow reverse its original decision on things such as child custody, division of marital property and/or alimony. Your nine-year-old now refuses to go back to her daddy does not strengthen your cause. If you want to go the legal way, you need a really very good REASON (real, not fabricated reason) to back your request, for example, your ex-husband is abusive to the child. Otherwise, I suggest that you talk to your husband nicely on how to resolve the issue out of court. But before you do that, to prove your sincerity, perhaps send your child back to him first?

 

[lovingyou]

Beanienme: Have your girl inform you of any reasons of why she refused to return to her father? It is important to find out the true reasons, if he is abusive, if he has neglected the child etc etc. Is your ex working, if yes, who is the one who looks after your gal in the day? The caretaker might be one of the reasons for her behaviour as well. In general cases, children are usually closer to the mums and thus, she might misses you a lot in your absense. I will suggest that you have a proper talk with her to find out the reasons before taking any actions (including sending back the child to your ex), as she might feel "betrayed" and having the feeling that you no longer protects and cares for her, this might cause a further drastic impact in her growing up phrase.

 

[simpleman]

Perhaps you can shed some light on your whole divorce and whether back then you happily and willingly allowed your daughter to be with your ex-hb?

Girls at that age can be difficult to deal with. sometimes it could be your ex-hb being tough with her or if possible please shed some light.

the main thing that you should do, in the interest of your daughter is:

a) Find out why your daughter is behaving in this way.

b) Be firm with her and explain to her that she has to go back to your ex-hb house - pending any decision. Unless there are clear instances of child abuse.

You shouldn't be talking about transferring school now. Yes, you could possible fight for custody again but it has to be with good reason.

 

[lovingyou]

Oh ya, another thing, did your ex remarry as well?

 

[its_fate]

..... Got Difference meh????

 

[powder]

she trying to dig into possible step-mum issues

 

[lovingyou]

In a way, or the girl might be affected due to the sudden change in the lives between the father and her.. like there is a additional women in the house etc etc..

 

[its_fate]

Hehehe,,, then any possibility of existing step-father issue??

 

[lovingyou]

Could also be a possibility but I doubt so, since the step-father has been in their lives 2 yrs back? We need a little more information I guess?