Stella, perhaps I can offer you some insights why perhaps your mum reacted that way or said the things she said when you told her what happened..
Something similar happened to me and I did the same thing.. confided in my mum cos I'm closer to her than my dad and at the end, this sorta thing, best to tel someone within the family than frens cos I didn't know how they would look at it; cos quite humiliating too in a certain sense..
Like you, I also cried.. but my situation wasn't abt tables but more about the wedding date.
- During late april this year, asked MIL to choose a date for us (she's a temple member sorta..); specified that we wanted August, September, October period for year 2008.
- 3 days later, She come back from the mtg with the shi fu and says that cant choose date yet cos lunar almanac for year 2009 not out yet.
BF n I were like, orh, ok lor.
-Then barely a week later, she suddenly told my bf (on a night when he happens to be home early at 8.30pm and coincidentally without me ard), got the date liao. It's january some day in tat month but of year 2010!!
BF called me to update me and I was so damn upset cos I find it unbelievable that how come all the inconsistencies cos 1st, said almanac not out cannot hv date (but a lot of aquaintances all got their dates liao leh, even those getting married in dec 2009???) Then now suddenly got date but almanac come out liao meh?? Which I checked and I know haven. And the last straw was, BF n I specified Aug, Sept and Oct or YEAR 2009 then she go and get january??? tats in 2010??
All of these reali happened and I was so upset cos felt like she is playing games lor..maciam like dun wan the son to marry me or not looking forward to me be her daughter-in-law.
Mind you, I felt all these angry and upset feelings cos i make it a point to please her and visit her and stay over for 1 weekend night.
Despite knowing for a fact my MIL likes me a lot cos my bf's sis, my MIL's sister and her sister-in-law tells me that my MIL gave very gd comments abt me and complain abt her son and all (afraid this relationship wont work out cos her dun noe how to take care of ppl), I still can feel THAT upset. yes that upset to want to call the wedding off. I'm serious.
Like you, stella, I also went to my mum.. I also cried like dunno wat, tears maciam the tap cannot switch off, like water is free one... lol
My mum was so upset, seriously....asked and omost said the same thing as ur mum la. Said why ur MIL like tat, why she do that, she dun wan you to be her daughter-in-law isit?? blah blah.. n then of cos, the killer line, man also you choose one la.., cry til like that for wat. If he is so bad, then dun marry him la, you go think with ur own brains if he is worth it.. ifgd character but juz that family like so kns, then bear with it, grit your teeth and just ROM asap to make him urs..blah blah.. haha..(althou my mum nvr said those "who-tell-you-to-choose-this-man-thingy, still its same meaning la n it damn hurts..)
Of cos, when I've cooled down considerably n managed to trash things out with my bf, ltr on we found out that it was miscommunication that resulted in his mum choosing jan 2010, cos she thot we said aug, sept oct onwards.. LOL
A as for the january date in 2010, ltr I understood his mum, my MIL even more..his family's those very straightforward one; doesn't think as much as me and is not very fast thinking or flexible quick thinking one. My mum said my MIL is the type juz like the son, they ask the shi fu for a date and a date means ONLY 1 DATE.. lol.. nvr think of getting1 or 2 more dates in case of backup (restaurant or ballrm full or booked liao) ^_^
And all in all, as we finally resolved the issue. i also came to understood my mother's "harsh" words to me the night I complained and cried like a pig. I know and know and know deep down, my mother loves me and dotes on me and wants the very best for me. And in hearing the situation from my mouth, she felt sadness n heartbreak in her heart too.
And so she said the stuff she said.
her reasoning is either:-
a) in a sense she is agreeing with you alrdy..cos dun forget you also felt tat why ur bf or family so mean, so she said the line "man also you choose one.. etc etc", Cant blame her for saying that, cos thatz a fact. Cant change it. We brides are realli the one who chose our husbands, who CHOSE to marry them.. ^_^
b) how nice or how "PR" you expect your mum's words to be... Seriously, family members being family members, all of us do take them for granted and not to mention ur mum, my mum, even ourselves, we are harder and less polite to our loved ones, to the ppl whom we are realli close to, as compared to talking with frens and colleagues. Seriously.
So think of it as a 2 way traffic. On 1 hand, ur mum feels she can speak her mind abt it cos she is agreeing with your complaints of him to a certain extent. She is helpless, no other way to help you alrdy cos already reach this stage liao.. N on the other hand, we as daughters on the receiving hand, we feel our mothers or our family members should be more encouraging gentle, more generous with consoling. And then in the end hear those words in our sensitive state, all the more we find it harsh and so the hurt lor..
But trust me, stella, i'm sure your mum loves you very much. N when you finally marry ur bf, she will wish you the best and want to know that you and him live happily and grow old together and help each other along the way.
Hope this will help broaden your mindset..and make you more open to whatever your mem says.. Most impt, just hope you can see the good thatis embedded in what we often perceive as bad.
